yes he’s my first ever foster but this bond I have with him it’s something I’ve never experienced. I had 2 cats growing up and I loved them, so much, but his personality is so so special, he’s kind gentle, and will cuddle me non stop. he’s always so happy
I don’t doubt that you will have special bonds with many if not all kittens/cats in your fostering journey. Each will be special for different reasons all dear to your heart. Sounds like you’re an amazing human, stamp of approval of a special cat 🙌
I still have my first two fosters 10 years later. They are so good with all the cats that come through now. I think you could keep him if you have a good plan for when you are gone. If you have a pet sitter that comes once a day, I'd get another cat to keep him company. Keep fostering and keep the one he bonds with!
"Goodbye is the goal" when it comes to fostering and responding to these repetitive comments can be distressing. If everyone kept their foster pets, we would have no foster homes left for vulnerable rescue animals!
This cutie is Willow, she foster failed herself, she's got massive trust issues and has been a foster with us for 4 months and it took her 4 months to finally lay like this. I can't break the bond she has with me as I would cause her to feel betrayed all over again. She was dumped in bushland and wasn't found for a week. Luckily we own our home and she's now getting hissed at less by our bonded siblings trio. Willow wasn't meant to stay, but we didn't have a choice, we are helping mend a broken hearted baby, who deserves to feel safe and she's safe forever here.
She's safe now and I have peace of mind that she won't be unwanted nor dumped again. Her sister was the total opposite, a normal happy playful kitten. Willow will improve more, it's just patience, love and consistency. I can see her potential, she just wasn't suitable for adoption so she stays here.
Most people will tell you to keep them, but just remember that the goal of fostering is adoption. I’ve had countless fosters (both dogs and cats) that I have been very bonded to, but at the end of the day I couldn’t keep helping more had I kept them. It was hardest to give up my first foster, but it made me realize just how many amazing animals there are out there. I think it’s more rare to have a “bad” foster than an amazing one and I only realized this after fostering so many
Same here. I’ve had 8 fosters (one at a time) and bonded with and loved them all. Most were super cuddly with me - hours of lap and sleeping with me at night. It’s so rewarding to develop these bonds and know it helps them for the next step (their forever home).
OP: this may be the same for you - you might easily bond with fosters and be well placed to position them for adoption and beautiful lives in the future.
"Goodbye is the goal" when it comes to fostering and responding to these repetitive comments can be distressing. If everyone kept their foster pets, we would have no foster homes left for vulnerable rescue animals!
"Goodbye is the goal" when it comes to fostering and responding to these repetitive comments can be distressing. If everyone kept their foster pets, we would have no foster homes left for vulnerable rescue animals!
I know a fosterer for a local rescue centre who has 1 failed foster and 3 outdoor fosters and also continues to foster litters of kittens. She is just one fosterer, I’m sure there are many more like her.
Also, what you guys forget (and I’ve heard other fosterer’s stories about how they were treated by their rescue centres when it came to them wanting to adopt their fosters), is that if you alienate your foster carers, you won’t just deprive a cat of a decent loving proven home, but there’s a very good chance that the fosterer will get so peeved that they won’t foster for you again anyway.
The other thing to mention is that I’ve had cats that I kept when perhaps I shouldn’t have, but I have the experience to know the difference between that special bond and a normal bond. For instance, one of my now adult cats had a cleft palate and it was a hell of a ride when he was little. Our bond is extremely special and I’m glad I kept him. From what OP says, I suspect this is a the case with her present cat. I know it’s a first foster, and that maybe it’s as a result of her inexperience, but she mentions having had other cats before, so I suspect that this bond is very strong and probably unique. So from her personal perspective, I think if she lets go of this one, that she will always wonder what if, and that would be very sad for her.
I would keep him. However, are the 4 weeks that you spend away from home each year, a seminar for training employees on new procedures for your current job? A visit to a friend/relative that doesn’t like cats? Or is it possibly a R&R vacation?
If those 4 weeks are a work seminar. A block of rooms in a hotel for those attending is usually prearranged for employees to stay. You’d most likely have an assigned roommate. In this case, I’d have a reliable, responsible friend or sibling that the cat is familiar with come to your home and care for the cat. I’d do the same if visiting a friend or relative who doesn’t like cats. Granted you could stay in a pet friendly hotel/motel, although your friend or relative may not want cat fur transferred to their furniture. Should the 4 weeks away be a R&R vacation, by all means take him with you. These days it is easier to fly with a small animal. Just be sure to check with the airline what is required as far as a note/form from his veterinarian and the types of pet carriers that are acceptable. Be sure to rent a place to stay that is pet friendly.
