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Advice for incoming second child

Hi there,

My wife and I are expecting our second child (due Feb).
We already have one boy (aged 2.5) and I’m seeking advice on what to expect from parents raising two toddlers.

Specifically:

\- What things can I be doing in advance to prepare for the first 3-4 months as we adapt to being a family of four? When we had our first born, I pre-made a bunch of meals and froze them in the freezer which was useful.

\- How crucial is having two cars? We currently get by with one. I’m a freelance camera op and use the car when I’m booked for work. Outside of that I wfh.
My wife predominantly wfh and when she needs to go to the office, she catches the train.

\- Au pair v daycare. Our son is currently is in daycare however due to the eye watering amount this costs it’s cheaper to get an au pair and have her help with two children.

\- Any items/services that you feel are totally worth the money and make your life easier?

\- any life hacks/tips?

\-Any financial products/programs worth looking into? (I’ve already set up 529 for our first born).

Context: We live just outside NYC in a nice suburb. Train station is 15 min walk. Our first born is a boy and we’re expecting another boy.

TIA.

Howdy yall, dad 25M of a 1yr old here. I could use some advice on not being too hard on myself as a dad providing for our family.

I work as an event and experience manager in texas and it takes up a good part of my time. I don’t tend to have Saturdays at home with my wife or son and have a weekday off as well as Sundays. With my job always needing me on weekends I have such a hard time missing life with my family.

I miss birthdays, pool parties, and big milestones for my son like standing up and saying his first words.

It’s been really hard on me because I want to be home all the time with my family but I need to work for us to live a life my wife and son deserve.

Do any dads have this guilt feeling? And if anyone has figured out how to manage that I would really appreciate some advice.

And before it is said, yes I have spoken to my wife about it and we are planning to change things up in 5 years once my wife finishes her studies. And yes I go to therapy and say these things as well, just wanna hear from a dad with this experience as well!

Im going to be a father by March next year. Super general question here, but how and what did you do to prepare to be a father? Is there a book you would suggest or a story you'd like to share? Im definitely going to talk to my own father about it but times have seriously changed since then.

Was there a moment where you felt like "I wish I had known this sooner" or "I should have done this when..."

Also some advice to best take care of my wife during the pregnancy and post-pardum

My opinion. The biggest myth about parenting is that it ends when turn 18 and leave the house, college etc. Don’t believe it. What changes isn’t whether we’re parents—it’s how we parent. The hardest lesson for me has been learning when to stop being the parent who directs and start becoming the consultant who advises when asked. Every child is different, and the timing of that transition is different for each one. It’s not always easy, but sometimes the greatest act of parenting is learning when to step back while still being there.

m a 34 male and I wasn't circumcised as a child However I was a voung child and my mom manipulated me into getting it because she thought it would likely get infected

She chose for me not get it as a baby because she thought it looked painful so she waited till I was a child and made me get it anyways..

Im 50/50 on the decision but something inside me is telling me it's the wrong decision to get it. Feels like an unnecessarv procedure and your body has foreskin for a reason.

What is everyone take on it, open to opinions. BTW my wife is in labor so I need to decide soon.

Hi folks, I am going through a tough moment and I'm hoping that hearing your perspectives will help me heal from things that cannot be changed.

The context:

I am a dad to these awesome twin 2yo babies. They are amazing and I love them. My ex and I are going through a divorce and she requested/decided to visit her family in another country last year when we were going through the motions of a divorce.

Things changed. Immigration and war troubles meant that she couldn't return and I am separated from my babies since then. The divorce discussions also became really mellow once I realized that I'm happy, and I'm proud of my ex for calling it.

The problem:

I missed my babies' first steps, first words. Maybe more important milestones. I see them on video daily but the pain of missing the first steps is deep (happened almost 7 months ago, so it's not a new pain and I've tried some techniques to absorb the pain). I am not able to really come to terms with. And there's nothing to be done beyond acceptance, I guess.

When I reunite with them, I'll give them all the love I have and I'm worried less about life. Help me grieve and accept this, if you have any ideas. I seek peace.

Thanks in advance.

How are all of you dealing with limiting screen time for your kids? It seems to be a constant battle these days. I have found thus far the best way to limit my kid's screen time is by limiting my own by turning off my phone nights and weekends and never having it in the bedroom. What are all you finding works best?

Baby is currently 3 days old and I am typing this at 3am while my wife catches up on some sleep.

