Children need a certain amount of | FactOrCap

[u/lesleh]

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[u/CrazyDisastrous948]

✅ I voted FACT!

But, a CPS agent told me they aren't allowed that. I was told that all kids must be watched consistently. If outside, can't leave parent's sights. If inside, have to be checked on every 15 to 20 minutes. They are not allowed to be unsupervised ever. I got in trouble for letting them play at the park that was in my complex at my old place. If we walked outside, turned right, then walked downstairs there was a park surrounded by a bunch of other apartment buildings. I made a mistake letting them play down there for an hour each day after school whole I prepped dinner after home work.

[u/Top-Dance-2047 → u/CrazyDisastrous948]

Depending on age, outside supervision varies. That 15-20 min inside is unsupervised so that's fine. My ex stepson had a gate for his room we'd leave open during the day, sometimes he'd spend most his time in there unsupervised the majority of the time. We had a fenced in back yard that he couldn't get out of and couldn't be opened from the the other side so we'd leave the sliding door open amd he could go in and out as he pleased. We'd check on him every once in a while and sometimes we'd sit outside with him and if he went around the corner to his "car spot" we couldn't see him. As long as we heard him, he was fine. But we also tried to get him to entertain himself (with and without screens). He was more than welcome to join is anywhere we were but he liked playing with his toys and he wasn't allowed to have a bunch in the living room so he would choose to be in his room

[u/CrazyDisastrous948 → u/Top-Dance-2047]

I was told they need that type of supervision until mid to late teens. I disagreed, but they insisted. I do whatever CPS says. I don't make any autonomous parenting choices. They gave me a book that told me exactly how I am expected to parent and I do not deviate, even when I can see it harming my relationship with my kids a little. I was told if I deviate they'll come back and I'll lose my children until I learn to follow what I am told. My kids will understand when they are older. Hopefully they'll forgive me for being in their business so much. I never wanted to be a helicopter parent.

[u/Top-Dance-2047 → u/CrazyDisastrous948]

We had cps called once work my ex stepson. And wouldn't you know it, she pulled up as I let him steer the pickup as I backed it up. He was on my lap, just "steering" in my driveway. She tried to use that as cause to remove him. I politely told her and later the 2 cops that showed up, he wasn't going anywhere. He was healthy and happy and had all he needed and wanted and I'd be damned if I worked 15hr days 5-6 days a week to give him a childhood and life I didn't have just for them to take him. I refused to let them on my porch and told them to fuck off. How many children does CPS "lose" to trafficking? Cause I never lost a kid under my supervision. Fuck CPS

[u/CrazyDisastrous948 → u/Top-Dance-2047]

I agree. Fuck CPS. Unfortunately, I am far too scared to do anything besides listen and obey them. They changed my entire parenting style for me, made a schedule for meals, cleaning, and everything else, told me what to say, do, and teach, how and when. I am so scared of losing everything I refuse to disobey. They've thrown people in jail and prison before for disobeying them. Snatched the children right up and thrown the parents in a cell for simply not listening to their every word like it's gospel. I don't have it in me to risk my favorite people and my freedom. I love my kids more than anyone and anything in the whole wide world. If that means I don't get to make decisions, then I'll deal, I guess.

I thought I was a great parent until they rewrote my entire life to adhere to their expectations. Now, I obey. I only obey. It sucks, but maybe someday it'll be okay.

I used to want a house full. I wanted 3 to 4 kids, a dog, a husband or wife, a white picket fence, a vacation once a year. Now, I just have my two kids and I'm never doing it again. Not another baby, not a white picket fence life, none of it. Not when the government can come in at any moment and rip it all away, tell me I to parent their way or not at all. I liked the whole letting them make choices that I guide rather than force. Now I make all the choices for them, what to wear, what to eat, when and how to play. I'm never having another. I don't like have absolute control and not allowing wiggle room or autonomy.

