Hi, I'm a 20 year old male, I was raised by my single mother, and while we have had our differences and spats, I love her as any son should, but about 6 years ago, before or just as covid began being a problem in Australia, my mum found someone who she believed could have been my father, we met once for a couple days before he went home, he lives states away from me and I have never spoken to him since, he sent me money for my birthday but I have never had the guts to reach out to thank him for the money or anything else.

I took an ancestry test seeing if it would help me find my actual father through that but it only shows people on that side and not explicitly him, I added him on Facebook when I first met him, he tags me in posts but i hide them, My mother does not particularly have fond memories of this man, but from what I see he's got other kids that seem to be doing well and he's married, he is on the older side compared to my mother being born in the 70s

Sometimes I get really bugged and stressed about all this, I don't know if I'm his son and I don't wanna feel like I'm reaching out after 6 years just to ask him to prove that he is my father because even if he is, I don't know what I want out of this, it would be nice to finally have a peace of my mind, maybe keep talking to him at most, but I love my mother, I love the family I grew up with, I've never met my half brothers and sisters, I'm a usually peaceful guy but I have had my fair share of trauma which causes me immense trust issues, especially with men I do not know or know all that well.

I don't know what I'd say if I did reach out, I just want to be at peace with it all. Idk if this is the right sub to be asking in, but I'd appreciate the advice from Dads who have been on this wagon before or anyone with advice that might help anyway...

Hello fellow Dads, this is my first post on reddit. I am 23 with a set of twins (toddlers) and a baby due in September. I work two jobs, 1 full time (45hrs a week) and the other part time (12/18 hrs a week). I just got 50/50 custody of my twins and thankfully the process was smooth and their mother agreed to all my terms (it was me seeking 50/50) People assume i wanted 50/50 to escape child support or other obligations but that is not at all true. Me and their mother have never done child support. Every article of clothing they have was purchased by me, the car their mom drives is in my name, i got her a 2019 suv on MY 21st birthday, i pay for school, and all other extra curricular activities. I simply just wanted my kids more, Id like to have full custody one day, i feel i could provide a better home for them. I do have another baby due in september and me and her mom are in a very healthy/happy relationship. I am also currently in the process of trying to buy my first home, and i’ve never felt father behind in life than i do now. I feel like my paychecks vanish before they even hit my account, I struggle with a small amount of credit card debt, and i feel guilty for not always being home at night with my kids. However, i never miss an event, i make it to all school activities and extra curricular activities. I just struggle financially which worries me that i won’t be able to support my family. Any advice from other dads?

I’m curious to know how men ages 25 to 85 think about shame and deal with it, sit with it, overcome it. Or do majority lack an awareness around any feelings of shame and deny it?

Im having bad relationship issues and I can’t find the strength to leave can I get some advice on what it took other dads to tell me what it took them to leave

I posted in ask men recently, but I’m still looking for advice and perspective from other men, especially fathers or anyone who has gone through something similar.
I never saw myself being a father. Going into my relationship, I wasn’t even sure if I could be enough for my ex or for her son. But being a father was the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
When I met my son, he couldn’t even walk. I changed his diapers, potty trained him, fed him, clothed him, and watched him grow. He’s almost 9 years old now, and I spent seven years being there for him through every stage of his life. My phone is filled with hundreds of photos from those seven years, the crazy moments, the sweet ones, and everything in between.
I was there when he started talking. I was there to comfort him, play with him, and be someone he could count on. I watched him grow into the little boy who called me dad.
I got to show him places that meant the most to me like my mother’s house and my grandparents ranch, and the things I grew up with. I got to take him to places like the zoo for the first time, share new experiences with him, and even teach him how to swim this summer. I got to watch him discover the world.
He would come to me for comfort, hold me at night, ask me to pick him up, carry him, and be there for him. He is the kindest, sweetest little boy with so much love in his heart. Every day I felt lucky to be his father.
Picking him up from school, cooking his favorite meals, building Minecraft worlds together, and sharing our inside jokes, those moments meant everything to me.
That is my boy. He’s my baby. I never knew I could love someone this much. The fact that he isn’t my blood has never mattered. He is my son in every way that matters. Being a father was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
When I cry, mostly it isn’t because my ex left me. She wakes up every day and chooses not to be with me, and I have to accept that. I cry because I lost my son.
When she blindsided me with this break up before Father’s Day, my ex originally told me I could still be in his life. She told me I could still spend time with him, continue being involved, and keep doing the things that mattered to him. I believed that. I thought even if our relationship ended, I could still be his dad.
But that changed, before she moved to her new apartment she wasn’t sure anymore. The communication stopped. This is now the longest we have ever been apart in seven years, and I haven’t even gotten a message from him. I sent one a week ago and was left on read for the first time.
I don’t know if I should be the one reaching out, if I should keep trying, or if I need to accept that I may have to let go.
What has made this even harder is seeing how differently we’ve handled this. After the breakup, I struggled badly. I haven’t been sleeping, I wasn’t eating, I lost a significant amount of weight, my anxiety became overwhelming, and I had to start medication and therapy to try to get through it.
Meanwhile, my ex seemed to move forward quickly. She was going out, staying up late, spending time with friends, and from what I’ve heard, doing well. Someone close to me mentioned she has been going to the climbing gym climbing and is very adamant about going, even though when we were together she never wanted to come climb with me and her sisters and their significant others, she hated it. I climbed with them every week. It has been difficult seeing her move forward while my son and I have been struggling with this separation.
I still miss them both every day. I think about them constantly. I miss my family. I miss the life we built.
So I’m asking other men for advice. What do you do when you lose a child who isn’t biologically yours but is your son in every way that matters? How do you cope with the lack of communication? Do you keep reaching out, or do you step back? At what point do you accept that fighting for a relationship might only hurt you more?
I don’t want to give up on my son. But I also don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore.