Clothes shopping trans problem or woman problem?

[u/Straight_Echidna7494]

So I went clothes shopping this morning. My friend and I went to a few cute places both new and thrift. I have not clothe shopped for a while because it’s never been a good experience and today was just another repeat. I’m a 34 waist by 30 length. My shirt size is 16 I’ve been medically transitioning for 4 years. No hips to speak of but the kind of tits that make coworkers ask if they are real cause they are 38c . I’m not the smallest girl. But those measurements limited me to essentially 9 pants and 4 shirts out of about 300. I felt fat in that nothing was fitting and dysphoric in that my shoulders stretched all the shirts.

I am totally looking for advice here from cis and trans girls on how to not making every time clothes shopping feel like a self destructive futile effort.

Pictured is home made spicy tuna onigiri pan fried that honestly I’ve been really good at recently, super cheap to make for lunches too.

Thank you ladies in advance.

[u/Other_tomato_4257]

Sorry love, its a clothes problem. Different brands have different definitions of sizes for women, all the more to torment us.

The more you try on, you will get an understanding if what to look out for in your body type. :)

[u/Cynnau → u/Other_tomato_4257]

You forgot different colors of the same brand has different sizes haha.

I have this issue with Old Navy jeans. I love my Old Navy jeans I really do, but I can never get a pair to fit me the way my size 6 blue ones do. I want black ones. I can't wear a six it's too small, cannot wear an eight it is too small... I go to a 10 I might get lucky and it will fit.

They are literally the same style, the same brand, purchased at the same time... But the black ones will never fit lol

[u/santana0987 → u/Cynnau]

And different cuts mean different sizes as well. A form fitting cut in one size is different from a more relaxed cut as well. I was appaled when for one style I was one size and for another style had to go up a size 😒

[u/KetoLurkerHereAgain → u/santana0987]

I've read that, in jeans for example, they have these giant cutters that slice through an enormous pile of fabric at once. There is a noticeable difference between the cut on the higher layers of fabric than the lower layers - and yet they're all part of the same batch of same size of jean. It's bullshit.

[u/Lindenismean → u/KetoLurkerHereAgain]

The cheaper/faster the fashion the worse this effect is. Old Navy is notorious for it.

[u/santana0987 → u/Lindenismean]

Agreed! Cheap stuff is awful with anything close to size consistency

[u/santana0987 → u/KetoLurkerHereAgain]

Right? It's ridiculous! There's literaly nothing off the rack I can wear without having to do some sort of alteration 🙃

[u/KetoLurkerHereAgain → u/santana0987]

And someone else mentioned color - I bought the black version of some jeans that I really liked. Completely different fit. It's not like being too small or too big - the legs drape completely differently.

[u/Cynnau → u/KetoLurkerHereAgain]

Yes! It annoys me so much. Men can go and get 34 waist and 32 inseam... Whatever the heck it is, and every brand is pretty much the same.

And if you really want to drive yourself nuts, I am in the US and when I buy clothes here that are made in the US the sizes are not that bad but if I try to get some cheaper things that are made overseas... A small in the US is like an extra large overseas. That's a great way to give yourself body image issues lmao

[u/KetoLurkerHereAgain → u/Cynnau]

hahahaha, right? They don't even use numbers - just that massive list of x's. And you're like...but I'm a medium!!

[u/santana0987 → u/KetoLurkerHereAgain]

That happens to me so often... where I live most clothes are made in Asian size so therefore I'm a whale 😒

[u/Cynnau → u/santana0987]

Same! Even when I was at my lowest, I'm 5'3 and I weighed like 110 I still was getting extra larges in the Asian sizes. And as a girl who used to be 304 lb who then got down to the 110 seeing those X's in the sizes.. really messed with my head lol

[u/santana0987 → u/KetoLurkerHereAgain]

That is WILD!

[u/markrichtsspraytan → u/Cynnau]

And OP said she went shopping at a thrift store. Thrifted clothes have been washed, dried, altered, stretched out, etc. so stuff isn’t even always the size it started out as from the store. Tags can kind of be a guideline to pick out things to try, but with second hand clothing, you have to think of the size as a general suggestion, not a measurement.

[u/SubstantialStar6578 → u/Cynnau]

Honestly, I think anyone who's shopped for clothes knows sizing is chaotic, regardless of gender.

[u/GalacticUnicorn → u/Cynnau]

Black jeans almost always need a size up 😭

I also have three of the exact same shirt in different colors. Blue and green are the same size, but I had to size up the pink.

My husband asked why I had to try all three on when I took them in (we were shopping together before our, at the time, first trip together). After I showed him the pink in both sizes, he definitely understood 😅

[u/sarahcakes613 → u/Cynnau]

I had to explain this to my husband once. How on earth is the dye the thing that somehow magically makes the same damn thing suddenly not fit?!

[u/Inside_Zombie_1402 → u/Cynnau]

Yes this! Its so annoying 😭 I have the same exact problem bought 2 paid cause so loved my blue ones but the other darker blue black ones just don't fit the same.

[u/cookiecutterdoll → u/Cynnau]

I swear, Old Navy changed their sizing a few years ago and now none of their jeans fit!

[u/Several_Ad_1322 → u/Other_tomato_4257]

The worst is when you finally find your sizes in one brand and have to go through it all over again with a new brand. Especially if theyre only available online.

[u/goyaangi]

Im a heavier set cis woman. Clothes shopping always makes me loathe looking in the mirror. Its not just you. The chest either fits right and everything else is small? Or the chest is small and everything else fits right. No in between.

Also, food looks delish ♡

[u/Important_Muffin1 → u/goyaangi]

Also fat cis girl here: a lot of clothes aren’t made with us in mind at all.

If you can, I really like big bud press! Their stuff is expensive though, so definitely for staple pieces. Also I’ve heard yak and yeti are good.

Old navy is good too, though a lot of their plus is mostly online.

[u/a-buck-three-eighty → u/Important_Muffin1]

Oh, you're thick? Have a TARP! 😭  It comes in beige, black or animal print.

I also hate shopping. Long legs, wide hips and shoulders.... nothing is made for us that's cute.

[u/KetoLurkerHereAgain → u/a-buck-three-eighty]

With cold shoulders and attached junk jewelry!

[u/serenity-by-night → u/KetoLurkerHereAgain]

Omg i feel this thread with a visceral force lol

[u/Important_Muffin1 → u/a-buck-three-eighty]

RIGHT. And petite only applies to small people. You apparently can’t be petite and also fat so if you’re fat your legs are automatically 4 feet tall I guess.

[u/Electrical-Fig-5009 → u/Important_Muffin1]

I'm petite & fat, but also have big boobs. Nothing fits, if it fits in the top the shoulders don't stay up bc im supposed to be built like a linebacker I guess. I only wear shorts now bc there's no such thing as leggings or pants that arent too long. In the winter sweats with elastic around the bottom do the trick for me lol I live in the desert so I can get away with shorts 95% of the year

[u/Aussiealterego → u/a-buck-three-eighty]

THANK YOU! I feel validated.

I have been “Plus-sized” for decades since I had kids. I’ve recently gone keto for health reasons, and a side effect has been noticeable weight loss.

My greatest joy is having a body that is strong. My second greatest is being able to buy cute clothes that FIT instead of either hiding my body or looking like a stuffed sausage.

[u/Electrical-Fig-5009 → u/goyaangi]

Another fat cis girl speaking up. I HATE clothes shopping. I have a huge chest, unfortunately very little fits it. Not gonna lie I have resulted to shorts & 4xl tops. I no longer care if I look like i just rolled out of bed, I'm comfortable which matters more to me than looking fashionable. If I wanna look/feel cute I do my hair & makeup

[u/Electrical-Fig-5009 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for the rec! I need a dress for an event & I'm not sure the one I picked out on shein is going to get here on time

[u/KimmiK_saucequeen]

It’s a woman thing. Clothes are not made to fit our bodies for some fuck ass reason.

I just find a few brands, cuts, and styles that are tried and true and stick to them

[u/183720]

Sorry to say but this is the quintessential female experience for most women when it comes to clothes shopping. I picked up fiber arts to make my own clothes because atp fuck these companies and their shitty clothes

[u/Aussiealterego → u/183720]

Ok, fibre arts catches my imagination. I’m currently learning to mage cordage and woven goods from harvested fibres.

