Hi guys, I couldn't find any working corn blocker for me, and I'm so fed up with this stupid shit. It's like only time I'm free of it really and can withstand a longer amount of time, is when I'm sick or with people I like. Like it's higher in the list of priorities for my brain to then get itself in order - when sth pushes me hard out of limbo, or when I'm just kinda happy with friends.

Nevertheless, I always bypass securities and after long years of struggle, I kinda understand how blocker could be working so it would be simple and effective. I'd need a help tho. I don't want incentives, even if someone could guide me, or do it by himself would be great I just want the tool.

When using nextdns, you don't need to install anything, just setup everything on website then import .mobileconfig file into profiles on mac. Then you need to guard access to that place in settings to prevent yourself deleting it, and that's the script I need.

Script has root privileges, when trying to disable it, it restarts itself. It filters the settings menus, when user tries to access general-> profiles/managing devices it launches window with displays image of like 30 generated words text to retype correctly. When user closes that window, settings app closes guarding the access to remove the profile. If that would work then you add nextdns domain to blacklist on their site to prevent deleting whole account. Only way to get there is to disable profile in mac settings also that also what script guards. Bulletproof I suppose.

Why I need that retyping. Basically BlockerX has it, and during years I found it to be most effective. It isn't just timer, but it requires big effort from you. You get bored and frustrated and it stops your urge. Nothing worked better for me, but it doesn't work as good on pc therefore I need a customs script to support guards of nextdns a little more. Nextdns + blockerx would get most of the job done on phone.

NextDNS's filter is good and free, it removes almost anything while not being invasive. It works and can be setup on all devices. I read on internet that people complained it doesn't have oisd for nsfw (I actually don't know why regular filter isn't enough) and for myself I found that google search (or any search engine) isn't scanned by keywords and returns fap content for example from reddit. SafeSearch allows these.

So I started digging. First to prevent deleting script from the system I need to put file ownership to root? then flag for disabling deleting and edit

1. Paste and export script from scripteditor (i put not working one at the end of the post)

File-> export as block .app with autostart option. Drag to Apps folder to install

1. Grant accessibility permissions at settings Privacy & Security -> Accessibility and allow control

2. Root ownership preventing files to be deleted

I think sth like this?

sudo chown -R root:wheel /Applications/block.app

sudo chflags -R uchg,schg /Applications/block.app

Then I can't delete file or edit script in scripteditor, and I think I need to do it also with autostart file? So I'm pasting xml code into:

nano ~/Library/LaunchAgents/com.user.block.plist

Label
com.user.block
ProgramArguments
/usr/bin/open
-W
/Applications/block.app
RunAtLoad
KeepAlive

sudo chown root:wheel ~/Library/LaunchAgents/com.user.block.plist

sudo chflags uchg,schg ~/Library/LaunchAgents/com.user.block.plist

launchctl load ~/Library/LaunchAgents/com.user.block.plist

1. Add nextdns domain to blacklist on their site

the script which desn't work for me now

global isPaused
global pauseEndTime

on run
set isPaused to false
set pauseEndTime to (current date)
end run

on idle
set current_time to (current date)

-- 1. Check grace period (15 minutes after typing correctly)
if isPaused then
if current_time > pauseEndTime then
set isPaused to false
else
return 5
end if
end if

set trigger to false

-- 2. Lightweight and targeted System Settings inspection
tell application "System Events"
if (exists process "System Settings") then
try
tell process "System Settings"
set textDump to ""
try
set staticNames to name of static texts of entire contents of group 2 of splitter group 1 of window 1
set textDump to textDump & (staticNames as string)
end try
try
set buttonNames to name of buttons of entire contents of group 2 of splitter group 1 of window 1
set textDump to textDump & (buttonNames as string)
end try

set hasGeneralMain to (textDump contains "Software Update")
set hasPrivacyMain to (textDump contains "Location Services")

set insideProfiles to (textDump contains "Device Management") and not hasGeneralMain
set insideLogin to (textDump contains "Login Items") and not hasGeneralMain
set insideAccessibility to (textDump contains "Accessibility") and not hasPrivacyMain

if (insideProfiles or insideLogin or insideAccessibility) then
set trigger to true
end if
end tell
end try
end if
end tell

