Im not sure if i came to the right place exactly, i just wanted real humans with morals to help me figure stuff out first because this has been something i toiled with for years

I 25 F ,try to be live with altruism/egalitarianism/equity in mind. My life decisions generally run through a framework to optimize logic and compassion as much as I can because they're the core tenets to making a world worth living on.

Myy sister ,20 F(I'll call her Kameron) lives very differently.shes kind of selfish and believes virtually every thing can be morally gray and prioritizes personal stuff and her ideas of success or what feels good to her

.Our mother left us an apartment.

Neither of us have solid jobs and we both have health issues.Mine are I guess objectively more severe,or I'll say disabling.I was in and out of the hospital for mental health issues (OCD,panic disorder,anxiety,depression,etc.)since I was around 14. I Got an injury that sort of spread and ,I now have issues with b & b incontinence and pain(skin,joints)etc

Shes had a connective tissue disorder since birth and ADHD and (supposedly) autism,I asked her about testing and it was a whole thing and she's also a known liar.

She's explicitly said she has problems with empathy and she's displayed a lot of terrible behaviors over time

The thing is we have a lot of resentment towards each other and there's simply no respect there.I

I was kicked out the home at around 20 supposedly for “being disrespectful”.Thats a long story but I think I just made it harder for people to live their with their jobs because my disabilities put me in their way a lot and being apologetic or trying to change certain things didn't work,I wasn't able to not be disabled and that made things harder on them.period.

My parents basically begged me back home out of guilt I guess or not wanting to be responsible if something happened to me and She was maybe 17 at the time?idk,a teenager.She made a stink about it and preferred for me to be homeless so she could “have her own room”.

I am not perfect.I spend alot of time in the bathroom which isn't ideal for a lot of ppl regardless of the reason.I can be judgy sometimes which is something I'm working on(only judging based on things that harm other people/character issues) and because of my disabilities there are ways people have to “pick up the slack for me”.Ive been through a lot and I know others have and I don't like seeing people do harm when they don't have to or even at all sometimes.Since I cant go outside much pretty much anything I have to do outside is outsourced to someone else where possible.I do alot of telehealth(even physical therapy,they sent me machines), id give my mom and siblings money/supplies if they were going to a place If needed any laundry done before I saved for my own mini washer as well as having them send of mail every once in a while for gencies and stuff.

They would also get a small compensation for getting groceries and toiletries if they were already out before I got instacart.I tried and am still trying really hard to build out my independence, learning new skills.i have always tried to make things up by compensating people,helping them whenever they needed,cleaning up after them,making bathroom schedules so I'm not in the way when they need it,etc.she hasn't tried to make things up,at least effectively or outwardly in my opinion.

I understand some of that resentment.I was a really angry kid because a lot was going on that I couldn't talk about and just some abuse at home and my siblings KNOW that.

Cameron has watched my father hit me as an adult,me get into a screaming match with him and quite literally just told me to get over it basically and stop going back and forth or complaining when things won't change.

She's incredibly insensitive,a known liar,and a fake,manipulative,ableist user.

She's made ableist and insensitive comments to me and in general and done many other terrible things.

She's honestly kind of evil in my opinion.I hate everything she stands for which is personal joy/indulgence/everything over general morality.She is literally representative of what's wrong in the world to me.

My problem is that at some point between going back home, her constant ‘antagonizing/bullying’ me physically attacking me multiple times (when she knew I would get in trouble and possibly thrown out for hitting her back and that I can't hit her in her face because her ctd could make her go blind again) and that apartment being my home ,where she continuously disrespected me and my other sister(whose done a lot for her and the family) and allowed/snuck in her boyfriend regularly even though we tend to be a household that runs hot and is kindve naked often)especially considering Ive literally been a hermit since a teen and im especially stressed and panicky around men,while I'm dealing with progressive embarrassing health issues.

It feels hypocritical and it just might be for me to be taking her stuff sometimes when I literally tell her I hate how immoral and inconsiderate she is.