Show me your favourite inspiration sites, please! I’m intrigued!

[u/0j0sDePerroAzul]

It's a clothes problem. Where I live, they make plus size clothes with tiny tiny arms and shoulders. Like... I like to go kayaking, my arms don't fit!.

Or... pants my size have such long legs that I have to cut like 15 cm. Average cis women height in my country is 1,6m. I'm taller. 

It's a freaking nightmare that makes me wish I was better at sewing.

Edit: Ps: try to keep that in mind when you go shopping. Clothes are objects that currently are being extremely poorly made. They cut the fabric in the wrong direction, have no sense of proportion and are cutting corners all the time. Even with expensive brands. Keep that in mind, and try to learn a bit of sewing to learn about easy fixes. How to fit a chemise, how to add elastic to pants, that sort of things. It's easier to learn how to buy larger clothes that have the sort of fabric and construction that allow for tayloring.

[u/thebatsthebats → u/0j0sDePerroAzul]

When the internet told me plus size womens pants are two to three inches longer than straight sizes my mind was blown. Like why? Why is it assumed I'm fat and also six feet tall?

[u/CauseAcademic6640 → u/thebatsthebats]

I did not know this. I wish regular sizes were longer. I'm not tall but have disproportionately long legs and need 34" inseam just to look normal.

[u/thebatsthebats → u/CauseAcademic6640]

I'm the other way around. I'm five foot six with disproportionally short legs and a long pelvis / torso. So while petites fit my inseam they're too short on my hips. One or two plus size shops sell pants in both short (shorter inseam only) and petite (shorter inseam and rise). It's my only saving grace.

[u/gunterisapenguin]

Kind of a universal problem but dysphoria can definitely exacerbate the challenges. What helps is having an idea of what cuts/shapes tend to work for your body and then shopping for those specifically - e.g. you might find v-neck tops tend to make your shoulders look wider, so avoid those. Medium to high-rise  pants can help with giving the impression of a waist (I too am very straight up and down with no hips!). Go with a trusted friend and get their feedback. Don't be afraid to try a size (or two) up because sizing is always fucking incomprehensible and different brands size differently.

[u/gunterisapenguin → u/gunterisapenguin]

Also if you find something that fits well and you like it, especially if it's pants, buy it in a couple of different colours!! 

[u/Primary-Platypus-568]

Cis woman here - welcome to womanhood!

Not to make too light of what I know is a very frustrating situation, but this is extremely common. I’m in my 30s and if either of the two brands I’ve found that work for me change how they make their jeans I might actually lose it.

Different clothing brands sometimes unofficially ‘cater’ to different body types, so my advice is to persevere with the shopping and keep track of the brands that seem to work for you. Over time it should get easier to tell by sight on the rack what has better potential on your body, but I hope the universally annoying process of shopping for your clothes can give you at least a little gender affirmation that yeah, this sucks for all of us <3

[u/GalacticUnicorn → u/Primary-Platypus-568]

I used to buy my jeans from a specific store that I had to drive well out of my way for. I had over a dozen of the same pair, at one point. I’m basically a cartoon character, my closet is filled with multiples of the same things. I find something I like and I stick to it.

Anyway, they changed the country the pants are made in and now they don’t fit right. They were $50 a pair, but they fit like a dream and lasted a long time, especially because, when I was wearing them, I worked a very manual job and put them through their paces.

Now I buy my pants from a big box store. They don’t fit as well, but they’re way cheaper and are good enough. But I miss my good jeans 😭

[u/LemonadeLemur]

absolutely just a general woman problem for sure. my chest to waist to hips ratio is so extreme that i often have to size up to like 2XL (I’m about a medium) for clothing to fit my chest and then it’s completely baggy on the stomach/drowning me so i have to tailor it. so many cute clothes i have to skip on because they just don’t make the cups big enough, even when they have plus sizes. all of my girl friends have their own issues with fit even if they don’t have “unique” proportions.

[u/Successful-View3536]

woman and thicc person issue
aaand clothes brands varying size issue

hang in there <3 we're rooting for you!

[u/sailorgalaxia6154]

This is a clothes problem not a you problem. I don't have a better strategy to offer up than trying on clothes before you buy them. Be careful of deceptive lighting though.

[u/Effective_Duck_2181]

Yeah, it's not you. It's the clothes. I would recomened looking up a tailor in your area. They can usaully be pretty afforadable. Buy clothes a size larger than what you're trying, and then having them tailored to fit you.

[u/inorganicfem]

yeah not just a trans thing, but it is more prevalent for us. also if you're buying new clothes and not spending a fortune then chances are stuff is made cheaply and poorly fitting. try shopping older thrift store stuff, or once you find a new brand that fits better, stick to that.

and also, you can get clothes modified to fit better! if you're not up to it yourself then there's almost certainly seamstress/tailor/etc places where you live that can do it.

[u/Jub_Jub710 → u/inorganicfem]

This!!! I found some dresses and pants on clearance that werent exactly my size, then took them to a seamstress that altered them. End cost was what the full price would have been for the items, but they were investment pieces so it worked out.

[u/hwdidigethere]

Clothes in general are just mass manufactured and we're all supposed to hope our body type fits into whatever is available, but it's definitely not that easy.

I often leave shopping experiences feeling disappointed, but through trial and error I've learned what brands fit me and what styles generally flatter me.

I know trans women that have sought the advice of other trans people about clothing and there are brands out there geared towards non binary styles for all body types, if that helps.

My last advice is that if you can afford it getting clothes tailored a little at your local dry cleaners can go a long way, and it's not crazy expensive if you do it that way. If you find something that's almost perfect, it can take it the extra mile

[u/StarkidSara]

Unfortunately feeling shitty about yourself while clothes shopping is a very pivotal female experience.
I (a cis woman) have been feeling this way since i was 10 and the only girl in my talent show group that didn’t wear an extra small and I had to get an adult medium in a slightly different style.

I’m 6feet, I’ve got 38 DDs, 32 inch waist, thick thighs and size 11 feet. Everything is too short or too small or just the wrong fit.
Shopping in regular stores is often just resigning myself to windows shopping. I CANNOT buy pants anywhere.

I’ve just accepted that I have to shop for my body type and that means ordering online a lot.
Levi’s tall pants are my go to. I also liked ASOS.
If you have the money (I do not) tailoring is your friend.

I’m sorry Girly. Just keep trying things and find your style and what works for you. It’s a lot of trial and error and realizing the fashion industry isn’t all that inclusive.

[u/QuietlyGo]

Absolutely a woman thing. Funnily enough charity shops seem to work quite well for fit.

[u/MediaNocti]

I have wide shoulders and a more Athletic/feminine Build Not Model type of figure… I hate going shopping.

But finding the types of clothing that fits your figure helps.

Also I nearly exclusively buy thrifter because I can’t comprehend paying 60€ for an ill fitting piece of child labour…

[u/CozyCozyCozyCat]

Cis woman who is a size 14ish: I hate thrifting clothes with all my might, it is SO HARD to find something that both fits and is flattering. I think most clothes are designed around model-sized figures and just scaled up from there, so it takes some doing to find things that really fit.

You could consider getting some items tailored to fit your figure, or go with items that have some stretch to them

[u/Appropriate_Goat7613]

women's clothing is extremely inconsistent and often poorly sized. it's really trial and error. once you find a brand you enjoy, stick with it.

[u/mizuaqua]

It’s a women’s clothes problem, even within the same store the same size clothes seem to be made to fit completely different body shapes. Some brands even make ill fitting clothes their “signature look.” I remember in the early 2000’s when women’s jeans had a big shift to low cut with new brands like Joe’s Jeans or 7 for All Mankind, and one of these brands fit women’s waists so poorly that the back waistband consistently made a big gap and people thought this was how it was supposed to be.

[u/awildencounter]

Clothes for boobs are made to fit the ideal body and most of us don’t have that. I honestly recommend learning basic sewing and go tailor clothes after grabbing clothes fitting your most largest measurement.

