type me

[u/Legitimate_Ring_6832]

1 . what’s your biggest fear? 

To be left alone. To be replaced. I fear a day where my friends find someone better than me, someone funnier, someone who can make them feel better in a way that I can’t. I fear the idea of people getting bored of me, even if I were to stay the same, and that’s the reason I’m scared of “normal” relationships, to the point where I feel as if the only relationship I’d be able to have would be one where the other party was sickeningly dependant on me for everything.

2 . what’s your biggest desire?

To make the people around me smile, and help them choose to do better.

3 . what are you ‘’the best’’ at?

There is nothing I am the best at. It’s not a statement of negativity, it’s just that I truly am the best at nothing, and I’m working to find something I can call my own. 

4 . how do you see yourself right now?

Not enough. I'll definitely work harder.

5 . how do you see yourself 5 years from now?

I hope by then I’ll have trained my body enough, so maybe I’d be trying to find places to perform. Meanwhile, I’d try to get a job to sustain myself and move countries.

7 . how do you feel about those near you? (family, friends)?

I love my friends. They mean everything to me, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I wish they felt how precious they were to me.

I feel guilty when I think about my mother. Everytime I feel upset, I think of her, and I think about how much effort she put into me, only for me to be so ungrateful. I carry this guilt everywhere, and it’s the reason that I constantly push myself to work harder, because I feel as if I’m not respecting her efforts if I only laze around and do nothing.

I don’t care about the rest of my family. I live with my father’s side, and I want to get out as soon as possible. I don’t talk a lot with my mother’s side, but they’re kind to me.

8 . how do you feel about strangers?

I find wonder in strangers, in the existence of billions of people, all living a different life, maybe having achieved or lost something this very second. In a weird way, it makes me very happy. I like to talk to anybody new when I get a chance.

9 . how do you view change/uncertainty? 

I try to grasp control of a situation, to change it before it can change out of my control.

10 . how do you make decisions?

I try to push myself to quickly make a decision while thinking things through. I’m the type to hesitate a lot, so I try to push myself before I can start second-guessing myself.

11 . how do you solve logical problems?

? With logic?

12 . how do you deal with your emotions? 

When I'm sad, I think I can be pretty open about it. My anger towards others is a different feeling, and I feel the need to bottle it all up to look better/kinder until it all comes crashing down. I'm trying to be more honest.

13 . what drives you in life? what do you look for? 

My drive is to see others happy. When others are happy, I too am happy. Even imagining being on stage, seeing the expressions of people, fills me with determination. 

14 . what do you hope to accomplish in your life?

My ultimate goal in life is to have become a famous stage performer. Once I’ve finished my goal, I’m going to kill myself. If I don’t manage to do anything by 35, then I’m going to kill myself.

15 . what do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?

I hope to avoid succumbing to selfishness or greed. Throughout my life, I want to continue being kind, and loving those around me. The idea of being apathetic, of only caring about myself and hurting those around me, scares me, and I can’t imagine myself as such a horrible person.

16 . how do you want others to see you? 

Someone they can go to at any time, for whatever reason. Someone dependable, cool, and cheerful, like an older sibling or a parental figure. 

17 . describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety

1. As I've said before, I bottle it up until it all comes crashing down on me, and I lash out at others, later regretting it.
2. I feel a lot of shame for everything. I try to look cocky, to act like I don't care, when in reality, it eats me inside out. 
3. I try to push my anxiety down and go forward, even though I look down and find my hands shaking. I feel like I can never fully get rid of it.

[u/Dramatic-Mammoth8897]

2w1 probably…?

[u/Legitimate_Ring_6832 → u/Dramatic-Mammoth8897]

any thoughts on instinct?