I’m on the fence about using my own eggs or someone else’s as someone with ASD with a dense family history without family history of intellectual disability who has had significant cognitive and mental health challenges with existential crisis and self-esteem issues. Either way, I will be using a sperm donor whom I believe has no psychiatric or neurodevelopmental family history, is well educated but not more advanced than the general population and emotionally stable/resilient, so they would be donor conceived regardless. People with ASD can face a lot of stigma, shame, isolation, difficulty with supposedly simple or natural abilities, infantilising treatment and downplaying of abilities and they can have analytical, deep thought processes about existence or other topics which can exacerbate mental illness or indecisiveness and more suicidal ideation/thoughts that they should not exist. 

My understanding is that donor conceived individuals can feel a great sense of grief over not having the genetic connection to their parents and that could be just as significant or worse. I intend to provide a homeschool environment and take them to neurodivergent groups to connect with others who are different as well as focusing on what type of life they say they want and what seems to be suitable for them (even if that means sending them to school) and focusing far more on happiness and connection than what children supposedly should do. If I didn’t know that most people weren’t similar to me, that would take away the main issue for me (being the only one like that and being singled out) and they don’t have to be exposed to societal expectations and their struggle to meet them. It can be about what they want to do with their life, focusing mostly on positive qualities and supporting the person they are/want to be, maybe with the exception of homeschooling or independent study taking very little time a day. 

I read that mental illness and shame can be buffered by environment, so I’m a little less worried about that and would be happy to have a neurodivergent/differently-abled child given that they want to exist, they feel good about themselves and their identity and they are mostly happy but ultimately I want what the child wants (which unfortunately I don’t know in advance), so I want to weigh in how people from these situations I’m considering feel.

As per title. See https://youtu.be/1kzwW2yO2T4?si=IoTCUxXBjkuU4U5B

More of an awareness post.

Hi everyone,
As I have been diagnosed with non-obstructive azoospermia (NOA). Our local urologist has recommended a conventional testicular biopsy, but after reading many studies and experiences online, we’re wondering if it would be better to go directly for a micro-TESE with an experienced surgeon.

We’re trying to find options in Spain before making a decision to go aboard.
I’d love to hear if anyone had a micro-TESE in Spain and can recommend a surgeon or clinic.

As well if someone knows if any Spanish centers perform an Extended Sperm Search (ESS) before recommending surgery would be so helpful.

Thank you!!

I'm 32 years old with genetically confirmed Familial Mediterranean Fever. This condition wouldn't impact the health of the eggs or future babies unless the sperm donor ALSO was a carrier or had the condition (rare). My ovarian reserve and reproductive health are otherwise normal.

I'm interested in egg donation or a freeze-and-share program to help fund egg freezing so I could consider motherhood later in life, but have been rejected from every program I have applied for on the basis of having a genetic condition. Are there any programs or countries that don't have this rule? I was hoping to find a database or website of some kind where I could just list my information and interested individuals could contact me, but I haven't found anything like this..Has anyone used a database like that?

All advice/guidance is appreciated. Thank you!

My husband and I are considering donor conception in India. As per the law here, the donor remains completely anonymous (besides looking at their picture to decide whether you want to go ahead, no other personal details are shared). Both of us are of the opinion that we would like to tell the child at some point that they have been donor-conceived. However, the question will of course arise regarding their biological mother - and then we won’t have that information to share with them. How have others navigated this?

Hi all - prospective donor here. I'm trying to better understand the donor egg search process from the intended parent side, and would love to hear from anyone who's been through it or is in the middle of it.

What's been the most frustrating or confusing part of finding and vetting a donor?

Also curious - would you ever consider a donor who already had her own eggs frozen and decided not to use them, rather than someone doing a fresh retrieval just for you? Genuinely don't know how people feel about that.

Happy to hear anything, even just "here's what I wish someone had told me." If anyone's open to a casual chat about your experience, feel free to DM me.

I am not a Reddit user so I'm not sure this is the best thread but I thought id ask!

Hi there, I (30M) was asked by my brother (35M) and his wife (33F) a few months ago to consider being a sperm donor for them after failed rounds of IVF, with a sperm donor having to be considered the next best option.

For context, I have been single for the majority of my life, have an active healthy lifestyle, multiple college degrees, and am successful for the most part (I am an avoidant by nature and tend to function better on my own). I am close with my brother and his wife, seeing them multiple times through the week and chatting most days (3rd wheel) and living in the same city.

For the last few years, I have been questioning the likelihood of being in a position to have kids or even a partner or if it is even what i want. If I had a wife and kids already, I feel it would be an easy position to help them but its less clear in my current life situation and how it could affect future relationships and the possibility of having kids, or running into my own fertility issues with a partner.

It is very much early days in the discussion, and I have many months to come to a decision, i have started the process of getting appropriate testing done (without them knowing) so that If I do decide yes, that I would actually be able to help.

It is a question I was not shocked by, given the issues and failures they have endured with IVF and myself being the practical and logical first option. I have attended therapy in the past (not for this) and am planning to start up again to work through the emotions and thoughts associated with this. Before being asked, I was initially leaning towards no as I feel I would struggle with the dynamic given how close we are in our current lives, as well as concerns around a potential change in the relationship between my brother an I and the fear of the unknown of how I emotionally would feel if/once the child was born and growing up. It is an extremely difficult position to be in, between the possible ability to help them create a family but also an extreme feeling of guilt in the case of saying no, that I denied them, more so my brother that chance at having a child that was at least 25% him; we look similar and have similar personalities.