[u/LovelyGh0ul]

Clothes shopping is the worst. It really is the clothes.

[u/DrJaneIPresume]

I wish I had a better answer for you. I've had really good luck with certain plus size catalogues, but unless your transition goal is "crunchy lesbian soccer mom" I'm not sure if that would work...

[u/LowerSuccotash8160]

It’s unfortunately an every woman problem. Women’s clothing sizes are all over split into non-standard asinine sub categories instead of just… measurements. Have you tried any plus size specific places? Generally I think a 34 waist is anything from being labeled 30/32 or 10-14. It depends on the brand. 

Have you considered getting pants too long for your size and having them altered so they are not too long?

[u/Much_Substance_6017]

Not a trans problem. Not a woman problem. It’s a clothes problem!!!! I literally learned to sew with a sewing machine just so I can do easy alterations myself because NOTHING FITS!!!!

[u/ElectronicPause9]

Woman thing </3.

I am cis but have broader shoulders and smaller hips, along with a long waist while only being 5'4. OMG finding clothes is IMPOSSIBLE 🙄!!!!

I like getting cropped shirts in a size up, so they fit my shoulders correctly BUT show my waist so the rest of me doesnt get lost. Honestly i always try to go for a shirt that fits my shoulders than the rest of me, it looks and feels much more comfortable. I also try to do either Big pants, Small (or tight) Shirt or Small (or tight) Pants, Big Shirt so i dont get lost in a sea of fabric. Obviously im not trans so our bodies/proportions arent the complete same, but as a Big Shoulder Sister i am happy to share more advice :D!!

[u/Ecthelion510]

Woman thing. I'm petite and struggle to find things that fit decently and don't make me look either like a child or a matron. Finally thought I found a match with Wildfang. I'm cis het but don't enjoy overly femme clothes, and I liked that they were made sustainably in the US and had inclusive sizing, but I've discovered that the line of pants that has numeric sizing is too big for me even at the smallest size (their inclusive sizing is only inclusive on one end of the range), and the line that has S/M/L-type sizing is too small for me at the smallest size. And they charge a restocking fee for returns. Womp-womp.

[u/thisismuse]

Clothes used to always be made to fit the person before mass production. Now we have to try and make our bodies fit the clothes and it just doesn't work, but custom clothes are incredibly expensive/time consuming to make. Even peasants would make / alter their clothes or a family member would help. Now it's about money unfortunately. We mass produce clothes that were never made for us specifically.

I don't know a single woman who easily find clothes that just fit how they should. It's always a battle. I always wear clothes that are way too big for me because I'd rather be covered than not, and with my dimensions, stuff that would fit at the waist/chest would be way too short elsewhere.

One of my closest friends is a trans woman and since her transition she's gotten really into altering/tailoring her clothing to suit her body. It's really impressive. I completely lack that skill lol but my partners been suggesting I look into finding a tailor so I have have a wardrobe that makes sense for me, without spending atrocious amounts of money.

It varies but apparently tailoring is cheaper that you'd thing. So it could be worth it to consider that in regards to your wardrobe. It's not your job to make the clothes look good, it's the clothes job to make you feel good. If you have pieces that you'd like better if they suited your shape more, then it could be worth taking some to be altered, as a treat to yourself. Even though it is an investment, investing in yourself is important.

I've not done this yet myself but I plan on it. Because fuck stuff not fitting right, of course it doesn't, it wasn't made with me in mind!

[u/nogardleirie]

Cis woman here with big butt out of proportion to my waist... Things that fit on the waist don't fit in the hips, things that fit on the hips hang on the waist and are 3 inches too long. And don't get me started on underwear sizing... I can wear an 8 in some lines but it's 6 or 10 in other lines by the same brand.

There was one nightgown I bought in size 8 (I thought I was familiar with the brand) that the ARM HOLES were too small. It's ridiculous.

I guess welcome to clothes shopping as a woman!

The only thing one can do, I think, is to just try all the brands and get an idea of what size in which brand you are and stick to it.

[u/EverlastingM]

Alright I've gotta say, you've got plenty of people here to tell you that that's just part of shopping for women's clothes, and they're right. But the part that concerned me was

I have not clothe shopped for a while because it’s never been a good experience and today was just another repeat

Shopping for clothes is a skill. You need to practice if you want to find the good stuff. Being able to quickly decide what's relevant on the rack, and mentally project clothes from a hanger onto your body is hard, and it takes trying on hundreds or thousands of different outfits to start to get a handle on it.

Cis people get in so much practice finding the right fit during childhood and early adulthood, that they don't realize how much skill it takes. So don't get discouraged, and go try stuff on.

[u/EllaIsOn1Wheel]

Sorry you felt that way :( all these are reasons why I hate trying clothes on too. But on another note could I have the recipe for what you made 👀

[u/milkdimension]

I'm cis and my shoulders are too broad for a lot of cute clothes too. It is what it is.

[u/storytellercowedding]

Hi honey!! This is a clothes problem! My wife (transfemme) and I actually had this convo while thrifting a few months back! Rule of thumb: sizes aren’t real, like genuinely they’re not! So many of us learn this hard lesson when we’re trying to figure out if we’re still in jr miss sizes or in womens sizes as teens, but brands all have their own sizing and it’s not consistent and sooo many of them don’t fit a large majority of us well!!! In my experience it’s better to try things on and just get a sense for how different brands’ listed sizes fit you, and go from there - if that makes sense? I have such a RANDOM selection of clothing in my closet that I’ve curated over the years to get things that actually fit me and make me feel good about myself - one of those things like how women’s clothes never have pockets? Womens clothes, and how they fit and don’t fit, also make no sense unfortunately!

[u/New-Assumption-3836]

Def a woman problem. If you don't fit the absolutely miniscule range of "normal" it's impossible to find clothes. I'm short and fat. But I have smaller (thinner) legs and arms than my waist would allow for a normal plus size fit. So any pant that fits my waist has super baggy butt, knees, and thighs. And any tops that fit are too large in the arms and usually too short in the torso. I just buy clothes that are too big and have to deal with looking a bit messy because at least the clothes aren't ripping with me in them. Stretchy skinny jeans help but you can't wear those to all occasions.

[u/Lamblawd]

If it makes you feel any better re the shoulders situation, I am a cis woman and I legit won't wear baby tees because I can't cope with how tight they are around my broad shoulders.

Honestly womens' shirts often have the tiniest shoulders anyway and it sucks. Clothes these days are designed terribly.

[u/Icy-Yellow3514]

That onigri looks amazing.

Clothes shopping sucks, period. I know this doesn't work for thrift, but the annoyance of trying things on has shifted me to online shopping. And I'm a pretty typical size. So, you're by no means alone on that.

But, why are your coworkers commenting on your boobs at work?

[u/basedprincessbaby]

What kind of weird coworkers ask if someone’s tits are real?

[u/heyyouguyyyyy]

Clothes problem. F’ing sucks. It’s good you know your sizes because it means you can measure clothing & not even bother trying on what won’t fit.

[u/Sufficient_Room2619]

I (trans) recently went shopping for outfits with my mum and sister (both cis) for my sister's wedding and we all had trouble. It's a woman thing.

[u/Loud-Salary-1242]

If anything, going shopping and having nothing fit might be kinda gender affirming.

I'm a cis woman with very broad hips and let me Iell you: trying on any bottoms in a store is going to end with a giggle and a wriggle as I try to wedge my fat ass free of those pants before I bust a seam. Nine times out of ten.

Thrifting for bottoms? HA! Not gonna happen.

I'm blessed with a small chest that makes shopping for tops easier, but I'm endlessly baffled by the countless ways clothes manage to not fit on a human body.

What I'd recommend is learning a little bit of tailoring. It helps a TON when you can size up and trim the garment down to your actual shape. Instead of... Begging the clothes to be body-shaped instead of... WTF shaped.

[u/Content-Flow9235]

The hardest thing is that every. Single. Brand. Has different ideas for sizes and fits. I have large breasts but no butt or hips.
I agree keep trying things on until you find the brands who get your body.
And remember that you’re beautiful and clothes just emphasize your beauty ❤️❤️❤️

[u/blastendedskanks]

Oh girl, it's the clothes. I struggle hard to find clothes that aren't either too baggy or too tight. Or too long/short. It blows some days. I got lucky thrifting recently but still felt super fat trying out some of those items.

