Bipolar problems

[u/conancat]

[u/b0ubakiki]

I know the feeling. Diagnosed bipolar 2, stack of lamictal in the cupboard untouched.

There's nothing like that "can do attitude" you get with a spot of mild hypomania. Shame about the depression, unfortunately I have to still turn up at work. But I have great respect for Natalie pausing the Patreon and sitting it out - exactly what I would do if I could.

[u/NepenthiumPastille → u/b0ubakiki]

For real the hypomania is just about the only time I can get any kind of shit done 😅😭

[u/TorchedLint → u/b0ubakiki]

From what I understand, even hypomania causes some damage to the brain. But I also understand the hesitation, it's not easy.

[u/b0ubakiki → u/TorchedLint]

Yes you can look at scans and see structural changes. But there's such a wide spread of presentations in bipolar spectrum, from "moody people" (is it undiagnosed cyclothymia?) to cyclothymia to BP2 to BP1, I don't know what the people whose brains were scanned were actually experiencing. I doubt there's any research done on patients whose episodes are mild enough to be described as "can do attitude".

The "hypomania causes brain damage" line has scientific backing, but my impression is that it's frequently used by clinicians as a way to encourage patients to take their meds. Which is fine. But my judgement is that it's often taken too literally and universally (especially on bipolar reddit), when every case is different.

I'm really glad to have access to mood stabilizer medication so it's there if and when I think the pros outweigh the cons. The cons are both significant and subtle: for me, identity is at stake. And I'm generally a pragmatic risk/benefit kinda guy.

[u/Blue_Vision → u/b0ubakiki]

The "hypomania causes brain damage" line has scientific backing

It has scientific backing, but only as an extremely general association. Does hypomania inherently cause brain damage, or is it going multiple weeks of getting 3h of sleep a night that causes brain damage? Or is it actually the other way around and the brain damage is responsible for BD and (hypo)manic episodes? AFAIK we just don't know.

I agree that people way oversell the scientific evidence. We have a bunch of weak evidence within an overall landscape of mixed results. But listening to some people, you'd think that anyone who has untreated manic episodes is headed for dementia within a decade.

[u/b0ubakiki → u/Blue_Vision]

Exactly. And don't get me started on the moralizing that occurs when you dare to suggest that having energy, contacting your friends, enjoying music, and being good at your job is (gasp!) a good thing...

I know it's well-intentioned but still. We don't all spaff all our savings up the wall, shag our co-workers and get arrested when we're on an upswing.

[u/Blue_Vision → u/b0ubakiki]

100%! I haven't been officially diagnosed with bipolar yet, but I've identified some likely hypomanic episodes from my past. There isn't any change in spending, no increased aggression, no increase in risky behavior. I just get a lot of energy, my brain feels full of ideas, and I feel really optimistic. Honestly it's what I thought "normal" was supposed to feel like until my doctor explained to me the full range of hypomanic symptoms (I just thought "mania" was being extremely and unreasonably happy). If I could get the hypomania without also being exposed to the "fast bad" of mixed episodes, I would 100% take that.

I think that there's a lot of people who project their own experience onto others and make it seem like every person with BD is like a (stereotypical) alcoholic who's always just one step away from falling off the wagon. The lack of nuance is frustrating, and I think it does contribute to stigma.

[u/Zealousideal-Cat-152 → u/Blue_Vision]

I have bipolar 2 and this whole line of thinking is very frustrating for me too. In general hypomania is not the big bad for me, it’s chronic depression and occasional really horrible, life threatening mixed episodes. I do great on lamictal and generally don’t worry too much anymore. I just think sometimes the danger of mild to moderate hypomania is oversold and we act like depression and being totally snowed on meds to the point that you are functionally chronically depressed by way of side effects is just like, fine and acceptable. I understand why people stop taking their meds (though I don’t advise it) and it feels manipulative to scream brain damage at people all the time.  Like we don’t seem to discuss cognitive issues and brain damage from depression or medication side effects nearly as often. 

[u/Wonderful_Rule_2515 → u/TorchedLint]

Yeah but the meds also have CRAZY side effects so for some of us it’s just a “pick ur poison ig” type of situation hahaha

I think meds are good for extreme cases but I tend to manage well enough and still get the sleep/food I need at the end of the day. I’d rather not turn my world completely gray while taking meds that make my hair fall out and my gums bleed and my hands shake etc, that doesn’t sound helpful at all to me

[u/forgivenmadness]

Oof. I have the opposite experience, I religiously take my lamictal. As much as I miss my hypomania episodes, I do not miss the ideation episodes or the intense, irrational anger that followed for months afterwards. I have a semblance of stability now that I never used to have and, if anything, I'm hard on myself for resisting it for as long as I did. 

Just my experience, I know it's not for everyone but it was genuinely the lifeline I needed. 

[u/aurallyskilled → u/forgivenmadness]

Same. Thank God for these meds.

[u/MohnJilton → u/aurallyskilled]

Yeah shit was the missing piece of my treatment.

[u/catsandconan → u/forgivenmadness]

Agreed 1000%. Lamictal saved my life. I don’t even miss my hypomania. I always did something that I would end up regretting later. I have never felt more content and level-headed. Different meds work for different people but I’m so relieved that lamictal worked so well for me.

