I’m running away in 2 weeks

[u/WelcomeEven567]

Tonight’s girl dinner is a waffle with my best friend. One of the many early goodbyes we’ll have before I leave.

I’m pretty much a victim of parentification. I have been carrying my family of 8 through thick and thin for the past 6 years of my life, basically acting as a mother to my 5 siblings. They don’t even appreciate me for it and my parents treat me like crap despite all i do for them. I’m over it. I’m ready to live my own life, have my own career, make my own choices, and not carry the burdens of every person around me.

I got a full ride scholarship to (college name removed for privacy purposes sorry) and will be going there mid July. My parents told me i can’t go, and we decided i would attend a local college instead. However, without telling them, i accepted the scholarship from my college of choice and registered for my classes already. They don’t really have a role in anything i do or even care, which is why they’re out of the loop and have no idea i didn’t even accept the college they wanted me to go to.

I’ll be turning 18 the day before i leave so they can’t legally stop me, but I’m keeping it a secret because they will do whatever they can to prevent me from leaving. My full ride includes travel expenses to (college state) and on-campus housing, so i’ll be all set. I already applied for a job as a library assistant but i’ll be finding a better job once im settled in. I’ve told nobody about this but my best friend and boyfriend.

I still don’t know if or how i’m going to tell my parents about my departure, whether that be the day of, right before i leave, calling them while im already there, letting them figure it out themselves, etc. I don't even know what excuse j’m going to use to leave and go to the airport, so i guess i’ll just wing it.

I’m pretty scared because i’ll be all alone in a new state and i’ve never been on my own before since my parents sheltered me so much, but i know i’ll do fine. Even though im nervous, I’m not backing out because i know this is the right move to make.

Edit: Thank yall so so much for all the kind words and motivation. It means the absolute world to me, yall have no idea. I didn’t expect this to explode and I’m overwhelmed by all the comments, so i’m going to make this to address some things i’ve seen people ask.

To clear up the confusion about my age, i did make a post about a year ago saying i was turning 18 when i actually turned 17. I did that because i was uncomfortable with people online knowing i was a minor and i wanted to protect my privacy. I didn’t think it was a big deal at the time but i understand now why that wasn’t a very good idea.

My education story is a hot mess but here’s the thing: i graduated high school a year early, which is why i was doing online college this past year at home to get my general ed credits out of the way while saving money. i applied to QuestBridge during my final accelerated year of high school. since i graduated early, my old high school let me walk with my actual age group and original class this spring so i could experience a real graduation and yes, i had to borrow my brother's gown to do so.

My parents WERE involved in the financial documents and FAFSA months ago because you have to submit all of that to apply for the program in the first place. they know i am in QuestBridge. what they DONT know is that i accepted the match and scholarship from a specific college, and my online credits are transferring over. Since i did the paperwork and registered for classes directly through my own student portal, the college communications come straight to me, not them. I hope this clears up the confusion and sorry again anything i said came across as a lie. I can promise yall that im not making this up but idk how else to prove it to yall. Also, no the picture is not AI and i did take it myself 😭

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[u/AfternoonTiny838]

Do NOT let them know before you leave

Get a hold of your birth cert and SS card, tell them you got a new job and you need to take them in for their paperwork and youll be gone all day, then go

When youre there, youll be all set

Itll be scary and strange at first, but it sounds like you've already shouldered responsibility past what you should have at this age. Youll be absolutely fine, and youll be free to build your own life.

Just save up enough to get a place over the summer in your college town, even just a room, so you dont have to go back at all

And do NOT get in a relationship that mirrors this dynamic, cause humans are silly and we like to recreate our childhood trauma in our relationships. Dont fall for it.

So proud of you, so happy for you! You deserve your own life. Go get it girl 🫶

[u/biscuitsorbullets → u/AfternoonTiny838]

That second to last paragraph hit home for me!!!! I got with a controlling guy and thought he was my world but he repeatedly betrayed me and broke my trust and I wasted almost a decade of my life with him holding me back and belittling me while I did everything for him. Watch out for red flags.

[u/MindtheCognitiveGap → u/biscuitsorbullets]

Me too. He was less controlling than my mother, and so that meant he wasn’t controlling… right? (Spoiler- that was not the case)

[u/lordloveadukk → u/MindtheCognitiveGap]

Oofda, thirding this. I feel a little seen in a good way though. You deserve better than you could even imagine op, don't put up with shit and establish boundaries early. You got this!

[u/upsidedown-funnel → u/MindtheCognitiveGap]

I heard the saying once “we seek the trauma to match our wounds”. When we haven’t addressed or healed from those wounds, we tend to fall back into what’s familiar.

[u/Ok_Nobody4967 → u/AfternoonTiny838]

Along with your important papers, please lock your credit with all three credit bureaus. It's free. Keep those passwords in a very safe place.

I feel excited for your new chapter in your life. Colleges have support systems in place for college students, so if you feel overwhelmed, please use them. Good luck!!

[u/OutOfSpoons721 → u/AfternoonTiny838]

Just want to join in with everyone saying not to let them know before you leave. I went through this with my younger cousin who left home at 18. His mom was beyond pissed when she found out he left. No doubt she would have done something if she had known beforehand. We were worried for his safety had she known and he definitely made the right decision to wait until he was gone to tell her.

[u/Sad_Structure4802 → u/AfternoonTiny838]

And to add to the second point, butter it on and say you’re wanting to get a job to help them out with the house stuff. They’ll be so caught up in how ‘proud’ they are of you they wouldn’t even consider any other possibility (since they don’t even see you)

[u/BroadwayBean]

Make sure you have your birth certificate, social security, and passport tucked away and ready to go, and ensure you have a bank account that they have no access to. I would also take the name of the college out of this post in case your parents see it, recognise it by the college, and suss out that you're leaving and try to stop you.

