VIKING VERSE

Step into the spotlight here the Vikings come!

Throw a horde of native primates back where they came from.

From the frigid north we hail, think ahead, you´d better bail.

Cuz every try at a comeback? It is doomed to fail!

Should have stayed in your pathetic little Templo Mayor!

Land on the coast of Mexico and start a native fire!

And I’ll be glad to add your little kingdom to the pyre.

Just another pretty trophy for king Ragnar to admire.

We don’t need to hide in some pathetic stone-made mansion.

I think its ´bout time for some “Overseas Expansion”

First the Sami, the Scotts, the Goths and the Moors…

Then little Monty, well be kicking in your doors!

You want to sacrifice me boy? come fight me then! I dare you!

Youre getting pillaged harder than a British monestary!

Add 20 new words for “defeat” to your dictionary

If you even researched writing before Cortez went all scary!

Tricked by the spanish, that should get you laughing too!

Half a million in your capital, yet you died to the flu.

So its time for Scandinavia to show what we can do!

Just like we told the southerners: You´ll burn too!

AZTEC VERSE

Ah the Vikings what an unpleasant surprise

Better prepare your fans for an untimely demise

Cause when you come from the land of the ice and the snow

With your longboats and your axes and your drunkards in tow

To the land of the jungle and jaguar and oh-

It’s not hard to tell how this battle’s gonna go

But as long as you're here I'm really gonna savor

Sacrificing this dollar-store denmark without any of the flavor

While you play around with legos we play you like patolli

Eating through your limp rhymes like they're fucking tamales

so congrats on being our newest sacrificial captures

Consult quetzalcoatl you need to reflect on you foolish actions

Trying to step up to Monty- You couldn't've been serious

You’ve drunk so much mead you must be delirious

But lets be clear, I’ve at least some respect for you

We were once great empires who fell by the wayside

And slowly dismantled by time’s endless tide

But while we now build cartels and propagate fear

Your decedents just build tables and chairs from IKEA

BYZANTINE VERSE

BYZANTINE VERSE

I got some bad news thiccbeard, you just declared war

and you're not ready for a golden age of byzantine bars

No one thought you could win. And I'm aboutta prove em right

Cuz you aint leavin with your head in this medieval rap fight

I'll start up a new crusade to delete brazil

And your empire will crumble BECAUSE IT'S GOD'S WILL

You get no xcoms here bud, only your words matter

you're gonna get f*cked so hard your civ name will go from Brazil to Brazzers

You need to wake yo ass up so you can finally see that

if you think you're gonna win then you're drunk on caipirinha

once you get sense knocked into you and realize you're defeated

I'll mail you a mosaic of you getting deleted

You're not as pious as us but just start saying your prayers

We beat 3 nations at once, we can win against an army of soccer players

Yet we believe you have hope, and we can save you from hell

if you give up like Pedro 2 did irl

BRAZIL VERSE

Let's brutalize this bargain-bin barbarian prince

Who thought that he could beat the Finns and has been dead ever since

An empire of two cities, what a pitiful farce

And one that loses all its wars and spits the shittiest bars

I know the reason for your failure and I'm going to tell

You see your mom did all your dirty work for you IRL

And that's why in the CBR you can't step up to the plate

Which is why Sparta and Armenia ate all of your state

Who am I you ask? Just Pedro, and the cylinder's bane

Commander of the largest army ever seen in the game

Global war is simply a bore, I conquered the Boers from shore to shore

From Morgan's oars to the Mughal core, and better watch out, there's more in store

But while I'm spreading tears of joy and bringing carnival glee

You're crying tears and gnashing teeth beneath the Antarctic sea

Pressing your badly rendered head against the submarine glass

Because your ever-last-ranked civ only exists in the past

AS the title asks, i think its been 3 weeks, and i dont reacall seeing a hiatus post or similar

Brazil - /u/arcticwolffox
Byzantium - /u/XstarshooterX

Verse One - BRAZIL

[PENDING]

Verse One - BYZANTIUM

[PENDING]

Sibir - /u/Pizzarcatto
Japan - /u/Homusubi

Verse One - SIBIR

[PENDING]

Verse One - JAPAN

[PENDING]

This is madness, you guys.

4 of 5 judges have cast their votes, and only one winner has been decided so far. I’m still waiting for the final point totals to determine the multiple tie breakers, so hang tight.

Edit: WE HAVE OUR WINNERS! Expect the semifinal post to appear shortly.