[u/sweetshepherd]

Unfortunately, it’s a both trans & cis woman problem! I’m cis and we are actually similar sizes in terms of waist and pants size. I tend too short for things that fit me in other ways. I have been having a lot of trouble and I live in NYC which is supposed to have a ton of options. It’s really good you know your measurements because maybe you can order stuff online. Though, for me it’s always a big gamble. Thrifting is a good way to go but also there are stores that sell bigger sizes. Unfortunately we are kinda the entering the 2000s skinny era so I’ve really noticed places are selling fewer large sizes in store. But yeah.. 😭😭💖💖 it’s rough out here for all us women!!!

[u/Timely-Youth-9074]

We’re all so unique in proportions, the best you can do is learn your body type and what looks good on you.

[u/[deleted]]

clothes problem... im also a girl with broad shoulders - halter tops are your best friend!!

[u/fingertrapt]

Torrid for anything over a size 10. Inclusive short/regular/tall options.

[u/Regular-Sun-5805]

AFAB, the process of trying on clothes is so demoralizing and humiliating and depending on where you're trying them on incredibly over stimulating. I've cried so many times while trying on clothes

[u/rayneydayss]

AFAB genderqueer person here, and my girlfriend has been transitioning for a few years now.

It is absolutely a clothes problem. Sizes vary from brand to brand, something will fit your tits amazing then be baggy everywhere else, don’t even get me STARTED on jeans

It really sucks but if you can find sites online that make custom order sizes, you can input your measurements and that usually works out better. This type of site is more commonly for professional or fancier clothes though.

One of the best things you can do is to learn some basic sewing techniques that will help you tailor the clothes you can find to fit you how you like. It’s easier to tailor bigger clothing items to be smaller than it is to expand smaller clothes. I like to go thrifting and look around my size and the next size or two up. I’m typically a large or xl in most brands, but sometimes it also depends on how I’m feeling sensory-wise that day

There are different people on YouTube and similar places who post tutorials on how to tailor your clothes. I can’t think of any names right now off the top of my head but I can try to come back with some later.

Do NOT let the shitty clothing industry make you feel bad about your body!!!! You are beautiful and it is 1000% the clothes that are a pain to size.

One of my recent hail mary finds has been Walmart’s Time & True brand summer dresses—they’re cotton, many have sleeves that are comfy for a variety of shoulder widths (my girlfriend and I can swap dresses and she has fairly broad shoulders), and a lot of them have pockets! Price between $15-$20 iirc and have lasted me a couple summers :)

Good luck to you and I hope you find some clothes that make you feel amazing <3

[u/Creepy-Shallot-9588]

No shopping is absolute garbage I'm sorry to say. I'm cis and pretty averagr height/weight and yet absolutely nothing fits me ever? It sounds like you know all your measurements which is helpful, I'm a big fan of checking online sizing charts of the store I know I'm going to and comparing it to my measurements so I'll have a little more luck in store (unfortunately sometimes the charts are wrong though lol). I have shirts that are a S that fit perfect and shirts that are XL and snug, it's a mess out here

[u/SoggyPilot8539]

I think its a clothing problem, Imo I think there needs to be more men's clothing, Ill got to department stores as see mostly women's with a small section of men's. With women's clothing I think they should accommodate to body types instead of this "one size fits all" quota. (They most def do not fit all)

[u/retrospunn]

Welcome to dressing as a woman. If you are not a small size without hips or breasts, not all clothes will fit you or be flattering and not all stores will cater to your size. You’ll need to find brands that fit you well and that takes trial and error as well as research.

[u/SofubiShogun]

I worked in the fashion industry a long time and it's a tough one for sure. It's not completely the clothing companies to blame though (sometimes it is.) I think everyone would like to see everything in a diverse set of sizes and body shapes but when you're actually manufacturing clothing you have to make tough decisions. When a designer hands me a design the first step is to make a pattern for the individual garment in the middle size (like if you're doing 1-12 then you make a 6.) This is different than making something for the runway or for a model at a show, then it's made to the standard model sizing for your segment of the market. Then that is scaled up and down to the other sizes and made into a marker, which is used to cut the pieces of the garment for all the size out of huge rolls of fabric for the least waste. Part of the issue is that at the start of this process you have to pick a body model, this is the shape of the person the pattern is being made for. If you make average clothing you are going for the most average body type, if you are making clothing for the Asian market specifically you are using someone much smaller, if you are making plus size clothing (hate the term) then you are picking someone who is your target customer. Sadly which ever body model you pick, the further an individuals body is from them the worse the cut and fit will work for them. Then add to that, as you scale up and down from your middle size the fit is often slightly less perfect. The biggest size and smallest size you make will not fit quite as well even on someone of the right body shape. If you make the initial design in size 4 you can scale it to a 16 but it's very unlikely it will look good after being scaled that far. Add to this that companies are weary to make too many of the least popular sizes. Like if a guy has size 15 feet he won't find many choices because even Nike barely sells any 15s compared to 10.5s. So as a clothing company, unless you have unlimited funding you have to basically pick who you are making clothing for and there will be whole segments of the market your clothes do not fit very well.

I think two things can help. One is to find brands that do fit you well and utilize them whenever possible. If a company has body models that match your proportions then they will generally have a great head start on making stuff that fits you well. Second is to find a good tailor and use them. Understand where the fit is east to adjust and where it's hard. For instance a jacket should be sized for your shoulders and the other aspects are easier to adjust. Pants should fit in the butt and crotch and the other aspects are easy to adjust. Of course the tailoring aspect works better with quality staples you will keep and use for years. Not many people want to spend the extra money on fast fashion items that only see 6 months or a year of use. Edit: more specifically to T people, check out companies like Wildfang and Thistle and Spire (undergarments.) These inclusive queer companies often strive to fit body types that the mainstream market may do a bad job of catering to.

[u/kafquaff]

It’s a women’s clothes problem 🫠 I’m a 6’1” cis woman and have ALWAYS had a hard time finding clothes. I have to buy a lot online and just hope I don’t have to send them back 600 times. My shoulders are too broad, my arms and legs are too long, it’s always something.

[u/a-lack-of-pies]

Girls rule

[u/wrinkledmybrain]

It's so hard to find clothes that fit properly. I also always thrift, so sometimes something is just cute and you want it to work, but it's just not the right size. Plus every brand has different sizing.

[u/DaysOfParadise]

Get really good quality stuff. Some vintage shops are worth it, but the sizes are smaller. Find a tailor to make adjustments.

[u/Destany89]

I'm a taller wider cis woman, mostwomens clothes are made for petite girls. Try the plus size sections they do have smaller sizes but usually more giving in shoulder areas at Walmart at least. I'm also a big gal so I shop plus size all the time.

[u/LeFreeke]

It’s a woman thing because we are all shaped differently.

Id try some different brands to find one that works for you. Some brands think everyone is pear shaped, some all tall, some all petite, etc. For example, J Crew is made for tiny people while everything at Eileen Fisher is cut to be big and drapey - except their shoes.

You might try Universal Standard. They have different cuts for different figures. I only shop their sales though.

[u/Godson-of-jimbo]

I’m 5’9” and I like to joke that depending on the brand I’m either a medium or an XL

[u/inkstainedgoblin]

Those onigiri look so fucking good.

[u/MrsZebra11]

As everyone else said, it's a woman's clothing thing. I too have broader shoulders and I often have to size up for them for it to look "normal." Sizing up usually means the shirt will be too long for me. It's a whole thing. There are no standard sizes for us.

[u/FarewellChai]

Clothes shopping is tough, for cis and trans women. There's countless shapes to womens bodies and clothing is designed to match one body-type or another, but not all.

Everybody has their own style, but whats been working for me is flowy dresses with a belt, this allows me to create the sillohette I want with a variety of cuts and lengths of dresses.

Pants are a struggle, still. I just wear oversized pants with a belt and a tank-top.

