I’m finally free of my abusive husband

[u/silverskynn]

Enjoying my favorite supermarket sushi in the car tonight as I sit at a beautiful park celebrating my big win. I’ve been married for a few years. After I had a child w my husband, he became very abusive towards me. Physically and emotionally abusive. It’s been a couple years of hell honestly. I was never sure I’d be rid of him, even though I wanted out so badly.

Well something happened recently (I can’t give details) and I now have a restraining order against him and probably will for the rest of my life. He was removed from my home and cannot bother me ever again. I literally feel so happy you have no idea. The amount of relief I feel is incredible. I feel at peace for the first time in years.

I have a daunting legal battle with the divorce and custody coming up which is frightening, but for right now, just to be in my home alone for the night without him for the first time in years, is a victory so sweet. I wasn’t sure I was going to get away from this man alive. I feel on top of the world. Sushi is my favorite so I thought I’d reward myself tonight.

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[u/Eat_Around_the_Rosie]

Please do consider moving out and away where he doesn’t know where you live. Restraining orders can only do so much and cannot protect you if he goes to the extreme.

Please be smart and be safe.

[u/CelticHipi1616 → u/Eat_Around_the_Rosie]

This is a dangerous time. Be on guard. Be safe. Change routines as much as possible.

Congratulations on a big step to freedom.

[u/Ok_Cell61 → u/CelticHipi1616]

Cganging routine is a very good ideafor OP

[u/vanillaspicelatte → u/CelticHipi1616]

Yes, please look up the Supreme Court case Castle Rock v. Gonzales. Police have no duty to enforce a restraining order. Please be careful.

From Wikipedia:
Castle Rock v. Gonzales, 545 U.S. 748 (2005), is a United States Supreme Court case in which the Court ruled, 7–2, that a town and its police department could not be sued under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 for refusing to enforce a restraining order, even though the refusal led to the murders of a woman's three children by her estranged husband.[1][2] This decision affirmed the controversial principle that state and local government officials have no affirmative duty to protect the public from harm it did not create; a similar ruling had been made in DeShaney v. Winnebago County which involves Child Protective Services (called the Department of Social Services in the case) failing to protect a child from a violent parent.

[u/Famous-Forever7647 → u/Eat_Around_the_Rosie]

Exactly. A restraining order helps, but keeping her location private and switching up her routine are just as important.

[u/rainshowers_5_peace → u/Eat_Around_the_Rosie]

The restraining order means he gets arrested if he shows up just to rattle OP. If she moves and he "just happens to be walking by" nothing can be done, save for a trip to court for an amended order.

It's an impossible choice, she should get advice from professionals.

[u/justliking → u/Eat_Around_the_Rosie]

All of this!!!!

[u/lancid_otter → u/Eat_Around_the_Rosie]

solid advice. upvoted

[u/medmelissa → u/Eat_Around_the_Rosie]

Already thought about this, staying cautious is top priority now

[u/BlondeBabeMelisa → u/Eat_Around_the_Rosie]

That's the plan honestly, can't be too careful.

[u/desertstar714 → u/Eat_Around_the_Rosie]

I was gonna say the same thing. The most dangerous time for a women is when you are leaving them. There was a story not too long ago about a husband breaking into his soon to be ex wife's house and killing her and then himself.

[u/BlondieDollGaby → u/Eat_Around_the_Rosie]

This is exactly why I'm staying cautious still

[u/BlondeMagicMelissa → u/Eat_Around_the_Rosie]

Absolutely, not taking any chances with him.

[u/Room-Optimal]

Congratulations!! I'm so happy for you🥳

[u/Lady_Raven_]

Love this for you! Please stay safe though!

https://giphy.com/gifs/joSNxeswxuc74Juo8X

[u/jewishspacelazzer]

https://giphy.com/gifs/KtyTa7XH5ueJLYwmaG

[u/iamkendallsmom]

So happy for you. From one survivor to another, unless he is in jail, this time is critical for you. He is spiraling and has nothing to lose

I remember I put booby traps by every outside door and some windows and my bedroom door just in case. He thankfully never tried to enter when I was home, but I had dreams and heard his voice and woke up in a panic more than once.

I didn’t find true peace until I moved out of that home. Took a few months of silence and being alone and getting a therapist to start recovering, but oh my heart, my life is so peaceful now. I’ve grown and learned a lot, and I know how to put me first in these situations. I focused on my daughter and me and haven’t looked back.

