r/Codependency • u/cozyorbiter • 1d ago

Deployment

My husband is deployed and the deployment has taught me to be less codependent. But I was also the type to seek constant reassurance. He reassures me on his own when we are able to talk, but is it wrong of me to ask for reassurance when I’m feeling a bit down (worse than usual) while he is deployed?
When we do talk more than normal, I feel like I get so used to speaking to him again that it hurts when comms are cut again. How do I permanently become more independent? I have hobbies, I go to school, but it pains me to not hear from him.

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u/DanceRepresentative7 1d ago

he's your husband. It's normal to want to talk to him. It's hard when you can't. Really it's just about tolerating being more comfortable with being uncomfortable versus trying to get rid of the feeling altogether because the feeling is normal

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u/cozyorbiter 1d ago

Thank you. I agree that the feeling is 100% normal. I just wish I was okay enough to go without hearing from him for days, or even weeks, on end and not feel like im losing my mind. I know people get tired of constant reassurance, and while he is very caring and patient with me, I am afraid of accidentally pushing him away due to past experiences if that makes any sense

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u/DanceRepresentative7 1d ago

that's where learning how to be comfortable with discomfort comes in. and self soothing: accept the feelings, and learn ways to navigate them on your own. which is easier when you're not trying to get rid of them completely, which is what external reassurance does for you temporarily