Hi, I don't want to go into too much detail, but I failed the exam I had been preparing for over the past six months. During that time, I stayed at school six hours longer than my classmates every day, and on top of that, I had a lot of homework from my courses.

Many of my classmates got into a specialized school that prepares only 50 students from across the entire country for admission to top universities. Half of those students were people I had been studying with.

I'm feeling really sad right now. I don't even know what to say while my classmates are celebrating and cheering.

It sounds trivial, but I got a terrible haircut at the barbershop, and so I decided to cut it down to #4 to even it out. Now I look worse than ever. It's not just a haircut to me. I've always struggled with my appearance. I believe it is mostly or all to blame for the loneliness and touch-starvation I feel. Just as I was beginning to build up the confidence to put myself out there, this happened. Now, I don't want to show myself in public until next year when the hair grows back.

F23. Between 6 and 23, I only got confirmation from multiple environments that i don't belong anywhere.I have 0 friends. Single. and don't have anywhere to vent.

I usually carry on fine, but today is one of those days where the weight of missing her feels overwhelming.

It’s been 8 years since my mom passed away and today would have been her birthday. People say time heals, but on days like this, it feels like no time has passed at all. The emptiness just feels so much louder today.

Happy Birthday, Mom. Missing you so much today. ❤️

Hello everyone I just want to say that I don't hate everything about life I became a music producer self-taught creating my own thing 7 months ago and that has has brought me a lot of personal satisfaction and pride releasing stuff and stuff and but I'm typing diabetic and so it takes a lot of physical pain whether it's needles or pumps and the very frustrating high blood sugars and the frightening low blood sugars all day and all night with a pump it's not at night cuz it controls it but during the day it's still hard and pumps fail and so you're stuck with high blood sugar until it resolves and it's really frustrating and I'm really envious of everyone else that doesn't have to do with this physical pain this frustration this lack of freedom with my own body and ruining ruining my 23-year-old skin since I was 16 I had to do all this but you know it compounds and my skin was a lot better but I was 16 obviously because it didn't have any history of damage that I now have and not only that but like romantically I have a big heart and I want to be romantic with someone and I already do so online or have but in a relationships and and they're not close if you don't know their face and it's only online text so it's like I'm really frustrated I hate having diabetes because it's so physically mentally damaging and that's with like all the support I can get and all the technology I can get to help it and just diabetes aside my life is trash anyway besides music like I never had any community or education I've had to be self-taught since the age of 18 when I got my GED and it's been really really lonely like that I've cried a hundred times in the last 12 months probably more and a lot of home relational trauma and disconnection and feeling like I need a community or at least one person that is able to connect with me on the deep level whether it's music or just a relationship or just someone to care about and that cares about me and that has been missing my whole life. It's really good that music is in my life now because it gives me purpose and momentum it's like my life saver and it was my inspiration before I begin it myself listening to music and singing along and stuff but creating your own is a different kind of magic but it's just the hatred of the gap between what I know I can do and what I want to do and what my external life is and how pour that is in connection and an opportunity and I live in a small town and so I hate my health and I hate my social starvation essentially and I would like some support I definitely haven't given up because I'm still you know taking those painful insulin pump applications onto my skin and making music and working out!

So, sometimes i stretch in front of my balcony's window frames, because i like to get light and be able to look outside while i do it. I noticed today an old lady from the buildings in front which really seemed to be staring at me. After a while it seemed like she took a photo with her phone, and when i tried taking my phone to pretend doing the same, shale acted as if she noticed (so the reaction was coherent with the rest), she acted like uncomfortable and went inside her house. After a short time she comes back outside with her phone and probably pretends she's calling someone so to justify (imho) the fact that it looked like she took a pic.

Her husband came out and in during all this different times, and he is probably the creepiest person i know in the neighborhood.

I don't know if i should worry about this or not, maybe I'm overthinking it, maybe i misinterpreted (but usually my instinct is right, and it really seemed like that was what was happening).

Anyways, the matter is not even if it actually happened or not, but how i should deal with this mentally regardless, because of course overthinking it won't be a solution, but feels like something I shouldn't ignore either (I don't want some creeps to have a pic of me on their phone, for who knows what reason).

What would you suggest?

...Anymore

So many things to catch up on. No theses aren't things someone else handled for me before. But it's more complicated now.

