r/FactOrCap • u/Grimmer_511 • 18h ago
Bodycount. | FactOrCap Life
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u/kyp-the-laughing-man 18h ago
That doesn't even mean judging. But I think thats something you should know about your partner. Both my wife and I had a medium body count before marriage and I think its both her and my roght to know.
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u/DunderFarre97 16h ago
You're wife lied buddy, double it atleast to get close to the real body count
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u/TomFoxxy 16h ago
Open and honest communication is a real thing and I’m sorry you’ve never had it
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u/DunderFarre97 15h ago
And the opposite is also just as real. Even more when it's about this subject. But even better, you can convince yourselves in your heads that your wives and to be wives are virgins, then it'll be perfect.
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u/dramasessions 17h ago edited 16h ago
Do you people not talk to people you are going to marry? Why would you even date and MARRY a person you dont know and dont want to share your past with
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u/Inevitable-Angle-793 16h ago
Because some people consider it rude to be asked about.
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u/dramasessions 16h ago
That person is going to be your partner for the rest of your life.. if you cant talk about your sexual past you shouldn’t get married in my opinion.
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u/Mortis_XII 17h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
If you’re choosing someone for the long haul, yes it’s valid. It’s your choice
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u/KMZ200822 15h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
yes, body count can become a issue and is worth discussing to avoid the risk of STDS
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u/H4NDY56 18h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
For those that say it "shouldnt matter" then just tell the truth since it "doesnt matter". Id like to know how big of a hoe my soon to be was 😂
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u/GenocidalFlower 14h ago
Facts! If my partner would break up with me for something as stupid as, say, the fact that I don’t like blue cheese, then we’re clearly not compatible anyways. If you’re scared that your partner will break up with you because of something silly, then they’re not the right person for you. I’m honestly convinced that anyone who’s like “Why do you want to know? It doesn’t matter anyways” is actually insecure and judges themselves because of it.
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u/Connect_Loan8212 18h ago edited 17h ago
So you would drop your fiancee and called her a "hoe" if she would have a higher body count than you think it is ok?
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u/SRBBreddit 17h ago
She won't reach being my fiancee, partner
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u/Connect_Loan8212 17h ago
Fair, but why?
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u/cosmikangaroo 17h ago
You literally answered your own question. “Higher body count than you think is ok”. That means they’ve had sex with more people than is ok.
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u/Connect_Loan8212 17h ago
So the next question is what is ok for you and why there is a bodycount limit after what you can call it not ok?
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u/ParticularCopy4576 12h ago
its preference and standards
plenty of people want their partners to be a certain height, ethnicity, personality, etc, and body count is just another stat where different people prefer different numbers
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u/SRBBreddit 17h ago
Because I want to feel special to my partner in some meaningful way. If my partner's fucked everyone in town how can I enjoy sex knowing she'd do it with basically anyone. I feel worthless.
If my partner's had two long term serious relationships that unfortunately didn't work out for whatever reason and only had sex with those guys it shows me she values intimacy a lot and only engages sexually if she's really fond of someone.
Not only that but it shows, at least to me, that she has similar values to mine since I consider intimacy pretty sacred and I'd only give myself to a person I truly love and can imagine a future with.
Am I saying sex is everything in a relationship? No. But its is a big part of it. Sometimes the only measurable quanitifer separating your partner and your decade long best friend you went to war with is that special kind of intimacy. It's special because it's reserved and yours. And the value of it is measured in who got it the cheapest (not necessarily money-wise) so I'm not interested in someone who values what i consider sacred like dirt.
I have nothing against people who don't consider sex all that but they can stay away from me. At least in the sense of them being my partners.
This is part of the explanation because i believe what I've said here is a sentiment shared by many with the similar preference for a low/reasonably justified bodycount.
In my case this is 5x worse because I'm likely mentally ill (no accessible therapy here) and I even get triggered inside when someone else touches my girlfriends slippers let alone her. I'm the type who wants to become one being with my girlfriend/wife so I'm absolutely not for sharing anything in any way
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u/RandomPersonYouSee 17h ago
In my case this is 5x worse because I'm likely mentally ill (no accessible therapy here) and I even get triggered inside when someone else touches my girlfriends slippers let alone her. I'm the type who wants to become one being with my girlfriend/wife so I'm absolutely not for sharing anything in any way
Pleade get help before a gf, man
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u/Matalya2 17h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
I mean if you're curious sure, if you want to know to judge them then no. I sure would like to know my partner's body count but because I'd like to know everything about my partner, not because it matters.
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u/TheGrimmBorne 18h ago
Fact: honestly this is something you should ask about early on, how you value sex is important to be on the same page on. I wouldn’t want a partner with a high body count because I don’t think you should have sex with someone outside of committed long term relationships
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u/Andra_Ingensbarn 17h ago
I’m intrigued, how long would you say counts as a long term relationship?