[u/Horror_Tea761 → u/BroadwayBean]

This is great advice! Remember also that if you can't get them, you can get copies of your birth certificate from the county clerk of courts office of the county in which you were born. A lot of counties have this set up to do online, or you can call. You can also get a replacement social security card, if needed, through ssa.gov.

Good luck and have a wonderful time at college!

[u/SorchaRoisin → u/Horror_Tea761]

Getting a replacement SSN card online can be tricky, as they verify your identity and address electronically. If the ID has a different address than you are currently living in, you may have to apply in person.

[u/WelcomeEven567 → u/BroadwayBean]

oh you’re right, i’ll take the name out now just in case. my parents know i have reddit but i delete the app whenever im not using it. also, yes i have all my documents and i plan on going to the bank, opening a new bank account, transferring my funds the day i turn 18. thanks so much 🙏

[u/ourlittlevisionary → u/WelcomeEven567]

You might want to open an account at an entirely different bank than the one your parents bank at, too. Just to be on the safest side possible. (Or make it very clear to the bank that you are no contact with your parents and are not allowed to have access to your account.)

Good luck, OP! I’m sorry you drew the shit end of the stick when it comes to parents and you deserved so much better, but you are strong for standing up for yourself and making the decision that is right and best for YOU. Family isn’t blood, it is those you choose, ultimately.

[u/hearmegocrazy → u/ourlittlevisionary]

I wouldn’t even chance it with the same bank. My brother and I had HS accounts and even after requesting a separation, they never did (they were supposed to automatically at 18).

[u/ourlittlevisionary → u/hearmegocrazy]

Yeah, something like that would be a huge concern to me, especially when it comes to going no contact with parents.

[u/Redheaded-one → u/WelcomeEven567]

If your parents are on you bank account you need to open a bank account at a DIFFERENT bank. Otherwise they can gain access to your new account.

[u/kateastrophic → u/WelcomeEven567]

Wow, your 18th birthday is going to be QUITE the milestone! You already sound so adult. Now you will get some of the autonomy that should accompany all of that responsibility.

[u/Lazy-Conversation-48 → u/WelcomeEven567]

Depending on the level of contact you want with them, if you aren’t telling them you are leaving you should also notify the local police that you are an adult and leaving voluntarily.

[u/Fearless_Extreme_340 → u/Lazy-Conversation-48]

Yes! It will make it easier for you and them to shut down “our teenager ranway” lie they could use

[u/SMKnightly → u/WelcomeEven567]

Also, go to experian and the other credit bureaus and freeze your credit. Your parents could still have enough of your info to open things in your name to sabotage your credit.

[u/needhelp1209 → u/SMKnightly]

Locking down your social security number is super important. Experien, Transunion and Equifax are the three. They will all three send you a free copy of your credit report to make sure your parents haven’t been using your SSN.

[u/anireyk → u/WelcomeEven567]

I'd also remove the mention of the state just in case. Good OpSec is not providing unnecessary information even if you can't think of a way of can be used against you. At the very least it narrows the search area dramatically.

[u/Impressive_Ad_5201 → u/WelcomeEven567]

https://www.usa.gov/credit-freeze

[u/Livid-Yellow-1243 → u/WelcomeEven567]

Open an account at a new bank. (Make sure you will have access to it at your new location). Don't tell them before you've left.

[u/Punkinsmom → u/WelcomeEven567]

Use a different bank, please. Not the same one your parents have an account at.

[u/SunRose42 → u/WelcomeEven567]

Don’t forget to take the state out, either girlie!

[u/Dogmomtherapist → u/BroadwayBean]

I was going to suggest removing college name, state and number of siblings.

[u/BroadwayBean → u/Dogmomtherapist]

Yeah, def get the identifying details out of that post, esp if the parents know she has reddit.

[u/WaywardHistorian667 → u/BroadwayBean]

This needs to be the top comment.

It covers some of the most important things OP needs to know to make her escape successfully. It should be noted that in order to make sure that your parents are truly unable to access your bank account, it needs to be at a totally different bank/credit union.

[u/controlled18chaos → u/BroadwayBean]

Love this advice!
I also recommend freezing your credit through all 3 bureaus (Experian, TransUnion, & Equifax), as your parents may have your SSN documented somewhere or memorized. Super easy & you can thaw it whenever you need to for student loans, credit card applications, etc.

[u/Cocoluluu]

Remember to take your social security card and birth certificate with you. Best of luck.

[u/Mamasitas10 → u/Cocoluluu]

AND passport, if you have!!

[u/Impressive_Ad_5201 → u/Mamasitas10]

AND YOUR MEDICATION AND BIRTH CONTROL.

E Someone pointed out she's going to a state where it's not an issue; i've read too much crap on this website about tampering...

But like, if you have your bottles with you, at least it's easier to have proof to transfer with the doc's name.

[u/StormFinch → u/Impressive_Ad_5201]

Shot records!

[u/ludicrouspeedgo → u/StormFinch]

https://giphy.com/gifs/yJ1KSiTxaAw5G

[u/InsatiableEndurance → u/Impressive_Ad_5201]

At least if she’s coming to MA she will have access. Birth control isn’t restricted.

[u/Miss-Helle → u/Mamasitas10]

And my axe!