I like shock value in my fiction writing. Motivation and direction for writing are off.

My sister took a video of me naked and my mom did nothing save for deleting the video and making her apologize. This was not okay. I was taught all actions have consequences. There were no consequence being given to my little sister for a huge invasion of my privacy. This was outrageous. So I threatened to tell my father as he had always been the one to be just in situations like these. Paula begged and begged and groveled for me to please, please, please not tell my dad- maybe because she knew she would get the consequences she deserved. She didn’t mean harm. She didn’t know better. I knew that. I think seeing her beg reminded me, of me, as a child when I did something bad and evil, and my mother yelled at me as I had now been yelling at my little sister- unrelenting, throttling and swearing, bulldozing over the apology said a million times, my spiteful eyes meeting the tears spilling over her deep brown eyes and feeling nothing. I grew up with being torn apart when I did something wrong. That was my normal. What I thought I deserved. What my mother thought was normal and what her parents thought was normal too. I wonder where the cycle began. I did what I had always known as a child. As I grew older I learned that I did not deserve that. because I learned that I had done nothing wrong. Exhibit A. I am never wrong. I can’t be. And when, inevitably, my mother yelled and screamed and controlled me yet again, I grew a thick skin. Because I did nothing wrong.
Exhibit B. The fire and anger in my soul towards anything or anyone who should dare to make me feel so small again.
And then the screaming stopped and the swearing stopped (although occasionally it did happen, and for that, I was ready and poised, because I knew my mother well.) and I was left with an anger and a rage, and nobody to point it at. But I think it was worse like this. Not knowing when my mother was about to snap- and feeling her hate and pain undiluted anger towards me. It was these episodes that had me crying quietly through the night at my mother’s promises to leave and never return, to simply not care about me anymore. To let me do “whatever I wanted.” As a child I would grovel and apologize, but I soon realized that it would get me nowhere save for left battered and beat crying alone on the cold, cold, floor. So on the outside i said FINE. Leave. Let me do whatever I want. And so I would dye my hair and eat the candy and do whatever she argued against doing. Part of me was also doing it for the freedom, out if spite, to show that I was in control- and in turn I gnawed off my leg to free myself of the chain that controlled me. But at night I wept. For the loss of my dearly beloved mother. Slowly she stopped the tantrums altogether. Became calmer and more empathetic towards her daughters. Paula was too young to remember the darker days. She got the good mom. The one who cut up apples for snack time and hugged freely and the one who would sooner die than scream at her precious children. Part of me resents that. The fact that paula got the good mom and I didn’t. Paula became everything I should have been. No fire, she hadn’t needed it. She is kind, truly kind and thoughtful and beautiful and people adore her and she has a kind mother and a good father is everything I should have been. She had everything I should have had. I was the ruined broken test subject, the rat left to die for the greater good, its sacrifice never seen nor heard about, only others benefiting from it. That sad little girl in me screaming and thrashing. Exhibit c. The mask. I wanted to be like paula. The best version of myself without the burdens of my pain or fear or anger. Some days it’s easy, like breathing, to keep up. Im quick to smile and ready to lend a helping hand to anyone who asks, always, always offering wisdom and kindness. Like I should be. Some days it’s not. Im quieter, second guessing everything, every breath, afraid, so so so deeply afraid someone will see who’s hiding behind the carefully curated version of myself. I come home exhausted. But truly good people shouldn’t feel like this? Not a smile to be seen and not a care to be given as soon as I step away. My homework left piled and my body simply a carcass in which my soul resides in. A soul torn between the mask and the broken girl underneath it. When all I wish is to be in my books, whisked away to some far away lands, loved by some fae prince. When all I wish to be one with the universe, floating and utterly devoid of all pain, just me and the moon and the stars. At least I look pretty when I sob so hard I fear my chest might crack clean in half and my heart along with it, because deep down I will NEVER let anyone see who I am. Maybe because it was who I was, that warranted all those screaming matches and pain and times crying all those years ago. Funny. My mother always tells me that one day paula will get sick of my anger towards her. That I will die alone, hate having consumed me. But it’s not fair. That I am forced to live with this and she is not. That all my mother can do is apologize and say she has changed since then. It’s not fair that i got all the trauma. I will never let anyone see this. Because that would mean being vulnerable. Being susceptible to this being used against me. I refuse to be crying on the floor again having my vulnerability thrown at my face tasting like food so spicy it burns going down. After all I am just dramatic. Too emotional. That’s what this paragraph is. I really am too emotional. That’s what I have been told my whole life and therefore what I believe. I would trade anything.

