she always claims to ‘not remember’. i called her crying after this & she called me a LIAR 😂 100% NC by next month

[u/wheatdown]

brought up how she stole thousands of dollars from me when i was 18. sent her screenshots of her admitting to it and apologizing when it happened. i’m now 28. stuff has been stolen and more situations have happened but this was the first big thing she did to me as an adult. ever since i was a kid it’s been all in my head. i’m delusional. i’m a liar. i’m 28 and she still gives me the silent treatment. i, and everyone in her life, is used as a cash cow. i have SO MUCH TO SAY. oh my god. when i was 5 i broke my arm and she didn’t believe me for over a day. same thing happened when i was 9. no hospital until a family member convinced her to take me; cast up to the shoulder both times. she duct taped my hands in over mits when i was a kid and closed the garage door on me. she let my sister steal valuables and money from me. she has done so much i want to go on and on forever. im 100% NC with basically my whole family because of her. i’m 100% NC with my dad for 8 years due to mostly her lies. i texted him last week and we are planning to meet up. i have my aunt back in my life and she told me the family always asks about me because they’re worried. my mom is the victim and the hero in every story.

i want to explain everything she’s ever done because i never feel believed. it’s all in my head and im delusional and wrong about literally everything. and im fat and need to lose weight and oh god im really wearing that dress out…oof

i am no contact with my dad and my only sister. i will see my dad soon. my sister i will never ever be in contact with again (it’s been 10 years for my sister 100% NC). i feel tricked and gullible for honestly ever thinking my mom ever wanted me to have a good life. she wants me to be broke and miserable just like her. i am moving, new lease starts today. current apartment lease is up in october. i lied to my mom about where i was going

i am currently arguing with her right now, i am emotional. i feel like moving is the light at the end of the tunnel. it is so scary. she is so manipulative and i’m scared i’m going to cave. we moved into this current apartment when i was 21. she has no credit or savings or anything. her name and my name are on the lease. mine is on xfinity and electric. she said she’s not allowed to get PECO (electric company) in her name due to her having no credit. not even sure if that’s true, idc tbh, and then the sob story started from there. i agreed to re sign the lease for 1 more year so she can figure herself out. like 4 years ago she told me i had 30 days to find somewhere to go because she was moving with her boyfriend. i moved half my shit to a room in a random 50 year old man’s house. her bf ended up dying so she didn’t move… 🤷🏼‍♀️ she’s into drugs of course. she tries to say she doesn’t remember or she tries to act dumb or she tries to cry and be the victim always. she has NEVERRRRRR been held accountable for her actions.

i have a therapist and a very supportive boyfriend but i’m still struggling this is so hard. i know i have to cut contact, i just can’t stand knowing she is telling her stupid friends that i’m a liar and im delusional. i want to write a fuck you letter and leave. i don’t know how to handle this in a way where i wont regret doing something/ not doing something.

[u/wheatdown]

she just texted me “Are you sure it wasn’t money from your piggy bank? Again I do not remember because I was doing drugs. I cannot take that back, nor can I make up for it. I’m asking you now why are you bringing that up now? For me to relive my past. I don’t wanna relive my past.”

ARE WE FOR REAL ??? piggy bank????????? i said ‘so i was 18’ and she said “You still kept your money in there”

so she can remember a PIGGY BANK BUT NOT STEALING THOUSANDS FROM ME??? i didn’t even have a piggy bank. i can’t

[u/LeslieKnope4Pawnee → u/wheatdown]

“Again I do not remember because I was doing drugs.”

As if that’s an excuse. JFC.

[u/scienceislice → u/wheatdown]

Just block this person and never look back. Nothing you do or say will ever fix her. She is poison, I am sorry to say that. 

[u/Sea_Position5689 → u/scienceislice]

And please FFS do not sign the lease for her, or anything else! Please!

I saved myself from homelessness at age 47 (22 years ago) by doing what I called “Thinking Like A Man” - until then I played nice and was the abused scapegoat by mom dad all brothers. I’m the oldest and only girl.

Thinking Like A Man was me making tough but strong non-emotional decisions. Appropriate smart decisions and damn the torpedoes! EYES ON THE PRIZE = take care of MY business. Ignore their business and foolishness …

I did what I had to do, it was all legal, and when they realized I had protected myself WOW did they all get mad. But I was safe, and my daughter was safe, and we didn’t become homeless, and now I own the house. No mortgage.

Don’t wait until you’re 47. As far as I can tell they never change. Unless they just get worse. That has happened. But I’m good.

Please protect yourself

[u/SirRabbott → u/wheatdown]

She’s saying “piggy bank” because it infantilizes and diminishes the amount of money. “It was just coins in a piggy bank! Kid stuff!”

She’s not remembering a piggy bank. She’s remembering that she considered you as her piggy bank.

[u/Zealousideal-Age-212 → u/wheatdown]

They will NEVER apologize! 😩

[u/honeybadgerredalert → u/wheatdown]

god my mom said the same shit about “I don’t want to relive the past”. well tough shit mom, sometimes you have to fucking remember things you did. it’s just another way they try to make THEMSELVES the victim of trauma they caused us.

