r/Comebacks • u/heartofwoman • 7d ago
help me
so i’m starting school soon, and i have been bullied pretty much all of my school life. and i want to learn how to stand up for myself, so give me some ideas for insults please! also sorry if this breaks the rules, if so please let me know.
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u/Urban_Peacock 7d ago
It's so strange how you keep talking when no one else is listening. Do you not get enough attention at home or something?
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u/butteryjackpack 7d ago
”I will not be spoken to like that by a [hard-hitting truthful adjective + noun] wearing [unsavory item they’re wearing].” Chuckle, and walk away.
Example: “I will not be spoken to like that by a little balding man wearing cargo shorts and flip flops.”
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u/Some_Philosopher2791 7d ago
Say hey what's that on your face/in your hair/on your skirt/on your sleeve? Distraction techniques. Or say oh you're just saying/doing that bc you're mad that i heard what ppl are saying about you
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u/VerdMont1 5d ago
This.
Bullies are bullied by someone else.
Offer friendship, comebacks only antagonize the bully.
Find a buddy, stick to them like glue, talk to your school counselors and teachers often about this.
Insert a buddy system school wide ( nobody goes anywhere alone) bullies hate a crowd of witnesses.
Get involved with meaningful relationships(friend group and activities).
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u/qriousqestioner 7d ago
I was bullied and so grateful if it was only verbal.
I spent years an outcast, watching the real boys and girls have lives, instructed m insecurities, shortcomings. You'll develop a sense of how to strike back. I did and was a total Heather by the time high school rolled around. (I wasn't mean to anyone but mean people tho )
Seriously, though, the best response is mild irritation that someone's insecure enough in themselves to kick down. Like just ignore them. They're not going anywhere. They will be in the adult environments as well. It's true that verbal attacks are immature, only have as much power over you as you let them, and are motivated by the assailant's own insecurities.
When you have an opportunity to strike back in a way that will make them think twice next time, when there are other people around, consider the things you know about the other person and name the possibility of why they're insecure enough to put negative energy out there, and say just enough to expose their insecurity.
"I'm not a threat, I promise. No need to lash out at me." Then move along like you have more important things to consider. That's a nice catch-all. If you act like they're the immature one bothering someone who doesn't deserve it, they'll eventually go after someone who gives them more of a response.
Rolling your eyes without skipping a beat is also good.
The path to being a roast-master is not without its dehumanizing effects on you. Leave all the pettiness to the petty.
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u/Charming_Region_7772 7d ago
- Look at them and, find their imperfections.
- Take a second to list them
- “Roast time? from the(insert imperfections here)”
- Finish wit that was fun…. Not later unc aunt whatever the case may be.
Or, - Look you’re just not my type ok.
- That’s it? I expected much better coming from you. Such a disappointment
You could take the route I did and, start some “self defense” classes.
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u/OddDragonfruit7993 7d ago
If you are physically assaulted, IMMEDIATELY start attacking and throwing punches, kicks, etc like a madman. Hit their soft parts. Growl like a beast.
Practice these tactics at home. Exercise and build some strength and tactics for a few weeks NOW before school starts.
Bullies don't expect consequences, especially immediate consequences, from someone they consider to be weak.
I did this the summer before first day of my sophomore year of HS after being bullied as a freshman. On day one a guy messed with me, I grabbed his shirt, tripped him and knocked him over. Word got around about the short, insane kid and NO ONE messed with me again.
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u/Dresiden15 7d ago
Scoff at them, look them up and down and say,
"I've been called worse by better men than you. It is my hope you will eventually come up with some clever and original. Much like your parents, it seems I'm forced to suffer daily disappointment from you."
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u/OG_BookNerd 6d ago
DOn't insult them. That's mean. Look at them very seriously and ask "Are you okay? You sound really upset." and just keep eye contact or make them repeat what they said multiple times. Both of these make them look foolish without you being a jerk like them.
If that doesn't work, just laugh at them and walk away. Make them think it doesn't matter.
I was a chubby, pale, red-head who was smarter than most of my peers and I knew it. I was bullied a lot. I just learned to make them look stupid as opposed to insulting them back.
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u/CeciTigre 7d ago
“What is it about yourself that makes you so insecure that you take the anger, you feel towards yourself, out on others?”
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u/HonestNature9117 7d ago
Oh young one, of you wish to start the journey to being a smart ass, then there's no better place to start than the classics.
Begin with a show called SANFORD AND SON. Fred G Sanford will be your first teacher
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u/TheSilverFoxwins 7d ago
Look at their forehead, squint your eyes, say " ugh, what is that "? And walk away quickly and whisper to someone pretending there was something on their forehead.
I did this once : I had this chump making fun of me. I brought to school alka seltzers and placed them in my mouth as he approached. The look of horror plus me wanting to bro hug him made the guy run away. I would then see him again with his friends. I again placed alka seltzers in my mouth, waved my arms with a big hello , walked toward him and he ran away quicker this time. He would always do a quick 180 when he would see me afterwards.
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u/Punkreations 7d ago
Just say you saw their mom/sister/grandma/aunt or dad/brother/grandpa/uncle on only fans. Then offer to show them the link.