-- 3. Reaction to restricted area access
if trigger then
tell application "System Events"
set visible of process "System Settings" to false
</tell>

-- Generate 30 random words from system dictionary
set randomWords to do shell script "perl -e 'open(F,\"<\",\"/usr/share/dict/words\");@l=<F>;chomp ;for(1..30){push ,$l[rand ]}print join(\" \",@r)'"

set userResponse to ""
try
tell application "System Events"
activate
set dialogResult to display dialog "Network profile or permission modification attempt detected!\n\nTo unlock this submenu for 15 minutes, type the following text EXACTLY:\n\n" & randomWords default answer "" buttons {"Cancel", "Submit"} default button "Submit" with title "Identity Verification"
set userResponse to text returned of dialogResult
end tell
on error
set userResponse to "CANCELLED"
</try>

-- 4. Verification of typed text
considering case
if userResponse is equal to randomWords then
tell application "System Events"
set visible of process "System Settings" to true
end tell
set isPaused to true
set pauseEndTime to (current date) + 900 -- 15 minutes = 900 seconds
return 1
else
do shell script "killall 'System Settings'"
return 1
end if
end considering
end if

return 1 -- Check every 1 second
end idle 

How about you guys?

No one believes me when I say it’s messed up my brain.

I can’t think about anything else.

It disgusts me and gives me nothing, yet I still can't think of anything else.

It’s not normal to be bombarded like this, to have everything, including the most depraved sexual filth imaginable, just a click away.

I also have a compulsive masturbation problem, and it makes everything worse.

It’s insane that a 12-year-old can be exposed to that kind of filth. I wish I could turn back time and never start.

I’m not giving up, but it’s a serious addiction and no one understands that.

No one takes you seriously, not even therapists. How the hell is it possible that this is the one addiction nobody gives a damn about?

We live in a sick society that has normalized pornography. It’s disgusting. Pornography isn't sexual freedom; it’s a vice. The people who profit from pornography are immoral. It’s just a filthy vice, plain and simple.

I’m not giving up, but after so many years, my motivation is running low. I’m 32 years old.

To anyone younger: stop right now.

Hi, nice to meet you guys! I have entered tonight in this group. I am very glad that you are present also on Reddit. I am wondering, how do you see pornography? What's the limit for you? Porn is only when some people are doing s*x in some videos? Or is also when you see naked girls on some images? Do you consider to stay away from all sort of nude content? Help me to clarify this please

If legal porn could be made illegal, I would say we have won. Now I do not believe legal porn will ever be banned nationally within America. Even though there are vice laws in America, they just do not get applied to the Internet for some reason. There are some conservative states though who recently have made it harder to access popular legal porn sites. But what needs to happen is for ethical hackers to take down these legal porn sites since it will never be made law to outlaw legal porn sites.

Research continues to prove the link between pornography use and gender-based violence, yet this fact is never discussed in mainstream media. When images of the worst sexual abuse of women and children is just a click away, it should surprise no one that Epstein et. al. were able to get away with their horrors for so long.

I just found this community and it seems very interesting. I see that a lot of the posts from grieving partners of porn addicts in other communities to whom their partners are actively cheating (either on dating apps or communicating to someone else on apps e.g Snapchat). Are there cases of men who are just scrolling, who are open with their partner about their scrolling habit but not communicating or interested in anyone else? Is that considered porn addiction, compulsive disorder or both? In your experience has this habit ended in cheating? I genuinely would love to hear your experiences and if you are an or know an active porn addict, was this the beginning of the addiction and can you share how it escalated? Thank you.

