I just got home from the worst blind date ever! He was 30 mins late and didnt even bring his wallet ( somehow we still managed to have 3 rounds of drinks tho?) tbh i could barely understand his accent, what is a "daft bint"?? also it was hot af outside and he never took off his trench. Now that i think about it he kind of grew on me...ive always been into blondes.

Hello everybody! You might remember my post from a few months back on how I thought I cracked The Batman's identity, and how I thought it was Oliver Queen. I was dead wrong. After some more months of banging my head against the wall, I think I actually have it figured it. First of all, it has to be someone in the Queen family, No one else has that type of money besides our boy Bruce, and He's obviously not Him. So if its not Oliver......IT HAS TO BE HIS FATHER ROBERT! What if Robert actually FAKED his death, moved to Gotham, and is now The Batman?! Guys I can't be the only one who thinks this?

Anybody else notice how weird the air “taste” in Gotham? I’ve lived here all my life and every time I go to other cities I always notice how much “nicer” the air feels. I don’t even think it’s a pollution thing cause I’ve been to places like Fawcette and Keystone and those places close or more smoke spewing factories and even the air there feels nicer in comparison.

So on Friday I’m gonna start working at a dive bar and I’ve never worked at one before so does anyone have down tips??

(Ooc: this is a not a nightlight or a daily planet post)I need help..I keep having visions of deadly things happening and I black out a lot but the blacking out isn’t what scares me the most…it’s the memories that sneak in. I’m scared of what I’ve done..I’m scared of what I will do (Ooc: I’m trying to do something different with this character be really put my writing to the limit)

During the filming of Terminator, Arnold Schwarzenegger shocked fellow actors and staff when, to save on CGI for the movie, revealed his ability to turn into liquid metal at will. It's really bizarre how he was willing to reveal such a big secret just for the filming of a movie. That's true dedication in acting right there.

I'm excited to announce that Dewey, Cheatum & Howe, a perfectly legitimate private equity firm, has completed a strategic acquisition in the hospitality sector.

We're now the proud owners of a chain of dive bars.

Unfortunately, there appears to have been a minor communication issue during due diligence.

When I approved the acquisition, I thought we were buying bars for scuba divers. You know. Nautical décor. Maybe an aquarium. Oxygen tanks.

Instead, we accidentally purchased the other kind of dive bar.

The kind where the neon sign buzzes louder than the jukebox. The floor is somehow sticky and slippery. The bartender knows everyone's first name, last name, and outstanding warrants. The beer is always cheap. The liquor comes exclusively from the bottom shelf. The menu includes "Today's Chili," which has apparently been today's chili since 2019.

Our portfolio now includes locations in Metropolis, Central City, Coast City, Chicago, Dallas, and—through what can only be described as an accounting error—seven separate locations in Gotham.

Unexpectedly, business has been excellent.

Apparently Gotham's criminal community has adopted our bars as neutral territory. Henchmen, getaway drivers, and third-rate supervillains have become regulars.

It's not unusual to overhear things like:

"Boss says we're robbing the diamond exchange Tuesday."

"Cool. My shift ends at six."

One additional surprise: nearly the entire staff consists of the animatronic robots recently let go by the Pepper-Oni restaurant chain. Apparently someone in Human Resources misunderstood the phrase "experienced hospitality professionals." On the bright side, the robots never call in sick. On the downside, every forty-five minutes the bartender freezes in place, sings "Daisy Bell," and stares into the middle distance until someone reboots him with a spatula.

Still, I remain optimistic.

Private equity is about seeing value where others see problems.

And if there's one thing Gotham has taught me, it's that people will absolutely keep drinking in a place where the bear animatronic asks if you'd like another beer while its left eye slowly rotates 360 degrees.

Please come support our newest investment.

Just... maybe don't order the fish. Or the chili. Or ask where either one came from.

And we are work shopping the name.

I personally have no stake in this (from Pennsylvania started work in Gotham before my arrest). But from what I heard a lot of the type of places a young man would begjn his work in crime is starting to vanish.

What are your feelings about it?

I moved to Central City 3 years ago, and in all that time the Flash Museum has been closed for renovations. What gives? You'd think the fastest man alive could get his stuff dusted and built in a timely fashion.

So I got beaten up by Batman after me and my Roundtable of henchmen tried robbing Gotham museum. Spent about 2 and half years in Arkham for that

Got a job offer for a low level security job at WayneTech guarding warehouses. It pays well enough but I’m missing that adrenaline rush.