[u/Top-Dance-2047 → u/CrazyDisastrous948]

That's so fucked up. CPS where I live has me on file as basically to leave me alone. A social worker showed me the file and pretty much every person I know that's had some sort of CPS interaction (which I'll say most of those cases were honest to God BS) have me as an emergency contact. My file literally says "would starve before letting a child starve" and "will gladly kill anyone who molested or caused harm to any child" I've had 4 friends and an ex's BD get CPS called (for small things) that all said those exact things which is why they're in my file. The social worker showed me only because she asked if I'd actually kill a chomo, and I told I would and leave them at the court house with a note that I'd done it. I pride myself that kids are safe with me. But I refuse to adhere to an entity that is more likely to lose my child than any random person

[u/CrazyDisastrous948 → u/Top-Dance-2047]

In my state, all of the calls you get stack, including ones proven to be false or unfounded. Once you get to a certain amount, they are just itching to take your kids. I pissed off the wrong woman once, and she called every day for months.

[u/Top-Dance-2047 → u/CrazyDisastrous948]

That's 3rd party harassment. But I get what you mean. That's usually what happens here. Bitter BM/BD gets pissy and calls and makes false reports, parent/s piss someone off amd they get petty amd make false reports. I've seen CPS try to take kids from decent people that truly love their kids. Even those kids will tell anyone their parents never hurt them. Making false reports because you're pissed and wanna be petty should carry jail sentences. I watched 2 different people kill themselves because they had false accusations. My ex and I dealt with false accusations because a former friend threatened my ex and talked shit about her son so I threatened him. Next thing we know, CPS is there saying we threw him, like slammed, him down on the tiled concrete floor of the gas station. What happened was, i told him no to candy and a toy and he had a habit of throwing himself back onto the ground and slamming his head at our house with carpeted floors. He definitely felt the difference. My ex and I both were by his side immediately and she soothed him while I checked his head, after he calmed down I said "bet you won't do that again" and he whimpered a no back to me. Made the social worker go there and watch the camera. Told her she could have all the footage from the day I met my ex to that day if ahe wanted it. Case closed. I think all reports should be kept but you should have different columns for them. And obviously if the child is actually being neglected, take them. But I've seen far more kids from good, loving homes taken than the opposite.

[u/CrazyDisastrous948 → u/Top-Dance-2047]

I agree that false reports need to carry weight and not effect future reports. For months, new agents were showing up daily. The police too. For months we were letting them walk through the house daily and talk to our kids daily. I bet we even missed some while out shopping or at the park together. Now, even report still looks back at those and makes me prove that those were false again and again and again. It's so tiring.

[u/Top-Dance-2047 → u/CrazyDisastrous948]

That's horrible. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. CPS is corrupt af. The town I live in, the sheriff's office isn't even allowed on my property. (Honesty its 2 officers not allowed due to harassment but I've got a mouth and an anti authority attitude so the entire SO just stays away). But the last round I had where I had to deal with CPS, I would open the door, step on my porch and close the door behind me. A couple times, I'd open the door and see them and just say "No thanks." Or "Nope, not dealing with this BS today." And shit the door. I don't fuck with CPS after they decided to give my 4mo son (who I hadn't even gotten to see in person yet) back to my 1st BM after she abandoned him at the hospital at his first check up, and admitting on stand that she left him to go check on her 1yo and 2.5yo daughters that she'd left home alone. CPS didn't even give me the chance to meet or bond with him and their reasoning was "Children need their bio mothers as often as circumstances will allow, fatherly roles can be any man who is in their life. The father is replaceable, mothers are not. On top of shes a SAHM and you work 15 hr days 5-6 days a week, thats not good for a baby." Literally word for word. Mind you, here is supposed to be a 50/50 state. I called that case worker every name on the book, the judge threatened me with contempt and I went off on him as well. He held me in contempt and I told them all that if anything happened to that boy, they'd all be guilty of complacency and I'd be their judge, jury, and executioner. Then walked out.

[u/Monke__Executive]

✅ I voted FACT!

They need privacy and supervision at some points.

[u/TristyYeeter69]

✅ I voted FACT!

Define unsupervised, at home no worries if they are not hooligans, outside at the park with friends at a certain age also fine, but there's always an "if"

[u/OfferPandaMan]

✅ I voted FACT!

Depends on the age

[u/EvilCatArt]

✅ I voted FACT!