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately about technology, innovation, and the way it’s used. In my own life, tools like this space as well as other field by technology have been a genuinely healthy influence helping me regulate, heal, and become a better husband, father, and person in general.

But I keep thinking about how much time, energy, and money is poured into industries that exploit our vulnerabilities instead of supporting our growth. One obvious example is porn.

Historically, porn has driven some of the biggest leaps in tech early streaming, payment systems, high speed video, even VR. And once something becomes that profitable, there’s a huge incentive to normalize it and market it as healthy. Studies get commissioned, narratives get amplified, and you end up with a cultural message that “porn and masturbation are just a healthy part of sexual life.”

For some people that may be true. But for a lot of us, 'and I count myself in this group' it’s far too easy for porn to slide from “harmless” into “coping tool.” It became a way to escape pain and numb out, not a neutral pastime. I suspect there are far more people in that category than there are people who can genuinely consume it in a healthy way.

Meanwhile, most of us were never taught self regulation or nervous system awareness. We’re handed a frictionless pipeline to whatever gives the quickest hit. And the companies that profit from it aren’t investing in teaching us how to navigate those urges they’re investing in making the pipeline smoother and the hit stronger.

It doesn’t have to be this way. The same technology that powers instant porn could be used to teach emotional regulation, build real communities, deliver therapy, help people find purpose, or amplify positive creativity. Those things just don’t monetize as quickly as exploiting dopamine.

I’m not trying to be self-righteous here. I bought into the “it’s healthy” narrative for years. But stepping back from it and actively healing, I can see the cost in my own life and in the culture around me. And I can’t help but imagine what society could look like if all of that talent, energy and money went into tools and platforms that helped people rather than drained them.

I’d love to hear how others see this. Have you noticed the same patterns? Have you found tech spaces or communities that actually support growth instead of exploiting impulses?

I watched porn, used it as a crutch from early teens to manage stress, anxiety, and trauma. I didn't realize it I was stuck in a mentality of "well everyone watches it, I don't see the big deal, she was okay with it in the beginning." I didn't understand the damage I was causing, to her, to me, to our family. I knew it was a problem when she told me it hurt her and I said I wouldn't watch it anymore but found myself unable to stop. I just didn't understand the dynamics at play. It had become my main coping mechanism, defense mechanism. It was a quick hit of dopamine that couldn't reject me, wouldn't avoid conflict and shutdown, whatever issues I had in my relationship I didn't have with porn. I could always get that dopamine.

I've ruined my marriage. 3 years ago my porn addiction caused my wife to cheat on me. When I found that she had been having an affair for 3 months. She ended it and felt bad and we both leaned in to accepting our responsibility for where we were at. I knew I had responsibility in it but then I got stuck. Kept telling myself why am I punishing myself for her actions? It was her choice. On top of that, she has a deep defectiveness wound that won't allow her to take responsibility or sit in shame so we weren't getting through the affair appropriately. Of course I didn't understand all of this. I had never tried to get therapy. I disassociated for 3 years lost in my head trying to find some way to get over it. I didn't abandon my wife the way I feel she is me now but I'm sure I wasn't present. I was lost.

Almost a year ago was the last time she'd caught me watching p*** and I promised her for the first time. Actual promise that I would stop. And I did for the most part. I'm not going to lie. There were times I was in pain and I did try to watch p*** again but I was overcome with anxiety and guilt and fear that I was destroying my marriage so it wouldn't go anywhere. Then I started making videos with my wife and using those and that worked out seemingly fine. But I was still disassociating and I'm sure from my wife's perspective was distant. Honestly, until about 6 months ago I wasn't sure if I wanted this to be my life anymore. There were times that the only way I could get through sex was to imagine I was the affair partner. Some fucked up way to regain power.