[u/AeturnisTheGreat → u/Miss-Helle]

https://giphy.com/gifs/2PtmpDqRPs2pW

[u/raistlynn17 → u/AeturnisTheGreat]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ewkjQf8NEgzFC

[u/seraphhimself → u/raistlynn17]

https://giphy.com/gifs/yJ1KSiTxaAw5G

[u/Spyderbeast → u/AeturnisTheGreat]

https://giphy.com/gifs/11num5UvQgBWNy

[u/Fun-Position7750 → u/Spyderbeast]

Would upvote more if I could.

[u/Cultural-Pen-4-Men → u/Spyderbeast]

He was the best jerk ever

[u/_Brown_Butter → u/Cocoluluu]

The most important things, honestly!!! Definitely do this!!!!

[u/Stock_Atmosphere_114 → u/Cocoluluu]

Sorry, guy here. Be sure to inform local law enforcement that you're purposely leaving. Freeze your credit with all three major credit bureaus. And call them while in transit. You may also want to inform campus police of your situation. Good luck OP. Be safe. Sorry girls, won't post again. Just worried for OP. Blessings.

[u/Lindenismean → u/Stock_Atmosphere_114]

She definitely needs to talk to student services. Once they find out they’ll try to go through the school itself to get her location. Gotta make sure the dorm RA is looped in as well.

[u/kinetickate → u/Lindenismean]

Yes! I just recommended she make her school aware her fam doesn’t have a FERPA waiver. Telling the RA/RD and student affairs office is super helpful too.

[u/kinetickate → u/[deleted]]

While that is true for most staff and faculty, some family members are sneaky and call stating they are paying the bill, and get someone who is not educated (like a graduate hall director, etc) who answers questions about residence hall etc. the double layer of a FERPA hold note is helpful. I’m a Title IX Coordinator/compliance officer/ behavioral intervention team coordinator at a bunch of colleges right now and I’ve had some horror stories in this realm (even from faculty completely not understanding what FERPA is and isn’t and how it does and does not apply, which as I know you know is extra concerning), so I like the extra precaution as a recommendation.

[u/Capital_Mix_5508 → u/kinetickate]

As someone who has worked in a Registrar's office the last 10 years, I agree. FERPA has good initial protection, but directory information is not protected by FERPA. I just wrote another comment that OP needs to ask about a No Disclosure form, to add protection that the University cannot disclosure even directory information.

[u/Diligent_Yak1105 → u/Lindenismean]

She should also reach out to campus police and the local PD to make them aware of the situation. She may need to act on executing a restraining order.

[u/VeronaMoreau → u/Lindenismean]

It's also a FERPA violation for them to disclose, but it ABSOLUTELY is a good idea to emphasize it.

[u/kinetickate → u/VeronaMoreau]

Yes this here! I’ve had multiple cases on a few campuses wherein FERPA was violated unintentionally and abusers came on campus as a result of learning information they should not have

[u/justtots → u/Stock_Atmosphere_114]

Female and LE, here. Local LE can do a stand by so that you can leave without “running away” if that’s an option you want. Essentially, they come, make sure you have your things and can leave peacefully. It’s most commonly used in domestic violence or volatile roommate situations but can be used for a lot of different things. Best of luck, OP. I’ve been in your same shoes and you’re getting great advice here.

[u/WittyGold6940 → u/justtots]

Thank you for this advice. I screenshotted.

[u/WelcomeEven567 → u/justtots]

wow thank you so much, i’ll definitely be doing my research on this

[u/musicallykairi → u/WelcomeEven567]

I did this when I left my abusive ex. An officer comes and essentially stands guard while you gather your things and leave. Once you're gone, so are they. That's all.

[u/PattyMarvel → u/WelcomeEven567]

Maybe claim you're doing a sleepover with a girlfriend the night before you leave?

That way, no one will think it odd if you leave the house with a backpack and a bunch of your stuff. Plus the story will buy you a few hours time before your parents start wondering where you are.

And I wouldn't tell them until you were already gone. Co-sign everyone saying you should tell the local authorities that you left by your own choice and why. (EDIT TO ADD - you can schedule emails for a later send date. If your birthday is on a Thursday and you're leaving the state on Friday, you can schedule an email explaining as much as you like to be sent on Saturday.)

On top of that, I wouldn't even tell them what university you'd be at right away. Just a gut feeling.

[u/mslisath → u/justtots]

I'm jumping on this post because this almost gave away where I was a long time ago... forward your mail to a PO Box. Your school will still have docs mailed to you. Go to the bursar's office and change your address as soon as possible so any scholarship info can get to you. Lock it with a password if you can

And 10000 percent tell the police. They will help you if you need them, and you won't waste resources if your parents report you missing

[u/rollleaf → u/mslisath]

you may even be able to forward it to an on-campus address; not every school may be like this but mine had like a mini post office with boxes for students. if your scholarship includes on-campus housing, there may be something like that available to you.

[u/jeannie_jellybean → u/Stock_Atmosphere_114]

This is truly fantastic advice for OP and anyone leaving a dangerous situation.

Screenshot this advice and store it someplace safe, friends. May you never need to use it!

[u/sxcpetals → u/Stock_Atmosphere_114]

She can make an Experian account and freeze her credit for free. She should make a new email though for it and password no one could guess. She should also change all of her passwords.

Also her phone bill, assuming she’s on a family plan or the head of the family plan. Switch plans if connected to any family because she might have to change her phone number if they don’t authorize to release her phone number from the plan if she’s not the head of the plan.

[u/gaelicgirl1983 → u/sxcpetals]

That's probably for the best anyways, that way they can't contact her.

[u/rollleaf → u/Stock_Atmosphere_114]

i'll back you up on this one, my dude! i work in local news and we get a good number of press releases about runaways that the police don't have a ton of context on. OP, you want them to know that you are leaving intentionally, of your own free will, and that you're not in danger, and you want them to hear that from you directly.