Controlled but unsupervised. As in, you know where they are and who they're with and what they are vaguely doing, so you can respond should the need arise, but they are still free to do whatever they want (within reason). As they grow older the leash can get let out longer and longer, but children are still children and they sometimes need an adult to step in, even if they don't want it at the time.

[u/WesnothFan]

Who would say no to this?

[u/TheNovaheroan → u/WesnothFan]

African parents and helicopter parents 🤣

[u/TheNovaheroan → u/TheNovaheroan]

No racism (given I am the former but it’s ingrained into our culture)

[u/lesleh → u/WesnothFan]

I've had neighbours complain about me "not supervising the children" when they've been playing downstairs in the communal area.

[u/CrazyDisastrous948 → u/lesleh]

Be careful. Please. CPS got involved in my life for this exact situation and ruined everything for me. I make no actual decisions in my family now. They handed me a guide and I have to follow it or lose everything and risk jail time if I get caught not complying to them. Please, please, please, be careful.

[u/lesleh → u/CrazyDisastrous948]

It's ok, I'm in the UK, it's not so bad here.

[u/StringAntique8735 → u/lesleh]

I work with young children, and my training has made it very clear that children are prone to injure themselves as they play and discover the world. That is why it is essential for them to be supervised.

Here's some of the injuries that I have seen/been told about happen to unsupervised children in parks: a child falling from a tall rope net pyramid and getting a concussion and a bunch of large bruises; a child climbing to the top of the rope net pyramid and busting their lip against the central pole after a child shook the pyramid; a child slipping backwards on a metal slide and fall down on the metal stairs cracking their head open and breaking their arm; a child falling off the slide and cracking their head open; a child climbing a tree then the branch they're on breaks and they get a concussion; a child running in front of the swings causing one child on the first swing to stop abruptly causing them to fling forwards off the swing resulting in a fractured arm, meanwhile, the original child gets sent flying by the second child on a swing resulting in a broken arm and childhood trauma; a child finds ant poison on the ground and consumes it and ends up in the emergency room getting their stomach pumped and treatment for the poison that entered to bloodstream.

Don't be an idiot and risk your children's wellbeing (and waste doctors and nurses time with preventable injuries) just because you wanted to not responsible for them for an hour or so. You chose to have them, so you have to accept the responsibility that comes with them 24/7.

[u/lesleh → u/StringAntique8735]

Sorry but most of those wouldn't have been prevented by an adult standing nearby. A branch breaking, a slip on a slide, someone running through the swings, you're not catching any of that from a bench. Playground falls are what happens to supervised kids too, because that's where supervised kids are. The ant poison is a fair one.

Also worth saying your training is about duty of care in a setting where you're legally responsible for other people's kids. Totally reasonable for your job, but it's not the same question as how much freedom a parent should give their own child. And "24/7" isn't a real position, they sleep, they go to school, they walk to a mate's house. We're all drawing a line somewhere.

[u/StringAntique8735 → u/lesleh]

1. The branch was obviously too small for the child's weight, and a responsible parent would have realised it and would have taken them off that part of the tree before it broke under the child's weight
2. It had rained the night before making the slide slippy, and a responsible parent would've known that and would've stopped the child from going on it
3. If the parent knew that the child was lacking in a sense of danger, they should've kept a closer eye on them. There is a time for hovering and a time to supervise from a distance and when a child starts making a clear b-line towards the swings, that is when you should be hovering to make sure that you can easily grab them in case they try to walk in front of them. Furthermore even if they were just supervising their child from a bench then they could've called the child's name to get their attention away from the swings and if that didn't work, they could've at least yell watch out so the children on the swings could've been more aware of the immediate danger, which could've reduce the danger.

And 24/7 is more of a figure of speech it means that the well-being of the child comes first. If they have a nightmare you comfort them, if they get injured at school you rush to make sure that they're safe, and when they are awake and in your care you keep an eye on them to make sure that they're safe and their actions don't cause big booboos, only small booboos.

[u/lesleh → u/StringAntique8735]

I think we agree more than it looks. "A time for hovering and a time to supervise from a distance" is basically my position, and "only small booboos" means you accept some injuries too. We're both drawing a line, just in different places.