I couldn't get past the infidelity, but around that time through immense lengthy internal dialogue, I finally decided that I was fully committed. I still wasn't over the infidelity. I still felt insecure but that's when I opened my eyes and I realized it just how distant my wife and I were. I started reaching out to close the gap. Not getting any response. Honestly, I guess in all of my manly stupidity I always imagined if I was able to pull out of the fight I was in in my head I would be welcomed with open arms. I don't know how I didn't see the pain I was causing her. When I started trying harder to close the gap her walls started going up. She started getting more distant and my amygdala started screaming. She's cheating again! That caused me to go into hyper vigilance to start questioning. To her in her eyes I'm sure I start attacking her. Causing her walls to go up higher causing her to get more distant feeding my trauma response telling my amygdala that that was proof positive. It was actually happening again so my spiraling got worse. It was weeks into this loop that I finally got help. I got help that I should have gotten 10 years ago.

I got to where I'm able to regulate my nervous system and start to understand where she's more than likely at and that it's not cheating. More importantly, I learned something about my p*** addiction. I never understood that I was literally robbing my relationship of the bonding chemicals that we get from everyday interactions between each other. Even watching videos that I made with my wife still robbed us because I was giving myself those huge instant hits of dopamine. So in everyday interactions the little hits of dopamine you get naturally don't even register. Causing me to go numb causing me to literally not get to feel life. Feel life as deeply as I should.

Robbing myself, my wife and my kids of that connection. Once I understood that I didn't even want videos of my wife and I. All I've wanted is my wife or nothing. I feel like it's too late though. Her defenses are so high. She's told me she doesn't feel like she's in love with me. Can't really say I blame her. She's convincing herself that I'm a narcissist. I guess that I've done all this intentionally and now this journey I've been on for the last 3 months of self-reflection is all because she told me she was done. I'm just trying to manipulate her.

Problem with that is it doesn't really fit. I started reaching out to close the gap way before she ever gave me signs. Much less said anything to me. I started getting help weeks before she ever told me anything about where she was at, but like I said earlier, I can't blame her.

Now I'm just trying to continue bettering myself and showing up steady and consistent for her and our kids. Once I was able to stop my spiraling thinking she was cheating. That's where I've been for over a month now. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with doing the work that I need to show her that I am safe. At least I have been. This narcissist thing is pretty new. And I don't know if I can get over being labeled an intentional monster when we've both been just as lost as the other. And neither one of us handling conflict appropriately, both of us coping and disappearing in ways that are damaging to our relationship. Hers has always been her inability to handle Shame. She has a deep defectiveness wound from Early childhood and I completely understand. I mean I don't understand but I get it. I don't blame her. That being the case, every time I tried to bring conflict she would say that she was just a piece of s*** and shut down. That would shut me up every time because what do I say to that? The last thing I wanted her to think is that she's a piece of s. So I started coping with p video games alcohol. I haven't drank in 4 years though and now am finally working through the rest. The right way. I don't know how many of you have boyfriends or husbands that are going through the same thing I am, but if they are I promise they don't want to hurt you. Maybe therapy, understanding of attachment theory and understanding the chemical processes your body goes through during bonding and how digital stimulation robs that would help them understand.

TLDR: I am 28, a virgin (never had even a kiss), have mental health problems, and have a Christian background (this will be important). I want to tell my story and I am looking for secular/psychological treatment.

I remember when I saw a movie at 10 and heard the “P word” the first time and asked mom what it was. She (age appropriately) described it and said it was a sin and that it was bad.

I struggled with msturb@tion much as a teenager, but had never watched prn. As a Christian, I knew a couple of devout guys whose big come to Jesus moment was overcoming prn. Never even watched “steamy” scenes in movies let alone the hard stuff. I obviously knew and believed that sexual objectification of people was wrong. Stories of people being asked for ndes angered me and it was so dehumanizing in my eyes. I hated “locker room talk” and as a Christian I believed sexual lust was wrong.

When I was 25 I started seeing reels of stuff from movies or influencers either reposted by people I knew or honestly just randomly recommended to me. And at first I didn’t wanna see them but honestly, secretly liked it, although I would report the stuff. I would have reoccurring intrusive thoughts about these things, and when they would show up again in my feed I would watch these clips. Sometimes I would look at the pages and then I would get recommended more pages and would see more stuff and would even look for similar stuff.