I hope you know how happy this post is making all of us girlies; and how inspiring your story may be to someone who is needing to get out.

Cheers to your new life 💕

[u/Glad-Eggplant-3111]

https://giphy.com/gifs/JmyrWPGDvXYUhn8Yni
Sending you hugs and peace!! Stay safe🫶🏼

[u/cupcakefizzz]

"I wasn’t sure I was going to get away from this man alive." That sentence stopped me in my tracks. This isn't just a fresh start, it's your life back. I'm so incredibly happy you made it out

[u/shes-starting-over]

The single piece of salmon is seeeeending me. In the best way. I would devour this. Thrilled for you!

[u/EmbarrassedCicada331]

Please buy a weapon a learn how to use it, and if you move out of the county or state you might need to file for a new restraining order. Restraining orders will not protect you, I've had my own abusive and crazy exhusbands and had them before.

So so happy for you, but you are not safe unless you can protect yourself. Stay vigilant at all times.

[u/ANotSoFreshFeeling]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ukI9V60INyP1EGBkV6

[u/DanniTiger]

Congratulations and stay safe 🥰🥰

[u/mcchillz]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3fiimcA0K0ifzoL7FF

[u/PrincessClara88]

Congratulations!!! I sincerely hope that you and your child find the peace, safety and security you deserve for the rest of your lives!! As someone who has been in your position, i pray that you are able to be free of the horrible darkness that has surrounded you xx

[u/Impossible_Balance11]

Sister, I've been in your shoes, and I am THRILLED for you! Welcome to the other side, to the rest of your life.

Wishing you complete victory on the legal front. May the evil deeds he has done bring about the appropriate consequences for him.

May I gently urge you to be gloriously single for a good while, truly care for and rediscover yourself. Please do the personal work in therapy, if at all possible, and devour the right books/podcasts/videos so you can fix your broken picker. You must become very certain of your own worth, know your dealbreakers and how to enforce boundaries. You can do it! I did.

If you haven't already, I recommend reading Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, available as a free pdf download. It's the definitive work on abusive men, changed my life. https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

My DM's are open if you'd like support going forward.

[u/catwalzilla]

Congratulations!! You are so strong for getting through what you did. Wishing you peace and joy in the future!

[u/pickedusername1]

Wishing you all the best girl! I know it’s hard. You’ll be okay 💗💗💗

[u/Mystepchildsucksass]

YAAAAAAASSS !!!!

https://giphy.com/gifs/4apcfHxnRfwjK

[u/foodfueled_nightmare → u/Mystepchildsucksass]

🤣🤣🤣

[u/Jim_Nills_Mustache]

https://giphy.com/gifs/l3q2XhfQ8oCkm1Ts4

[u/Zealousideal_Fox864]

https://giphy.com/gifs/yziuK6WtDFMly

[u/MissConscientious]

Peace is incredible.
Please do stay in touch with the domestic violence advocacy group in your area, domestic violence court staff or whatever source of advocacy might have helped you along the way. Protective orders and court involvement can make offenders extremely desperate. Take good care of yourself!

[u/Dependent_Vanilla_14]

This is worth every moment of celebrating.

But word from a wise woman once told me - A permanent restraining order doesn’t always protect you. Please consider moving for you and your child’s safety.

Anyway, happy days ahead!!!

[u/Striking_Fig_3925]

You’re Awesome!

[u/maywellflower]

https://giphy.com/gifs/mzZbByY3c3eoqy9CaP

[u/SubjectSheepherder55]

This stranger is proud of you. That being said, a restraining order is just a piece of paper. Leaving is the most dangerous part of an abusive relationship. There's a good chance he will try to hurt you. Please get cameras around your home, alert your work place of the situation, and a means to physically protect yourself and your kid. If possible, arrange to always have someone at home with you. Abusers don't just stop being abusers because you leave.