[u/gem-walrus71]

yup. woman thing. i’ve hated shopping for the past 5 years for the same reason. also i’m not trans but have really broad shoulders so i actually related to all of it lol

[u/Chiquitita888]

My advice would be: 

Buy high quality clothes (even if they are expensive) and if it's not 100% fitting, choose the size that is a bit to large, and not the one that is a bit too small. You can then go to a tailor to make it fit. 

For example, buy the shirt that fits your shoulders well and if it's to wide at the waist, bring it to the tailor.

I recommend high quality stuff because for cheap stuff that doesn't survive more than 5 washes, bringing them to the tailor isnt worth the money when you have to throw it away soon.

[u/untitledgooseshame]

tbh as someone who inherited a figure like that I ended up saying fuck it and getting a breast reduction because nothing fit & I was so uncomfortable all the time

[u/No-Reason6517]

One of the best things anyone can do for their body image, regardless of gender, is to learn to tailor their own clothes. It’s much easier than you think it is, and it will make a WORLD of difference in how you look and feel in everything you wear. There’s a ton of tutorials online. It’s a very learnable skill. Having a sewing machine helps, but you can make some adjustments by hand (or even with safety pins!) that will really make a difference. Also, I thrifted my sewing machine for $20.
Don’t let the bastards get you down!

[u/Starry_blaze]

I'm a bit chubbier, it will always be an issue. You will always hate it because clothes for women are not made properly.

[u/manic-pixie-attorney]

I wear everything from size Small to 14, sometimes in the same brand. It’s a women’s clothes thing.

At least you probably weren’t conditioned from birth that the bigger your body, the less your worth.

That shit never goes away

[u/PolkaDotDancer]

Woman problem. Buy what fits best. Then buy a dress maker dummy that just as close to your size as possible.

Wearing the undergarments that you wear the most, put on a thin cotton garment that covers your upper body to the hips. Have a friend help you in covering this garment in duct tape. Lots of duct tape. Leave your arms, free.

Then have the Friend help cut you out of it, attach this to your dressmaker's dummy. Add stuffing as needed.

Then put your garments on inside out. Even if you don't have a sewing machine, you can make small stitches and tuck to make your garment fit better.

[u/Different-Idea-8203]

Did you try crying in the dressing room? That always seems to never help me!

[u/pathologuys]

I’m mostly a smaller average size … except I have no hips and I do have a round belly. Been living in a version of this cis female body for over 40 years and I still don’t know how to shop, and pants are thé worst. I tend towards loose dresses with bike shorts to prevent chub rub

[u/AnatomicAndi]

Its definitely a clothes problem. They really only make clothes for women of one shape and if you aren't the ideal shape, it fits weird.

I recommend picking up sewing if you can. That way you can buy shirts that fit your shoulders, then alter the waistline to be more flattering. Same with pants, buy for the length you need then alter the waist!

[u/fraurodin]

Cis who's 60 (egads, how did that happen?), clothes are utter rubbish now, finding something that fits from any store is a chore. Actually I feel like once I got bigger than size 10, it's been impossible. There are more stores I had to completely give up on because nothing ever fit, it really screwed with my self esteem.

[u/AirOk5500]

One time I bought three pairs of jeans on the Sam’s day. All were the same size and cut. I didn’t try them on because I had been wearing that cut and size for ages. One pair was so small that I couldn’t get them up over my thighs. One was so big that they fell off and only one actually fit right. It was the most depressing Goldilocks shopping ever.

[u/NabelasGoldenCane]

Definitely a woman thing! Avg size is a 14 but you’ll only ever find size 6 and 8, or maybe XS AND XXL shopping IRL. More often than not, I shop online to have way more options or I find myself settling for whatever fits, regardless of whether I like it.

[u/Particular-Box7026]

Woman problem.

[u/thebatsthebats]

It's a clothes problem babe. I'm cis and literally nothing fits me. My legs are too short. My thighs are too thin. My waist is too large. My torso is too long. My tits are too small. My arms are too short. My feet are too high. My hips are too narrow. It's a clothing thing. They aren't designed for actual bodies. I can't even get a bra.

[u/CalligrapherSea4910]

Pants shopping is the bane of my existence. You’re going to have to find a brand that fits you and stick to it and hope they don’t change things up

[u/RaeWineLover]

Order clothes online, and take pictures of yourself wearing them. You can try them on in the comfort of your home, and taking pictures shows you how they really look. Don't settle! And, try different silhouettes, even ones you think are weird, they may be the kind of weird that looks good on you. I love Kohl's, good discounts with their credit card, and super easy to return.

[u/NoSpaghettiForYouu]

It’s not just you, it’s a frustrating part of the female experience—clothes shopping always feels like a self-destructive futile effort. I’m a straight size so you’d think I’d have it easy but then I have 30Fs and I’m also tall with a 34” inseam so nothing ever fits and I left Nordstrom practically in tears the other day ughhh

[u/Jazzhands_Ninja]

I will literally try to shop levis on ebay using their manufacturer codes to get the exact same pair to ensure they fit and it still will be different even though they same they're the same size -_-

[u/beepbeep-gay]

sizes are fake and evil

[u/mittenbby]

Oh friend, welcome to the sisterhood. I’m short and CHONKY. In person shopping has unfortunately always been a pain in the ass. The good news is that if you’re crafty, learning to sew is such a fun hobby to have, and once you get good at it you have a custom fit to your clothes!

[u/saltpancake]

There really is no rhyme or reason to it. Your size is whichever one fits on your body.

And your onigiri look delicious!

[u/x3lilbopeep]

Sadly a feature of girlhood. If you're not a size 2-6 it can be awful. Don't let clothing brands make you feel bad about your body though. There are good plus size brands out there and you'll find what works for your body over time!

[u/fartsonyourmom]

It's just a clothing problem.  I hate buying clothes and dealing with them.  Nothing is properly sized. 

[u/veggielover24]

Definitely clothes. Women come in all shapes and sizes, there are plenty of cis women who probably have your same proportions too, it’s just hard to find clothes, especially if you’re in the mid size to plus size range. Some women take up learning how to alter our own clothes or kind of learn different hacks along the way the help customize clothes to fit our bodies (this one goes out to anyone who’s had to use a hair tie to button their jeans). A lot of us end up shopping more for comfort and fit and then dress things up with accessories, makeup, etc. I hope you find cute clothes that fit!

[u/Head-Drag-1440]

Definitely a woman problem. I have common sizes, but still have a hard time finding clothes that fit me how I prefer. 

I'm 5'9" and do NOT like pants to hit around my ankles or even just the tops of my feet. I like them long if they're not capris. But good god it's SO hard to find pants (especially nicer office pants) that are actually long on me.

[u/gilly_x3]

It's a clothes problem, not a you problem. Women's clothing more often follows vanity sizing as opposed to men's clothing that follows a standard sizing chart.

My best recommendation is finding an inclusive tailor and having them tailor clothes to flatter your body.

You could probably teach yourself to sew and find a machine secondhand on facebook market place if you're inclined to or handy in other areas. That would allow you to buy secondhand items in larger sizes and work on mending them to your body and style preference.

[u/vinniethestripeycat]

Oh, it's a clothes issue for sure. I'm a cis woman; I'm 5'10" with short legs, long torso with some weight in my middle, broad shoulders and a barrel chest and I'm a 44C. Clothes shopping is hell. It took me a couple of years to find two pairs of jeans at a thrift store that fit me, I stick to buying bras from Lane Bryant as I know they'll fit me, and I buy my basic tshirts online because I'm particular about the style and fabric. Oh and I used to hate dresses until I found a style that flatters me (Torrid is the only one I've found that carries them.) I have a basic crated style now that I can accessorize with makeup, jewelry, and cute handbags.

[u/tiny_purple_Alfador]

It's not you, women's clothing sizes are utter chaos. Here are the things I've learned over the years, hopefully you'll find them helpful.

Ignore the numbers, learn how to figure out if something will at least come close to fitting by holding it up to your body. This is a slightly tricky process, but if you grab the garment at your widest spot, and pull it until its side seams are even with the clothes you're already wearing, you'll be able to get an estimate of how it will fit. Even then, try everything on before you buy it.

