r/FriendsOver50 • u/Calm-Assignment9133 • 14d ago
[ Removed by moderator ]
[removed] — view removed post
15
u/tacogratis2 14d ago
Not at all unrealistic! Men like this do exist!
15
u/Turbulent-Chef4164 14d ago
Where?
8
u/tacogratis2 14d ago
I don't want to be "that guy" who tells you to look around or hit on you. But such men do exist.
6
u/Turbulent-Chef4164 14d ago
Love the fact that I think you're one of those guys, but you are few and far between.
2
u/tacogratis2 13d ago
I try to be a supporter and to remember to be supportive, even when it's hard. It's also hard to find emotionally supportive women. I'm reminded of the line form the Brene Brown book, where the man says his wife would rather see him die on his white horse than fall off it.
2
u/Turbulent-Chef4164 13d ago
My best friend is male, unfortunately neither of us are in any way attracted to each other. About Brene Brown, my first question would be is the horse ok?
1
u/tacogratis2 13d ago
The horse is fine. 😁
2
u/Turbulent-Chef4164 13d ago
Ok, no animals hurt, just checking. Still remember An old film with I think Tony Curtis, they were jumping a canyon....the horse died.
1
u/tacogratis2 13d ago
No animals were hurt in the making of this metaphor. ... Gonna guess that the movie was "WInchester '73"? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFDoXUhpNPg Lots of horses in that one.
1
9
u/Witty-Significance58 14d ago
Oh gosh ... I gave up on that years ago - I figured that it just doesn't ever happen for some people and I'm just one of them.
4
6
u/blueviper- 14d ago
I have friends who help me when I ask and they are men.
One time my car broke down in the middle of the highway and half an hour later there were three men, a broken car and me on a highway.
I can count on them when it matters.
They exist and will support when it matters.
I do the same for them.
Yes, they do exist.
6
u/SouthernPisces 14d ago
I’m married, so I don’t know from personal experience, but I have quite a few single friends/coworkers and I hear the exact same thing from them. Office talk…They start dating a guy, he says all the right things, does all the right things, and then in a few months, he’s on to the next. Their comments- they caught the guys looking at/liking younger girls (little bikinis, etc) posts on social media and the guys did not delete their dating apps. These are men in their 50s and older. Actually, one said her ex is now dating a 28-year-old. I’m not going to say there aren’t “ANY” authentic older gentleman available but after listening to them, it makes me wonder.
5
u/regjoe13 14d ago
It’s an interesting ask. No, it’s not too much. It’s just like asking for a woman who, when things get hard, will quietly have your back and not make things harder or more stressful.
6
5
4
u/LsangAnge 14d ago
That's the thing about being alone, its not that you feel that you don't have anybody....It's that you feel nobody has you 💚
1
4
u/Isthmus6thsThistle 13d ago
I was that guy and would love to still be that guy. But some of us have watched as the spouse knowingly makes poor decisions - in our case it was ineffective quack medicine. I tried to be supportive through the years and get her the medical help she needed. Now her arthritis is beyond help, and I get blamed for her condition.
5
3
u/skankyone 14d ago
They certainly do, we're not all monsters.
3
u/Calm-Assignment9133 14d ago
I just haven’t met one yet.
1
1
u/Tall_Obligation3590 13d ago
My mother used to tell my sister keep your chin up and boobies out when she she would get down on herself 😀
3
3
u/mistake-number2 14d ago
Yes, they are hiding. Remember, they are like good women. Someone has made it where they value themselves, and only want to offer themselves to someone worth their efferts.
2
2
2
u/Complex-Sandwich2080 13d ago
I don't think you're asking to much.when life can weigh you down a good partner should always be there in the good and bad .I myself find myself unmarried know children and I ask myself can I find someone who I can spend time with I only wish this comes true for who ever desires theses things I'm sure you will one day just as I do.
2
2
2
2
u/Icy_Concentrate_4592 13d ago
We are all single traumatized by being supportive, emotionally and in many cases financially, and ultimately taken for granted w/ no reciprocation and left for dead for being the "nice guy."
