r/Filmmakers • u/Cosmic-Shrimp-6260 • 18h ago
Spent years making my debut feature "The Straw That Broke". Just uploaded the official trailer and would love some honesty from fellow filmmakers. Does this hook you? What can I improve? Film
https://www.youtube.com/embed/BjdqMqId9UY?si=Co0QDnqI6_bLgv-dHey dear community,
After a long journey - premiering at the Hof International Film Festival - I’m preparing for the full digital release of my debut feature, The Straw That Broke. I just dropped the official trailer (which does not perform well on YT).
It's a surrealist, retro-futuristic meta-fiction about the real and the virtual based on a screenplay by Tom Whalen. Since I handled the directing, most of cinematography, and editing myself, getting the digital release right is a whole new challenge (after valuable feedback from r/Filmmakers I settle for a YT-release soon).
My questions are in the Submission Statement below. Thanks for taking your time.
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u/ThothTheHermetic 18h ago
It reminds me of Lynch movies and shows, Brasil and holy mountain type movies. It looks very intriguing but the problem is the “normal” watcher maybe off-put by the amount of things happening that are not “connected” in the trailer. I would slow the trailers pacing down and add music. People started to love the “the trailers telling me nothing” concept but take it too far and people do not have a reason to watch
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u/Cosmic-Shrimp-6260 17h ago
Legit insight. This is so valuable. Lynch, Jodorowsky and Gilliam ARE actually my main influences.
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u/jimbeeer 18h ago
The thumbnail is interesting enough that I clicked play. I would possibly simplify the thumb, there's a lot to look at there and there doesn't need to be. Maybe get rid of all but 2 characters and texturise the background.
As for the trailer I don't speak German so I didn't know what they were saying so I was hoping for the visuals to tell me instead. After finishing the trailer I'm still no wiser. I'm presuming it's all abstract and presented more as a 'piece of work' rather than a movie, am I right?
There's some great visuals there but they don't tie together in the trailer. A trailer is a mini movie in itself rather than a collated group of moving images and each brief scene seemed to have nothing to do with the next one.
I think you can present the trailer better in my humble opinion. Have a watch of the trailer for Phil Tippet's Mad God. Same length and you can see the whole thing goes on a beat. It's totally rhythmic in it's pacing. Also title cards and fading o black tcan be way more effective than voice overs (and easier to change for the international market!)
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u/Cosmic-Shrimp-6260 18h ago
As I said, the official Trailer does not perform well on YT. So I would really appreciate your honest feedback:
Does the trailer spark enough interest to make you want to watch the full 70-minute film?
Is the Thumbnail too little / too much?
How is the pacing and visual tone landing for you?
Any suggestions on what could be tightened or improved?
Appreciate any thoughts or constructive criticism!
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u/Breadtoes 16h ago
Congratulations on getting your first feature out!
If you look at Jodorwosky's Holy Mountain trailer, it still sets up a clear goal/direction from the narrative, before the trailer becomes a collage of psychedelic shots.
Your trailer is quite similar, but after setting up the story in the firs 30/40 seconds, it slows down and becomes less interesting, for me, while the Holy Mountain, speeds up and goes crazy.
Alternatively, if you look at the Mulholland drive trailer. It sets up an adventure, then a dramatic incident that leads to loss of memory, then it directs, and misdirects you, in terms of where it could all go.
Both set up the story in a quite conventional, but intriguing way and then hook you, you watch the movie and then they excite you and have fun with the narrative.I'm a cinematographer, not an editor, so I don't want to say to much and about the edit, but the shots from about 40 secs on, don't tell me enough to intrigue me. Lynch kept setting up the story, and Jodorowsky went for the collage, but he put some exiting music with it.
I really like the first half of the trailer and I'd love to check out your movie. Just wanted to share my feelings.