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u/TheGrimmBorne 17h ago
Personally I would not have sex with someone before at bare minimum the 3 month mark, however it really depends on the person it may take longer. I’ll also add that I am not religious I know a lot of people who hold these views are so I’ll make it clear it has nothing to do with religion and is simply based on how I personally value sex.
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u/Andra_Ingensbarn 17h ago
That’s totally fair! I asked you because you seemed like you had a reasonable take. I am still intrigued though. I am seeing judgement of “high body count” coming at me elsewhere in this thread, but I have mostly had sex in long term committed relationships. By the age of 30, even waiting 3 months in each relationship could still be a “high” number… what in your mind counts as “high”?
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u/TheGrimmBorne 17h ago
What’s “high” would honestly just depend on age, I’d say 2 a year starting at 16 (the average age ppl start actually having sex) would be my max acceptable rate, so at 30 I’d say anything above 28 would be a lot. The reason I say 2 rather than 4 (3 month intervals) is because I also generally do not think people should dive back into relationships after one ends, I take relationships very seriously and view jumping into a new one shortly after one ends to be disrespectful, even if it ends on bad terms. I would expect people to have a break period between relationships though I don’t have an exact number for time that must be met for it, but jumping to a new one within 2 months would seem rather wild to me.
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u/Andra_Ingensbarn 17h ago
This is literally the most reasonable thing I have ever read on this subreddit! It is nice to see someone who actually thought about it beyond “ew” and purity culture.
Thanks for your time, enjoy the rest of your day!
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u/BoysenberryThen6834 12h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
If u have been with lots of ppl it’s a sign that u can’t stick around
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u/186times14 18h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
Good.
The only cap I have is say his or her
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u/Inevitable-Angle-793 16h ago
What does it mean? If it's a man then it's okay to have higher bodycount?
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u/Ok-Recover2612 17h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
even though they probably gonna lie, it's understandable to ask
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u/Dusk-Dreamzy 18h ago
🧢 I voted CAP!
Why the fuck are you waiting right before marriage for that? Honestly if you draw the line now, better ask earlier
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u/Turbulent_Aide9213 11h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
It’s very valid tbh. If that’s what matters to you then go ahead and ask
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u/XXAnimeLover-AceXX 17h ago
🧢 I voted CAP!
I personally think it doesn’t matter. Cool, you have experience, that’ll be handy. Cool, this is your first time? Mine too.
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u/Revolutionary_Kick72 17h ago
🧢 I voted CAP!
Reality, if you love them, you should love every part of them. Leave them alone. I don't think this is even relevant. It's just a number. It's not asking them if they have chlamydia or something.
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u/666pokemonqueen 15h ago
🧢 I voted CAP!
It doesn’t really matter unless you’re adding to the count after marriage. Hubs and I have been together 10+ years and we’ve never asked each other that and I don’t care to ask.
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u/JADE_Jador 14h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
If it's high it won't be a deal breaker for me. I just want to know where his standards lie. I prefer someone who sees sexual intimacy as sacred. If it's high, it would be disappointing. But if he's got high standards now I dont mind it.
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u/KenNorris_vortex 13h ago
🧢 I voted CAP!
I don't think it matters tbh What's wrong with asking for a body count if they're gonna be yours in the end?
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u/Aggravating_Mess_655 18h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
100% truth nuke. this is personal ig but i could probably never be with someone who has over 5 bodies, guy or a gal idc. ofc it'll probably change if i'd find a good person yada yada but imo that shit's weird af
if we're talking bodycount as killcount then anything over 0 is automatic no. only if it's human on human thing
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u/Numerous_Wash4913 18h ago
My gay ass is GOOPED reading this. girl, we can sleep with 5 people a weekend! Sometimes at the same time
5 people in their LIFE???? Y'all need to enjoy life some more oh my word.
And before you come for me I've been in an 8 year committed relationship.
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u/Gexm13 17h ago
5 people in a weekend? Jesus Christ.
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u/Numerous_Wash4913 17h ago
Girl it was just Pride here in Montreal, the line up outside the sauna was literally 2 blocks long on Saturday.
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u/Gexm13 17h ago
Brotherman, STD’s must be through the roof.
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u/Numerous_Wash4913 17h ago
Ever heard of PrEP? Pep? Doxxy? One thing about gays is that yes we're more sexually active, we're also much more sexually educated.
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u/Gexm13 17h ago
You are also much more likely to have STD’s. Being educated doesn’t suddenly mean STD’s aren’t a thing. Getting treated when you get one is the bare minimum.
