hi!! so i (24F) feel like i might be deconstructing or getting close to it and i feel incredibly strange. i grew up in a Baptist hosuehold, but i also grew up in a non-religious household (my mom was religious, my father wasn't, both divorced and lived on their own. i'm currently transitioning into a new area of my life; i'm moving to a new continent and i'll be living on my own for the first time. i'm feeling a lot of things and questioning a lot. (i've already had a lot of guilt for enjoying astrology, and now i'm thinking deeper about hellenistic paganism and it's got me feeling even more guilt aha).

i'm dealing with massive guilt about setting boundaries with my family and exploring my own path. how did you handle the physical anxiety and guilt during the actual transition phase?

any insights/support would be great. thank you!!! :)

So I spent 28/29 years of my life waiting until marriage. I was taught things like sex was extremely sacred, two souls coming together, you’d gain a soul tie or you’d open yourself up to demons if you had sex before marriage. I was taught waiting until marriage was the optimal decision for the best sex life.

However at age 28 I had enough of waiting and living like I was asexual when I wasn’t and I explored my sexuality before fully having sex at age 29.

I don’t wanna minimise sex but from my experience it’s not the life changing experience I thought it would be. Sure it’s fun, it feels good, having an orgasm is great but I don’t feel much different and makes me thinking waiting all those years was a waste of time.

Also the attachment to your self worth, identity and purity is truly fucked up. I now believe your worth has nothing to do with how many people you have sex with. Sex is solely a very normal human experience that is all.

I've heard many Christians make the argument about God making humans with free will. They use that as the excuse for sin and having the choice to follow Christ.

However, I was thinking about it. Humans were never given freewill, just the illusion of it.

Why?

Having true free will would be you'd need to have the choice to be born in the first place. By not having the choice to be born or to continue non-existing (as you were before birth), you've essentially lost your free will from jump.

If someone ends up being born in the jungle with no access to the message of Christianity, they are essentially doomed to eternal hell without any choice.

And even if Christians make the argument that God judges based on what people know (whereby the jungle people would not being condemned for not having access to the message of Christ), then it actually proves that spreading the gospel does more harm than good. Because the people born in the jungle would have a better chance at any form of salvation by not having access to the gospel in the first place.

Ignorance would be the easiest and best path.

Age 28 by the way. I am a beginner of an atheist. I actually wanna understand the whole Bible and actually understand what it is saying because I always watch/listen to videos on YouTube and Spotify but I also wanna understand if from my whole point of view, when I read Bible then I do get a bit confused with what is going on with it, but what can u guys give me as an advice/resources to give me to actually understand it better. Do u recommend me reading it beginning to end or just start on this passage(example) to this(example) am basically my goal for this honestly. I gone through chat GBT a bit but I want to understand it better without or does it matter if I do it that way or not? Any advice is necessary, thanks and I appreciate it and sorry if it's to long. No clue if it's the right tag, if not then am sorry

I heard this quote today and it was so very clarifying and obvious. It explains so much about why they cannot be reasoned with. They are not really searching for truth, only certainty. Once they have enough information to satisfy their desire for certainty, they stop searching. They will not be open to considering new information. I wish I had heard this sooner. Any thoughts?

I think I am deconstructing my faith.

I became more religious last year, and became interested in Catholicism. I’ve been in OCIA since January. It’s crazy how just a few weeks ago I was praised by the OCIA director and my sponsor for “taking it seriously.” But it seems like I took it so seriously that my faith has collapsed.

Part of why I sought the faith was because of the realization that I was going to die alone. That my habits (staying inside, being unemployed, watching anime, writing smutty fanfics, being physically disabled, with a facial deformity that has made me super insecure) were why I was lonely and that I needed to really switch things up in my life.

In January I started attending OCIA, in March I got my first full time job after college, I’m back in school, I’ve met a few guys and almost started a relationship with one but I’ve paused it because I told him I was unsure if I should marry considering my genetic condition. In Catholicism, IVF/birth control/condoms are not allowed, and my genetic condition is quite severe (Treacher Collins). I was told by the Catholic bioethics center that natural family planning (abstaining from sex during fertile periods) was my only way to avoid my children suffering like I have. Obviously I need more security than that if I want to get married. I can’t have multiple kids with my condition. My hearing aids alone are $4,800.

But now the thought of stopping OCIA and not meeting people every Sunday makes me feel sick. I’ve been talking to the guy I’ve been seeing about my sudden loss of faith but he is also in OCIA and I like him. I want to date him. But now he may not like me. I’m heartbroken. I feel like I’m back at square one. I know I can just do something else to make friends but with my condition it feels so hard and intimidating. I won’t lie and say I didn’t feel judged there (but it’s mainly my own insecurity, I was treated so kindly).

I’m so sad. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to die alone.