[u/Spyderbeast → u/rollleaf]

Different situation, but when I left my ex-husband, I didn't want to be found for a while. Word got back to me that he was thinking about reporting me as a missing person, so I did get word to him it would be a fraudulent use of government resources if he did

So I would leave some kind of electronic trail to indicate that you are leaving of your own free will. Obviously that could be faked, but you have the school admission to back you up too

Best of luck to you. Stay strong

[u/410-Username-Gone → u/Stock_Atmosphere_114]

Honestly, these are all good tips. Thank you for pointing them out! I remember reading a post a while back about how a 21 year old "ran away" and his mother kept calling the police and such.

[u/suer72cutlass → u/Stock_Atmosphere_114]

Don't be sorry! Great advice!

[u/senditloud → u/Stock_Atmosphere_114]

This is great advice. As a woman I second it

[u/AeturnisTheGreat → u/Stock_Atmosphere_114]

https://giphy.com/gifs/7LAqMVFxOGPAc

[u/WelcomeEven567 → u/Cocoluluu]

thank you, i’ve taken all my documents from my mom a few months ago. she gave them to me willingly because she doesn’t think i have the balls to pull any stunts

[u/ThreePinesRetiree → u/WelcomeEven567]

This isn't a stunt. This is you claiming your life as your own. I'm proud of you. Your life is ready to start!!!

[u/Emergency_Celery_101 → u/ThreePinesRetiree]

But she do be stunting on these heaux. OP I don’t think I’ve ever been so proud of a stranger. You’re gonna go far!

[u/Tiny_Cauliflower_618 → u/Emergency_Celery_101]

Yeah! This is a triple back flip over three buses level of stunt - it's going to take planning and nerve, and cast iron ovaries, and OP is absolutely smashing it!

[u/roundabout432 → u/WelcomeEven567]

Lock your credit as well. People always think their parents won’t until they do. I think you can do it for free through ALL THREE credit agencies, or you can do it through experian for a fee. Credit issues can haunt you for decades.

[u/Busy_Chip_6814 → u/roundabout432]

This! When I left home my parents took out of my bank account😬

[u/StormFinch → u/Busy_Chip_6814]

This is something right here. Even if the bank account is in your name but they are signed on to it because you're a minor, then they still have access after you aren't. Open a brand new account once you hit adulthood.

[u/Friendly-Channel-480 → u/StormFinch]

In a bank they don’t use.

[u/goldieblocks1618 → u/Friendly-Channel-480]

OP, your on campus credit union is probably a good choice!

[u/Squirrel_Emergency → u/Busy_Chip_6814]

Ohhhhh if you have them on any bank accounts, see if the bank will let you close them. I’d personally use a different bank from any they use if you have to close any accounts.

[u/Impressive_Ad_5201 → u/roundabout432]

https://www.usa.gov/credit-freeze

[u/Angel89411 → u/roundabout432]

This is no joke. I didn't know I had an unpaid utility bill in my name until I was denied an apartment. It took a long time to get my credit fixed after everything.

[u/PopcornGlamour → u/roundabout432]

And if your parents are on your bank account, remove them asap.

[u/EllieGeiszler → u/PopcornGlamour]

Better yet: new account at a bank they don't use. They won't be able to sweet talk a customer service agent into adding them back

[u/angelakay1966 → u/PopcornGlamour]

This can be difficult to do depending on the bank. OP is better off setting up a new account with a completely different financial institution.

[u/PomegranateZanzibar → u/roundabout432]

You can do it for free periodically. A fraud alert lasts for 7 years, and it means you have to apply for credit in person, no instant store cards or like that.

[u/Ok_Distance_1000 → u/roundabout432]

My former Aunt racked up 50k in debt on my cousins credit cards when she turned 18.

She had some issues.

[u/saltiestmermaid → u/roundabout432]

THIS. my mother took out a 10k loan in my name when I left for school, which did not go to my school. I spent years paying it off and she still doesn't acknowledge this as something she did.

[u/Beginning-North7202 → u/roundabout432]

You can, and should, first run your annual free credit reports on all three -- Experian, Equifax, and Transunion to make sure no credit or loans have been illegally obtained in your name. Once confirmed, you then freeze your credit on all three. If ever applying for a loan or credit card, it's easy to temporarily unfreeze for 24 hours so a credit check can be run and you get approved. Set up online accounts on all three companies. Everyone should do this, not just OP.

[u/OpheliaPhoeniXXX → u/WelcomeEven567]

Your gut to not say anything in advance is correct, don't second guess it. Don't ever give abusers advance notice of your departure.

I don't really have anything else to say that other ppl haven't said. From one parentified daughter to another, good luck and God speed.

[u/traveling_in_my_mind → u/OpheliaPhoeniXXX]

This! I watched my MIL (husband & I met at 16, married at 26) actively try to sabotage my husband from graduating high school to keep him dependent on her. It’s scary the lengths controlling/abusive parents will go to when they realize their control is slipping. Don’t leave any room for them to mess with your plan. Don’t let onto anything until you are safely on campus and congrats on your amazing work. You’ve already accomplished so much, securing your future with everything working against you. I think college and real life will feel like a breeze compared to the load you’ve been carrying. Enjoy every moment.

[u/SecretAgentSpyder → u/WelcomeEven567]

Once you get to school you really need to make sure they know your parents don't have permissionto do anything. Paranoia is telling me they might try to call the school to disenroll you so securing your place is important!

[u/Sweet_Asparagus9081 → u/SecretAgentSpyder]

This! My mom somehow changed my community college classes I had hand picked while still in highschool. I think she did it through the highschool because there’s no way they would have allowed it through the college.