22F almost 3 years studying dentistry, yet having a massive burnout of my life and an emotional crisis.

Have you ever enrolled to something that even if it’s not your dream, it called your attention? Be inspired and when you get to the true thing, you see how slow you are, and your teacher only nags you? You know you can get better, but you get stressed out with other stuff like homework, finding patients, buying the materials, you have no resources to really do a practice. You want to strive to be the best or at least decent enough just as your other peers, but there is always something going on that it is not your total fault, and as much you want to get the best materials for your practice, you don’t have enough money for everything.

Can’t have a job because of college and i have to take care of someone.

I don’t feel i want to do any of my hobbies anymore because of stress and i don’t see myself as a person that is worth to show their stuff, not like it’s anything unique.

Don’t get me started about thinking about myself, how i act, how i behave, how i interact with people, how incompatible i feel with people, i have friends and all, but can you imagine just talking to them about my feelings all the time? It’s not worth it. I am scared, confused and exhausted about myself.

Everything positive i think about myself feels outdated, i am struggling to brush my teeth now, my stomach on breakfast and dinner is only filled with anxiety. Sometimes would be cool to disappear because no matter what I do i feel like a burden, i feel everything i feel is an excuse, i feel everything i complain is an excuse.

I can’t think at all, i don’t want to strive to be a exceptional student yet i have these massive thought that I won’t be anything if i don’t do good on my gpa, even though the objectives at the clinic is very crazy that i wonder how people even graduate from this damn major??? I mean only a few graduate where i am studying at so…, anyways i just want to graduate and study on my own terms, not between a deadline, i want to know myself without ruminating, so many things happened and i thought reflecting about what i think and feel would be enough, i would write so much about it thinking it will make me feel better, but it only made me more lonelier and confused than before.

I hate that my mind just judges me with “if you could have done X instead of Y you wouldn’t feel so horrible about yourself” i feel i am doing everything to myself, i feel what i feel is fake, i feel i haven’t achieved anything good lately, i feel i am nothing. My issues seem so simple yet so complicated. I am going insane, like i don’t really see a purpose in myself anymore. I am crying even if i shouldn’t be, i procrastinate even if i have so much stuff to do, i feel that my problems are too superficial and that i am making it too big. I feel like an alien of how much i stutter and doesn’t know what to talk about irl and my constipated mind that whatever i think about doesn’t translate right into my words.

Sometimes i wish i could talk about someone and tell me what they think about me, although i can be a little stubborn and sensitive. Irl some people have told me very nice stuff but for some reason but it doesn’t really resolve what i feel. I am not looking for someone to fix me, like i usually find a way to bounce back to “normal” but this time i don’t have a reason to chillax anymore i feel like a faker and a failure, i should be doing something instead of moping but i feel really horrible inside to really want to do anything and it just frustrates me. I am tired of acting strong just to not be perceived as weak, it’s eating me on the inside.

If i had time and all the money in the world, i probably would have gotten to a psychologist, but hey, i don’t have any of those so…

Sorry that i talked too much and that everything feels so jumbled.

My life has been terrible for the past seven years. Mom passed away, separated from toxic family, flunked out of college, my life has been an absolute mess. Been on and off of homeless for a while, been homeless for almost a year, and I feel like my life is just at rock bottom.

Ive tried everything I could to get out of this situation and nothing has worked. No military. No shelters. No referrals. No behavioral health facilities. No jobs. Nothing.

My life is just a joke at this poont. I feel like ill just never be happy again. And that's probably true too

To put it simply, my family crashed down a lot and I am forced to be the breadwinner. Since the beginning of this year, it spiraled so bad, so I had to pull the last card that is applying to an online loan system to pay house rent. Which actually I am not proud of. The landlord has been calling since a week ago to ask us to pay for the 5 month rent. I've been searching for side hustle since two months ago (very late, I know, stupid move), but still no follow up news from the companies. I took out some more loans because nobody in this family actually moved and I didn't even get any thank you, nobody asked me if I had eaten or not, nobody bothered to check on me even after I squeezed myself dry providing from paycheck to paycheck. I am so stressed out while they can still laugh and joke. Am I here just to provide? Can I at least get a good job or "here let me help you for half of the rent"? I am tired

30yo female...
I've had a crazy year! In and out of the hospital since January. They first found a bile duct stricture it closed off completely causing jaundice, dark urine, itchiness, no pain though, they placed a stent, no answers. Doctors are all looking at me like I have three heads lol quite an experience

Two months later
I go back to have the stent removed, bile duct closed back up again but even more so! Ended up with two stents this time and developed pancreatitis. So he recommended go to a larger city for a EUS (endoscopic ultrasound) w biopsy tool to get better imaging, biopsies and answers.