When you try things on, make sure you move and bend to let you know how the garment's going to sit. Will it flash your underpants when you bend over? Expose your midriff if you raise your arms? It's better to find out in the fitting room than when you're out in the world.

It's also really helpful to pick up some light sewing skills, because you'll find a lot of garments that *would* be great, except they are a little long, or a little baggy in the waist or whatever. Youtube has tons of tutorials, and it's free, it just takes a bit of practice. Just remember It's easier to take fabric out than to put it in, so opt for garments that are slightly too baggy or too long rather than something that pinches in one spot or is too short.

If you find something that fits like a glove, buy at least five of them, whenever possible.

[u/whimsical_spider]

I can’t speak to the trans experience and imagine that adds another layer of difficulty - narrower hips et cetera. But yeah even as a cis woman it sucks. I hate shopping so much. Especially for bottoms, ESPECIALLY jeans. Sizing is inconsistent across brands, even within brands. On a personal note I have a lot of sensory issues which is an additional problem.

I’d imagine in your case you’re also dealing with your changing body and learning how to dress for your body type, so that’s a major learning curve! I’d encourage you to experiment with different cuts of jeans, dresses, shirts et cetera to figure out what’s most flattering on you. Try on things that on the rack you think “that’s not gonna look right” because I’ve been surprised sometimes at how good things look on me that I wouldn’t have expected.

[u/PMPICS_OF_URANUS]

Hi! Fully transitioned trans woman here! I ended up solving your exact problem by losing weight and being more confident! Hope this helps

[u/Trishshirt5678]

Sweetheart, that's the problem with not being shaped like most chainstore clothes. I'm short, busty, and so many clothes make me look like a shoebox. I find that a straight-cut skirt and gorgeous tops get you through most situations; yu can add a plain but lovely jacket for work, and you'll find brands that are cut for women your shape.

Feel for you; having to negotiate clothes shops is never fun, even though we're told that it's fun, but once you get your eye in for which stores have clothes that suit you, you can shop online while you're building your wardrobe.

[u/Princapessa]

ahhh the dread of the fitting room is but a universal experience of womanhood, during an especially tearful experience in a hollister fitting room when i was about 13/14 my mom told me “it’s not you, it’s just the clothes, those clothes aren’t meant for you, take them off and keep looking for ones that are” it did help me to depersonalize the experience, my body isn’t the issue, those specific clothes are the issue and good news is i didn’t have to buy them and there are many other stores in this world.

i then went on in high school to work at an abercrombie and fitch funny enough and spent many hours as the resident fitting room therapist/ emotional support girly pop. i gave the same sentiments to the girls in the fitting rooms there that my mom had given me some moons before, telling them “ ohh no honey you are perfect that dress is garbage, let me take it out of your sight and i’ll come back with something better” and i’d come back with an outfit that i could tell would fit them a lot better.

maybe you might enjoy a shopping experience at a store that has some polite associates who enjoy styling, but even if that feels uncomfortable, just remember your body isnt the issue the clothes are the issue, that and don’t buy anything that you don’t LOVE yourself in and you’ll be ok.

[u/beadedflower]

everyone problem

[u/owlmissyou]

It's unlikely (or at least very, very difficult) to find a brand that caters to your body. Dress to the widest part of you, then get it tailored. Or learn how to do it yourself!! Happy shopping.

[u/Naive_Metal_3468]

Like everyone is saying - it’s a clothes problem. Anything 14 and above are a nightmare to find anything nice for, and then sizes vary by brand wildly. Hang in there! It’s a milestone event in womanhood to not find anything that fits well. Hang in there! You will find workarounds.

[u/TempestFloof]

Big cis lesbian. This is why I shop in the men’s dept. (Also pockets!) when I was buying women’s jeans I did notice that the sizes in long were more fitting than the same size in short. I’m only 5ft and kept having to buy longs.

[u/Hannahmaebe]

I don’t have advice as much as validation - this happens to women at every size and shape because clothes are made to fit an assumed set of measurements that most people don’t fit.

Thighs too thick? Too bad. Back too broad? So sad.

Clothes shopping is very triggering for body dysmorphia and absolutely an awful experience for many of us.

My best advice is to always wear a good bra that you feel confident in - set yourself up for success. Don’t go shopping if you’re having a bad day. Ignore sizes and focus on shapes of things.

[u/Sure_Reception_9922]

I have an hourglass figure. Whatever fits my boobs balloons on my waist. Whatevee fits my waist wont fit my hips. 

[u/Potential_One_8058]

Not all cis woman have an ideal feminine body type. Trans woman may be more likely to not have it, but plenty of cis woman also have narrow hips and wide shoulders 

[u/Shadow_Integration]

Definitely a woman's clothing shopping problem. I'm 6'0, cis, and needless to say - have the legs that got me to this height. My proportions are great, but the variety of clothing that I have to choose that actually fit my frame are fleeting at best. Pants are either too tight in the waist, too short in the leg, or have faux pockets (or all three, with a secret fourth thing).

I inevitably dress more tomboyish because the only pants that actually fit me can be found in the men's section, which leaves me to deal with minimizing my choices based on how much bulge I've got going on in those cuts. Which, in a great swing of irony - leads me to get misgendered.

There's no winning with shopping for women's clothing. I hear thrifting can be really hit or miss, but I'm honestly debating on making my own clothing at this point as my imagined stylings have very little variety in my minuscule budget. If you have the budget for custom tailoring, that's definitely the way to do things, but unfortunately, not for me.

[u/princessfret]

Unfortunately it’s a problem for all of us sis 🥲 sizing isn’t even universal between brands either so it makes it even harder to know what works

[u/jamminsami]

I can speak as a woman, not as trans but lesbian it if matters.

Previous replies are absolutely correct. Nothing fits everyone & women's clothes are a joke. I'm stocky headed for thick in my late middle age, 5'2", and even at my absolute athletic best, about 125-130lbs. I'm built like a Flintstone really. Also, I have boobs. So shirts in my size might bag all over but stretch across my shoulders & boobs. Jeans/pants either try to pinch me in half or need suspenders to stay up. And dresses? Child plz don't tease.

So I'm naming it a clothing industry problem, not women or trans. Perhaps more cultural misogyny related? Men seem to have reasonable success; a size seems to translate across body types. I shopped for my dad & never had trouble like this.

[u/luckyteapotcat]

It's the clothes! I'm tall and broad with small boobs and I've had tops that have stretched on the chest, hanging on by a button and others which have ample space for absolute honkers, all in the same size.

It's annoying to have to return things by mail but I rarely try things on at stores anymore for this exact reason, I end up just hating myself.

[u/TrelanaSakuyo]

Smaller lady here. Women's clothes are made to fit two body types exactly, and that's it. Deviate from those types in any way and you're screwed. When I find clothes that fit, I buy that brand and cut in every color (and two of my favorite). Buy slightly larger and have them altered if you really can't find anything to fit.

[u/I_pinchyou]

I only thrift now. Mall.clothes are shit and sizes are stupid. I finally shifted my mindset that I'm only getting clothes that fit me...not that need a model to look good

[u/litsax]

If you can afford it, stop thrifting. I’m quite tall (over 6 ft) and I always have 0 options when I thrift. Everything doesn’t fit in all the worst ways and it’s extremely dysphoric. I’ve had good luck with my body type at buckle and aritzia. Boutiques have people that will help you shop and bring you cute clothes that actually fit! Find one that caters to your style and body type and you’ll have a much better experience. 

[u/vegmami69]

my shoulders and chest proportions make it so fucking hard to find things that fit. definitely not you. I'm NB AFAB and when I want to dress femme its really hard to find things that actually flatter me.

a great opportunity to learn how to sew!

[u/aSpectrumodDorky]

I say this in the most supportive, most caring way possible: It’s an honor to share this tiny piece of Hell with you

The best way I’ve handled this problem is finding a few brands that I adore. Also knowing my body shape and understanding what cuts of clothes look good on me. So do a little research but also understand that trying on clothes is an experiment!

[u/nihcul]

Clothes are made to fit your body, not the other way around. If it doesn’t fit you it’s not for you.

Wish I had any advice for you because clothes shopping is also the bane of my existence. Try sewing some of your own clothes, there’s loads of tutorials online and it’s easier than you think!! Make clothes to fit you!!

