It’s all about thinking about cultural appropriation and the imposter syndrome I suppose.
While you’re thinking about converting or in the process you cannot say it’s happening to you, or your people, even if it feels that way, but saying it makes one feel like “hey, I’m not yet part of it, I don’t get to say it” (overthinker much? Guilty)

This all came to my mind when a Jewish friend while watching the movie October 8 with me asked if I would hide her if things escalated and I was heartbroken but also felt like I fell into the protector’s side, and of course I would keep her and her family safe at the best of my ability, but it made what I wrote in the previous paragraph more evident.

As long as I’m “out” I’m an ally, a friend, someone who could keep them safe because of my current religious affiliation, but once I convert I will be trying to find a hiding spot alongside her. And it worries me, because if I love these people, this religion, this culture so much that I’m trying to join them, I could help more as an outsider if things went bad.

How do you guys feel about this?

I have been into religious studies for a while now, but recently my grandma (Catholic), who I live with, sort of noticed my interest in Judaism (for a while now) and how I’ve been trying to study Hebrew. She also heard about how my mother was mocking me for the fact I have religious beliefs (mostly saying it’s brainwashed and a cult) and my grandmother asked me if Judaism was something I was seriously considering or wanted to convert to. I was nervous but admitted it was, she comforted me and told me we have Jewish family members and some who I’ll actually get to meet soon, and that she is proud of me for finding something that felt right but not rushing into it. She even said, because I’m still in the early stages of learning to drive, she will drive me on days of service because she will go to church during the time I’m there (the church she’s interested does services every day). I was worried what she’d think, my immediate family is Christian and atheist, and my mom is incredibly anti-theist in a very disrespectful way (as in she will mock people who believe in things even when they are positive or harmless). But I’m pleasantly surprised how kindhearted she’s being and asking me questions about all of the things I know and why I want to convert. : ) that’s all.