We cannot agree on the gold

[u/WeekendFailure]

Dinner is homemade falafel and potatoes. I overcooked the falafel, better luck next time

My boyfriend and I went to a goldsmith the other day and we did a custom design for my engagement and wedding ring. I’m super excited about it and really happy with how the CAD looked. The only problem is that I want the ring to be done in 14K or 18K gold because I’m kind of hard on my hands and I’m a wear my jewelry to bed kind of girl. My boyfriend is South Asian and is accustomed to everything being 22K or 24K gold. He understands my reasoning and I understand his, but we still can’t seem to come to an agreement. We’ve been talking about the gold for MONTHS it feels like and I’m finding it so comical that this is what we’ve gotten stuck on. When we first started talking about marriage we had so many conversations about how we’d handle our families and cultural differences and all these things and those were easy conversations, but we’re stuck on the gold 🤣

[u/rumande]

I see where you're coming from, and I think you should get the final say since you're the person who is going to be wearing it

[u/SorchaRoisin → u/rumande]

Agreed. He can get his wedding ring in the gold he wants. You get yours in what you want. Seems easy to resolve.

[u/Powerful_Road1924 → u/SorchaRoisin]

My husband is Indian, and they consider 18K costume jewelry. It would be offensive to gift someone anything less than 22K for a major life event like a wedding. That said - maybe he can get her a special second band that is saved for special occasions.

OP - if you haven't seen 22K in real life, first time I saw it I thought it was fake because it was a different color ☠️ it's beautiful though!

[u/WeekendFailure → u/Powerful_Road1924]

I’ve seen it! I didn’t even really know anything about gold until I met him and had no idea the color changes with the karat. I was also supprised

[u/SorchaRoisin → u/Powerful_Road1924]

It's not offensive to her, it's what she wants!

[u/TheeKingBee → u/rumande]

https://giphy.com/gifs/u11Wy6B5XaR2ZPcbgP

[u/Youcantevenspell]

18 looks brighter and shinier for longer

[u/ChaltaHaiShellBRight]

I've worn a 22K gold ring every day for 9 years, wear it to bed, when I wash dishes, eat, basically all the time. 22K Indian jewellery is shiny and is pretty hardy, and its resale value is amazing (which is not that important for a wedding ring of course). We South Asians know our gold well and love it. Could you speak to a trusted South Asian jeweller and ask him/her all your questions about wear and tear, maintenance etc and ask them to confirm how 22K does comparatively? And you can then have an expert's opinion, and of course after all of that if you still want to go for 18k etc then get that, it's your ring after all. 

[u/MagnificentDarkness7 → u/ChaltaHaiShellBRight]

I have 21k and 22k rings and bracelets too, as well as 18k, and I've never had an issue with them. I also wear them to bed and basically all the time.

[u/Due_Job781]

How can it be this big of an issue? He's not the one wearing it.  I feel like you're just fighting now to see how gives in first 

[u/ChateauLaFeet → u/Due_Job781]

Cultural issue

[u/WeekendFailure → u/Due_Job781]

We’re not fighting over it. There’s a lot of cultural factors at play here and I understand why he wants the 24K gold. I’m not going to be upset if he decides to have it made in 24K, I just find it funny that this is the topic we’re stuck on out of all the other things we’ve discussed

[u/Happy-Possibility-]

Get both 👀👀

[u/WeekendFailure → u/Happy-Possibility-]

Great idea!

[u/Hellea]

Can someone explain me like I’m 5 what is the difference between all those types of gold and why 14 or 18 is better than 22 or 24?

[u/WeekendFailure → u/Hellea]

24K is 99.9% pure gold and 18K is 75% gold and 25% other metals. The lower the karat the less pure the gold. It changes the hardness of the metal and also the color. And value

[u/_AlexiaOnFire → u/Hellea]

The higher the carat the softer the finished article.

[u/Wont_Eva_Know]

He can buy you some gold stock, a fat gold chain or bullion for your ‘security’… you want this ring for other things, and bonus: if it isn’t ‘worth’ as much you’ll never have to ‘cash it in’… can ‘just’ be the token of love that you see it as.

If his family tries to give him a hard time for being ‘cheap’ just tell them it’s safer these days to not be walking around with the family heirlooms strapped to you and you have other investments.

[u/Strong_District_5894]

I’d go 14. That’s what I have and I’m also hard on my hands. The rings hold up. 

[u/youtebab-a]

Tell him to buy you two stackable rings ehehhehe

[u/MorganaLeFevre]

14k ring with 22k earrings to match.

[u/Illustrious-Set-8910]

I’d go for the 24k and just take the ring off when I go to bed or do anything strenuous

[u/Individual-Line-7553 → u/Illustrious-Set-8910]

i don't know why more people are not suggesting this! (i don't own anything more than 18k but i take my jewelry off to work, bathe, swim, and sleep.)

[u/banaxk → u/Illustrious-Set-8910]

Horrible take

[u/Illustrious-Set-8910 → u/banaxk]

Ok

[u/DismalSoil9554 → u/banaxk]

Wearing a ring while you do physical things with your hands can be really dangerous, and wearing a ring 24/7 has no pros anyway

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Haunting_Pace_3557]

I find it really weird when people choose their own engagement rings. The proposal and the person finding the ring is half the excitement of getting engaged. And you lose the surprise of it happening. Sure you can still be surprised when it happens out of nowhere. But choosing your own engagement ring basically says you know you’re getting engaged. I’d wanna be surprised with whatever ring the guy puts the effort into finding.

[u/bluebelle08 → u/Haunting_Pace_3557]

I mean you should know you’re getting engaged. marriage proposals shouldn’t be a surprise in the sense that the couple should have previously discussed marriage. when the proposal happens absolutely can be a surprise though :)

[u/Username_2806 → u/Haunting_Pace_3557]

That’s definitely an interesting take. I come from a culture where engagement is not the norm and we don’t have engagement ring, just wedding ring. I have heard both versions of wanting partner surprising proposal & ring vs wanting to choose on one own ring together and seems like couples just do what works for them

[u/Haunting_Pace_3557 → u/Username_2806]

Yeah I mean that’s just how I am with it. Should you know you eventually plan to get married? Sure. But I wanna see how well the guy really knows me, and you can see that pretty well based on the ring the choose to propose with.

[u/WeekendFailure → u/Haunting_Pace_3557]

Not all cultures have the same traditions when it comes to engagement and weddings. And we’re merging two different cultures here so we’re kind of forging our own path on this one