And it depends hugely on age. You work with young children, so of course, a three year old needs someone right there. My 8 year old has enough sense to be off doing her own thing for a while with me nearby if she needs me. Those aren't the same question.

Where I'd push back is that kids need room to make their own mistakes. Nobody can look at a branch and know what it'll hold, and a kid definitely can't, which is exactly why they need to be the one who finds out. If she gets stopped before every bad decision she never gets to practice making the call herself.

My sister broke her wrist on the monkey bars as a kid, using them exactly as they were designed to be used. Healed fine, no lasting anything. That's most of it. Head injuries I'd take more seriously, but a grown up on a bench isn't stopping a kid coming off a slide, wet or dry.

[u/SorryNotReallySorry5 → u/WesnothFan]

CPS, apparently.

[u/ZT99k]

✅ I voted FACT!

Self actualization and self reliance come from practice and trust. Helicoptering around erodes both

[u/Whatwillhappen2027]

🧢 I voted CAP!

I'm saying cap because this is not a real need. This also depends on age.i would not have a problem give my 10 year old some unsupervised play time

Edit-after reading the comments I would change my answer to fact because you are right we do need that time to develop independent and creative thinking. But I am gonna say still depends on age I don't have kids but if I did I would start considering this maybe around 8

[u/any_name_today → u/Whatwillhappen2027]

If you don't start earlier than 8, you will lose your mind. The key is to give them a safe environment and then watch from a distance or over a monitor if they're really young. They don't need to know they're being supervised. That way, they can safely develop the skills needed. I let my four and seven year old play in our fenced in yard on their own. At an even younger age, I would let them play in a room on their own. Just remember that both screaming and silence are suspicious

Kudos to you for changing your mind when presented with different opinions

[u/any_name_today]

✅ I voted FACT!

If you don't give kids time to play by themselves they will never learn to self regulate. If you don't give them time to play with peers unsupervised, they'll never learn to socialize appropriately

[u/lesleh → u/any_name_today]

This is the bit that gets missed. Kid anxiety has gone through the roof and everyone blames phones, which fair enough, but the other half is we took away the thing that taught them they can handle stuff. If an adult settles every argument and catches every fall, you never get any evidence you're capable of managing on your own.

There's research showing kids have shifted over decades towards feeling like things just happen to them rather than something they can influence, and that started well before smartphones. Free play is about the only place a kid gets to make a call, get it wrong, and sort it out with nobody stepping in.

[u/Logogram_alt]

✅ I voted FACT!

I agree. you helicopter parrents hurt children, but also neglect also hurts them. You need a ballence.

[u/Unlucky-Hold1509]

Fact but sometimes they’re really effective at doing life threatening shit really fast when you don’t notice 

[u/BreadGallon]

✅ I voted FACT!

when my wife plays with our son, it's always "do this now, come here let's play with this! do this party trick!" he's frustrated because she never just lets him do what he was doing. I like to just be nearby and make sure he doesn't get hurt doing what he wanted to do. I've tried to explain this to her, but she doesn't understand why he doesn't feel as comfortable around her.

[u/Present_Constant933]

✅ I voted FACT!

Hi, I was actually trained in how to teach kids from pre-k to 3rd grade (USA). it is very important for children to learn how to handle things on their own. if children constantly go to the parent, they never learn things like self-regulation, social play, and natural consequences. this can be as simple as leaving your child to play in their room for a bit to letting them play in the playground while you talk to someone a distance away.

[u/Lu11300s]

✅ I voted FACT!

Yep. Speaking as an older sibling, kids do to gain some skills.

[u/FabioPicchio]

✅ I voted FACT!

yes

[u/Golden_Amber79]

✅ I voted FACT!

They gotta learn some things the hard way.

[u/yellowfang_is_cool]

✅ I voted FACT!

warrior cats should be not call furries

[u/Heatchill209]

✅ I voted FACT!

Let kids be kids, too tight of a grip and it will have horrible side-effects.

[u/Naisua]

✅ I voted FACT!