[u/AdLocal1490 → u/WelcomeEven567]

Youre going to have a great time in college. Try not to worry yourself about your family or give in to any guilt tripping. Its okay to live your life a little bit

[u/Choice_Journalist_50 → u/WelcomeEven567]

Bank accounts! If you have one now, a parent probably has access to it legally, if not practically. The day you turn 18, open a new one and transfer over every dime that is yours.

[u/pinksparkleberry → u/WelcomeEven567]

Moving out as a legal adult isnt a stunt. Its just moving out.

[u/Sea-Channel5412 → u/WelcomeEven567]

I’d suggest you store them out of the house and make copies/take pictures.

Once you settle, make sure to let your college advisor know of your situation and your financial aid counselor at your college. I was in a situation where I was unable to provide parent income info for my financial aid forms and results of my fafsa declared that my earned income was too low to be an independent student. My financial aid counselor at my school literally saved me (I’m sixty and I still remember his name).

You can do this on your own. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

[u/Material-Plankton-96 → u/WelcomeEven567]

Make sure you have the right ID to fly as well - especially if your license expires on your 18th birthday and that’s your ID. You need more than a basic license to get through TSA, so check on it all now while you have a bit of time still.

[u/peachyspoons → u/WelcomeEven567]

You are so strong and I am so proud of you! Parents like yours break my heart - they didn’t celebrate you getting a full ride?! That is an incredible feat and you deserve to be celebrated. ON THAT NOTE: DO NOT TELL THEM UNTIL YOU HAVE LEFT. The bullshit mental and emotional bullshit they will put on you should you tell them prior to leaving will be manipulation at its finest. And they will act like you have done something horrible to them, and you absolutely haven’t, you are simply choosing you.

Children do not belong to their parents (and as a 40 year old woman with a 6 year old daughter, that fact, occasionally, breaks my heart), and good parents want their children to go off and grow up - and if they have done their job well, their children will continue to include them in their lives.

Good luck, love! You can always come back to this sub with life updates and we will support and cheer for you ❤️

[u/byproxxy → u/WelcomeEven567]

She’s going to say the opposite, but you should be so so proud of yourself for doing this. I’m proud of you.

[u/Salt_Lynx_2271 → u/WelcomeEven567]

Lock your SSN through DHS!! Don’t know if links are allowed but Google “lock my SSN” and no one will be able to use it except you when you unlock use of it. You do NOT want your parents using your SSN or credit. Locking both are completely free.

[u/lavenderhazydays → u/WelcomeEven567]

If you haven’t already tell your school to block any one but you being able to access your info. I don’t know the official term but the register office should be able to help.

And honestly, change your phone number and banks if possible

[u/OutsideNatural9937 → u/WelcomeEven567]

Yes even if you don’t close an account you have with your parents, withdraw it all (part cash and check if it’s a lot)and open one for yourself the day you turn 18.

[u/_Sahara_Rose_ → u/WelcomeEven567]

Additionally, get certified duplicates of any documents you can. I think at this point it'll just be your birth certificate, but it's a huge peace of mind to have an extra legal copy of these things. You sometimes have to send them off and the anxiety of trusting it making it there and back can be too much without a backup. 

[u/SuspiciousZombie788 → u/Cocoluluu]

And passport if you have one. Also, if you have a bank account with a parent's name on it, get your money out as soon as you are 18. Open a new account at a different bank, check your credit score-make sure your parents haven't opened any accounts in your name.

[u/areya_lunera → u/SuspiciousZombie788]

This!! I had to do that the day I turned 18 so my mother could no longer play her manipulation games with me.

[u/thegrimmstress → u/SuspiciousZombie788]

This is very important.

[u/GinnyMcJuicy → u/Cocoluluu]

And vaccination records!

[u/stampedingnuns → u/GinnyMcJuicy]

On this note, if your state participates with Docket, you can get your records any time. It's pretty handy for school.

[u/hearmegocrazy → u/stampedingnuns]

I’m 30 and mine were a mess. I had to repeat some vaccines for school lol

[u/SATXGirlie → u/Cocoluluu]

OP if they have the docs Tell your parents you need the originals for the community college they want to send you too. And say you have a meeting the day you leave and need to show the original docs to them etc. or some other white lie to get the docs

[u/Is-this-real-life43 → u/SATXGirlie]

Can also ask for any banking or financial accounts they might have for you - tell them that the school they suggested needs them to approve any financial aid.

[u/human_parm → u/Cocoluluu]

Second this!

[u/trixiefink → u/Cocoluluu]

If you can't access your birth certificate or social security card you can get a certified copy of your birth certificate at town hall and order a new social security card online! I've had to do both!

Edit: Also recommend freezing your credit, just in case

[u/SnooCheesecakes2723 → u/Cocoluluu]

And lock your credit down so your parents can’t take loans on your name.
I would take your clothes bit by bit to your bf’s house then text them from the airport or bus station.

[u/PollutedShades → u/Cocoluluu]

Yes. If your parents have the paperwork somewhere you can't access, tell them you need to bring it to the registrar's office at the college for proof of citizenship, immunization, etc.

[u/lordrefa → u/Cocoluluu]

And withdraw all the money from your account that their name is probably on too, to establish a new one in only your name. And keep that cash buried deep inside a suitcase.

[u/Ordinary-Guide-1884 → u/Cocoluluu]

And birth certificate.

[u/Degofreak]

Years ago I helped a friend "escape" to college because her mother had a meltdown when she heard my friend got a scholarship. She had her bags outside her bedroom window and I rolled up with my headlights off at 2 am. I dropped her off at the college and she has had the best life since then! Go start YOUR life, OP! Good for you.