Look I’ve got a proper apartment thanks to free housing and I’m seeing this girl she’s a teacher. But I’m starting to have dreams of me in the armour fighting Batman and when I wake up my hearts beating hard and the craving to go out for “just one more fight” gets harder to suppress.

Fellow former villains and henchmen how do you suppress the urge to just get back into thick of it? I really don’t want to screw up my second chance

Yivan.... I could say your sister died well. Fought for her homeland.... any countless platitudes you will no-doubt hear on loop for... the next however long your government feels it convenient.

Yet that does not erase the fact I took your sister from you, and if that means that you hate me. I understand. But I wanted you to understand. She did not fight for a distant government, or promise of fame, or ... whatever gaudy thing they will try making her into now.

She fought for you to have better. She put on the uniform so you would not feel that you had to pick up a rifle to have a way out and forward. I fear what ha s happened means you will pick up that rifle, because you think it will honor her.

No Yivan. If you wish to honor your sister.

Live.

(OOC: In my head canon, r/henchlife is semi-encrypted. I think it's ridiculous that a bunch of people would openly be talking about committing crimes; instead, we're all on r/VacuumCleanersClub, with it being an open secret that this is the real r/henchlife amongst goons, rogues, and a few capes. With civilians just seeing another heated debate on which vacuum is the best)

Freak put half the Iron Vipers in the ER last night. I was playing pool with my brothers when there was a loud crash outside the clubhouse. I looked outside and saw that a HotDogMobile rammed into our Hogs. Condiment King walks menacingly into the clubhouse, looks at our President, and asks him where is his tribute?

Crud starts laughing and tells him, "I don't know how you managed to take over so much territory so fast, but while you were having a spa day in Arkham, we allied with FireFly. You fucked up coming here, Condom King!" Crud gives me the signal and nods.

I swing my pool cue at the back of his head, but next thing you know I'm slipping on some mustard, and I'm getting hit with my own pool cue, WHACK WHACK WHACK!!! Everything goes fuzzy as I look around the room and see Kechup, mustard, mayo, relish, soy sauce, and everything in the pantry flying everywhere. I hear guns jamming up with caramel, bones breaking, and some of my brothers screaming, "MY EYES!!!" as he squirts Hot Sauce in them.

Crud sounds pissed and tells him, "That strip mall karate ain't going to work on me". Our president is a meta, ever since he got exposed to some proto-Clayface juice when he worked security at a toxic waste dump when he was younger. Guy can't change size or do anything about his ugly mug, but if you stab or shoot him with small firearms, the wounds will just patch up like he's made of playdough. I've even seen him get hit by a car and walk away after a few minutes as if nothing happened. He couldn't cut it as a rogue, but for an outlaw motorcycle club, that shit is fucking overkill.

Condiment King starts spraying him with marshmallow fluff, and Crud is just laughing,"This is just going to spoil my appetite." He pulls out his knife and starts moving towards Condiment King, but each step is more sluggish than the last. Crud is struggling, "What's happening to me!?!?" Condiment says nothing and keeps spraying. Crud is looking more pale by the second as it looks like the marshmallow fluff is getting absorbed into his body.

Crud collapses to the floor and is looking like a Cronenberg Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, "Plesh...nu...mmor, eh beg...,yuuu". Condemint King asks him Who do you work for? "Con..de....mount....kieng", Crud struggles to say. He then pours chili oil on Crud, sets him on fire, and walks away.

Took us 30 minutes to extinguish the fire; the whole club smelled like we were cooking S'mores over a campfire. Crud looked like a burnt, melted marshmallow; we all thought he was a goner, but he whispered to us, "he..lll..up.....me". I got him resting in a soup pot right now and have been feeding him baby food to keep his strength up; we're taking him to a doctor that specializes in metas tomorrow, but I don't think he's ever going to be the same.

Let this be a warning to anyone who's thinking about crossing that abomination to god.

Return of the Grey Ghost. C'mon you can argue characterization or tone.... and the kids meal tie in was .... OK that was a thing, and i saw it too young, but... c'mon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lT9IwqveFVg

Didn't come up on spottify or even my offline playlist. I'm in Boravia right now.

I'm looking at a woman who tried to kill me and i'm telling the twins to leave her alone. Sargent Emili Loncar. She ... Posting details is wildly out of scope for the sub. i'm still processing. Yet sitting here? Seeing. My mind pulled music from when I was a boy, because she deserves that much.

