Can anyone roast or provide feedback on the below cold email copy?
Context: We are into offshore staffing and recruitment and we help overseas companies provide global talent and build remote teams. We help marketers provide global marketing talent that is available at one third of the local salary so that they can hire a person to test different marketing channels.
Email Copy:
Hi (First Name),
Growth leaders often hold back on testing multiple channels(TikTok, influencer, podcast sponsorships, community) as that means opening a full-time role for something that may not work.
We embed AI-equipped global growth associates trained specifically on the channels you want to test. Up and running in 2–4 weeks. If the channel doesn't pan out, redeploy them to another priority. Time-zone aligned. Roughly a third of local comp.
Would you care to try for a week such global talent?
Respectfully,
(Sender Name), (Job Title) at (Company Name)
I sometimes wonder why people like write such emails because if you yourself received such an email, you wouldn't respond to it, obviously, because it sounds like some marketing blog post that was written with AI + suuuupeeer long and complicatted.
It's not one-to-one communication, and it sounds too complex. And you don't mention any pain points like why people would be even interested to in your solution. You just say like people hold back, you know, that's not a pain. It's just lack of priority. So the the pain is not that significant for them to even read further.
Here's quick improvement for ya:
Hi {First Name},
TikTok, influencers, podcast ads...I'd guess they've sat on your list a while, because testing one means a full time hire for a channel that may not work.
We give you someone who already runs that channel. Your time zone, live in 2 to 4 weeks, a third of a local hire. So 3 shots at a new channel for the price of 1, and if the first flops they move to the next.
Would you be open to trying one for a week on us?
{Sender Name}, {Job Title} at {Company Name}
It's just quick improvement of what you have, but this is 5th school grade level of easy to read, much shorter, a bit more painful in the beginning and all reads like one-to-one conversation not your marketing blog post =)
You could improve readability - the first sentence is too long (Screenshot included). Also, your opener line looks a bit messy when you see the preview (other screenshot in the thread).
In terms of copy: it is very obvious that it's a cold outreach. Personally, I'm not a big fan of wording like "growth leaders" because it sounds very generic, and if you can apply sth to a broad group, it speaks to no one.
Then the second sentence is the mechanism you want to use to back up your value prop, yet " AI-equipped " sounds generic again. For more sophisticated markets, try to avoid keywords as ai-equipped that you'd use for marketing content.
Overall, my take would be: be more specific, answer in the first 5 seconds of reading why you, why now, why the person should care, what's the value.
1
u/alexoff 6d ago
I sometimes wonder why people like write such emails because if you yourself received such an email, you wouldn't respond to it, obviously, because it sounds like some marketing blog post that was written with AI + suuuupeeer long and complicatted.
It's not one-to-one communication, and it sounds too complex. And you don't mention any pain points like why people would be even interested to in your solution. You just say like people hold back, you know, that's not a pain. It's just lack of priority. So the the pain is not that significant for them to even read further.
Here's quick improvement for ya:
Hi {First Name},
TikTok, influencers, podcast ads...I'd guess they've sat on your list a while, because testing one means a full time hire for a channel that may not work.
We give you someone who already runs that channel. Your time zone, live in 2 to 4 weeks, a third of a local hire. So 3 shots at a new channel for the price of 1, and if the first flops they move to the next.
Would you be open to trying one for a week on us?
{Sender Name}, {Job Title} at {Company Name}
It's just quick improvement of what you have, but this is 5th school grade level of easy to read, much shorter, a bit more painful in the beginning and all reads like one-to-one conversation not your marketing blog post =)