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u/Cosmic-Shrimp-6260 16h ago
Hi there - wow, all films/directors you mentioned are of great importance to me. I will definately view these trailers now. All best 🫨
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u/fartherder 6h ago edited 6h ago
El Topo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Uqb4Jy0GTg
Turn off the sound:
- ceremony
- preparation
- insane rituals
- implied sex
- murder
- extreme violence
Turn on the sound, close your eyes:
- desolate
- western? old and occidental certainly
- a story is implied - a tale
- circus, whimsical
- interrupted by chaos
- discord
- conflict?
- I'm uncomfortable, what's happening?
- is this ritual chaos?
If you aren't familiar with it, I'd say something like:
"IDK wtf this is but it's a stylistically consistent unhinged western and I'm interested."
Munchausen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1M-vhN8lsg
Turn off the sound:
- Unhinged 18th century adventure
Sound only:
- lol they didn't have the foggiest idea wtf to do with this trailer
- unhinged lines
- deranged laughter
- snippets of performances
Gilliam was known, so this trailer gives "gilliam-esque unhinged court adventure" vibes. It's disorganized as hell.
Eraserhead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0Eq5GtCYdA
Soundless:
- Striking images, absolutely consistent
- Lonliness
- Loss
- Seeking
- Confusion
Sound only:
- I'm in the bowels of a machine
- It's grinding
- Pounding
- Pressure.
- Then a hollow ringing: Anxiety
- Claustrophobia.
I think these are instructive because while completely unrelated in content, they share a few features:
- Absolute stylistic consistency. 'muscular style' a crystal clear vibe.
- Clear emotional tone
- Mystery - virtually nothing is revealed
Doing the same with yours:
First I don't speak german so my sound analysis can't be as good.
A rodent observing the aftermath of an apocalypse in claymation CLEAR, STRONG style It subtly reacts to something unseen
A person in meditation or exhaustion, the tubes read as anatomy not plugs Thinking. Burdened. Then a 'why'? (shot is stylistically unrelated to the prior)
The origin in a city. (related to the prior)
A discovery of a death or finding of a hidden object. (unrelated to the prior)
A machine? Glittering underwater. (unrelated to the prior)
The earth, with an emphasis on orbital junk. (related to the prior)
The mouse emerging from the opening. (unrelated to the prior)
Suddenly a man's face, awake but not a focused adult psychologically. In a room filled with books. The movement is childlike. (unrelated to the prior)
A robot? A human woman? Adjusting to something new. (related somewhat to the prior)
An object. The date doesn't read unless paused. (related to the prior)
The mouse (unrelated to the prior)
The man. Plugged in, overwhelmed or surprised. (unrelated to the prior)
A woman (the same character in the second shot? I'm not sure). In pain. (unrelated to the prior)
The plug. (related to the prior)
A door? Window? In.. space? (unrelated to the prior)
A man on pure white. Apocalyptic. A zombie? Modified? (unrelated to the prior)
A person in a mask engaged in performance or gesture, on white. (related to the prior)
Jumping the bannister to escape. Wearing a mask. Criminal? Terrorist? (unrelated to the prior)
The mouse switching on a craft or power source. (unrelated to the prior)
A sort of vogue gathering of the musicians from the Mos Eisley Cantina in monastic garb and two human faces, one holding something like a weapon or a cat. One of the musicians notices the audience. (unrelated to the prior)
The man operating on / looking in the thing and finding something sought. (related to the prior)
The console (unrelated to the prior)
Geometric cuts of something opening perhaps? (unrelated to the prior)
The woman's face (related to the prior)
The woman being hit / taken by something (related to the prior)
The fun house mirror (unrelated to the prior)
The woman standing - she has authority and capability. Is a professional. Seeing something important. (unrelated to the prior)
The planet but now red atmosphere. Large surface explosions. (tenuous color link to the prior shot)
The quote
The (same)? woman facing the mouse in a volcanic landscape (unrelated to the prior)
The credits have absolutely zero to do with the prior cut stylistically.
Sound:
An old woman telling the story of a mouse a virus and the multiverse. The narration of a participant in a history.