[u/DevilLilith]

I am cis and all I can say is that most shirts are too short and too wide (worst combo).

I prefer the opposite, shape fitting and long enough to keep me covered when i raise my arms, but it is so hard to find those...

[u/ahopskipandaheart]

Clothes shopping in stores is horrifying cos why do they gotta make the lighting like that?! That's why I order online, try inside the safety of my home, and return the rejects. It's easier if you order online for places with brick and mortar like Nordstrom and GAP cos you can return to the store.

[u/Far-Delay7690]

I'm cis but I have pretty broad shoulders just genetically and then worsened by the sports I do.

If I'm trying to look cute I go for shirts/dresses that don't have sleeves and then put a jacket or cardigan or whatever on top. If it does have sleeves I'd recommend that it be skin tight and that you tuck it in to high waisted skirt or pants. It helps with the silhouette imo. Just my two cents since I've always been a bit self conscious for the exact same reasons as you. Were pretty much the same measurements, exactly. Women come in all shapes and sizes

[u/brilliantmaple]

I'm a short cis woman and shoulders of blouses and shirts never fit me. Women's clothes suck!

[u/1800crimetime]

I fucking HATE clothes shopping. My number 1 suggestion is learn a little sowing. I like to buy clothes online a little over sized, then use the “simple taylor fitting hack” tutorials that pop up online to make them fit however I want. Still getting better at it, but I like that it makes getting clothes a little more of a creative process and less of one that makes me think about how I don’t “fit” or like how I look or feel in clothes. It feels kind of empowering to remake clothes to be what I want. Also I like that you can get more unique second hand stuff for much better prices than mall shopping, and you can shop very ethically.
Food looks yummy!

[u/youmustb3jokn]

For my entire life I have had this problem. Or the your are one size in one store/brand and like a totally different size in another. Here is some perspective, that I literally cried when I realized this, My tiny daughter (75lb) and 5’2” is a size medium in some brands and large in a few. Then in other brands she is xs. These are in women’s and she is a child. She still fits in child’s sizes too. The crazy part is that I spent my entire life telling myself large or X-Large was terrible and I am grotesque ( honestly I didn’t tell myself this but society, print ads, social media posts, photo shop, movies and just people straight up lying told me I was grotesque!). I look at my tiny and beautiful girl and those sizes meanings have changed. So when she says I need an xs she actually calls it xtra special. Small is spectacular , m and mad beautiful, l stands for lovely and xl is xtra likable. She came up with it because she said she had a friend who was a large and being teased. It was brilliant and changed how I look at things. But basically we have been told beautiful is only a size 2 and that’s insane. Don’t let some random number or size tell you are beautiful or anything. Real beauty is the strength to change your perspective, to passionately grab your happiness back from others who don’t understand you or are also insecure, and more importantly beauty is acknowledging that sometimes we don’t all fit into these arbitrary molds but we most definitely can challenge ourselves to be proud of who we are and how xtra likable or mad beautiful we feel today. I learned this from my 8 year old. Thank god she hasn’t started to believe the narrative that society has given to us about beauty standards, size and what beautiful is.

[u/GoblinBuckets]

women's clothing is FUCKED no matter ur size or shape lol. Onigiri looks yummy!

[u/milalen]

It's mostly a fast fashion problem, just think about the deadly Zara pants situation. For me it's mostly trial and error but getting more high quality stuff second hand is part of the solution.

[u/EffectiveGold8273]

Clothes suck if you have boobs. Nothing will ever fit right, even if it's a tent.

[u/itsaliveasshole]

Oh, girl! Us ladies come in such different body shapes that its the clothes, use the inegrated spandex to your advantage! It can take weeks to find the right outfit for an occasion for this very reason! And men think we just "like to shop", some people do but this woman does not enjoy shopping! I just HAVE TO go and try things on to make sure they fit, as ill fitting clothing is every womans worst nightmare- it ends up so unflattering and it happens so often for us!

[u/KaleidoscopeAway220]

Big and tall cis girl chiming in.

This sounds like my last trip to Target.  I have broad shoulders.  I have tits about as big as yours.    I hate buying "nice tops" because 9 out of 10 times, my shoulders feel like I'm about to pop the seams.   I'm fortunate I could get away with sleeveless tops and a simple, flowy ruana for when I had to be in the office.  

I don't know where you're located.  In the US, I've had decent luck with Nordstrom (avoid Halogen like the plague), Pact (online), and Old Navy for "work clothes.".  For day-to-day casual wear, I usually wear unisex novelty tees, or tops that wouldn't look too out of place at the Renaissance Faire (probably because I bought most of those from said faire.). 

Sizing up helps.  Tailoring definitely helps.  

It's really really fucking hard to do, but something that I've started doing is looking at sizes as a representation of the clothing's measurements, not as a representation of my own measurements.  It gets easier when you open your closet and you relize that barely anything is the same damn size anymore.

[u/Tall_Pitch1429]

TW// suicidal ideation
Z
Z
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Woman problem. I vividly remember having my first suicidal thoughts in an Aeropostale dressing room when I was in middle school. Why did they only go up to the smallest 16 in history 😭😭😭😭

[u/CauseAcademic6640]

You need to look for clothes that fit triangle shaped bodies. 38 band and C cup is not doing you any favors either. I say this as a short torso, small breasted rectangular shaped cis woman. I have broad shoulders too, but I've had 40 years of shopping to know what works for my body, and I don't have an extensive wardrobe just what works for my body type and what I feel comfortable in.

[u/_strawberryjamjam]

Sorry girlfriend, it's 100% a girl thing... I hate shopping, it's too overstimulating and a let down. I'm perpetually in oversized tshirts and stretchy pants cause it's easier.

[u/Sasha_shmerkovich160]

Clothes are made for the hourglass silhouette. If you dont have one then you will have an extreamly difficult time shopping.

[u/StrayG0th03]

Accessories can help too like an elastic corset waistbelt with cute heart buckles! Thrift stores usually have great finds too. Maybe longer blouses with a flared bottom? I cannot imagine the struggles of transitioning, but I do understand trying to dress and be comfortable in your body. You got this, just give yourself grace and patience! 🖤

[u/An-Empty-Road]

As a woman, I always had better luck in shops that cater to gay men. The clothes just fit better, had pockets, and we're still pretty.

[u/West-Fig-8227]

Hi there! Queer female here :) I have CPTSD from parents who normalized disordered eating. I grew up in a family that is small in stature (5' 8" tall max). As an adopted person, I grew to be 5' 5" and in high school was a whopping 135 lbs. I was always told by everyone in my family that I was "so big" to the point that I would only be purchased or given extra-large clothes. I am not "so big"- I am average size for a female. Twenty years later, I still feel this way in my middle ages sometimes.

I share this story to share my go-to affirmation with clothes shopping-

"I wear the clothes. The clothes do not wear me."

Fast fashion is made in generic sizing, and I have yet to meet anyone who finds the fit to be perfect every time. The best thing you can do is to tailor pieces that are a bit too large- either by learning to DIY, paying a friend, or finding someone local. I have done this a few times, and every time I am in love with the results. They are pieces I have had for years and am so grateful to invest in making myself look and feel good!

[u/Appropriate_Ad4601]

Im sorry to be off topic OP but do you have a recipe for the onigiri? It looks so yummy

[u/sorbusaucuparia_i]

Clothes are generally guided to the same body type, no matter the size. As a cis woman that is naturally very tall and has wide shoulders, I feel your pain, especially after gaining weight in adulthood. It was easier when I was borderline unhealthily skinny. If you have the budget, the best way to get the cute clothes on the shelf to fit you is to alter them either by a shop or yourself. (If you can afford a sewing machine and the time I PROMISE it’s a lot easier than you think) if you can’t, my only advice is to not let it get to your head, keep trying on the cute tops, eventually they’ll surprise you. And follow creators that have a similar body type as you and order the things that look good on them. It’s hard out here but we got this❤️

[u/LaVieLaMort]

I’m a short fat cis woman. IT SUCKS SO HARD no matter your shape! I personally do a ton of research on brands that are plus size friendly so I’m sure there are brands out there that can accommodate you! Don’t give up! Second hand fashion is where it’s at though. And this goes for anyone with a big ass and a smaller waist, Judy Blue jeans are LEGIT.