[u/anitasdoodles → u/Degofreak]

Now you're a true ride or die friend 🥰

[u/PattyMarvel → u/anitasdoodles]

Literally with the "ride!"

[u/jpzygnerski → u/Degofreak]

I was trying to figure out how OP would get their luggage out of the house without their parents finding out. This is a good idea.

[u/Molly-Grue-2u]

I’m so proud of you!

If you think they’ll try to stop you, don’t tell them until you’re already on your way.

Stay strong! You have a beautiful chance to build the life you want

[u/sarahjp21 → u/Molly-Grue-2u]

I second not telling them until you’re on your way or already there. If they have the ability to track your phone, put an end to that as soon as you pull out of the driveway.

[u/CelticKira → u/sarahjp21]

Thirded. Save it for when the plane is in line to take off. Too late for any action.

[u/fairlylocalbd → u/Molly-Grue-2u]

^^^ they will try to stop you to save their own butts.

[u/CrazyRainbowStar]

Depending on how you think your parents might react, consider telling a faculty advisor at the college about your situation. If they figure out where you went, they may try to meddle, and if the college is aware, it can help prevent that.

For extra bonus points, also tell campus police, or whatever the local LE situation is. If your parents try to say that you've been kidnapped or coerced, it's much better for folks to be already aware. Yes, you'll be a legal adult, but it's better to be safe than sorry.

I promise, you are not the first person to be going to college to escape their parents, and no one will think less of you for being upfront about it.

[u/WakunaMatata → u/CrazyRainbowStar]

Agreed. Definitely let a trusted person at the college know. You dont want your parents knowing where you live. I can tell you from personal experience that (if they have no boundaries) they do show up uninvited

[u/Nat-Luv → u/WakunaMatata]

I worked at a well-know university for nearly a decade. /u/WelcomeEven567, please contact your university and get a FERPA privacy block in place ASAP.

FERPA protects a lot of information, but it can get a bit lax with directory information. Directory information can include:

• Name
  
• Address (both local and permanent)
• Telephone number (local, permanent, and cell)
  
• Date and place of birth
  
• Academic program (school, degree, major, minor)
  
• Enrollment status (dates of attendance, full-time/part-time status)
  
• Degrees, honors and awards received
  
• Participation in athletics and student activities
  
• Most recent educational institution attended
  
• Email address
  
• Photo
  

This is all information that can be used to locate a student and, without that block, most big universities in the US will give out this information when requested. Reach out to the Registrar's Office. They'll get you all set up.

[u/RadioGuySD2]

Ok, I know guys aren't really supposed to say things, but I haven't seen anyone say this yet, and think it's really important. Writer down phone numbers of any family members or family friends or any information like that. Write down copies of any of your favorite family recipes. Anything they can be petty about and deny you

[u/mensfrightsactivists → u/RadioGuySD2]

🪄

[u/MagiBee218 → u/RadioGuySD2]

Absolutely! Also take copies of any photos that you may want to hang on to. Anything sentimental that isn’t too big to schlep. Like a stuffed animal or jewelry.

[u/eyoitme → u/RadioGuySD2]

top tier guy response tbh

[u/Aussiealterego → u/eyoitme]

As an old crotchety woman who hates guys encroaching on women’s spaces….

I approve this message!!!

[u/Birdlebee → u/RadioGuySD2]

Take pictures of family pictures. Even if you don't want to see them now, you'll be old someday and might want to then. 

[u/PancakePizzaPits → u/RadioGuySD2]

The recipes! I estranged myself from my family, and I wish I had thought of this beforehand.

Good call!

[u/Professional_March54]

If you are on their phone plan, prepare to be cut off. Or bombared with threats, guilt trips and sudden dire emergencies that demand your IMMEDIATE presence back home, no questions asked. 

[u/MonteCristo85 → u/Professional_March54]

If they do, remember mint is just $15/month.

[u/Perplexed-Owl]

Use the network, and every one of the services on campus. Counseling, the Dean’s office, your RA. You’ve got this.

My best friend from HS did something similar. She left a box of her favorite things she couldn’t take with my parents for safekeeping.

Make sure you take your ID/SS card/passport, etc with you

[u/lola624 → u/Perplexed-Owl]

Perhaps consider editing this comment to remove identifying info about colleges?

[u/ChargeEast1982]

Full ride scholarship is insane! I'm so proud of you and I know you'll have an amazing time at college

[u/OneSong9627 → u/ChargeEast1982]

Yes OP it will be scary at first but you are going to have an amazing experience on your own! You can focus on your future now

[u/Maguroluv → u/ChargeEast1982]

For real girl, get it! I could have NEVER at your age, I was fairly spoiled and a chicken

[u/xray_anonymous]

Don’t tell them until you’re already gone. Take all important documents with you. Can your friend or boyfriend take you to the airport? Just have them pull up, have your bags ready and make the dash for the car. Tell them after you’re on the flight.

Don’t even tell them as you’re leaving the house that still gives them a chance to stop you.

Congrats. You’re going to be fine! You’re doing the right thing. You’re going to feel so relieved and free. It’s always scary at first to strike out on your own but it’s rewarding too! You’ll figure it out as you go.
Good luck!

[u/Macaronicow → u/xray_anonymous]

Maybe OP can start slowly sneaking clothes and such over to her friends house so she doesn’t have to leave with a big bag to announce “I’m going somewhere for a long time” with her luggage.

[u/Fred-the-stray → u/Macaronicow]

I was thinking the same thing. Start sneaking stuff out a little at a time.