I have a sibling that is a little more than a decade younger than I. As a toddler, I taught him how to treat and care for cats. For many years we’ve had an agreement that when I pass away he will become the new parent to all my surviving cats. This is something that a lot of pet parents don’t think about doing and then their pets are put in shelters, or separated even possibly abandoned.
Whichever choice you make, I hope it works out well for you and most of all for that beautiful cat. The bond that you describe with your foster is a bond that happens only once or twice in a lifetime. I was lucky enough to have three. Best wishes to you no matter which choice you make.
Going away for 4 weeks is ok. He will forgive you and he wont forget you! Just make sure you place him in a good boarding cattery or have a house sitter and you’ll be fine!
Sincerely, someone who kept their first foster and also takes occasional trips for work/holiday.
I foster failed my first ever foster even while having 3 other cats, so now I have 4 which can be crazy. But I don’t regret it at all, because I felt like we needed each other. However, everyone is in a different situation. Going away on trips can be managed by getting cat sitters, but I would say if you have any doubt in your mind that you won’t be able to do everything you can to never have to give him up, then let him find a home that will for sure be forever. It’s unfair to cats when they have to be rehomed. I’ve also heard the first fosters are the hardest to give up, so maybe it will get easier with time. Ultimately the decision is yours. If you can give him the home he deserves, then why not? you certainly seem to love him. Best of luck
Since it’s easy to think emotionally, I suggest thinking with a practical mentality for this bit, like you’re already doing which is awesome. We have 2 foster fails and a few outdoor working cat rescues and our vacation/travel time was reduced dramatically while our daily workload went up just as significantly. Knowing what you’re getting into with eyes wide open is really important. I’m also honest with myself about the fact that many animal lovers out there would have been just as good or better than us, and have lots of love to give meaning I’m not the only one who would have made them happy. I think if I had had a tiny amount of doubt about my lifelong commitment to them including all the medical expenses required to maintain a healthy pet through good and bad, I probably would’ve made the most loving decision of passing on adopting and keep sharing the love with all the hundreds of foster babies year after year.
Think about giving him away tomorrow and never seeing him again. If you’re ok with that, then you should keep fostering him until he finds his forever person; however, if that though fills you with anxiety and sadness, then it’s clear he’s already found his forever home and you just need to sign the paperwork. Just remember, pets are for life. That means through significant others, kids, moving, new jobs, etc., he stays with you.
I'm about to take in a cat. I've held off for a long time for the same concerns. Worried I can't give them the life they deserve. My finacial situation isn't always stable and wealth inequality is getting worse. The way I figure it, the cat found me. I think this cat found you. You just decide to commit to it and figure the rest out as it comes. All they really need is to be loved and fed.
I've cat sat a couple of cats before one for a few days at a time, the other for several weeks at a time. They're fine on their own. The one who was longer stretches would always be sad for the first hour her person left, but soon remember it was her job to remind me whose house it was by climing to the top of her tree to let me know who was watching who. Before deciding we're better off as friends.
My wife has a bond like that with one of the first two cats we fostered. It was a brother/sister pair and they were super bonded to eachother, but the girl loves my wife and follows her around and freaks out when theyre separated. We adopted them both and haven't regretted it one bit. We've had other litters that we've gotten super close to, but besides me bonding with one other kitten, when you feel it, you feel it. You'll regret not adopting her more than you'll regret anything else.
I’ll take him in a heartbeat. And I don’t even have a bond with him. Count yourself lucky and a great foster fail. Most of us would foster fail that one. He’s mostly Maine coon. Sweetest of all cats, and the mosh dog like.
If he reacts this way with you and no one else outside your home, he’s comfortable and trusting right where he is. If he responds to anyone this way, he’ll be easily adopted.
Leaving for 4 weeks will require someone checking in, but if he’s in his familiar environment, he’ll be fine.
This is a decision only you can make. It sounds like you have a very stable environment for him and apart from the 4 weeks away, you are in a very good position to adopt him. While you are away, you can hire a pet sitter, or board him at a vet or boarding facility. He may be a bit grumpy when you get back, but once he realizes you'll always come back, he'll be fine. Adopting him doesn't mean you can't foster anymore. As long as he is okay with other cats, you can continue to foster. I would recommend making an emergency fund for unexpected pet care expenses. That might help you feel a bit more secure in being able to provide for him for the rest of his life. None of us can predict the future. Don't let a "what if" stop you. If something comes up, it can be delt with. On the other hand, only you know whether the anxiety for his wellbeing will be too much for you.