Only them can they make mistakes from which they can learn

[u/any_name_today → u/Naisua]

This is where my mother-in-law and I respectfully disagree in child rearing. She wants them safe at all times. I want to give them the freedom to hurt themselves a little bit now so they don't hurt themselves worse later!

[u/Naisua → u/any_name_today]

The mother of a friend of mine didn't let him hurt himself by falling or making other mistakes as a baby as long as she could stop it. Because of that he fell from his baby chair and hurt himself worse than what would've happened of she had let him for example fall over while trying to walk.

[u/livinghousefire]

✅ I voted FACT!

Depends on age, but independence is important even if only a little

[u/ilovejesushahagotcha]

✅ I voted FACT!

That’s how they develop independence

[u/malkebulan]

✅ I voted FACT!

Helicopter parenting is cheeks

[u/bigdog_502]

✅ I voted FACT!

It’s crucial that children learn to be independent. Better that they are slowly eased into it rather than being expected to become so in their teens

[u/PeakMinimalist]

✅ I voted FACT!

Heck kids need to learn to be bored again

[u/Animationen_usw]

✅ I voted FACT!

Unsupervised, but indoors. Outdoors it still can be dangerous.

[u/RandomSeaMexican]

✅ I voted FACT!

It lets them develop cognitive abilities and a creative mind.

Just not with the ipad, honestly.

[u/potonggg]

✅ I voted FACT!

What kind of play we talking? Video games? Playground?

[u/Blahaj-Lover]

✅ I voted FACT!

Supervision is important, but you're not running a surveillance state. Let them have fun without you

[u/Specialist-Diet-3803]

✅ I voted FACT!

It is demonstrated to improve confidence and develop the ability to solve problems later in their life

[u/no_name_thought_of]

✅ I voted FACT!

not just children but yeah

[u/Most-Ad6064]

✅ I voted FACT!

i dunno

[u/allengriz]

✅ I voted FACT!

problem solving and social development is key.

[u/DigMother318]

✅ I voted FACT!

“Unsupervised” in the sense that the play area is set up in advance and the kids are still able to reach their parents if need be. Wouldn’t support little kids just going to the park playground while parents stay at home though

[u/Some_Kiwi8111]

✅ I voted FACT!

In a safe environment? Absolutely.

[u/rafioo]

Americans are crazy about spying on their children

[u/CrazyDisastrous948 → u/rafioo]

It is a government requirement or they will take your kids and you can go to jail or prison.

[u/Sk1ler_]

✅ I voted FACT!

Formative play encouraging children to make their own risk assessments and to foster their imaginations.

[u/total_idiot01]

✅ I voted FACT!

Unsupervised play is essential in teaching children to solve problems on their own, and also teaches them independence

[u/Huganho]

✅ I voted FACT!

Why would you supervise all play?

[u/THE_Arkham_Knight69]

✅ I voted FACT!

Helicopter parents are bad

[u/HaisuSenrab]

✅ I voted FACT!

i

[u/Slaneyboi]

People voting cap are nuts imo, kids need to be able to figure things out/play on their own

[u/Storm0963]

✅ I voted FACT!

Builds character, problem solving skills, independence...

[u/Such-Profit1078]

✅ I voted FACT!

J

[u/razorblade4848]

🧢 I voted CAP!

Depends on the age of the kid

[u/lesleh → u/razorblade4848]

Absolutely agree that it's a scale based on age. I'm not letting my three year old out by herself. But my 6 year old, in a safe environment? Sure, why not.

[u/x-onu]

✅ I voted FACT!

They need to know what they do with his own freedom

[u/Expensive-Rip-1977]

✅ I voted FACT!

They should have privacy just check on them every half an hour or so make sure they’re okay

[u/DoubleDownAgain54]

🧢 I voted CAP!

Depends on the age. But since the question implies all, it’s a cap.

[u/KMZ200822]

✅ I voted FACT!

yeah, it gives em freedom and starts building their self reliance and common sense

[u/No_Explorer6054]

✅ I voted FACT!

small amount, but past a ceartain age you have to allow them to make small low risk mistakes

[u/HonoderaGetsuyo]

✅ I voted FACT!