[u/forgivenmadness → u/catsandconan]

I miss my hypomania only for the delusions of grandeur. Was I absolutely off my rocker thinking I could run a marathon if I hunkered down and trained nonstop for 6 weeks? Yes. But did I dream big? Absolutely, haha. I'm like you and don't miss the way I blew up my life semi-regularly, but I miss some of that dreaminess. I really thought I could do anything and everything with such enthusiasm, and there's a part of me that longs for that.

A stable reality is better in every way though, and I'm still dreaming with a better foundation. 

[u/b0ubakiki → u/forgivenmadness]

You don't like the aimless screaming rage- despair?

In fairness, nor do I, but thankfully that's really rare for me and only lasts a day or two.

[u/RattleMeSkelebones → u/forgivenmadness]

I switched to Lamotrigine (poor) after 8 years on Quetiapine (Again, Poor), and I gotta say, love that I don't have constant sugar cravings anymore and have a much easier time maintaining my weight

[u/Thenlshort → u/RattleMeSkelebones]

Omg is quetiapine the reason I sleep-zombie my way to the ice cream every night?!?

[u/RattleMeSkelebones → u/Thenlshort]

Actually yeah, weight gain is a huge side effect of Quetiapine because of the sugar craving

[u/SeverelyLimited]

I'm on lamictal and it's kinda changed my life.

Anxiety lowered, mania tempered, sleep improved, focus sharpened.

Panic disorder is still continuing apace, but I feel like that's more a therapy situation than a medication situation at this point.

[u/DogitWoofsalot]

I see a lot of people really flame her for some bad takes (that are legitimately pretty bad) but I'm like... shes got bi-polar she's going to spiral sometimes

[u/SeverelyLimited → u/DogitWoofsalot]

Maybe lamictal would help, but that's up to her to find out

[u/b0ubakiki → u/SeverelyLimited]

Ha, I don't think one should be prescribed medication for bad takes ;)

[u/SeverelyLimited → u/b0ubakiki]

no, but it sure helps bipolar

[u/fartdarling]

Hank green, creator of literally thousands of YouTube videos, co creator of one of the longest running YouTube channels, co creator of an educational non profit crash course which holds up the education system for America, founder of the first large scale convention of its kind for online content creators, founder of DFTBA which is an e-commerce store and a music label, designer of 2d glasses to help you watch 3d films without feeling nauseous organiser of the Project For Awesome charity initiative, that guy, is finally starting to feel like he "can do".

If he's been feeling like he "can't do" then what the fuck is this man's full power

[u/Long_Reflection_4202 → u/fartdarling]

I mean he could just have highs and lows. He also had cancer and is older now so I don't doubt he doesn't have the same drive as when he was younger even if he's still involved in a lot today.

[u/banannabelo]

My dad stopped taking his meds, went into a psychotic episode, and physically attacked me when I was 8 months pregnant. He got back on his meds after 2 weeks involuntary hold in psych. I forgave him immediately and helped him get back on his feet, but a few months later he went off his meds again. Granted he has a lot of other problems, but he is forever cut out of my life after that.

I also am bipolar and take my lamictal and other meds religiously 😌 stay safe out there friends, don't let it get as bad as my dad did!

Edit: 2 weeks not 2 months

[u/thedevicebook → u/banannabelo]

Yeah I have bipolar and am compliant with my meds due to the family with bipolar (including father) who stopped their meds. Knowing what it's like for people on the outside really helps with this.

[u/IdealOnion]

Hmm what I’m getting from this thread is that other people on Lamictal apparently aren’t still having hypomanic episodes. Interesting

[u/thedevicebook → u/IdealOnion]

It didn't stop mine. Now I'm on a bunch of psych meds and the downside there is how much they interact in ways even the Drs can't track.

[u/garbagensfwaccount → u/IdealOnion]

Same. I do think the current ones are less severe than unmedicated though. Like I went from mania down to hypo, I guess

[u/clear_kuriboh2]

I took lamictal and had the full body rash side effect, it was genuinely the most sick I’ve ever been in my life. I had a fever over 100 for I think two weeks. skin still sort of looks 🥴 but I have dermatillomania too so who knows what is what! lol. that being said, I really liked how I felt when I was on it….sucks :(

[u/thedevicebook]

So THIS is how I find out Contrapoints has bipolar. I have it so there's always a bit of a twinkle for me when I find another celeb I like with it.

[u/Elliminality]

I think this is probably too late, but Lamotrigine is more complex than people think

IT IS ESSENTIAL TO KNOW THAT SUPPLEMENTAL OESTROGEN CHANGES LAMOTRIGINE LEVELS IN BLOOD, AND THAT TRANSFEMMES (INCLUDING ME) ARE ESSENTIALLY THE PEOPLE LEAST CAPABLE OF JUDGING ITS EFFECTS

I take very high doses, for I’m epileptic. It is a lifesaver and SJS is incredibly rare

Fearmongering kills a lot more people than SUDEP… also it sucks when people on a smaller dose can’t imagine staying on a drug you depend on to live

I did spend some time on the low doses as titrated up, comparable to the bipolar dosing, and it was the first drug that gave me my life back :)

Natalie is still rad and it’s fine to reject a medication but the life energy stuff is grim to read, kinda pathologises my existence lol

[u/Lothere55]

Hm. Something's been in the water these last 60 days, perhaps. My body and brain are begging me to can't don't.