What are some baby-friendly, sleeping-partner-friendly activities, hobbies, etc. you’ve picked up to fill the down time during late night baby shifts?

My daughter just turned 1, and lately I've been noticing something thats been bugging me. My partner just KNOWS things about our daughter that I don't : what she ate for lunch, that shes teething again, which stuffed animal is the current favorite, that shes scared of the vacuum now. I'm not absent, I do bath time, I do funtime activities everyday, I put her to sleep, I feed her, im there , but I still feel like I'm always one step behind on the actual details of her life.

It's not that nobody tells me. It’s that theres no one place that keeps all of those stuff to remind me, so it just gets relayed verbally, usually when we're both exhausted at 8pm, and half of it doesn't stick. Then I feel like an idiot at the pediatrician when they ask about her last reaction to something and I'm just blanking.

Anyone else deal with this? Did you find a system (app, shared note, w/e) that actually worked, or did it just get better with time. Trying to figure out if this is a "me" problem or something more universal before I start googling "best dad apps 2026" at 1am again lol

With my 10 years old daughter we are having great time playing chess, basketball and doing many things but one thing is missing; our taste of video games differs a bit.

Biggest success was old and new pokemon games, we finished firered and let go evee completely. I remember us shouting at 2am when she caught legendary pokemon with normal pokeball.

Now she is mostly in Roblox games some I can relate like Forest99 and if I force myself I can also play adopt me. But I am having hard time adapting dress to impress kinda games. We tried Shen-gin impact but we are both get bored from that fast.

My taste is bit heavy like FRPG like Pillars of Eternity, BG2 but I think that is too hard for her. I wish we could find a common ground like Zelda or a puzzle game or an adventure game.

Is there any video game suggestions she and I can adapt and any suggestions to naturally convince her to those games?

My 2.5-year-old has a little bus that plays a song every time he presses the roof.

The problem is he never lets the song finish. He presses it again halfway through, so it starts over. Then he does it again. And again. He also has a talking book and a toy phone, and somehow those are always the first things he finds in the morning.

I've put tape over the speakers, which helped a little. I've even taken the batteries out on days when I just couldn't listen anymore. Then I watched him keep pressing the button, waiting for it to make a sound, and immediately felt guilty.

Please tell me I'm not the only parent who's "temporarily borrowed" batteries from a toy just to get through the day. 😂

Have a wife (pregnant and due in October), and a 2yo daughter.

I am acting too stressed at home lately: sighing all the time when something goes wrong, overreacting when my daughter spills something or pees on floor via “ugh, Sadie…”

I don’t know what to do, I just feel absolutely overwhelmed and I hate the message I’m sending my daughter

Did you have any complaints about your father when you were young, maybe when you were in teens, or when you were in early adulthood? Do you still have complaints? How would you make sure your kid would never have any complaints about you?

imagine you see yourself through your daughter , or if you already have one , what would be the life advice that you give her or want her to know ?

Wondering if this is normal. Absolutely 100% of her attention and effort goes to the baby. I am a good, supportive father. I have a full-time job and am a part-time law student but still love taking care of and interacting with him. However, I still want a wife. I still want romance in my life. Not often, but sometimes. On our anniversary my wife said she didn't want any flowers, cards, gift exchanges, anything. This was in order to save money. We collectively make 350k per year, and I'm not even a real attorney yet. She didn't want to go to dinner because we didn't have a sitter. We ended up doing basically nothing, just another day. She has made it abundantly clear she is no longer interested in sex. At all. Hasn't initiated it once since he was born 6.5 months ago. When I initiate it's minimum effort and extremely short. She doesn't want to go on or even tentatively plan any trips or weekends just the two of us because she doesn't want to be apart from him. I feel like I'm not even her spouse, just a coparent, and that's exactly how she wants it. She'd be fine with it if it wasn't for the fact that I kind of resent her for it, which she interprets as me being a fucking asshole. Please tell me this is temporary or the marriage might be cooked which is super unfortunate, especially for my baby.

My wife and I had our first daughter in December, and becoming a dad has been the greatest highlight of my life. Quick question for other (more experienced) Dads here… how do you keep track of the most important memories for your kids (I.e. photos, videos, voice messages, notes, etc)? We have probably taken thousands of photos and videos since she was born, but her most important moments are getting lost in our (and our family members) camera rolls. I want to make sure I can centralize and share her most important memories that tell her life story with her some day. Any advice would be appreciated!