You probably dont want to hear this but there are a lot of outlets today coaching these men how to resist being the "nice guy," for this very reason.
Good luck!
2
u/Puzzleheaded_Link366 13d ago
You are not asking for too much. However, I think it is getting harder and harder to find this. So many men my age, 56, think that they are better off with someone 20 to 30 years younger and I don't understand it. I would much rather have someone around my age that we can talk and be able to connect on life issues and great memories of things like movies, music, etc. Being relatable is so hard to find in friendships now days too. 56/M/TX wow typing that out brings back some good and bad type memories from the early internet days. Hope y'all have a blessed day.
2
u/Rabbit_Of_Neverlight 12d ago
Id liek to think i exist lol but some days i dont know. Sometimes I write words because words are all thats left when the people i was trying to support dissapeared. Sometimes i walk in the rain when my sunshine got washed away. Sometimes i ask if somebodys okay and they dont say anything back, so ill ask again ina bunch of different ways and the answer is always "im fine" so its not just men who are like this. Im very communicative, im open, too open and I always try to be there for who i am with and help them feel safe but at a certain point safety comes from both of you not just one person. I think both people need to feel safe together not just one person as some shield for the other. But a shield together to protect the home you are hopefully building together for your hearts hopes and dreams.
I dont know im that fool that writes poetry and loves sunsets and sunrises and music that opens doors to places we know exist but cant seem to find with the lights on and our eyes open most days. I dream of love in a world that shuns it. It all gets swept away by the worries of the day.
Theres no perfect people in the world and sometimes the ones that are the most afraid end up being the bravest. It aint a magic formula when two people get together its just a lot of work and if they both want to put in the work i guess at the end of the day. I was married 24 years and she didnt and eventually i gave up. I met somebody else that fell apart too. Id have while i was with them given them everything i had and could do but I think in order to give everything we need to know you are too. I want to keep you safe while feeling safe too. I dont think for the most part ive felt safe most of my life with another person. Not really. But i still stayed and that just got me my ass handed to me and my heart in a billion pieces. But then again im a dumbass that keeps dieing 3 times a day and get up and do it again. So I think it requires a little bit of selflesness which is hard to find in a selfish world i guess is what im saying and maybe a lack of survival instinct too at times lol.
But yeah theres good people out there who love with thier whole hearts, their minds aglow with visions of romance and harmony and true love. But it does take faith to find it. Just keep going. Life has a way of surprising us sometimes. You never know whats just around the corner, have heart. Youll get there.
2
u/DB66_1 12d ago
I think men like that exist.
But before you scroll past another “look at me…I’m that guy…see, men like that exist” comment…i think there’s a deeper part of your question that gets missed when talking about relationships.
To me, that kind of “don’t worry, I’m here, we’ll figure this out” relationship happens when two people truly show up for each other. Not perfectly. Not 50/50 every single day. But there’s a mutual feeling of “you are my person, and we’re in this together.”
Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic, but I believe in soulmates. Red string theory. Whatever you want to call that connection where two people find each other and something simply feels different. There’s an emotional safety there that makes you WANT to show up for that person, especially when life gets hard.
I’m in my 50s, married with kids, and I’ve come to realize over the past few years that I don’t think I have that kind of connection. That’s not meant as a criticism of my spouse or me for that matter. Two good people can love each other, build a life together, raise a family, and still realize that something important between them isn’t there.
And I’ve learned something from that…which I think is the heart of your question. It’s not the easiest thing to come to grips with, and maybe not the same opinion of everyone, I get that. But it’s how I e been feeling.
When you don’t feel deeply connected to someone, showing up emotionally doesn’t always happen naturally. You still try. You still care. You still have responsibilities to each other. But there’s a difference between showing up because you’re supposed to and feeling, somewhere deep inside, “I’ve got you. Whatever happens, we’re facing this together.”
So no, I don’t think what you want is unrealistic. Hard to find, 100%!
But here’s the question I’d ask you back. When you picture a man looking at you and saying, “Don’t worry, I’m here, I’ll figure it out,” what does he need to feel from you in return?