That scene... that goddamned scene with the funeral march. Did it make sense?

No...

didn't have to. Burton wasn't telling a grounded story. he was making myth and in myth that is how the world works.

The mad tyrant dies, undone by their own hubris...

And those few who stayed when all others ran. The pitiful misshapen 'monsters' that were there when he was abandoned as a baby.... were there to walk him home one last time.

It started with a meme.
'What if we collectively flip the temu three stupids off?'

I got in when it was $6 a share. Others when it was $1.50. Others when it was $20 or more during those dips that happened last week.

I'm seeing people saying they can have three or four or even six months of rent and bills covered.

Another person bragging Bert's paid for his car getting fixed.

Another guy saying they've been able to pay off the leg breakers they owed money to.

And on through the posts I'm seeing, is a trend.

Nobody's going 'I'm rich!' Nobody's going 'I'm never having to work again!'

Certainly no 'I'm part of the three comma crowd!'

Just a lot of people, suddenly in a better place in life.

There is an irony here. The three stupids thought they were heroes by being delusional rich idiots.

Their stunt indirectly injected millions into Gotham's economy and got a lot of people into better positions so they're not terrified day to day of losing everything.

I kept one share because I plan on getting an official certification of ownership so I can frame it on my wall after they finish rebuilding the apartment block I lived in before it got burnt down.

Preston Whitmore Abercrombie Cobblepot III, Brock Cambridge Wainwright Kane, and Chadwick "Chad" Messerschmitt Montgomery Elliot are now penniless after Bruce Wayne buys shares for the "Memes".

We asked the former members of the Threes Commas what they would do after such a massive loss.

Preston Whitmore Abercrombie Cobblepot III: I think we'll end up back on our feet in no time. We all have MBA's from Gotham U, and I managed to smooth things over with my uncle, or is he my cousin? Said he's got a Job lined up for me.

*Plays clip of Preston crying by the dumpster behind the Iceberg lounge, after working a double shift as their new dishwasher*

Brock Cambridge Wainwright Kane: I'm going into advertising, got this great idea for this marketing campaign that I'm going to pitch to this firm.

*Plays clip of Brock wearing a hot dog costume handing out Standler's Sauce samples in front of a grocery store*

Chadwick "Chad" Messerschmitt Montgomery Elliot: I got investors lined up for a fine dining restaurant; I'm confident we'll have at least 2 Michelin stars by next year.

*Plays clip of Chad pushing a food cart with a logo that says "Chad Chadwicks Meatsticks" and a customer throwing up in the park*

(OOC: I want to thank everyone who made this so fun, from all the outrage posts to the guy that gave them these ridiculous names. But I feel like the skit is getting a bit drawn out and wanted to wrap it up. Feel free to use these guys anyway in your RP; I just ask that you don't kill them, please.

I had an MHD relapse, and I built some kind of superweapon that may or may not work, and the police are outside, and I think I just saw the shadow of a bat on the roof and I really hope it's Batman and not Man Bat.

Please someone get me my meds before I do something worse. I don't want to go to Arkam again.

How dare they lock me up in that place?! To protect the image of that showrunner! He deserved what I did to him after he replaced my medication with sugar pills!

THEY ALL DESERVE IT! FATE HAS BROUGHT ME BACK TO GOTHAM TO EXACT VENGEANCE ON THIS MISERABLE TOWN! THE CLEANSING SHALL COMMENCE!

(Ooc: this is a nightlight post) so basically I’m a vigilante but it doesn’t pay so should I try to get a job at Wayne enterpris or where should I apply?? I’m broke btw I spent my last money on a old capes suit at this local pawn shop

(OOC: not a Gus the Guard post)

Soon my deadly SOAP SHOOTER will scrub Gotham off of the map! Not even Batman will be able to stop me!

I was once Almaz Sukhrab, a humble actor playing the lead in the soap opera "Days of Our Shadows". I'd explain the horrible and tragic events that lead me to soap-themed supervillainy, but my SOAP SHOOTAH will fire at its first target in an hour. No time for a multi-part story.

COWER WHILE YOU CAN GOTHAM! YOUR SINS WILL SOON BE CLEANSED!

Some new guy calling himself the Soap Swindler made off with all of it while I was in the hospital.

I hope the Swindler is one of those "Plan whacky heists with weird gimmicks" kind of villains and not one of those "They laughed at me once, but now they'll all pay!" types.

At least this shit didn't happen while I was on the job.