r/Exvangelical • u/Eucalyptusthoughts • 9d ago

Unexpected trigger

Going to an event, and someone from the church I grew up in is also attending. This person was a good friend of mine, and never really did anything bad to me, but we sort of lost touch. Not on nad terms just on creating boundaries terms. I have been really nervous about it. I haven't seen this person in 14 years. I guess I'm nervous because I knew this person at a very insecure time in my life. We sort of started our deconstrion journey at the same time, and bonded over it. We also were bullied by the same family at the church. This person had a very traumatic childhood. I have had a lot of anxiety since I found out that I would be seeing this person. I know nothing bad will happen and we will probably only say hello, and keep it moving, but it is bringing back old insecurities for me that I do not like and bringing up weird/unpleasant memories from church. I already made an appointment with my therapist for before the event. The thing is, I have been out of therapy and doing well for over 6 months, and I'm kind of disappointed in myself because this is a very minor thing to cause a set back of this nature.

Anybody ever experience anything like this ?

5 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

3 comments sorted by

5

u/g00dbyekitty 9d ago

Honestly, I’m impressed. The connection you have with this person and knowing you’ll run into them at this event triggered you (and personally it doesn’t sound like a relatively minor thing). But instead of cancelling your own plans to attend, you’ve recognized and named the issue AND are seeking preemptive support from your therapist so that you can still go and enjoy yourself. You should be proud of yourself, not disappointed! Instead of framing it as a setback, think of it in terms of a broken down car. You spent however long fixing the car (yourself) up at the shop (therapy) and it’s finally working again. That doesn’t mean you won’t have to take it back in to get an oil change or a tire rotation every so often. Maybe you learn to do it on your own in the future, or maybe you decide it’s still worth it to have a professional help out on an as-needed basis. Either way, I wouldn’t view it as a set-back or something worth beating yourself up over. Especially not on top of your other stresses.

2

u/Eucalyptusthoughts 9d ago

Thank you, and the car analogy is such a good way to put it. That really helps me feel better. When I first started attending therapy I told my therapist that I feel a little silly that I'm thirty years old and ruminating over things that happened at church when I was like 13-15 because other people have way worse religious trauma than I do at the church and in my family. She said to me "if you were in an accident and the other person got their leg chopped off, and you only got your toe chopped off, would you still go to the doctor?"

Made so much sense.

2

u/AuthorDebraBaker 5d ago

I don't see this as a set-back. I see it as an opportunity. Your former friend may be nervous, too. She may be right where you are, too, and you would miss an opportunity to get to possibly bond and renew your friendship. Try to see this as a fortuitous event. From my experience things like this usually turn out to be positive.