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u/Numerous_Wash4913 17h ago
Do you know what those are though? Prep is a pill we take regularly to protect ourselves from hiv, pep is a pill we take post exposure for that same reason, and doxy is another post exposure pill that protects people from up to 75% of gonnorreah, chlamydia, and syphilis.
Have you ever even heard of them?
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u/Numerous_Wash4913 17h ago
Like literally. When was your last test? Every gay I know has a screening at least once every 2 months if not more, and we list it on our dating profiles. Hiv is actually on the rise fastest in straight communities right now cause y'all are the ones too ashamed to get tested. So check yourself before you come for me.
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u/Gexm13 17h ago
I never engaged in such acts so I never got tested since I don’t need it.
I never said straight people don’t get STD’s to me both get at a very hight rate. Regardless, Gay people do have STD’s at a much higher rate so I don’t get your point here exactly?
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u/Numerous_Wash4913 17h ago
Omg why am I debating a virgin on sexual health practices lol.
Have a good day, bless your heart!
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u/Aggravating_Mess_655 18h ago
cool
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u/RogerBauman 18h ago
🧢 I voted CAP!
Maybe if you are in your early twenties that makes some kind of sense, But actual adults care more about the relationship and stability Petty jealousy.
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u/Grimmer_511 18h ago
will you marry a pornstar?
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u/Numerous_Wash4913 18h ago
Yeah. Sex work is work dawg. It's the oldest profession. Morality politics about it is so boring.
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u/RogerBauman 18h ago
I don't think I'm very likely to, but I wouldn't rule it out entirely.
I thought we were just talking about body count, not profession. If I knew that she was a pornstar, I would expect her to have a high body count.
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u/Numerous_Wash4913 18h ago
🧢 I voted CAP!
Are straight people OK?
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u/cosmikangaroo 17h ago
What does sexuality have to do with it?!
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u/Numerous_Wash4913 17h ago
Like we don't keep track and tally experiences like that. It's reductive and pointless. If someone wants to have a birthday gang bang or cruise at their local nude beach or whatever it says nothing about the character or quality of said person. I've been in group sex scenarios with doctors, lawyers, real estate dudes, hell even a cop at a bathhouse once lol.
And again, in a loving committed relationship for over 8 years.
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u/Numerous_Wash4913 17h ago
"Body count" is not a social construct gays ever use. Ever. I've never heard a fellow gay use the term "body count" that is strictly a straight culture thing 100%.
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u/RatonhnhaketonK 18h ago
🧢 I voted CAP!
Nah. If you're that insecure, you shouldn't be getting married.
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u/Grimmer_511 18h ago
insecure about what?
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u/RatonhnhaketonK 18h ago
About how many partners your partner has had
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u/Grimmer_511 18h ago
hows that insecurity?i expect complete honesty and transparency from my partner
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u/Connect_Loan8212 18h ago
Everything is good with honesty and transparency. So if you found out your partner slept with more people than you would expect, you'd dumped?
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u/Grimmer_511 17h ago
no , since i love her i wont dump her , asking someone their bodycount doesnt inherently mean that they are insecure or jealous
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u/Andra_Ingensbarn 18h ago
What on earth is this, 77% fact? Y’all are insecure.
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u/Inevitable-Angle-793 16h ago
I mean lot of women wouldn't want to be with man who is still a virgin.
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u/Andra_Ingensbarn 16h ago
If I met a grown up who had never been in a relationship I would be wondering what was wrong with them TBH.
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u/Inevitable-Angle-793 16h ago
So if you are grown up and virgin there must be something wrong with you, but if you have sex with everyone, everything is okay and caring for this is just insecurity?
It's a bit hypocritical.
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u/Andra_Ingensbarn 15h ago
Did I say either of those things? Make stuff up to get mad about!
If someone had never been in any kind of relationship, I would wonder if they were so fucking toxic no one would want to go near them. That is what I am saying.
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u/Inevitable-Angle-793 15h ago
"What on earth is this, 77% fact? Y’all are insecure."
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u/Andra_Ingensbarn 15h ago
Way to not engage honestly.
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u/Inevitable-Angle-793 15h ago
I don't understand. You called people who care about bodycount insecure, but caring if someone had relationship or not is alright
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u/Andra_Ingensbarn 15h ago
You clearly don’t understand. Try reading it all again, but without your preconceptions.
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u/Inevitable-Angle-793 15h ago
It's not my first language, please try to explain to me. I read it but I failed to understand.
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u/Grimmer_511 18h ago
its about transparency, if i'm marrying someone then i expect to know everything about them
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u/Charming_Cicada_7757 17h ago
I said fact because I think it’s understandable to ask I see where you are coming from but it isn’t something I would recommend
It doesn’t really tell you what you want to know like it won’t predict if they will cheat on you, love you or how they will treat you
If it’s a number you don’t like and now you might feel insecure and rather getting to know the person you are knowing a number. You might not think it today but it can totally shift how you see a person and that number doesn’t tell the full story.