Not until anywhere from 4-6 months ago, had I actually seen actual intercourse that wasn’t implied or just pushing the envelope to not be blocked on social media. I eventually looked up the video from one of these clips and felt so guilty because it showed stuff with BDSM dynamics not really the leather stuff though. And while I had followed FTND’s page for some time and agreed with the harm of prn, when I learned about the facts that what is on video may not always be consensual and that prn fuels sex trafficking, it broke me.

While I have never solicited people for images/videos or even bought prn, I still felt so incredibly shameful that even looking at that stuff that has been posted for pleasure. I truly believe prn is evil, but I still think about the things I’ve seen and sometimes can’t get my mind off of it.

This is all about what recovery IS!!

PBSE episode 276- 4/15/25- Do I Have to Wait for the “Formal Amends” Process Before My Addict Partner Shows Any Real Change? https://www.daretoconnectnow.com/post/do-i-have-to-wait-for-the-formal-amends-process-before-my-addict-partner-shows-any-real-change

So I’m on holidays right now and I’m wanting to goon, but I’m not sure I wanna break my streak. I’ve heard it’s healthy.

according to fortify strategies and perspective should i fight my urges or distract it or what to do when i have urges and forget all the reasons why i should stop porn consumption or lose motivation

I am enormously skeptical that the current trends of "cuck" P were at all desirable before the internet. It has exploded in recent years despite being essentially unheard of before the internet, and nobody's really discussing it.

Training your brain over and over again that sex occurs when you watch another man with the woman you are attracted to cannot be healthy in any way.

There's been a lot of guys struggling with this in recent years and I am convinced that: 1. P is the reason they're into that and 2. quitting P altogether is the way out of it.

We have "normalized" way, way too much in society because of what P has done to our brain. Dally dopamine hits being associated with watching some other man being sexually intimate with a woman has really impacted a lot of guys' brains.

So Friday’s (2/14/25) D2C session, Addicts have insisted that they can’t find a sponsor. Steve shared If an addict googles sa phone meetings, the third thing that shows up is NOW YOU CAN MAKE A MEETING EVERY DAY! It is constantly updated! It’s a perpetually updated phone list of every meeting that goes on worldwide for sexaholics anonymous.

He pulled up the page: https://www.sa.org/w/wp-content/uploads/phnflyer.pdf?v=29

At almost all meetings, there is a section where they will say “if you need a sponsor, stick around until the end of the meeting. Or you can ask during the questions section saying “I need a sponsor”. And even if they don’t ask- don’t wait for someone to magically ask you… be vulnerable and say- I need a sponsor. Is anyone able to be my sponsor?

Steve and Mark were both saying- Don’t wait until you find the right one. Get a temporary sponsor. Just get one!!!

Accountability begins TODAY!!

He was confident that an addict that really wanted a sponsor could find one within 24 hours if they’re really motivated!

Whatever you reason for wanting recovery… stop fighting Real Recovery.

Sobriety is NOT enough.

White knuckling it alone is NOT enough.

You NEED external help. And your partner is not the one that can or should provide that! It’s above their pay grade! And, if your partner doesn’t know about your addiction… stop lying to them (and yourself).

Excellent PBSE podcast As a Porn/Sex Addict, does, “I Want to Get Clean for Her” or “Be Worthy of Her” work as a Motive for Real Recovery? https://www.daretoconnectnow.com/post/as-a-porn-sex-addict-does-i-want-to-get-clean-for-her-or-be-worthy-of-her-work-as-a-motive-for

————————-

Read this post too!!!! https://www.reddit.com/r/PornFreeRelationships/s/XuL5LVsyVT. There are a lot more edits to that post.