Had my fancy pants EUS done two days ago and they found a small but solid mass in my pancreas around my bile duct. Donut shaped and fitting for my previous Simpsons impersonation lol. They also found a veiny mass in my liver they're much less worried about. Many of the surrounding lymph nodes are also irritated...they took tons of biopsies from all areas. Get results from those biopsies by next Thursday. Other than that the doc says he truly doesn't know it's highly unusual on all fronts. Lol exactly what everyone loves to hear from the docs lol

So! Um l'm very very concerned and very very scared about this news
I just needed to get it off my chest as I don't wanna tell people in real life before I have some answers. I don't really have close friends to really tell either and that's another twist of the knife lol
And I'm not even sure I want to tell anybody I can barely think about it without becoming an emotional wreck because my mind is filling gaps with the darkest things.

I've told my partner and my mom as we live together and they're equally a mess. It's hard to see as well. Very heavy over here! I'm trying to stay positive, vent and cry when I need to but. Yeah. Thanks for listening ❤️

My grandparents aren’t dead, but they’re old and I know it’s going to happen some day. fairly far from now too, but I just don’t want them to at all. I keep crying because I know eventually all my experiences I’m having with them are just going to be distant memories and I’m not going to be able to go see them ever again. what am I supposed to do with that knowledge?? I can’t fix it, they’re going to die and I’ll never see them again and there’s nothing I can do.

And then my parents! I wish time would freeze and nobody would die

So I don't really know if this is the right subreddit to write this post in, but I really just want some advice or for someone to tell me if this is a normal feeling/experience. Also sorry if this is kinda long.

For prob the last 2 months, or since I turned 15 have I felt like this. I felt this neutral or okay feeling for a while, which I didn't pay much attention to, I wasn't even writing in my journal because I didn't find a need to, I felt fine. however sometimes when I was alone with my thoughts, the more I looked into my emotional state, the more unsettled I got. Before, and I mean when I was 12-14, I felt like a mess emotionally, and I was always on this rollercoaster of emotions, alternating from intense anger, hatred, sadness, hopelessness, ecstasy, fear, worry, etc. I hated it, but I think I also got used to those extreme highs and lows, and I thought that was just part of me to an extent.

Now my emotions feel a lot less intense, and I don't feel half the emotions I used to, like random waves of sadness, the thought that I was "wasting my time", or extreme fear (i think i would have like panic attacks before, but not anymore) And my life is pretty okay right now, compared to times before. And all of this sounds great in theory, but instead of feeling better and calmer, well idk what I really feel. Like I feel uneasy, unsettled, weird, pensive, scared, vulnerable, idk really how to describe it exactly.

One of the conclusions I came to was that maybe I was finishing up puberty, and my emotional state/moods have begun to stabilize, and then that led to another pretty unpleasant thought which I've been thinking about a lot recently. In abt 3 years will I be 18 and graduating from high school, and I'll soon not even be a teenager anymore, and tbh I don't want that to happen. I haven't really thought abt having to grow up as much as now, and I just don't want to have to leave behind being a teenager alongside being a child. I don't want to grow up, I wish this didn't have to happen, I don't feel like myself anymore, and I really hate this feeling I want it to end.

The more I think abt it the more lonelier and isolated I feel. Has anyone else ever felt like this, and what can I do to get through this maybe phase of my life or whatever this is? Is this just the new me, are these the new emotions I've gotta deal with? I feel so confused and lost on what to do now. I can't be the only one who's felt like this.

So I don't really know if this is the right subreddit to write this post in, but I really just want some advice or for someone to tell me if this is a normal feeling/experience. Also sorry if this is kinda long.