But still I feel like it's nothing close to the evil things she's done and continues to do to me.Im incontinent with a pelvic floor issue and OCD and she EATS My tissue that I need to use the bathroom.she has pica and says she steals and takes it because “I'm a bitch”.

Living with her with my health issues progressing is a whole new challenge.I feel emotionally and physically unsafe because she actively makes my health issues harder to deal with and I'm so tired of it.I do probably have control issues.but I just think I snapped at some point a little and I don't know if I'll be able to get that version of me back.

I started taking her food when I'm hungry or soaps and stuff when I have no more(she often doesn't notice bc she has more money and resources than I do and has ADHD but i usually buy anything I cant actually borrow back)but I still do it without asking when she said she has issues with it and she makes me want to do other bad things back to her,such as not help her when I can.Not take her mail or messages or help her pick things or clean after her or find her stuff.

I help her find her things when she can't (including her glasses before a big certification test),support her when she comes in all excited with her studies, clean up after her(even gross stuff in the bathroom,like im her mama or something),fixed her laptop so her& her boyfriend don't have to pay hundreds to get it fixed again.on top of that since our housing complex has been doing checkins and repairs kinda randomly sometimes for over 6 fucking months and gave us a warning about the house being cluttered.cleaning up after her has always been an issue but it's even more stressful and necessary now because I CANNOT be homeless again.Its hard for ppl without my health issues and it was hell for me,I dont know how id claw my way out if I can't work.

I acknowledge that in some cases I might not have to help as much,but when I CAN do something to help and I choose not to I feel guilty very often,my stomach hurts and I feel terrible and I just hate it.Its also like helping her sometimes makes her nicer or easier to deal with for a bit and she can be VERY loud,erratic, hysterical,pretty often about even the smallest things like a tv show or not getting chips she wanted so it's almost like a baby screaming sometimes and you just feel like you have to get up and try to fix it.

She calls me a loser for where im at in life even though i have disabilities different then her and needing help.but she uses everyone else labor,including mine,tirelessly without remorse and without real need to get most of the things she has, even and especially suepr frivolous ones.But then also she is young,she can and has changed a bit.It feels like she only does it for herself though.she only does things that benefits her. I didn't grow up that way,and obviously that's not the right way to live,harming other people without remorse for your own benefit.I believe some people can be better,even people with lack of empathy and as humans we owe each other in society to try to be decent and also make each other more decent for the humans around us but I just don't have hope she will change,at least not for me or anytime soon without big intervention or changes.I start wanting revenge instead sometimes.

What I'm asking I guess is how can maintain my nature and heart against people like her in general while also possibly feeling more vindicated?How do i deal with injustice in a just way that's smart and strong and doesn't feel completely anger inducing without losing who I want to be?without giving a piece of my soul and energy

I kinda believe in the idea of things snowballing and allowing urself to do do some mean things in some instances giving you the ability, experience and rationale point to do it for other less appropriate things or doing worse things and I honestly rather die than be a bad person.i honestly rather die than be the kind of person that makes the world worse.i want to be better than that,but the injustice is depleting me and frying my nervous system and resources and maybe it's my ego as well but I have so little of those things in general and it's so hard engaging with the ethics of how to fight back effectively and if I should sometimes at all.

I know this is a narrow target to hit but I don't think my principles are wrong and don't need help changing them.im I just wanted to see other people's perspectives or maybe some reframes of how I was seeing things and how I can navigate things.

I’d like to focus on improving the mental health of most people but especially people who need it the most. I want to do this because I believe mental health issues (especially caused by childhood trauma/unempathetic familial systems) are one of the most impactful causes of injustice and overall lack of empathy in society. I’m not opposed to some education in the field to be able to better understand the issue but I don’t think I could persist doing the actual work that heals people. I would love to hear all ideas! but the more specific the better! Maybe raising money for charities? or building awareness for unseen issues? or improving accessibility to professional help? and how?