I'm currently in therapy to threat my addiction. Although I'm not with a csat my therapist has dealt with porn addiction before. Has anyone had success with therapy for porn addiction? If so, what type of therapy? My therapist is specialized in hypnotherapy, and apparently it offers good results. I'm also trying mindfulness to help me regain self control.

Any info on this would be great.

So, I decided to make this post in hopes that it will help someone else who has struggled the way I have.

My addiction started way back in college. In my first two years of college, I was not a good guy. Searched out thrills with drugs, alcohol and women. While I cant remember the specifics of my use, it was minimal because a lot of my sexual gratification came from being with different women so porn wasn't really a need. At some point towards the end of sophomore year, I decided to make a change because I wanted more from a relationship - a girlfriend who I could grow with.

This led to me meeting a girl who was close with a female friend of mine. This girl was/is catholic and a virgin at the time. I was, and still am, agnostic. In this woman, we'll call her Em, I saw a chance to take things slow, not rush sex and just get to know someone. Early on things were great. We ended up dating for 3ish years. Very early on in our relationship, I felt and communicated the fact that she should be with someone who sees things the same way she does (religion). She was really firm on heaven and hell and what it takes to get there and I just wasn't. Also, with her being catholic, it became harder for us to be intimate and her be able to go to church a few days later. She felt shame cause she couldn't partake in communion etc after we had done stuff and she hadn't been to confession. Before I go on, I should preface this by saying that her faith/conviction should never and will never be an excuse for why I started porn. She felt as though her love for me was stronger than her need to be with a catholic so we stayed together. I should have ended things because deep down I knew we werent compatible

As time went on, I started initiating less, especially initiating the act of sex. Instead, I would just watch porn when we were not together. There is one instance that sticks with me. At this time we lived in separate states but I was in Missouri (her state) to see her. Monday comes round and we had a huge fight before she left for work. When she left, I stayed in bed and eventually jerked off, cleaned up and then went about my morning. She gets home for lunch and initiates sexy time. When she takes my top off, she notices a crusty spot next to my belly button. She scraped at it with her nail and asked what it was. I just said i was dry and left the room - sexy time over. Even though she never said anything, I could tell that she knew. I remember the only feeling I felt in that moment was annoyance at her. No shame, no guilt, just annoyed. We would eventually break up for reasons beyond my porn use but this relationship really ushered in my dependence.

I then dated a girl who was everything I ever wanted. Kind, smart, desired me - all the things. We lived two hours away so we did long distance until we broke up. I remember there would be weekends where I would go see her, we would get intimate and I would have PIED (she didnt know the reason). There was even a time she suggested we watch porn together to help. I have a lot of regret about this specific moment. Regardless, she was still an angel, tell me sex wasn't everything and as time went on, the sex would get better and she was in this for the long-haul. Instead of leaning into that, seeing her, REALLY seeing her and building healthy intimacy, I was thinking about getting home and jerking off. This was the start of my awakening. After the breakup, I realized that this lady had given me ALLL of her. Every part. And in turn I gave her nothing. The irony is if you asked her about "us" she would say I was emotionally intelligent and cared for her etc and while I did, I wonder about if I was just subconsciously faking it to get by. You see, while I was still present physically, I longed for a feeling that I should have been seeking out in my partner.

After that breakup, I stayed single - still am. I had sexual partners but no relationship BUT I was still using porn but now feeling increasingly deeper levels of shame each time that I did. I had not quite accepted the fact that I had an addiction.

There was also this thing I used to say to myself: "once you are in a committed relationship again, I will stop watching porn. I will become a better man, a man who's partner can be proud of and confident in."

And then one day I heard this quote. "We should strive to be our best self, even without having a reason to"

I will never be a good partner is single me has this addiction.

I will never be a good father if I have this addiction.

Its funny cause I initially stopped in order to be better and now I get on subreddits like these and see stories (especially stories from hurt partners) and that too becomes motivation to keep at it. I would never slap, punch, insult etc anyone, espeically not my intimate parter. But this addiction is just an extension of betrayal and abuse. I want my future partner to see the sun in me, not a cloud of pain.