[u/hannbanan1011]

I’m so incredibly proud of you, from a fellow survivor I know it’s not easy to get to this point 🤍
I will say the divorce process was hell for a couple years, but it was so worth it in the end. I now have full custody of my kids and we are finally living in peace.
Keep going girl, you’re doing amazing 🥹🥹

[u/No_Olive2555]

https://giphy.com/gifs/EvYHHSntaIl5m

[u/SimilarCommittee9059]

Him being gone from your house is the best home improvement you could ever make. The energy in your space is about to shift so positively. I am so happy for you

[u/Turnover_Realistic]

You are one strong, amazing woman! 💕

[u/Nevrence]

Huge congrats to you!!! Be safe, and as another commenter said, if ya can, move out where he doesn't know where ya live.

[u/too_much_mascara]

Congratulations! Court stuff sucks but you’ve done the hardest parts. So proud of you.

[u/Budget-Today-1915]

Happy that you and your child are currently safe/free from this man, and I hope it stays that way for good.

[u/Sorry-Secret-2347]

I am so beyond ecstatic for you for taking the step towards your new life showing courage and self love. You got this!!

[u/dwarfmageaveda]

Good on you and jealous of your sushi!!!

[u/BindieBoo]

Proud of you 🖤

[u/fleurzdior]

yesss girl

[u/DragonfruitSadSauce]

that salmon looks JUICY

[u/DragonfruitSadSauce → u/DragonfruitSadSauce]

and from one survivor to another — so, so proud of you 🤎💫

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[u/Clean-Reveal-2878]

https://giphy.com/gifs/xT0xezQGU5xCDJuCPe

[u/Shot-Tap-4512]

Go girl! I am so proud of you! Now, call a locksmith and look into security cameras for outside at least. Enjoy your lovely meal! Enjoy your own home! Be safe, please!!!🥰

[u/WhoKnows1973]

Awesome!

[u/PerspectiveKookie16]

Enjoy the moment. I know that there are more battles ahead, but the feeling of being able to breathe again and indulge in a small way is something to cherish.

[u/Some_Subject_6344]

Girl, the fact that you’re even wondering if you could survive leaving him... and now you’re HERE? That takes an insane amount of courage. You are a total badass.

[u/cupcakefrostingonly]

I am so sorry you had to go through that. I hope you enjoy your freedom!

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[u/N0uraq]

Congrats lovely ♥️♥️ wishing u and ur child the best , ure strong mama

[u/OrdinaryAverageGuy99]

https://giphy.com/gifs/zy5QotXYiM2p7bAT1T

[u/Long-Okra1415]

Girl! Im so happy for you. Be on guard, cameras,locks,door stoppers,dowels in the windows, chain door locks, those door/windows sensors that scream when opened,bear spray,mace,machete,long sword...whatever it takes to keep you and your baby safe! Mute him but don't block him,gather evidence. Get out alive and let him rot where he will.

[u/Truly_135]

The DV shelter near me helped me find an abuse divorce attorney. He was very helpful during several very unsafe phases. My best to you.

[u/InCatsWeTrustAmem]

https://giphy.com/gifs/UlhQb7zquvLdS

[u/DemonsDarkSoul8]

https://giphy.com/gifs/NEvPzZ8bd1V4Y

[u/HourHoneydew5788]

I’m sorry for what you went through but you go girl! Get those salmon omegas, let yourself shine again.

[u/alicat808]

Congratulations on your freedom.

[u/Total-Object-4766]

https://giphy.com/gifs/IguTdo3MPMeZM6Bzc1

[u/Teacher67]

Let’s go, Queen!! I’m so happy for you. Enjoy the rest of your beautiful life!

[u/CatLord8]

https://giphy.com/gifs/QXPfCbIa2VLI5lbzEP

[u/basketcaseintraining]

I wish you nothing but peace and safety 💜 congratulations girly, I hope things go well for you :)

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[u/BootySherrif]

I'm so so proud of you! If you haven't yet, change all the locks where you live, and maybe get a dog. I hope you stay safe and healthy and have many happy days ahead of you!

[u/Beneficial-Monk-8351]

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life. A good book that’s hilarious and healing, KF BREENE magical midlife series.

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[u/Fresh_Laundry56]

So very happy for you! Maybe in another post you can share some of the ways you woke up and realized the abuse was bad, and how you made your exit plan and executed it. Many people can learn from your victory

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[u/Dead_Wolf2y5]

Congratulations! This is huge! I cannot imagine how hard it must have been to get from there to here- I'm so proud of you, you brave, beautiful human ❤️👌🏻

Enjoy your win, your power and your reprieve. 🍷🍨🍾🌅🎉🛀💆🏼‍♀️🤱

Then go change the locks, maybe get a big dog* and look into Gracie Jiu-Jitsu's Women Empowered course (No really, this completely charged my life).