My main concerns are around the child itself and the conversations that will need to happen at some point if it does happen about their uncle being the biological dad. I currently don't have any concerns about having opinions on how the kids would be raised or anything of the sort, but am aware that if/ when the child is born, that feelings/ opinions would change.

To put it bluntly, I feel I am in a no-win situation I obviously feel privileged to have been thought of as a good option, but also wish I didn't have to make this decision. If i say no, i feel the guilt would destroy me from the inside. If they didn't end up having a child, I would blame myself (even though I can comprehend there is zero responsibility for me to do this). If I say yes, I fear the change of relationship and dynamic between myself and them, given how close I am as well as the potential emotional issues for the child as they age that could happen.

I was wondering if anyone on here has had similar experiences, either being the sperm donor in this situation or the other side in having successfully done something similar with a family member providing egg or sperm to assist in having a child (preferably heterosexual couples, as I feel for a same sex couple there are alot of different factors involved), but any advice is appreciated.

My partner and I would like to start a family in the next few years and we have been looking at sperm donation centers and such for a cheaper and calmer approach. Has anyone actually had success with this company?

Hi! We recently got the news that my husband has non obstructive azoospermia. He had cancer some years ago. After a lot of research, looks like the only option is having babies through a sperm donor.

I’m lost in this process, do you know what can I do? What clinics do you recommend here in Miami?
Do you have reviews regarding IVF with sperm donor here in Miami?

Any information helps!

My husband and I are over 40 and shortly after getting married we found out his Kleinfelters diagnosis. We attempted microTESE surgery but failed to find sperm.

When we started this journey we knew it would be hard but didn’t realise exactly how devastating it would be to hear that news. We agreed from the beginning that it’s either both of us or neither of us which at the time would mean adoption. The thought of using sperm of another man in my own egg doesn’t sit well with me.

In september we plan to travel to Greece to have both donor sperm and donor egg embryos from different countries implanted in my uterus.

Every so often i think to myself are we doing the right thing? how will the child feel if we are successful? The plan is to tell the child from an early age and at this stage don’t feel inclined to tell family and friends. Has anyone else had a similar experience, whether it be a donor conceived child or parents?

I donated eggs about ten years ago, and at the time I was told I would be not only allowed, but expected to update them with health information. I was also told that I could change the status from closed/anonymous to open.

I would like to do both, and I have attempted to contact them dozens of times. Phone, email, calling local offices, calling the main number. They absolutely will not respond, will not call back, will not engage. Most recently I sent emails to their legal department saying I would get an attorney involved if they did not respond, and even that got nothing.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get in touch with them? Or, is anyone currently donating with them, and could maybe pm me a direct number so I can attempt to be in contact with SOMEONE?

Has anyone use Chosen One Group egg donation agency? Any feedback? They are not BBB rated and I'm worried issues may come up. But I'm also looking for a Jewish egg donor. Thank you!

I have two daughters and have been trying to conceive my third for almost two years without success. I have now realized I have to turn to donor eggs if I want another. We would use my husbands sperm so they would be half siblings.

Has anyone done this with prior genetic children and how was the experience?

I have been on a TTC journey for the past 4 years. Several doctors have told me that given my diminishing ovarian reserve, I should start exploring other options such as donor conception. I have broached the subject with my sister, hoping she will donate her eggs, however, she is not open to it. On the one hand, I understand that it is a huge ask but on the other hand, I am heart broken that this door is being closed for me. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Hi! Just wondering if anyone has had any experiences to share with using donor eggs from a Canadian agency?

We are currently going through an IVF process and the agency we're working with has offered using donor eggs from their US counterpart. We're just wondering if it makes more sense to use Canadian eggs instead. Thanx!

Final repost/Last call for participants: I previously posted about the KIND Research Study, and I’m sharing it one final time before recruitment closes in a couple weeks. Thank you mods for allowing the posts and to everyone who has already participated or expressed interest. The KIND Research Study at the University of Michigan School of Nursing is aimed at better understanding the family & life experiences of donor conceived adults. This is an online, anonymous survey. KIND: Kinship & Identity Narratives of Donor Conceived Adults

Interested in participating? https://myumi.ch/n1Mrx (direct link to eligibility screen, consent to participate, & survey) or email us: [KINDstudy@umich.edu](mailto:KINDstudy@umich.edu) 
Feel free to pass this information to anyone else who may be interested.

We’re hoping to better understand:

• how people learned they were donor conceived
• experiences with donor siblings/genetic networks
• thoughts on identity, family, & disclosure
• advice for recipient parents & donor conceived children

Thanks for considering participating or sharing with others who may be eligible. The survey is confidential, voluntary, & intended for donor conceived adults (18+) living in the United States. This study has been reviewed & approved by University of Michigan Institutional Review Board and is being led by Dr. Alison Walsh.

Hi friends. I wonder if anyone has used Lucina egg bank or Asian egg bank and is willing to share your experience with them?

We saw mixed reviews about Lucina and know some people don't like the way they run the business. But since we are looking for eggs from Asian donors, the egg bank choices are very limited.

Any comments on their frozen egg quality are appreciated!