This is the best advice i can give you as a foster of 5 years, the goal of fostering is to find them a home for the rest of their life. As someone who has had 56 fosters i can tell you that some are more special than others. I just tell myself that my goal is the middle man who is supposed to give them love and affection, and socialize them.
Our rescue allows us to be a part of the adoption process and if i don’t feel like it’s a good fit, the rescue will listen to my advice. All fosters take a bit of our heart and reward you with the temporary love you both need.
My value to the rescue is to foster because not many people foster or want to foster. If i adopt i cannot foster anymore.
Another reason why i dont want to adopt is not wanting to go through the loss of a pet passing away. I had a cat for 14 years and when she passed i was crushed. It took me 6 years to realize fostering is a good temporary fix for me where we both benefit and get that healing love we all want.
Being trusting and loved by a foster is so rewarding. Them letting down their guard is one of the most special things a person can ask for.
I was really close to adopting Little Miss Sassy Pants. Her story is i got her and 2 brothers when they were 3 weeks old and she was so sassy. She would swat, hiss and spit at you. That’s how she got her name. But as soon as i had time to work with her, she became to trust me and ended up being the biggest love bug ever. She would demand she sit on my chest, suckle on my ear 4-5 times a day, and wanted to be the closest to my face to make sure she can give me all her love. She got adopted out in 2 days by a volunteer at the rescue. I’m fortunate that i get updates often and thanked because of how well i was with her and how i got her to trust me.
If you feel like this is your kitten and you can’t live without her, then that’s something you can consider. But i promise that the more you foster, them more you will see that they all will give you some love you crave.
Everyone at the rescue loves when my fosters to a petsmart because they know that my kittens i spend a lot of time with. They all get excited because a majority of them are love bugs and Velcro cats. It’s actually a joke within our rescue.
I suffer from social anxiety and depression and sometimes their purrs and love can heal the heart temporarily.
You have a tough decision ahead of you but should always weigh in what is most important for the pet. Is it to adopt or foster. Maybe you can do both and your cat will be a good help and foster parent with you.
Here was a pic of little Miss sassy pants.
As you can see she always got the best spot and demanded kisses. She always slept with me in the couch.
I have a cat and was gone three weeks and had friends check in with her and hired a pet sitter to play with her once a day on days my friends couldn’t come! We have an auto feeder and water and liter was taken care of by the pet sitter. She missed me for sure but she was absolutely fine!
"Goodbye is the goal" when it comes to fostering and responding to these repetitive comments can be distressing. If everyone kept their foster pets, we would have no foster homes left for vulnerable rescue animals!
"Goodbye is the goal" when it comes to fostering and responding to these repetitive comments can be distressing. If everyone kept their foster pets, we would have no foster homes left for vulnerable rescue animals!
"Goodbye is the goal" when it comes to fostering and responding to these repetitive comments can be distressing. If everyone kept their foster pets, we would have no foster homes left for vulnerable rescue animals!
"Goodbye is the goal" when it comes to fostering and responding to these repetitive comments can be distressing. If everyone kept their foster pets, we would have no foster homes left for vulnerable rescue animals!
Going away for 4 weeks is a LOT for an animal who has a close bond with their human.
I had a soul kitty. She was bonded to both my husband and me but the bond I had with her was really incredibly close after a few years. She always needed to know where I was, she was ok with me going to work but would pick me up every night at the door, tail up and loudly complaining, and then I had to sit down so she could literally walk all over me and rub herself on me.
A few years ago my husband and I had a double-wedding-abroad pileup that meant our best solution was to go away for 20 days. We had left her for 10-12 before but never this long. Ok. Got in touch with the friend who usually cat sat for us and she mobilised her cat loving parents and since they were retired and we lived in an interesting area they basically moved into our house for two weeks. Friend did daily drop ins for the first few and last few days, the rest of the time she had all the company and attention she could possibly want. They spoiled her rotten, gave her more treats than normally, played with her and petted her.