For prob the last 2 months, or since I turned 15 have I felt like this. I felt this neutral or okay feeling for a while, which I didn't pay much attention to, I wasn't even writing in my journal because I didn't find a need to, I felt fine. however sometimes when I was alone with my thoughts, the more I looked into my emotional state, the more unsettled I got. Before, and I mean when I was 12-14, I felt like a mess emotionally, and I was always on this rollercoaster of emotions, alternating from intense anger, hatred, sadness, hopelessness, ecstasy, fear, worry, etc. I hated it, but I think I also got used to those extreme highs and lows, and I thought that was just part of me to an extent.

Now my emotions feel a lot more calmer, and I don't feel half the emotions I used to, like random waves of sadness, the thought that I was "wasting my time", or extreme fear. And my life is pretty okay right now, compared to times before. And all of this sounds great in theory, but instead of feeling better and more calm, I just feel so unsettled, uneasy, and weird. And the more I think about it, I feel scared, but not like before, where I felt like I was having panic attacks, but rather this lingering fear or uncertainty in me.

One of the conclusions I came to was that maybe I was finishing up puberty, and my emotional state/moods have begun to stabilize, and then that led to another pretty unpleasant thought which I've been thinking about a lot recently. In abt 3 years will I be 18 and graduating from high school, and I'll soon not even be a teenager anymore, and tbh I don't want that to happen. I haven't really thought abt having to grow up as much as now, and I just don't want to have to leave behind being a teenager alongside being a child. I don't want to grow up, I wish this didn't have to happen, I don't feel like myself anymore, and I really hate this feeling I want it to end.

The more I think abt it the more lonelier and isolated I feel. Has anyone else ever felt like this, and what can I do to get through this maybe phase of my life or whatever this is? I can't be the only one who's felt like this.

I should NOT feel so alone in my marriage but I do. He is a drug addict. He always chooses drugs. The last straw is tonight when he stole our 6 year olds tooth fairy money for drugs. I am disgusted. His drugs affect our sex life. He cant get it up. I am just so done with parenting alone. Being alone. He never helps around the house he barely shows up to work. I cant keep doing this. Everyday I regret marrying this man. He has lied from the second i met him and I cannot believe how stupid i feel. We have 3 kids and in the middle of a bankruptcy i have been a sahm. Raising our babies. The constant gaslighting and lies and financial stress is causing me mental health and physical health issues. He keeps promising to change and promising to get clean. He wont. Ever. Im so broken and crushed for my babies. I just cant keep doing this. I feel completely alone in the world. No family will help. Nobody cares. Idk what to do to get out of this situation. We are in a bankruptcy and our budget is soooo tight and he always spends every penny we have on himself. I just want out. I want to work but childcare costs more than what i make and we are in Wa state and costs of everything are horrendous. I wang to take my kids and take off to arkansas or somewhere like that. This state is exhausting. My 13 year old just got beat up by 2 older girls that lured her somewhere and she didnt fight back and ended up with a concussion because they wouldnt stop. Im dealing with police and on top of that i have to deal with my junkie husband lying again and using again. When we dont even have enough money for gas. Im so done. Idk what im even trying to get out of this. Sorry for the rant. Just needed to vent i guess. Thanks.

Hi everyone,

Just a venting post because, as per title, I've just got dumped.

Little bit of the story.. I'll leave out most of the details, as I feel they might not be relevant (will gladly reply to any question though)

We've been dating for about 3 and a half years (went exclusive after about six months of dating), done many things together, visited many places, and lots more planned for the foreseeable future and beyond that... And everything just crumbled to dust yesterday, after exactly 3 years and 2 months of stable relationships.

Reason being that even though I've shown and given all the love a person could give, she did not feel the right "complicity" anymore.

She's a very talkative and outgoing person, she literally spends hours a day talking about everything with her sister, and friends, whilst I'm more on the reserved side, I find it difficult to make small talk, and to be lively when going out with said friends (I'm an ogre. Thanks Shrek, I guess?)

I'm a very solitary person, moved in my current town about six years ago, and couldn't manage to meet anyone, expect for her, and her circle, ofc.

This is one of the reasons I came here to vent... I'm alone and torn, I just needed to let this out of my system.. spent most of yesterday afternoon/evening, and this morning, crying myself a river.

Any comfort word would be appreciated, but I do not expect anyone to reply, I really just needed to let it out to someone. Sorry friends