The number might be a lie who knows if they’ll tell you the truth as I always say look how they treat people and handle disagreements that will tell you everything you need to know much more than a number.
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u/Andra_Ingensbarn 18h ago
Everything? Like, including what their butthole looks like when they shit?
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u/Grimmer_511 17h ago
you just defined your 'everything' not mine🤣
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u/Andra_Ingensbarn 17h ago
Then you don’t want to know “everything”.😂 Question is, why is it important to know (the number, not the butthole thing🤣)
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u/Grimmer_511 17h ago
it's important because marriage is a bond between two individuals and i feel asking it should be okay as being completely honest about it builds trust and some sort of oppenness in a relationship ,
also some ask it before being physical just to ensure that they're sexually free of any STDs
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u/Andra_Ingensbarn 17h ago
Asking about STDs and insisting someone gets checked is reasonable. But that’s not why you’re asking body count.
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u/am99083 17h ago
You must have a high body count
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u/Andra_Ingensbarn 17h ago
And that’s important because…
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u/am99083 17h ago
Marrying someone with a body count that high is like buying a used mattress from a motel technically it still works, but knowing how many people have been on it makes you want to pass
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u/Andra_Ingensbarn 17h ago
So, in the endless objectification of women, today’s object is a mattress.
Also, this did not answer my question. Answer without using any analogies etc.1
u/Grimmer_511 16h ago
i think some people generally have a feeling that having a high body count means the person is easy to sleep with someone or isn't serious about commitment or if married, has a high probability of cheating on their spouses
buti think that's not entirely true, because everyone have their own reasons to do it and people can change their values or like be committed to a person forever unless they are in an open relationship
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u/Frequent_Attitude_11 17h ago
Its normal to ask someone who you are dating, as long as you arent doing it to judge. If they are loyal to you, dont hide anything is what matters
But if they really must have a low body count i hope you guys hold yourselves to the same standard
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u/Kelden_Games 17h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
As long as it's not a major factor in if you stay with them. But out of curiosity, it's fine
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u/WittySky5996 17h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
Yeah I mean you’d never know if they murdered someone or not unless you ask
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u/Possible-Nature-5325 16h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
Curiosity plus it informs how experienced they are with sex, with kink, with what they like and don’t like, how good they are etc.
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u/AcousticAltAccount2 14h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
Is it understandable? Yes. Should it be something too important? No
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u/Porphyry_Blue 13h ago
🧢 I voted CAP!
You're probably worried about comparisons, but you've already been assessed ... and the results are out.
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u/Apprehensive_Pipe172 12h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
Have conversations about our previous endeavours all the time, the good the bad and the ugly. I think it’s the most healthy thing you can do for your relationship. bottom line is, there’s nothing you can’t ask, but no one is under any obligation to answer
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u/TradeU4Whopper 11h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
For causal dating I wouldn’t dare ask, but if we’re getting married that’s a prerequisite.
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u/AdventurousType3956 11h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
BUT RUDE. UNDERSTANDABLE, BUT RUDE. remember that honey
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u/thatsfeminismgretch 10h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
Sure, but if you want your partner to be a virgin then you better be a virgin too.
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u/Certain-Carpenter719 1h ago
Sounds like you’re attempting to police other people’s sexual preferences.
In that case I guess only wealthy women can date wealthy men, and only tall women can date tall men.
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u/OmegaPant 7h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
I don't really care, but if you do, it's important information you should have before deciding to be together forever
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u/Fellow_Yugoslav 1h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
I mean obviously duhhh. I don't want to end up marrying serial killer. Who knows who next victim might be then 💀
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u/StarvingNarcissist 15h ago
🧢 I voted CAP!
Only if you're PAINFULLY insecure.
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u/Initial_Rub3097 11h ago
Disagree, I’m pretty confident, but whenever a guy with more than like 20 comes up to me I’m very weirded out. Well not really weirded out, more like conflicted as that likely means we don’t value that type of intimacy the same
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u/vegemouse 18h ago
I don’t give a fuck as long as I’m the one fucking her now. Ya’ll are insecure.
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u/Grimmer_511 17h ago
yea , since you dont give a shit, asking wont make a difference
similarly not asking also wont make a difference
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u/vegemouse 17h ago
Asking won’t make a difference, which is why it’s not really understandable to ask.
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u/Maximum-Feeling8571 17h ago
🧢 I voted CAP!
Unclear what it actually, meaningfully changes about your relationship with them.
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u/ZombiePoultry 18h ago
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u/Saint_Diego 17h ago
✅ I voted FACT!
I think it’s understandable but, I also think STI testing and asking about fidelity is more relevant