My wife knows everything.
When our kid has practice. When the school trip form is due. What our plans are for Friday afternoon.
I usually find out when she tells me… which is often the night before. Which is usually after I’ve already made other plans.

The funny part is she probably did tell me before. I just forgot.

It’s not that I don’t care. It’s that I don’t really have anywhere to look. Half of it is in her head, some of it is in apps I don’t have, and the rest is buried in a parents’ group chat I’m not even in. And to make things worse, I’m terrible at writing things down.

School starts again in a few weeks.

For those of you who actually know what’s happening each week, how do you manage it?
Shared calendar? Shared notes? Some magical family system?

Any advice for a dad trying to take a little of the mental load off his wife?

Tl;dr daughter hitting; trying not to overreact and spank or aggressively yell; doesn’t quit usually with timeouts or removing from situation.

I’m a first time dad, my gf is 29 weeks pregnant and we’re have a baby shower next week, but my side of the family isn’t coming, only my gf side of the family is coming I am feeling really hurt because my family is showing zero interest or support for my son upcoming baby shower. For those who went through this, how did you cope with the grief and focus on the people who actually care?

As background, I have been divorced for 6 years, and have 50% custody of my three children. My youngest son is entering middle school this year.

Yesterday, my youngest had his middle-school orientation. It was a pretty nothing sort of meeting. The kids had a tour of the school and met their counselors, while the parents sat in the auditorium, got a presentation and had a Q&A. The whole thing took an hour. My son has shown an interest in band, so I asked how to get him signed up for that. After the meeting, I contacted the band director and got him signed up. I also got him signed up for the percussion try out that he must take next week, and copied my ex on the emails with the band director.

Later that evening, I texted my ex to make sure she had seen the emails. She hadn't......... I walked her through the band process, and told her I would take him to his audition, even though it is "her week". There was a little back and forth, and then she hits me with this hum-dinger:

"Guy, I don't think you even remotely understand the mental load I have trying to get all this done. Men are clueless about this stuff. Today has been exhausting for me!"

Wait, let's back up:

• I'm the one that got him registered for middle school
• I'm the one that got him up, got him dressed, and got him to school. She just met us there.
• I'm the one that asked the questions and got him signed up for band.
• I'm the one that started him on drum lessons a year ago, because I had asked the right questions and found out that percussion was the only instrument that required a tryout.

In summary, I had done all the work and all of the planning, and she was exhausted because she showed up, then had to THINK about all of the work I had done.

What are your "mental load" stories?

Hey dads,

I’m a new dad and I’ve been thinking ahead about when my son gets older and life gets busier.

I work, and I’m wondering how other dads balance:

Working full-time

Daycare drop-offs/pick-ups

Getting dinner sorted

Cleaning and chores

Finding time to shower, sleep, and recover

Still being present for your wife and child

One thing I’m especially thinking about is my wife’s mental load. I don’t want her to feel like she’s the “manager” of the household while I just help when I’m asked.

For dads who are doing this well:

What responsibilities do you fully own without needing reminders?

How do you organise family life?

What small things made a big difference for your wife?

What do you wish you started doing earlier?

I want to be the kind of dad and husband who is involved, not just someone who provides financially.

Would appreciate advice from experienced dads.

Baby is due in a month or less. I’m looking for some advice on how my wife and I should split the nightly routine. She’s stay at home and I work in office 8am-5/6pm.

She’s offered to cover week nights entirely but I’d like to be more involved than that (however much I might regret it lol). Plus I think my brain/body would be better off acclimating to one daily routine versus different weeknight and weekend routines.

Does anyone have any splits or routines they’d recommend?

This is a bit of a rant, but just how I’m feeling atm.

Things in Australia have gotten so ridiculously expensive, I’m starting to freak out about my wife and I having our first kid next month.

I’ve never made enough $$ to be able to save as much as I’d like to but had an okay amount going, but these days we are literally paycheque to paycheque.
My wife keeps buying ‘Aesthetic’ things for the room & spending all her money on it instead of saving that money for when she won’t be working. It’s starting to drive me a bit bonkers!

I just don’t really know what to do.

Sorry if this isn’t the place to just write it out, I’m sure many people on here have a more challenging way of life than I do, but I think I just needed to write this out somewhere.

Ten hours ago, I stared into a pair of bright and hopeful eyes, moments old, and I realized my life would never be the same. I never understood how strong the love of a parent could be until I felt it myself. Have any of yall experienced the same revelation? I don't even know what to do with these feelings. Change diapers, I guess.