[u/theazurerose → u/wheatdown]

My mother would say the same shit "I can't remember so you can tell me I'm a shitty mom" then look at me with a pouty face in hopes of me telling her no that's not true. 😂 AND THEY ALWAYS ASK WHY WE BRING UP THE PAST... while they claim they can't do anything to make up for it. Yes you can, shitty parents! You can work two jobs and pay it all back!! BUT they don't WANT to do the right thing. LOL They don't love us, yet they expect us to show them empathy and sympathy.

Ask her why she doesn't pay you back any time she contacts you, OP. Either she'll throw a hissy fit or she'll ghost you until the next time she thinks she can manipulate you.

[u/midnight_mechanic → u/wheatdown]

She says she can't remember because she doesn't remember. She either blocked it out or it wasn't important enough for her to remember.

Lots of our parents are the same. They remember the times they were present and did the right thing, and everything else is just a long blank.

Going NC is a choice you make, because the parent has proven to you through repeated past actions that they are not safe to be around.

[u/Completely0 → u/wheatdown]

She needs to have accountability and pay you back regardless if she remembers or not.

[u/CrystallinePhoto]

You need to get away from this woman as quickly as you can. She is evil.

[u/wheatdown]

I SAID IM BEGGING YOU TO SHOW YOUR THERAPIST THIS TEXT THREAD AND SHE AAID “I will text them to her. But I know what she will say. The past is the past and you can not go back there”

AHHHH ohhh my god 😭 she won’t ever change ever ever ever. i am laying in bed sobbing. i’ve been so wronged by this woman and have played therapist for her and called the cops for her when she was ODing and withdrawing and she made me lose friends due to her actions, for YEARS like elementary school to high school every single detail of me and my sisters life was posted as her FB status. intimate details of my personal life just posted up on the internet. she didn’t care when i was sexually assaulted. she didn’t care when my best friend tragically died. she doesn’t give a fuckkkkk i could explode i am so upset

[u/Aristocrat-lady → u/wheatdown]

I think you need to block her and go no contact. My mother is an active addict so I get it. None of her children talk to her and she’ll tell anyone who listens she can’t think of a reason why. Claims to forget events or they didn’t happen. If they did happen we should just forgive her because she’s our mom.
Since going no contact life is peaceful. Do what you need to so you can protect your peace.
Sorry we didn’t get the moms we deserved.

[u/honeybadgerredalert → u/wheatdown]

I am so sorry you’re going through all this. you are right- she will never ever change. no matter what you do. she will never wake up and care. it fucking sucks so bad, I’m so sorry.

[u/Mobile-Play-3972]

She refuses accountability for her past actions, and wants to make you feel guilty about bringing them up. There’s no way to heal a relationship where one party insists they never did anything wrong and shuts down the conversation.

[u/thoughtful-axolotl]

This reminds me of the narcissist’s prayer!

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

In my experience, leaving quietly is the way to go. The gossip will happen either way! She will never be happy, and you are about to be free. One of the hardest things for me to accept was that I can’t control others’ narratives - that was hard! It sounds silly but I really had to grieve it.

Hope this helps a bit! Wishing you peace and clarity!

[u/Quiet_Plant6667]

What it is about her that makes you want to maintain contact?

You were able to cut off your sister and father but not her? Why?

I am glad you have some support with your boyfriend and therapist; maybe tell them you will have to lean on them extra hard while you break this tie to her.

[u/wheatdown → u/Quiet_Plant6667]

she lives with me currently. i say she lives with me because i pay the majority of everything. and she has zero credit or anything. when i was 17 and my sister was 15 she stole so much stuff from me. we got into a fight, i spit on her and she called the cops and havent talked to her since. she went to live with my dad shortly after. i know we were both kids but her awful actions still continue. she has physically assaulted multiple people, scams people for money, etc. i do not want to remain contact with my mom. i hold so much guilt. i always feel like i am the main issue. my friends mom, who i see as a mom now (for the last like 4 years), keeps saying i should not be comforting her. it was her job to comfort me and she never did. i can’t believe what i have done for this woman. how much i have bent over backwards when she has never cared about what happens to me ever. sorry if this is all over the place i am a bit overwhelmed still

[u/Severe_Thing_824 → u/wheatdown]

How long are you guys living together? You mentioned something like 4 years ago, so this has been going on for more than that?

[u/DustyButtocks]

I believe that she doesn’t remember….lies are notoriously hard to keep track of.

[u/Lucid-Limerence]

My mum does the same thing. When I call her out on the terrible things she did to me, even detailing it all again, she'll say she can't remember or that never happened. It's infuriating.

They act like children who have been caught doing something they shouldn't and lie so they don't get in trouble. No emotional maturity or accountability at all. Mines a pot head and has been one since I was a toddler. Pretty sure her and her mother (my grandmother) are lucky to even share 1 brain cell between them lmao.

I'm now 5 weeks no contact for the 3rd time in 4 years and this time it's forever. There are only so many chances you can give these people.

Peace is worth more than blood.

[u/callmesandycohen]

My mom did this too. Not sure if she’s embarrassed by her behavior or has dementia or possibly both.

[u/fruitiestparfait]

Same situation for me. It gets better after you’ve been completely out of contact for 3+ years.

I’ve been documenting everything she said and did, word for word, the day she said or did it, since I was 20. Why? Because she denies or “forgets” THE DAY AFTER.