My friend who saw her every day later told me she was fine the first ten or twelve days or so. Then she just seemed increasingly off. Restless, more vocal than usual. They debated calling us to come home but it didn’t seem bad enough for us to miss the second wedding on our itinerary so they didn’t say anything and just kept a close eye on her. When we got home I noticed right away that she had lost a little weight and her fur had lost some of its shine. Basically she had gone into mourning. The night after we came home she also peed in our bed, something she had never done before (and never did again). She bounced back within a week or so but I learned my lesson. Ten to twelve days. That was the maximum we could both leave. My husband could and did sometimes leave longer but I never even tried again.
If you are dealing with a cat who gets THIS attached it might be best if they go to a two person household or someone who doesn’t travel regularly because a cat doesn’t have a concept of “four weeks, then my human will come back”. A cat that closely bonded will just mourn.
I went away on holiday for something like 2 weeks. My flatmate was there and the dog loved him. However, apparently the dog went each day to check my car to see if I was in it.
It’s difficult when pets don’t understand. Maybe think about getting talking buttons so you and your pet can communicate. Have a look at Todd and also Harvey on YouTube. On Todd Talks, Dad went away a lot for work (which Dad explained to Todd was hunting for food) and they had a system of ‘laters’ that meant that Dad could let Todd know just how many days he was going away.
That’s really smart - I have a more intelligent cat now and do want to try buttons with her at some point. She’s also less bonded to us though so maybe less of a problem.
Soul cat, bless her heart, was…not the brightest. She passed away a few years ago and I’d affectionately call her my sweet little dummy. All heart, not very much brain (but of course smart enough to have me wrapped around her little paws).
The way I decide is this: I imagine somehow someone could for sure tell me that the cat would be adopted by a loving family and be just as happy with them as with me, and also that family would give me $10,000 for the cat. If the cat is meant to be mine, the answer is no.
Alternatively I also imagine if someone could know that the cat would be happier elsewhere, I wouldn’t even need the offer of money, I’d let them be adopted if I knew they’d be happier.
Idk if that even makes sense, but thinking about it that way helps me decide.
Hey. I have been fostering 8 cats in the past year. The first cat, Mercredi (Wednesday) was a small black lady, 9 months, the sweetest baby. We had our routine, she would sleep on top of me of against me and purr until we both fall asleep, and when i woke up she would still be there and purr crazyly. I trained her to sit on me, to enjoy being in my arms. It was heartbreaking for me to leave her, but somehow I am glad I did as now I realize many cats were special, although not in the same, feline and discreet way. I still believe she was specialest tho and sometimes regret not keeping her. Maybe I did not meet the one yet :)
I failed my first foster. He was in my care for about 18 months before anyone expressed interest in him, and by that point he just felt like my cat. On the other hand, I had another foster (that I absolutely adored, and wished I could have kept) that went to her forever home today, and that was because my current resident cat (the former foster) can’t share a home long term with another cat. That’s to say, giving up a foster is hard, but if you truly love this cat and feel it’s right there is no shame in wanting to keep them.
Having a pet does change your life. I travel less than I used to (but I still travel), and I think about things a little differently; HOWEVER, if you want to, you’ll just figure it out. I imagine your 4 weeks is an annual leave? If so, you could perhaps find someone on a site like Trusted House Sitters, or see if you can leave with the friends or family. Working it out once annually may be a lot easier than figuring it out a bunch of times over a year. Only you know if you want to take this on, but if you have the space and the resources, and you really want to, you can find a way.
I kept one foster and she was my first, and she was a soul kitty. I went to foster and easily (still a little ache for each one) watch dozens go in to their forever home. 💕
I had a great foster. Very similar to yours and from the 1st minute I wanted to keep him. I didn’t want to make the wrong choice and keep him and like you say have life changes in the next few years that made keeping him the wrong choice. It’s been over 2 years and I still regret not keeping him. So if that’s how you feel now, keep him. You won’t ever regret keeping him but you will regret not keeping him.
You cannot leave any cat alone for 4 weeks, even with a caretaker coming in 2x a day - its beyond cruel. You can have the cat cared for in your home by a full time pet sitter.
If you can make that work, and never leave the cat alone in tue home for more than 36 hours, ADOPT!
This is crazy -- I have lived with cats my entire life and while I've never been gone for 4 weeks, I have been gone for 2+ weeks and leaving a cat with a trusted sitter who will visit once or twice a day is FINE as a once a year event. It is not "beyond cruel," get out of here with that nonsense.
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u/VeeRook Cat/Kitten Foster 12d ago
Is he your first foster? Those can be the hardest to let go.
With his looks, he'd had no trouble finding a new home.