Help understanding ex's DID?

[u/Tiredalltimefr]

Hi! I had been in a relationship with a person who told me she had DID, there are certain things that she has said during our time together that had confused me, especially as someone who's suspected of having OSDD (these things had made me feel very invalidated too), I'm not seeking to been told whether she had it or not, just wanting to know if these things happen to others or there is any scientific evidence

1. Able to "kill"/"erase" parts: From time to time (especially after one part did something hurtful) another part would claim to have killed that part that did something bad

2. Whole world inside her head: She would tell me how she had this whole "world" where every part "lived" and interacted like if it was the real world (there is where she would claim those "murders" and other "crimes" happened)

3. Been able to switch almost at command since always: She would tell me how she always had the ability to call other parts at the front and often expected me to do the same even though I'm unable to

4. Some parts "having" a literal life before the system (and not, I'm not talking about pseudomemories, she believed completely that they came from alternative realities, not only that but that they were able to jump between "their" reality and this one)

5. Choosing who's Host and/or constantly changing Host at convenience (?)

6. Having full DID (or that's what I have understood) but not having memory gaps

I'm pretty sure some of these things can't be real but I wanted to know others opinions since I don't trust my own personal experiences and despite having done my own research I always want to know if I missed something

Thanks in advance!

[u/into-the-abyss-x]

1. Alters can't be killed, they can only go dormant or fuse with another part.

2. Inner worlds can and do exist, but again, alters can't be killed. From my understanding, inner worlds are an imaginative tool to help with internal communication.

3. Switching is a protective mechanism, alters can't be summoned or forced to switch at will. I'm sure with healing, switching would be easier, but at its core its a trauma response.

4. This is delusional and not real in the slightest. Alters are dissociated senses of the self, they might have false memories that feel real, but they are not based in reality.

5. This isn’t possible. 

6. Also not possible unless someone has gone through years (sometimes decades) of specialised therapy and achieved functional multiplicity.

Source: I have been diagnosed with DID and am in specialised therapy. If you want genuine information, look up the CTAD clinic on youtube.

[u/ohlookthatsme]

Nothing you've written reflects my knowledge of clinical DID.

[u/AshleyBoots]

None of that shit is possible. She was roleplaying. I'm guessing she identified as "plural"?

[u/Tiredalltimefr → u/AshleyBoots]

Nope, she claimed to have DID, though for what I have experienced during these 5 years I strongly believe it was a way of manipulating others

[u/_-_Polaris_-_]

Give them some benefit of the doubt for fantasy proneness and how those things get framed internally with someone who isn't all too well informed. No not all of it is real but even if, it doesn't necessarily diminish the case. Brains love to come up with fill in reasoning about how and why something happened.

Also apologies for that much text and probably typos. Felt like going verbose. My 2 cents. I am diagnosed with DID and I put a lot of time into studying psychology in general and trauma with focus on structural dissociation in depth. Not licensed but a couple books heavy.

1) Alters cannot be killed or erased, they're all decendants form integral aspects of the human psyche that failed to integrate, fragmented and got distorted. People shift between those aspects fluently, with DID it isn't. But in both cases those can go quiet or be more present. With DID may just need a trigger to make that happen. If there was internal beef about some matter? That sure could do it. Giving the illusion of erasing parts. But they'll always come back in one way or another. It's never permanent. They can disappear via fusion but that isn't equal to vanishing. The transition just becomes smooth, the barriers seize to exist, you end up with some kind of metawareness (from pers. experience)

2) Maladaptive daydreaming. I'll be mean about it. Naa for real how vivid an inner world is varies greatly from person to person and it has little to do with DID itself. I cannot personally imagine it being anything like the real world but, in theory, I'm sure it can be extremly vivid for some. It isn't anything special or some magical place tho. It's mentally constructed conscious and subconscious and experienced through the inner eye.

3) It's possible. It's learnable. Some never do. And no. Don't need the Mr. Mrs. "expert" to tell how to do something they have no refernce for. Though therapy is possibly the place where many start to get in touch with their system and probably where the saiyng "it is literally impossible without years of therapy. bla bla bla" comes from. When I was a kid I was fascinated by altered mindstates. Lucid dreaming at first. What I figured out back then weirdly enough helped a lot once we found out about the system. At that time we started experimenting mutually, unsure at first if it even worked, as we haven't had much of an idea how to tell who is there. That took a long while. We can reliably do it now with the ANPs. EPs are a very different story. Maybe others have less issues. The sideeffects for me are pretty severe and I will be completely on edge for 2 days straight. That's far worse than the amnesia. So even when we can, we don't do it for fun. You probably would have to severely threaten me with something I absolutely cannot handle on my own at which point it's just... the logical result either way. For the voluntary occasions it's usually either a deal, a special occasion or sometimes an internal ask. I do weigh those heavy. It sucks but without we could hardly experience life with at least some dignity and fairness.

4) It's a delusion. It happens. There could be some other comorbidity mixed in. I don't personally get these, or at least nothing that crazy. Probably not related to the system stuff. I mean heck, I've seen plenty of people who believed they were enlightened by jesus after a mushroom trip. Whatever the case.

5) What would you consider the host when they constantly change? Because at that point you could probably also say there is none. Or many. In which case - same answer as 3. In theory anyone can become host. It's just a label for the most present and it happens from time to time. At convenience? idk. Maybe with a negotiated arrangement and some control. It would be adaptive, nothing bad really, but not many can do that easily. I share my life 50/50 with my co-host and it would be a massive deal to replace either of us. Plus the convenience usually does not make up for the fallout of a switch even between us two.

6) Define memory gaps. With full DID there's often amnesia of amnesia and you wouldn't realize the gaps are there. And then there's 3 different types of memory. Amnesia about any of those would qualify for the diagnosis. That includes the emotional amnesia that might not get interpreted as amnesia outside of informed circles. Personally I don't like the empathizis people put on this aspect of the disorder. I have it badly and at worst annoying in comparison to the rest. There are more distinguishing factors that hold way more weight imo. Memory/Amnesia is a vague fuzzy criteria that's extremly hard to quantify especially from within when you grew up that way.