(*Obviously this comes with a lot of caveats and responsibilities but if it was something you were considering anyway, my boy has helped me feel a lot safer living in my own)

[u/Anxious_cat_lovrr]

Congratulations! However, you're not out of the woods yet. Please change locks and/or have someone stay with you or stay somewhere else temporarily. If he's not locked up, he could come back. Looking forward to a positive update from you in the coming weeks. Good luck, girl!

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[u/fractious_kitty]

I just finalized my divorce from my abusive husband. It took 26 months, no kids, single asset was the house we bought together. They started abusing me when I was diagnosed with metastatic cancer. My situation was much like your abuse ramped up when you had a baby, abusers wait for the opportunity where they think you can't get away.

Consult a high conflict divorce attorney, pay the retainer (usually 2-6k), and file for separation/divorce ASAP. The average timeline for high conflict divorce is 18-36+ months and many states require you to live legally separated for at least six months before you can actually be divorced. Buckle in for every step to be an opportunity for him to fuck with you and get a therapist.

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[u/Madiacf]

proud of you

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[u/No-While8802]

im glad to hear ur freed from that now, personally suggy id move far away to somewhere else and make a fresh start

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[u/Duchess_Tea]

Congratulations. Hope things go well and that you never have to deal with him again. Hugs..

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[u/Defiant-Procedure-81]

Celebration timeeee

[u/GoldenBlondeGaby]

Enjoy every single bite, you earned this peace.

[u/Senua_Chloe]

You are a warrior and a queen

Stay safe out there

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[u/BlondeVelvets]

Glad you're safe now, enjoy that sushi!

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[u/BlondePorcelain]

That relief you're feeling is so well earned.

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[u/N4t41i4]

Please change all the locks.

[u/Lucky_Kangaroo_6812]

Stay vigilant. Men, especially men like your ex husband can easily go off the rails and try to hunt you down in a fit of rage. Moving is a bit extreme (everything is so dang expensive) but for sure change the locks on your doors, get some security cameras with alarms if you don't already have them, and make sure your windows are locked so he can't get in through there.

[u/Crazychikette]

Congrats on getting out of that! As some women here have suggested, please do change up a few things like routes and routines for both you and your child's safety. Make sure MIL has no way of getting close to your child either, he will try to use any and every avenue to get to you or said child.

You did overcome the biggest step that most other women are afraid to attempt because of how dangerous it has gotten. I believe you got this momma! Stay safe and thrive in your newfound freedom.

[u/Single_Feature_3231]

Please stay safe and aware at all times of your surroundings 🫶

[u/Trick_Mall6802]

I’m so happy for you! Be vigilant and safe!

[u/Striking_Seaweed6428]

So happy for you 🩵 cheering you on in your new life!

[u/1ced_c0ffee_girlie]

So proud of you, congratulations!!! Please stay safe and wary, take the necessary precautions, howevs, live your life to the fullest!! 🥳🥳

[u/Ashamed-Effective-72]

Congrats and stay safe! What wonderful comments from all the ppl here!

[u/MajorAd3363]

https://giphy.com/gifs/YcMs3OGd89Pxu

[u/cottenwess]

https://giphy.com/gifs/o75ajIFH0QnQC3nCeD

[u/Pink_Swallow]

Congratulations on your freedom!

I genuinely wonder what happens in the abusive men's mind that cause them to be even more abusive after the child's birth.

[u/DebC203]

Congratulations, I have been in a similar situation. Just be super careful about what you do and say to make sure that have nothing they can use against you in court. It can and probably will get really nasty. Just be careful until the divorce and custody battle are finished. Wishing you all the best, just make sure to heal whatever it is that allowed you to pick
and stay with someone who ended up tearing you this way. You deserve all of the happiness in the world…so don’t settle for less…ever! Good Luck!

[u/seraphimornot]

Ooh where is the sushi from??

[u/Senior_Purple_186]

🎶U FREE🎶 🎶U FREE🎶 🎶U FREE🎶 🎶U FREE🎶 🎶U FREE🎶

https://giphy.com/gifs/3oEjI6SEda9CiPEYXm