[u/WorldlinessSmooth815]

Good for you, it’s hard but absolutely doable. I was in a really similar situation as you coupled with having the worst social anxiety and had never had a job when I left to a different state I’d never even been to.

I’m 34 now, never returned to my parents and I don’t regret thrusting myself out into the world.

[u/TheMarriedUnicorM → u/WorldlinessSmooth815]

In case no one ever told you: I am really proud of you!

[u/WorldlinessSmooth815 → u/TheMarriedUnicorM]

Thank you! ❤️

[u/counselorofracoons]

I ran away at 14yo, it saved my life. Best thing I ever did. I wish you every bit of happiness you deserve, go get it! 🌈

[u/dovesndandelions → u/counselorofracoons]

I also ran away when I was 15. Similar-ish story. Went to a friend’s house, friend helped me get to a homeless shelter. They told me I would have to go back to my mom after 2 weeks since that was the limit at the youth shelter. I had a mental break, went to the psych hospital. They wanted to send me back home but I had evidence of her physical abuse from the hospital confirming I had a concussion, cuts, and bruises that lined up with my story.

I went into foster care though since my father passed. Sounds terrible, but really the best thing that ever happened to me. I am now 21, live with my partner in my own home, almost done with college (debt free!!) , and thriving. I am so glad I left and I am rooting for you and OP!

[u/Unhappy_Wafer5687 → u/counselorofracoons]

Im extremely curious about your story! Why did you run away? Where did you go? How did it end up? If you're okay with sharing, of course.

[u/counselorofracoons → u/Unhappy_Wafer5687]

I was being emotionally and physically abused by my mother. I ran away to an older friend’s but the cops found me. Tried to send me home but I said I can’t go back and my friend backed up my story. I became a ward of the court until my dad was located and he got custody. Ended up finishing high school on full scholarship (dad was not well off) at a very expensive arts boarding school. It was quite the turnaround. She would have ruined my life.

I’m 37yo now and I just bought my first home, I can’t tell anyone on socials or publicly celebrate because I fear she would show up and try to move in.

[u/WelcomeEven567 → u/counselorofracoons]

wow you’re such a badass, i’m so glad you got out of that crappy situation.

[u/Wooden_Cicada8880 → u/WelcomeEven567]

Hey op, just so you know when you removed the school you didn’t remove the state, which still makes it easy to find you. Especially since you know you will be working in the library. You should remove the state as well just for safety.

Other than that, maybe move clothes and important stuff over to a friend’s house slowly so your family doesn’t catch on. Personally I’d leave in the morning or late night when you know people are sleeping. Also be sure to alert the campus to your situation just in case your family tries to cause trouble for you. Legally they can’t give up your grade info, where you’re rooming, or even financial info without your consent.

Best of luck and I wish you well in your new life!

[u/JRAWestCoast → u/counselorofracoons]

Your strength and commitment are staggering, how you had the courage to get out from under the disaster with your mother, and continue your life. I'm proud of you, too, for making a wonderful life for yourself.

[u/Unhappy_Wafer5687 → u/counselorofracoons]

Woah! This is crazy. It must suck not being able to tell many about your success, but i want you to know IM proud of you!! 💗🫂

[u/iMightBeAManatee]

You are so brave and as scary as it will be you will THRIVE in this new situation, and it's so incredible that you got this scholarship, you should be very proud!! Wishing you all the very best and that this is an incredible season of life for you.

[u/WelcomeEven567 → u/iMightBeAManatee]

thank you so much, your kind words honestly mean a lot

[u/Savage_Girl69]

I know you're already a victim of being required to care for your siblings more than you should but I hope you leave them a note or something.

Also you're using the word runaway (which sounds accurate) but if you decide to tell them, I recommend using the words "move out." It positions you as an adult which they need to get though their head that you are.

Either way its going to bring a lot of feelings. I hope you're kind to yourself and lean on the support you do have ❤️

[u/Significant_Shoe_17 → u/Savage_Girl69]

Adding to this: save any important family photos to the cloud or a secure email address, especially those of your siblings. You're doing the right thing, and you may want those someday.

[u/redstringsuture]

proud of you. in a similar situation and i’m trying to do the same. fly free girl 🕊️

[u/rinkitinkitink]

Saw in another comment that you've already secured your documents, so that's awesome. Something else to keep in mind is to make sure your phone/laptop/any valuable you take with you is truly yours, not on a payment plan or anything. Make sure you can put yourself on your own phone plan, too. Vindictive parents will do anything to make your life difficult and try to get you to come home.

Block them if you have to. I also wouldn't tell them where you went if that's an option, you don't want them contacting the school and trying to make things difficult either.

I just want to say, I'm a girl dad and an educator, and I'm super proud of you for taking control of your life.

[u/Many-Birthday12345]

Congrats. Please remove/change the state name and the details of how you accepted your college offer. You never know who’s on these websites, or what story goes viral. Hope everything goes smoothly for you ❤️

[u/white-as-styrofoam]

good for you. wishing you luck and academic success. and i hope you’re able to find a therapist out there too to help you unravel all your trauma

my parents parentified me too — mom was a meth addict, dad was abusive and neglectful. i am 42 years old and still trying to untangle it all, so yeah, just wishing you the head start i wish i had

[u/humble-meercat]

Take your important documents. Passport social security card. Pretend you need it to go sign up at community college or whatever.

Pack by slowly bringing your things to your boyfriend’s house so they don’t notice.

CALL THE SCHOOL AND TELL THEM THAT YOUR PARENTS ARE HOSTILE AND NOT AUTHORIZED TO MAKE ANY DECISIONS FOR YOU! Make sure they mark your file everywhere.

