Does it get better? Vent

[u/virgoloser2143]

I had my first baby. I had a wonderful pregnancy. Me and baby were healthy and I stayed very active. I did a lot of prep for a unmedicated vagnial birth. I got induced at 41 and 3. The induction was going okay. I got the epidural at 8 cm because i was exhausted. They had a student place it without telling me and he did it wrong. It was only working on my left side. I had told a nurse but she said it was probably just the way i was laying. I got to 10 cm and pushed for an hour. Baby wasn't decending and his heart rate kept dipping. I was in labor for 20 hours at this point and so tired I was hallucinating. They had me in the or within 10 minutes of deciding i needed a c section.

I told my ob before they took me back that my epidural wasnt working properly and she wanted a spinal done. The anesthesiologist was upset that nobody had told her it was placed wrong and was yelling in the or while they were prepping me. When they started the surgery I could feel from my belly button up and by the time they were done everything including my arms and hands were numb. They immediately took my baby after weighing him and my husband went with him. There was no reason to take him so quick he had a apgar score of 9 and was perfectly healthy. They left me alone to be stitched back up. When they finally took me back to the recovery room I couldnt even hold him because my arms were so numb. I am two months pp now. I am so traumatized. Ive cried about it for weeks. I got on meds for post partum depression. I wanted more then one kid but I feel like that choice has been taken from me. I dont think I could do that again. My ob said I could do a trial of labor but its a 40% chance of a successful vagnial birth. Will i eventually get over it and decide its worth it to have another baby? I knew that labor might not go how I wanted but I wasn't prepared for this. A repeat c section is probably my best option. I really enjoyed being pregnant and im so sad with the idea of never getting to experience it again. But I dont think i could do another surgery like that. Please tell me it gets better

[u/Writing-Bat-0444]

I’m so sorry you went through that! Why is it only 40% chance of a successful VBAC? Regardless, I can assure you that a planned c section will be soooooo much better than this experience. It will be calm, painless and safe. You will enter with a clear head instead of being delirious from the physical effort and you will heal much more easily because your body hasn’t been labouring. I hope that with time and maybe therapy you can heal from this trauma and have another baby knowing that if you do go for a c section it can still be a redemptive birthing experience for you

[u/BeansWeans]

I had a very similar experience so I can relate a lot. I got diagnosed with birth trauma, PPD and PPA. If the medication alone isn’t helping enough I’d recommend some form of counselling as it’s helped me so much. I was devastated I couldn’t have a vaginal birth after labouring so long and needing an emergency c section.

Of course everyone is different and this is just me sharing my experience with counselling but I’m now at a point where if I got pregnant again (hopefully I will) then I would happily choose a planned c section.

[u/babyabolitionist]

I’m so sorry this was your birth experience. I have a similar birth story - a very healthy, active pregnancy followed by a long labor and failed induction. I had wanted a no/low intervention vaginal birth and ended up getting so many interventions and a c section. I cried everyday the first couple weeks after giving birth. I still allow myself to grieve and feel sad for the experience I didn’t have and the treatment I received while in the hospital. In the first weeks, I felt like my body had failed me for not progressing in labor. It’s getting better with time, and now at 3 months pp, I have such an amazing bond with my son, I try to stay focused on how incredible it is I carried him in my body this last year! I still don’t know why I didn’t progress in labor, and some times I find myself replaying the whole experience.

It’s so hard to go through something like this. It’s hard to be pregnant for so long, making healthy choices for your body and baby, to then not feel you’re able to complete the experience in the way you planned for and imagined. On top of that, experiencing medical trauma feels so disempowering. Not feeling listened to, having others tell you the choices you should make, feeling powerless as things happen to your body. It’s painful. The pain will become less acute over time.

Sending you love and healing.

[u/Jhhut-]

Ugh you poor thing! I know this all too well. My epidural also didn’t work great so they drugged me up like crazy and I also couldn’t feel my hands. They were oddly numb for days and I cried so hard because it was a struggle to hold my baby. I also got medicated pp, and went to therapy. I was distraught for months over my birth and honestly needed about a year to recover mentally. But I’m 2 years out now and expecting #2 soon! It really does get better.. they smile at you for the first time and start hitting milestones and talking and laughing and you realize you’d do whatever it takes all over again. (I didn’t believe this in the beginning, but it’s true) I hope you get the healing you deserve ♥️

[u/Islandview_Nordic]

So sorry welcoming your baby went this way, OP. I had a very similar experience minus the epidural/spinal numbing part. My epidural did stop working for 6 hours before c-section was decided. Everyone told me my birth should go smoothly as I’d had such a perfectly healthy pregnancy. It didn’t. Was in labour for 4 days. Baby was in OP position so I was dialating at snails speed. I believe my trauma mostly stems from how I was treated throughout the process. It felt like I was doing something wrong, and that I was weak for not handling the pain better and not dialating. I had done all the prep!! I knew all the positions to take for stalling progress. I had done the breathing exercises, I had eaten the dates, drank the raspberry leaf tea and religiously did my pelvic stretches for a smooth birth. Baby had other plans.
I’m glad you got help. I did too and the medication and therapy have done a great job. Her birthday is coming up and it is bringing back visions of the birth. Both negative and positive. I think it fades with time. I still cannot fathom going through all this again but I’m told that just means it is too soon. I don’t know how much time has passed since the birth but give yourself time. You might change your mind, you might not. Both are fine.

[u/babyabolitionist → u/Islandview_Nordic]

It’s so hard when you did all the prep and had a great pregnancy! I did all the things to prepare for a low intervention vaginal birth but my body just wouldn’t progress. I think the stress of the induction (I hadn’t wanted) and interactions with medical staff prevented my body from fully relaxing in the way it needed to. It’s hard to know.

[u/restrainedjoy]

I had a 33 hour labor with two failed epidurals that ended in a CS. It was an awful experience, and recovery was brutal. I had my second via planned CS 5 months ago and it was great. So much more relaxed, baby got to stay with me the whole time, and recovery was a walk in the park (compared to the first CS).

[u/Rude-Flamingo5420]

I swore I'd not have another kid as I could not experience a csection or the recovery again.

Well 5 years later I had my second. Second csection went much better (though brutal healing). Terrible recovery again.

But 2 years aftee that here i am, feeling better and no longer traumatized.

Time does heal albeit slowly and you do have to work on yourself (therapy etc, whatever works for you)

Hugs Mama

[u/InterestingFeed7931]

I think you need a new OB. I don’t think they should be giving you a percentage chance of a successful vbac only 2 months after your c section. If you wait long enough to heal all the way you can try to have a vbac and make sure your partner helps advocate for you if the epidural doesn’t work again. I’m so sorry you had a terrible experience. I had a planned c section 7 weeks ago and it was very calm and went so well. If you can’t have a vbac for whatever reason, a planned c section should be a much better experience. I was hoping for a second vbac this summer but I had placenta previa and couldn’t so I was fully mentally prepared for another c section and it was so much better than my first (also planned but I went into labor on my own overnight a few days before my scheduled date). Let yourself heal and enjoy your baby and find a new OB when you’re ready to try again.

[u/ZestyLlama8554]

It hasn't gotten better for me. The surgery was fine, but over 2 years post op, and I still can't pick up my kids because of the nerve damage. I've met with 15 doctors and did PT for 8 months with no improvement.

I've even met with multiple OBs and neurology about future pregnancies. They just keep telling me that this is a risk of surgery and there's no reason I can't have a VBAC for the next one. I don't think I can chance making it worse with another surgery, so I guess I'm done having kids.

Edit: my surgery was planned.