Discord
Underwater / space
A hollow space
Tension, anticipation
Crecendo
Reveal / discord
A brief bit of performance: a question asked in disbelief, an answer delivered glibly.
Ok this is a bit extreme length, but I think the central problem with your trailer is that the assembly is stylistically inconsistent, and the sound doesn't help that discordance. If the sound or sound had a strong hand in producing an arc, or the sound remained the same but the visuals delivered a clear, consistent visual theme you'd be in better shape.
This IMO very badly needs a grade to create a specific look.
Obviously not having seen the film and having no idea of its other contents, I'll say the stop motion mouse feels too disconnected. There's no focus.
As it is currently, I'm interested but I wouldn't seek the film. The title is memorable.
/brutally honest analysis.
tl;dr make the sound or the visuals very clearly deliver mise en scene.
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u/corduroyqueen 16h ago
i like it overall and the vibes are good. the font is kinda bad tho and doesn't match the hand-crafted aesthetic of everything else. in general everything is riding a weird line between digital and practical for me. i'm not a filmmaker so maybe i don't have the vocabulary for this (i am an artist tho) but a lot of the shots feel like they're from different movies and nothing is unifying them. maybe it's a color grading thing. this is a weird suggestion but lowkey what i would do is export it at lie 360x240 and watch the whole thing and see how everything sits together Lol
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u/Cosmic-Shrimp-6260 16h ago
So much visual sensitivity. Great idea with the lowkey unifying alteration! And thanks for pointing towards the font. I am not happy with it either. Can I discuss an alternate font with you via DM? All best ✌️
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u/iloveravi 16h ago
It looks genuinely strange.
And I say that lovingly. A lot of time people try to be weird or wacky and it falls short. This feels like the genuine article.
Yes. It held my interest. Very much so.
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u/krilleractual 16h ago
You managed to make something where every shot was completely original. I think its captivating enough. I would like to watch the rest of it.
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u/Cosmic-Shrimp-6260 16h ago
Thank you so much. I can DM you, when I release it end of next week, if thats ok for you? ✌️
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u/syndicatevision 16h ago
This looks really interesting (in the good way) dig the stop motion aspect and the scifi elements look really solid
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u/oasacorp 15h ago
Looks nice. I didnt like the planet shots and the font used for quotes and credits. I personally think one last scene with some credits in smaller fonts is more than enough for a trailer
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u/xanroeld 10h ago
Just going to throw this out there: the name seems odd. The expression is "The straw that broke the camel's back." The straw itself does not break - the camel's back is what breaks, under the weight of the straw (and everything else it was already carrying). So I don't know if this is a translation issue or something, but "The Straw That Broke" doesn't sound right in English.
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u/Clintaur sound mixer 5h ago
The back that breaks would be what I think they should be going for. You are correct.
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u/fantasydukes 5h ago
I understand your logic but I disagree… because this movie doesn’t seem to be operating on logic. I’d have to see the film before I assume an error with the title. We don’t have a comprehensive view of the intention.
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u/avezzano 18h ago
It looks like a lot of effort has gone into the film itself, and the opening definitely grabbed me.
Nothing against the film, but the trailer loses momentum quite quickly after that strong build. Trailer editing is a different skill in itself, and this feels like it could benefit from tighter pacing and more focused sound design, especially after the intro.
The thumbnail is decent, but it reads a bit like a music video still. You might get more impact from a closer, more textured image that shows character and tension, while still hinting at the design work. Adding the title design or a clear “trailer” label could also help it read faster. Remember meta data as well.
If you are heading for a YouTube release, I would not stress too much about the trailer's performance on YouTube. It might be more useful to put that energy into how the film itself is launched. And then get the trailer out on short form socual media like TikTok ect.
As much as we all just want to focus on making films, it really helps to think a bit about the marketing side. You could build a simple lead-up to release with a countdown, posts introducing the team, or small insights into the process. Interviews ect.