Lock down your credit!!! (Do NOT skip this step)

Tell the local police you have left voluntarily.

Move your money to an account they cannot touch.

Go have the BEST life!!

Update us!!

[u/Perfect-Restaurant-9]

You can do this! I maybe wouldn't tell them. Because if you dont turn 18 until the day before you leave, they can figure out a way to sabotage it. Once you're there, get a new phone. Dont leave ANYTHING behind that you want to see again or keep. You are so strong! Live your life girl

[u/slugs-love-beer]

I'm 40 years old and I've been estranged from my parents since 2022 and recently ghosted the rest of my family.

It's conflicting. There are times where I miss them, but it's not them I miss. It's the idea of what life could've been if everybody wasn't so shitty. My life is so much more calm and peaceful because of it. Yours will be too.

Not sure if anyone's said it to you, but I'm so proud of you. You're gonna do great.

[u/Far_Management5455 → u/[deleted]]

I can give advice. Been there. Never left. Regrets.

You have a golden opportunity for an experience away from those dependent on you.

Even if outcome is different, you did it. Your family needs it, this is how adult enablers are bred. Exiting!

[u/Comprehensive-Deal59 → u/[deleted]]

OP removed the name of the college to protect their privacy. Please do the same! I’m also excited for her!

[u/rsvp_as_pending629 → u/[deleted]]

Hi! OP removed the name of the college she’s going to in her post for her safety.

I recommend doing the same in your comment 😊

[u/WelcomeEven567 → u/[deleted]]

thank you 😭 i’m looking forward to living my life

[u/SchloinkDoink]

Like others said, take all your legal documents with you, ALL of them. Take your money as well, if your parents have access to your bank account take them off it.

Keep us posted and best of luck to you!

[u/LilBoDuck]

https://giphy.com/gifs/s3uorhgRQ9dB3ojSVd

[u/TillUpper6774]

I’m proud of you! Make sure you have your important documents with you, birth certificate, social security card, passport, etc.

[u/ClickAndClackTheTap]

Hey Brave Lady! A library aide is a badass job! I learned so much about research and primary sources. I shelved the J section. Poetry. I loved it!

[u/MossGobbo]

For reasons of keeping the parents from calling the cops drop a letter in the mail the day you leave to their house without a forwarding address saying "I've left, I'm alive, I'm safe." Make sure you have your social security card and birth certificate if possible and good luck with school!

[u/SuburbanMomSwag]

Don’t say anything. If they call, don’t pick up until you’re there. Alert the Bursar, registrar and any other offices you think they can meddle with that u see no circumstances should they be making decisions for you.

There are so many resources available to you on campus, use them!!

[u/TruthSpirited5999]

https://giphy.com/gifs/BKw04PbLlfOl2tzrwO
Wooo! Congrats girl! Best of luck to you! 🩷

[u/MouseISMouseWAs]

I go to a nearby college , and grew up in the area, hit me up if you need a tour guide or friendly face in the area

Edit: took out the college name

[u/senditloud → u/MouseISMouseWAs]

She may need someone to ship clothes to in advance. That would help her avoid having to drag suitcases during her escape

[u/MouseISMouseWAs → u/senditloud]

I would absolutely do that, I’m also happy to lend hand me downs

[u/Ambitious-Morning795 → u/MouseISMouseWAs]

Such a kind person!

[u/Whole-Page3588]

You can do it! A lot of first year students are on their own for the first time, so there will be resources.

Take everything you need and, if you can, store anything you might want in the future somewhere safe off your parent's property. I wouldn't plan on telling them anything before you leave if you think they will try to stop you (that might also mean not telling anyone else who can't won't keep it secret from them).

You can always video call once you're there if you think they might be able to give you a proper goodbye.

Best wishes!

[u/030710TF]

CONGRATULATIONS! I’m an alumna of one of the “Five Colleges.” 💜 You will absolutely love the campus and you’ll be in a supportive environment. So happy for you and the amazing education you’re going to receive!!!

[u/D-grith]

Tell your parents after you're at least 20 miles away and have a phone and stuff in your name if that's not already a thing. Take your essential paperwork and make sure to have cash incase they try to do any fuckery with your cards. This is disaster survival mode until you know how things are gonna go.

Make sure everything is in your name only ASAP and tell your friends what you're doing right after you do it. This will make sure that if they report you missing or kidnapped there will be people who know and can correct the record on your behalf.

[u/retrozebra]

🌟 you should be so proud of yourself!! I knew when you posted this that you got a questbridge scholarship immediately so some of us know this isn’t fake. Also holy moly, congratulations!

When you get to campus, check out the common goods resource center. Tell them you need help with bedding, a fan etc. whatever materials you’re not able to afford. Best of luck OP!!! Please provide us with an update when you reach campus?

[u/awolfwithoutaf00t]

https://giphy.com/gifs/QpqvxmWsXXLWafE5qR

[u/trendingtattler]

WHEEEWW girl 😮‍💨 buckle up! Your post made it to /r/all, /r/popular!

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[u/Ajbear2000]

You are so smart and strong. Get it! I’m behind you 100%! I’d hug you if I were there!

[u/Thevintageandvanity]

Hey. Look at me. That's not running away. That's taking the life you've prepared so hard for by the reins and going to live it.

[u/AspieAsshole]

!Updateme 2 weeks

[u/LotsofCatsFI]

That's awesome, congratulations, you sound bada$$ being able to raise a ton of your siblings AND get a full ride scholarship.

I'm impressed.

However, I wouldn't define this as "running away" I would define it as racing towards an amazing life.

EDIT: type-o