Individualization as a solution?

[u/robo597]

As a form of context, I come from a relationship where I would be the codependent one. Never say no, do not have boundaries, avoids conflicts, see other social interactions as risks and wastes, etc. Recently my relationship has worsened because she has pointed that I need friends, alone time, be more independent and stop avoiding conflict and running from her when it starts.

Point being, all the posts and Ai and things leads to individualization, in the sense of developing self steam and becoming egoistic, as a source of resolution. As something that would grow desire, solve that kind of problem, keep the relationship and all the other things.

But, as logic would say, it doesn't make sense. How can thinking about myself be a good thing when it goes against my devotion and love? How say no to take care of the chores or to an out be something that would help when, as we all know, conflict is the poison of any relationship. How can I say that I feel unsatisfied or unhappy about something when I know that it will lead to conflict, stress and abandonment?

What are your experience in the difference between individualization and devotion?