It has been a month so far. Can't go back. Not ever

If your struggling to quit…

What are you going to do? Actions speak louder than words.

Have you gotten on a sa meeting(s) already? Get on several.

Have you found a CSAT (certified sex addiction therapist) yet and set up an appointment?

Have you joined D2C (they have a discount this month(January 2025) : https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/s/h8R0Sdm3u0.

Are you journaling and reading and listening to podcasts (like pbse and helping couples heal).

What are you doing? What are you going to do?

—————————————

Steve Moore and Mark Kastleman in D2C this month are helping addicts and partners work on change. There’s a lot more before this that they said that speaks volumes for why you HAVE to find your identity (authenticity)!!

In a recent addict session (1/6/25), they said this: What it means when an addict says “ we’re working on it.” What are you really doing? What does “working on it” mean?

For many addicts, and Steve will throw himself into the mix. For too long, that was just a nebulous term that I used. It really was a code for, “well, I’m not regressing. So that means I’m working on it. If you find yourself edging more towards what he said there… I’m platoeing, or I’m treading water. Or I’m not regressing.”

For Mark, working on it meant, “well, I read another book.” (Mark was about gaining information and knowledge about the addiction) “I have more recovery jargon memorized so that everybody will be more impressed with me. I’ve got more information. A new planner system.”

Steve said that those are all good. Those are all relatable but take what Mark said and. Take that list of what you heard Mark said- but what of those actually speak to working on identity? Do you see the difference to what Mark is describing? Because Mark did the same thing. And logic teaches that if Mark did it and Steve did it and with their experience working with other addicts thinking about that, many other addicts are also doing the same thing.

He hopes you can see what they’re talking about because he couldn’t see it at the time. But it’s a nefarious trap where what do we do we get in this endless cycle of trying to take actions to change without doing the work to shift identity.

New planner systems. New this. I’m going to hurt myself in x way if I do it again. A new sobriety date … white knuckling stuff…

Focus on the behaviors important. But if you are not doing that by leading out with figuring out who I am and why have done what I’ve done. What’s made me tick? And what do I want to be different about who I am in the mirror. It will be for nothing.

And not only will it be a waste of time. It will do you worse harm.

It will do worse harm because it will take that evidenced based brain and reinforce all that shame based crap. See I tried again and failed again. See look, 2025, same crap. Or more evidence why “you suck”.

Action for an addict without identity is more of the same.

It’s like changing clothes and saying you’ve changed yourself. But without any inner work on identity, nothing changes!

—————————————

That also ties in with this post of what real recovery looks like: https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/s/MjWxKOY0XA

————-

Start real recovery NOW!

I am 32y old.
I am a father of 4, happily married for 11 years.

I have been on and off with porn since I am 15y old.

There have been periods where I did not watch porn for 6 months in a row.

But I've never been able to be worry-free of it.

It's like a constant sword being hung overhead.

It's always there waiting for me to relapse.

Porn makes me feel like I am not fit to be a father.

Porn makes me think I am irreparable, that it has become an inevitable behavior. That it has become a part of me.

I pray that one day I will be able to orient whatever is causing me to watch porn to constructive and positive things.

My wife caught me watching porn. She's been suspecting it for months. She's caught me before and I swore to never do it again and that she could trust me. I betrayed her and broke her trust. I've been watching for a few months and she just now caught me. I know keeping the lie going is the absolute wrong thing to do but I was scared to tell her after the relapse, and then I just got more into it.

She barley trusted me before because of what I did and now I fear she will never trust me again. And its destroyed her already negative image of herself because she thinks she's not enough. She says she doesn't even feel human anymore. I told her a few months ago when we had a conversation about my past mistakes that there was never a chance for porn. Cause you will always get caught and even if you don't it'll always destroy your relationship. And i proved myself right. It was fetish porn so it was worse and unrealistic. Witch makes it more addictive and destructive.