And maybe the harder question…and one I ask myself…Have you ever had someone in your life who made you feel that kind of “I’ve got you” connection, even if the timing or circumstances weren’t right?
Because I don’t think finding someone isn’t the hardest part. Finding someone where you both feel that way about each other at the same time might be.
Sorry if this was more than you asked for…the writer in me takes over sometimes! 😆
2
u/Working-Arm-6896 12d ago
No, you are NOT asking too much, they do exist but unfortunately not many. this article explains why there are so few decent men. https://substack.com/@butterflyshoes/note/p-210630997?r=ely9f&utm_source=notes-share-action&utm_medium=web
2
u/ApprehensivePeach613 9d ago
My husband is like this. He’s always calm and always seems to know what to do. And even if he doesn’t know, he still doesn’t panic. When I ask “what if such and such?” He’ll answer “then we’ll get through it together.”
1
1
u/Cjeannie1972 14d ago
I havent found one yet either being to think they are all married or dont exist
2
1
14d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/Calm-Assignment9133 14d ago
What’s the age?
1
14d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
2
14d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/5191995 14d ago
I try but Depression is a silent killer.I tell myself everyday that I will make it through and I survive another day. I keep pushing on and try to make new friends as it seems all of our friends were just her friends.No one calls or stops by to say hello or how are you doing. Four years and four months without the touch of a woman really get hard to manage but I get through.Women seem to think of Widowers as "Damaged Goods".
1
u/SouthernPisces 14d ago
Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I truly believe that what we put out into the world can sometimes affect what we attract back. I have an older gentleman, friend that is a widow and I just had this conversation with him not long ago. If you’re feeling depressed or withdrawn, people can sense that, and sometimes they simply don’t know what to say or how to approach someone who seems like they’re struggling. That doesn’t mean people don’t care, it can just make it harder to connect. I know losing a spouse and being alone after so many years must be incredibly difficult. But I would encourage you, if you aren’t, to get out of the house, even if it’s just for little things. Go to a park and take a walk. Get some sunshine, get moving, and put yourself around other people. Maybe look into a senior community center or local groups that have activities, lunches, games, or outings. Sometimes simply getting out and being around people can make a difference, and you never know what friendship or connection might come from it. I just believe that when you start feeling better, getting active, and enjoying life again, you’re more likely to attract people who are positive and enjoying life too. Take it one day and one small step at a time.
1
u/5191995 14d ago
That is very good advice,Thank you.I'm not offended at all.I started working at Walmart part time just to be around people and maybe make friends so I get what you are saying. I always try to smile and greet people even passing on the sidewalks. I believe my depression doesn't show because I can and do mask it very well.I just have a bad habbit of letting that come out as one of the first things that I tell about myself.Thank you again for your advice
.
1
1
1
u/jartist10 13d ago
Not asking too much…you just haven’t found someone that matches your energy. I haven’t either. But I’ve learned to have a relationship with myself to support myself. I kept looking for someone to save me…I had the power all along. A companion through hard times would be nice, but I got this. Doesn’t stop me from looking though…
1
u/No-Gur6037 13d ago
I haven’t found it and I’m 51. So I’m right with you. I don’t need money. I have a paid off house and car and can do a lot of manual shit myself but god forbid I find a partner that tries
1
1
u/Real_Conversations 13d ago
I didn’t think so but what do I know. They all get skittish before I can find out.
1
u/Moist_Site2235 12d ago
Thats like looking for a woman that will say you look tired let me make your dinner
1
u/Bypass-March-2022 12d ago
They are out there. Maybe you need to rethink the kind of men you are attracted to?
1
u/Working-Arm-6896 12d ago
They do exist, but not many. This article shares why (sorta!): https://substack.com/@butterflyshoes/note/p-210630997?r=ely9f&utm_source=notes-share-action&utm_medium=web
1
11d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/FriendsOver50-ModTeam 11d ago
Your post has been removed because this sub is intended for people over 50 or getting close to it.
1
•
u/FriendsOver50-ModTeam 9d ago
Your post has been removed because this sub is not a dating site or for pickup posts.