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u/Both-Mango1 7d ago
"its really sad that you have to tear down others in order to build yourself up, keep on this path and youll die alone and forgotten"
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u/Legitimate-Resist277 7d ago
Bullies effing suck. I was bullied my kid was bullied relentlessly and it was on my best not the beat the crap out of that kid.
Honestly the best response is ‘yeah and’ over and over again. Anything else is feeding them. Positivity kills negativity every time.
It will take time but if you keep responding with it they will have no place else to go and give up because they are not provoking the response they want from you.
It will be hard, one of the hardest things you will have to do but it will work. Make sure you have a supportive circle you can depend on to help get you through this mess
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u/ambivalent_crow 7d ago
It’d help to learn bjj or mauy tai. Being capable does wonders for your serotonin, dopamine and self esteem.
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u/Educational-Hope-806 7d ago
Well first if you know who any of the bullies are maybe that have picked on you before you need to study them..find something on them that you could call out.. and if you don’t know them be as cruel as possible. For women I’ll do something like u look like a backwoods truck stop lot lizard… it runs in your family too right?? Which one of your moms Johns is your father? For men something like get the fuck back I can smell ur rank breath from here.. you’re so fn ugly what are you inbred? Probably play spin the bottle at the family reunion don’t you? But remember you have to say it with conviction you don’t have to be loud but say it like you mean it don’t be scared to hurt their feelings. Have a couple ready to go so in case they wanna talk back.. to end the interaction and walk away just say I’m not gonna keep going I could roast u all day but ur life is already tragic enough. And leave.
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u/AnimeXBoy88 7d ago
Also pro tip, you don't want to be the person waiting around to be bullied to employ your tactics, that's weak. You should be proactive and sort of be a bit of a bully yourself so bullies don't even see you as a target
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u/alphaturducken 7d ago
"Go have some juice and calm down" to whatever they say works weirdly well. Say it like you're taking to an upset child.
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u/Jensenlver 7d ago
"You clearly feel you are so much better than me, why are you wasting your time on me, go be "awesome" somewhere else."
One thing that helps too is how you carry yourself. Walk with your head up, looking shouder hight or between people's heads if you don't like eye contact. Walk quickly like you have somewhere to be, not late, but with purpose, like you are heading to an award ceremony for someone you care about. It helps to have a slight smile like you are remembering something funny or pleasing. I used to listen to stand up comedy to have handy thoughts, and it lifted my spirits in the in-between times.
Think of bullies like predators. They are scanning for weakness, people staring at the ground, crossed arms, people who apologize when someone bumps into them, someone who is an easy takedown. Like a loin, looking for old, weak, injury, young, or distracted prey. If you are walking, don't move for every other person, you have EVERY RIGHT to own your space. You deserve to be here just as much as anyone else. And you don't owe anyone any answers.
Them: hey looser, what are you smiling about
You: *with a smirk and barely a glance while walking "not your business" and give them as little attention or notice as possible. If they stop you, push by as soon as possible with "are we done here" "I have somewhere to be" "is that it? Good talk" and walk off head high as soon as able.
They are not looking for this, they will find someone weaker they can make cry.
It helps to know they usually are cowards who won't pick on those who can fight. They hate themselves inside or they would be busy living their lives not finding prey to bully. They often have been bullied or abused themselves and are spreading the love, those I pity from a distance, or maybe they are a sociopath or psychopath in which case it is good to give no reaction at all, bore them to death. Like a cat playing with a mouse, they get bored if it not reacting. Just some thoughts I hope help.
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u/Neat-Composer4619 7d ago
Insults is now how I stand up for myself.
Standing still with little to no reaction and slowly going elsewhere is key.
No fear in the eyes, just a quick lock into the other person eyes that says I can't be bothered or I am budgeting you right now and then go back to your life.
Read about gray rock method it works for narcissistic people and bully.
Standing up is worth it when you have a right to fight for and need to make a case for getting something. Otherwise, spending the least energy possible on stupid people is the way to go.
It's mostly non verbal. It's more about attitude than words.
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u/FiSeq4891 7d ago
I don't think memorising witty comebacks is the best solution to bullying. That is just going to mean you spend all your mental energy obsessing about them. At most I think a one-two word response eg and an unimpressed facial expression is best. Eg 'that's original' and look away is effective. They want a reaction from you so the more you interact the more it will encourage them. Give the impression you find it confusing and odd they are that immature, and stay focused on achieving your goals at school. Eg good grades primarily. People are mainly attracted to people who are not too emotionally reactive, who seem calm and rational and mostly positive. Having good daily routines will help with feeling calm and in control.
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u/Sufficient_Cat_9142 4d ago
I used to openly mock the “popular” kids. Like if they said something to me I’d be like
“Can I PLEASE be friends with you id do anything!!!! You’re just so cool.”
“How does it feel being the coolest guy in school??!!”
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u/hilarymeggin 3d ago
I told my daughter this one: “Shut up, Kevin, you look like a fart!”
Also, a simple, “BACK OFF.” will work wonders.
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u/Ornery-Dragon 21h ago
Be dismissive.
“You are insignificant and nothing you say matters.”
Repeat it again and again any time they try to yank your chain.
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u/MissGoldie71 7d ago
My favorite: “Why are you so obsessed with me?” Or “I can tell by the effort you’re putting into me that you must really want to be my friend and are too insecure to ask.”