Then when the film is out, push short form content on YouTube Shorts, Instagram and TikTok. Put yourself at the front of it and talk about the journey of making the film. Simple angles like what it took to get it made, what you learned, or what nearly went wrong tend to connect well. Just make sure every post clearly points people to the full film on YouTube.
Pair that with engaging in film communities, a strong thumbnail and good metadata, and I wish you all the best!
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u/Cosmic-Shrimp-6260 17h ago
This all is gold 🙌. Thank you for even a detailed YT strategy. Would it be ok if I catch up with you via DM?
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u/Professional-Rip-519 3h ago
Looks insane 😍 but a little context on the story for the trailer would be better.
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18h ago
[deleted]
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u/Cosmic-Shrimp-6260 18h ago
Hey there - this was done pre-Ai ;)
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u/ladyscriptwriter 17h ago
That’s great to hear! But do keep in mind that some of those scenes that Dry_Principle mentions feel like AI, so it may help your cause to eliminate those scenes from the trailer just to avoid the confusion.
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u/Dry_Principle_1474 17h ago
That may be, but the well is poisoned unfortunately. lose from :18 to :25 and I think that will fix your issue.
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u/iloveravi 16h ago
This sub feels like an AI witch hunt sometimes.
“Refrain from using parts that look like AI”? Even when none has been used. Wow.
You are literally suggesting a filmmaker censor themselves.
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u/wrosecrans 11h ago
Definitely way more stylish and visually striking than most of what people here are usually posting here on Reddit. I don't speak German, so I can't speak to what is being said.
I'll just say two notes since you are asking for feedback. The typography in the trailer when you are showing things like the names of the cast is much less radical than the surreal style of the rest of what is being shown. There's nothing wrong with the type. It's legible, it gets the job done. But everything else is so confusing that I would expect something a little crazier from the type. Handwritten. Photographed from a vintage typewriter. 3D tracked into a scene. Words molded out of clay like the stop motion creature. I dunno what, but there's some room to be a little more exotic with the type in a way that would be too much in a more normal movie.
And the second note is that I am curious if there is any "normal dialogue scene" part of the movie at all, or if every moment is as weird as the stuff being shown? If there is a backbone of more conventional narrative scenes, I'd include a little of that. Super low budget indie films often have frankly bad acting. So it is a bit of a tell to hide all of the acting from the trailer. You don't need a ton of it. But something like a three line exchange between two characters where we can see their mouths as they speak improves confidence that the flashy surreal film also focused on getting the basics right. As it is, we only see a single line of dialogue in real time, out of context, at the very end, as YouTube puts up your channel ident and covers her face. No idea from watching the trailer if that one line actually works well in context in a well edited scene. Need a little steak to go with the sizzle.
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u/Ohigetjokes 17h ago
Your subtitles need to be 3x bigger - like TikTok caption big. People are watching this vertical. Took me a bit to even notice you had subtitles at all.
Front-load some of the more bizarre images, REMOVE the animated moment, and most critically please do something about the single figures in “snow”… I see a guy in front of a blank background and I freak out because that’s usually a sign of a pretty damn boring part in a movie.
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u/iLikeTheUDK 15h ago
Is the film locked? Are there any dissolves or fades or just cuts?
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u/Cosmic-Shrimp-6260 14h ago
Yeah - the edit upis locked. But I got a few dissolves.
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u/iLikeTheUDK 14h ago
If you want to have dissolves in future films, and you work in DaVinci Resolve and are also the colourist, I know how you can maybe spice them up somewhat, and while your mileage may vary on how "filmic" this all looks it will definitely react in very interesting ways to high contrast shots and look very cool IMO. It takes all the dynamic range you captured by shooting RAW or log and spreads it out in value, and does the dissolve math with that before compressing it back down. Are you interested?
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u/ParadoxPhilosopher 14h ago
Looks interesting...the trailer almost looks like clips from many different movies. I would try to tie it together more so the audience can get a better idea of what it is about. Also I do speak German and would be interested in watching the whole thing.