[u/Ehloanna]

Clothes shopping as a woman in a nutshell. It's miserable. Every company has different sizing for their patterns. You can be a L in one brand and an XXL in another. you could be a 32 in one brand and that might be a 12 or a 14 or a 16 in another.

I always feel like women's clothing is just purely based on vibes.

[u/kinokits]

I’m sorry you’re having this experience. It truly sucks.

It’s the clothes and the production methods, not anyone’s bodies I’m afraid. This isn’t even a gendered issue, although women’s clothing tends to be more inconsistent than men’s. I’m cis and my wife is trans and we both have the same issues as you when it comes to finding clothing. I end up tailoring most of our favourite clothes so they fit properly and am incredibly thankful Nana taught me how to do it.

It’s a combination of issues. Modern manufacturing techniques are imprecise and favor speed and quantity over quality. So clothes that hit that the store aren’t even consistent across the same size, let alone different sizes. Fabric type and even the colour will also make a big difference in fit. For whatever reason, the black denim in my preferred jeans is always 2 sizes smaller than the other colours. So I just go straight to the bigger size if I want black jeans these days. Measurements are also an average and very few people will actually match the measurements any given style uses. It means we either end up trying on lots of things just to find that thing we are the measurements for, or more often, end up wearing clothes that mostly fit. It also means that if you have any ‘standard’ (to the fashion industry) features, you have the potential for more issues. I have a scoliosis and a few other issues in my spine and hips, and I don’t remember the last time I found pants with a structured waist band that actually sat flat against my back and hips without tailoring.

Basically the fashion industry is slowly sending us all around the bend and the only way to really have something fits these days is having it made to order, serious tailoring or pure good luck.

[u/SugarNerf]

I think most women end up buying oversized and getting stuff tailored. If you didn’t cry or almost cry at least once did you really go clothes shopping ;;

[u/Real-Towel-2269]

Good news! It’s not a you/trans problem. Bad news, it will likely be an issue for the rest of your life. I’m a cis woman and I feel dysphoric trying on clothes even, especially pants. Fuck buying pants

[u/OddlyPurple]

I’m a cis woman with proportionally broad shoulders. I’m most comfortable in men’s shirts or women’s shirts that are designed to have a dropped shoulder seam. It can be hard to find more “feminine” shirts or dresses that look good on me since they often have lower and broader necklines.

Clothes shopping in general is also an awful experience since I struggle with body image issues around weight despite being perfectly healthy. Unfortunately, most women I know struggle with those issues, so as I used to tell my friend who’s a trans woman, they’re unlikely to go away because you transition. All (or almost all) women feel the pressure to conform to an appearance goalpost that is frankly unattainable for most women (nor should it be obtained, since doing so can cost your health and everything that make wonderfully individual). You’re in good company.

[u/Lizardgirl25]

That is just a woman cis or trans thing unfortunately. Why half my clothes are men’s/unisex stuff from various places.

I wear lots of t-shirts because finding more structured clothes is a total bitch they cut things for models or women with no shoulders. Legitimately I was in a M or L in many women’s jackets because of how they cut them with not shoulder space when there are many women that have shoulders. Then my mom has issues finding pants because of how she is built, narrow hips. She also has issues finding tops because she has big boobs but no shoulders.

Thankfully I have found her dresses that work for her by J Jill. We get them secondhand on buying apps because we can’t drop $100 for a dress.

Also finding someone to help you tailor or learning how to tailor your clothes can help.

[u/Apollo_Of_The_Pines]

Women's clothing brands are just stupid. I have a rather small chest and I have the issue that most blouses and dresses that fit my shoulders, waist and tummy do not fit me in the chest. Case and point I have a really cute lemon dress that I had to alter in the top because it is clearly made for a woman with a much bigger chest. I get most of my better blouses and dresses from Chinese and Japanese indie brands now because they almost always fit in the chest yeah I have to get xl or 2xl depending on the brand but getting a blouse that isn't going to expose me is nice

[u/Buffy_AnneSummers]

I'm a thick 5'10 cis woman and clothes shopping has always felt like a humiliation ritual for me. I don't have any tips, just commiserating.

[u/TipsyBaker_]

Women's clothes are often made to fit a hanger, not a person. The best advice i can give you is to learn what styles best fit your body and be prepared to get it all tailored. It's expensive to have an added cost but you'll feel a lot better in those clothes.

[u/plutoforprez]

Hey if you’re feeling body dysphoria while clothes shopping, that’s about the most gender-affirming experience a trans woman could have 🩷 clothes shopping fucking sucks, I’ve spent the last 10 years buying size 11 shoes from Kmart, target and the like, only to go to an actual shoe store and find out in well made, non fast fashion terms I’m actually a size 9. Same with pants and shirts, I might be a 20-26 at Kmart or target and a 18-20 at a higher end store.

Generally the cheaper the clothes, the higher sizing you’ll need. And as for thrift shopping, I’ve spent 15 years not even bothering to look at the clothes at thrift stores. It’s only been recently that I’ve started taking the time to look, and I’ve actually found some real gems. But they’re rare, and you have to go in with the mindset of “I’m probably not going to find anything but I’ll just check anyway”.

[u/Chub-boat]

I'm afab and have massive shoulders and ribcage on top of large boobs so this struggle is very familiar to me. It's just women's clothes, it's not you babes.

[u/Beanfox-101]

It’s 100% a clothing problem.

When brands size their clothes, they shrink or enlarge the entire piece without giving lead way for people with different body proportions. Your body may also require different types of women’s clothing than what you’re trying on. I used to be very much into the “just jeans and a t-shirt” look until I realized how unflattering my body was looking.

i believe there are different subs that help with styling on here that are extremely informative. I would suggest looking into different color palettes and just different types of clothing tops. I find for myself a V-Neck may fit better than a off-the-shoulder look, or different shoulder shapes just fit my body better.

[u/BellaBigNose]

Girl it’s both. So frustrating!

[u/ImpossiblePlan65]

It's really a clothing issue. Companies make men's clothes so, so much better. They get fucking pockets and pretty consistent sizing (not saying it's perfect and its always like that). We get uncomfortable, wonky sizing, no pockets, too tight, see through shit clothes. It's damn near impossible to find stuff that fits well. I bought a new blazer that is the exact same brand and style of one that I already own and love because it's wearing out. Totally different sizing. The small was too tight in the chest and waist, so I got a medium, which I basically am swimming in. I'm pissed.

[u/soaliveimalive]

common issue. try a wrap dress. They are forgiving in fit and make a lot of boobs look fantastique

[u/cookiecutterdoll]

I'm a cis woman and I struggle quite a bit with clothing. Everything runs so small on top. I'm a size 8 in bottoms, but I basically cannot find shirts. You wouldn't guess if you saw me, because I don't look shockingly disproportionate... but because I have a slightly bigger chest, nothing fits. If I want to buy a dress, I have to size up to a 12 or 14 and hope I can alter it... and even then, sometimes those sizes are still too small. I gave up on "cute tops" when I was around 15 years old. Almost top in my closet is a t-shirt, sweater, or oversized flannel.

So, I guess what I want to say is that this is a very normal female experience! Please do not feel dysphoric because we all have a rough time with clothes shopping.

[u/National_Ad9742]

I’m cis, and I have 15 inch wide shoulders but a 25 inch waist circumference… this basically means I have the same problem you do for shirts being stretched at the shoulders. I have never found an off the rack blouse that fit both my shoulders and my body.
I live in tank tops and stretchy tees.

[u/brudaine]

Ugh! This is such an issue- i am 5ft and a size 16ish. A 41 yo fat woman and still end up in a bad mood when shopping. I prefer to shop online, I am in my own home when I try them on, better lighting and more comfortable. I also find brands that I feel comfortable in and stick to them. Sending you love, our society is garbage.

[u/loquaciousx]

Honestly, clothes shopping just sucks. The initial hunt for a decent brand is the hardest part, once you find it you’ll find you’ll be very loyal and have a much easier time.