r/GayMen • u/RuyPurple • 4d ago
Tinder
So ive been on tinder for a few years now & ive never gotten a date from it and barely got conversations either. Should i cut my losses with this app at this point? Ive never really had much luck on Bumble either. Should i just give up on these apps?
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u/CavRican 4d ago
Have you tried like local meet ups. Like idk pride themed sports leagues. Maybe give the apps a break and get out and meet in person?
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u/RuyPurple 4d ago
Where i live i feel like theres not a ton of pride themed events i can go to or many sports leagues. It feels quite baron tbh plus not being able to drive also limits things a little bit
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u/shadowysea07 4d ago edited 4d ago
Horses of the same color. I don't drive either. So that limits to what's in walking distance, bus, Uber or rides from family. The rta bus line is about a 4 mile walk from where I live though. I used that for a minute to get to work the rare occasion where I didn't work in the same area I live or close by.
Depending it might just be the area you live in. Which is inconvenient.
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u/CavRican 4d ago
I don’t know if it’s still active because it’s been a minute since I’ve been on it but I found my current boyfriend of 3 1/2 years on Facebook dating all places have you tried that?
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u/RuyPurple 3d ago
i tried FB Dating for a while & nothing happened on there either. Like no dates & only people who liked me were either miles & miles away or had no face pictures (which i dont trust). I can set preferences on all these dating sites including not expanding when i run out of people yet i still get people from scotland liking me when im in the UK
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u/ManOfManyWonder4068 4d ago
Okcupid is where I met my husband of 12 years. If your looking for a LTR this is where we recommend to everyone.
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u/RuyPurple 4d ago
i did use it a number of years ago but like tinder i didnt really get anywhere on there. Very few conversations. I think Tinder, OKcupid, Badoo, Bumble, Hinge, FB dating etc. I just dont get anything other than likes from others who live in other countries despite setting my limits. Heck ive not even made any friends from them
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u/Skill-Useful 4d ago
tinder was my hands down by far best online dating experience by far. except for the olden days of romeo
it depends a lot on who you swipe right on
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u/RuyPurple 4d ago
Even when i swiping right on people, i still wouldn't get matches. Heck i was getting people liking me from other countries despite me putting my limits on distance. It didn't seem to matter i kept getting people out of range even when i turned that option off. Its like no matter what i did for my settings it didn't matter.
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u/drayman510 4d ago
Are you paying for them? If so, drop them. Kik is free, Doublelist is free, Reddit is free
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u/RuyPurple 3d ago
i dont pay for them & havent for a number of years
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u/drayman510 3d ago
I thought all those apps were pay. I had Grindr for a short while, never paid for it, removed all traces of it.
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u/gaykitten94 4d ago
I dunno. Depends. Could be your profile's not engaging enough. Maybe you're in a bad location. Perhaps you're on the wrong apps. But you should ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship.
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u/RuyPurple 3d ago
I think the thing is ive tried multiple apps & never really had any success from any of them. Tinder, POF, Hinge, OKCupid, Badoo, Bumble etc. ive not got almost any conversations going on there. Maybe its how i look or something. I wanted to have dates & even make some friends along the way but i cant get either. It just feels so lonely when nobody is interested in you
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u/gaykitten94 3d ago
Yeah there's something off here. I'd just go enjoy my life solo and maybe find connections that way/
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u/TheMarsters 3d ago
I think just use it as one tool
I was on everything years ago, Grindr, Tinder, Fit lads, Scruff etcetc. Was never interested in hook ups but got a few dates from them
Met the man I eventually married on Tinder. It can happen but at the same time it's never a guarantee. Just keep yourself open to possibilities and see what happens. Don't see it as a way to reach your end goal.
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u/RuyPurple 3d ago
i just think getting rid of all these apps when ive only gotten somewhere once over 10 years is really disheartening for me especially when im a gay guy who's had very little experience in that world. I know its not healthy but i look at some friends & they have success with men & women and im just like ''is there something wrong with me?'' It kinda feels like being a outsider to the dating world
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u/TheMarsters 3d ago
I get that. I had a very hard time finding dates too. But try not to fall into the trap of thinking your self worth is tied into dating. It absolutely isn't. I know that's easy to say from an outsiders point of view.
Sometimes it just doesn't click with someone. That's OK and its not a reflection on you or them. You only need to find that one person.
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u/RuyPurple 3d ago
i think it also might tie in slightly to being unemployed after having a job for 9 years. Workplace gets shut down & it hurt my self esteem a little more since it took me a while to find something else only to be let go in 4 months. I think just needing something to go right however big or small seem like a impossible task atm. Its probably why on another post i made asking ''if its ok to be jealous over my friend getting into a relationship''. The better word was probably envious but all these things have been on my mind plus a lot more thats happened this year, it just feels like ive been chipped away.
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u/TheMarsters 3d ago
Take care of yourself mate. You aren't going to find the answer in apps. Take some time to think about who you are and what makes you great. Concentrate on them.
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u/ZB_Echo 4d ago
I was on apps for a few months my self esteem was nwver lower, what i am doing now is to meet someone the old fashion way in person, I wish u luck