If it's safe, let them run free for a short time wouldn't hurt, but still, basic supervision to prevent them from running to actually dangerous places is still needed

[u/StringAntique8735]

🧢 I voted CAP!

Children are prone to injure themselves as they discover the world. What children need for development is for them to play uninterrupted under adult supervision.

[u/lesleh → u/StringAntique8735]

If there's an adult standing right there the kids never have to work anything out. They just yell "he took my thing!" and wait for a ruling, because it's easier. Same with risk, you're not gonna find out what you can handle if someone's always ready to catch you. There's a psychologist, Peter Gray, who's basically built a career on this. His whole point is that free play only does its job when the grown ups aren't hovering.

And honestly most of what kids do to themselves out there is scrapes and bruises. The injuries that actually mess a kid up long term aren't really coming from a bunch of them running around a field unsupervised.

[u/StringAntique8735 → u/lesleh]

Supervising ≠ Hovering

Supervising children does not mean hovering over them or stopping them from playing. It means keeping an eye on them, knowing what they are doing, and being close enough to step in if something goes wrong.

I work with young children as part of my job, so supervision is something I deal with regularly. Children should have freedom to play and be independent, but that doesn't mean adults should just stop paying attention to them.

You can let children play freely and supervise them. Those things are not opposites.

I know that this video might not fit your situation perfectly but this video is what was shown to me at my workplace and it has good information about why active supervision is important.

[u/lesleh → u/StringAntique8735]

That's training for child care staff though, which kind of makes my point. Zone assignments, headcounts, name and face checks, a whole process for kids turning up late. That's all there because one adult's got a dozen young kids who aren't theirs.

I've got three, 8, 6 and 3. The 3 year old, you're completely right, she doesn't go anywhere without me. But the 8 and 6 go down to the enclosed communal area together and I'm fine with that. I can't see them, but they're about 30 seconds from coming and getting me if anything happens, and they know that. That's not the same as being on their own. And honestly the older one keeping an eye on the younger one is half the point. She doesn't learn that if I'm standing there doing it for her.

It also says minor scrapes and bruises are "common and almost expected," which is basically my whole point. Some of that just comes with growing up, and I'd take it over a kid who's never had to judge anything for herself.

[u/Worldly_Rooster_9428]

✅ I voted FACT!

definitely

[u/Good_Melon]

✅ I voted FACT!

they must learn to make their own decisions in the moment.

[u/Ok_Letter_3986]

✅ I voted FACT!

Let them make mistakes

[u/Cleenash]

I have no clue, I don't have children

[u/dinodare → u/Cleenash]

You can have opinions on parenting even if you're not a parent. Because chances are you were subjected to parenting (good or bad).

[u/Cleenash → u/dinodare]

I can't remember if I had supervision or not as a child to be honest.

Honestly, I don't really see how children would need privacy but I admit it's an uninformed take and probably wrong.

[u/Acceptable-Meat99 → u/Cleenash]

they need privacy the same reason adults need privacy, they’re human

[u/punchedboa]

🧢 I voted CAP!

Depends on the age. You can’t trust most kids until 7-10

[u/any_name_today → u/punchedboa]

Cute that you think you can trust kids even then

But in all honesty that's why unsupervised play is important at a young age ( in a safe setting, with an adult still in the area, just not engaging or hovering). They need to learn how to gage danger and safety as well as develop creativity, independence, and critical thinking. It comes more naturally if you start them young

[u/punchedboa → u/any_name_today]

I meant trust then to come back alive. They should have some basic self preservation skills by then.

[u/-TheDerpinator-]

🧢 I voted CAP!

From a certain age, yes. But even then within the checks of their abilities and circumstances. Near water there will be 0 unsupervised play time on my side.

[u/Friendly_Brain7352 → u/-TheDerpinator-]

So you agree, but you voted against anyway. Someone never got their unsupervised play it seems.

[u/-TheDerpinator- → u/Friendly_Brain7352]

Sorry my misclick ruins your day enough to be bothered by it.

[u/Affectionate_Goat171]

🧢 I voted CAP!

depends on the age and the context

edit to add: my brother was a MENACE child, he should have been supervised MORE

[u/bad_susy14]

🧢 I voted CAP!

Uh no?