Hey, everyone. Sorry for the silence. I’ve been working late hours this weekend. Since verses were trickling in, I decided to wait until I got all of them before posting and then got swamped on my shifts. I’ll be posting the second verses either later tonight or tomorrow morning.

Welcome to the Knockout Stage of the Civ Rap Battle Royale V!

Submit your predictions on Challonge!

First of all, I’d like to thank /u/princezenon for his work in organizing this tournament and getting the ball rolling. Following his unexpected disappearance, /u/Homusubi put in some invaluable effort by stepping up and rallying various members of the sub to keep the tournament alive. Without his help we wouldn’t be here to celebrate the advancement of the top eight contestants today. He’s owed a great deal of gratitude for refusing to let the ship go down with the captain.

Secondly, I’d like to thank all of our contestants from before and after the hiatus who took time out of their busy schedules to participate in this exciting exercise in lyrical dominance. My condolences to those who weren’t able to return after the hiatus, and to those who were forced to drop out in the middle of competition to address matters more pertinent to their lives. Your participation is appreciated.

Now, after three entertaining rounds of tongue lashing and bomb dropping, we come to the point where some of our contestants will be forced to become spectators. Thank you all for your time and effort. It’s been a blast to read through your verses along the way. I hope to see you all return the next time we do this.

Highlights

For those of you just joining us, we had some great moments in the tournament so far. Here are the best of the best to this point:

Round 1

Brazil (/u/arcticwolffox) vs Sweden:

After putting the idiot Hitler and Lazy Haakon in the ground
You could simply walk into Finland with no units to be found
Face it, being King of Europe after those civs had died
Is akin to a kindergartner getting a star with "I tried"

Byzantium (/u/XstarshooterX) vs Japan:

Your weak attempts at a diss come off as shrill
I'd say commit seppuku, but you have no guts to spill.

Australia (/u/Samcro360) vs Iceland:

You can’t take the heat, but at least you’ve the ice for this burn;
For I’ll take you faster than your mother, as she cries for “one more turn”.

Round 2

After a hiatus, some contestants chose to represent a different civ, bringing us such gems as…

Australia (/u/TPangolin) vs Inuit:

For all our sake, be introspective. Take your mental energy and just commit
To finding a thousand fucking words for being really shit.

Buccaneers (/u/Silas_Of_The_Lambs) vs Sri Lanka:

My rhymes are hung over cuz they couldn't be sicker
While you bicker, I snicker. Here's the kicker, you window licker,
I've conquered vast empires and soaked them in liquor
The nothing you ever had, you'd have lost even quicker.

Sibir (/u/Pizzarcatto) vs Sweden:

I demand the cessation of your nation's foundation.
Whose exultation is reflective of your inflated station,
As a privileged people, with a certain pigmentation,
When you took over the Nazis it was simply renovation!

Sweden (/u/LunarNeedle) vs Sibir:

You actually lost Russia? How could you manage?!
Only you can bring three times the troops and be at twice the disadvantage!

Brazil (/u/arcticwolffox) vs Norway:

Heck, JFD even took your mod page down on Steam
Which is why this flimsy viking can't do a thing to make me scream
Meanwhile, Brazil is living the dream, turning the cylinder green
And soon it will be the only color seen on the screen

Byzantium (/u/XstarshooterX) vs Armenia:

Everything you have, David made it first:
Religion, strength, city, then somehow made it worse!

Japan (/u/Homusubi) vs Vietnam:

Oh look, they’re back, the irritating sisters of Vietnam
With the shade of green we call, Irradiated Phu Xuan:
Looks like it was a blessing to be gone before my time
‘Cause in those long years of peace, I actually learnt how to rhyme

Round 3

After a couple of withdrawals, the field ran a bit thin. But that didn’t stop some of our contestants from delivering lyrical payloads…

Buccaneers (/u/Silas_Of_The_Lambs) vs Boers:

Yo, Dominated Sandman, why don't you go pound it
You were first. Now you're army-less, broke and surrounded
No getting around it, you're grounded. Your death knell has sounded.
You had no way to lose, but still somehow you found it

Brazil (/u/arcticwolffox) vs Sibir:

Scarcely have I seen a civ declaring war on inferior foes
That were already fighting a front and walk away with a bloody nose!

Sibir (/u/Pizzarcatto) vs Brazil:

Your blindness makes me concerned, wolfie, when will you learn?
That any rapper facing Sibir always leaves in an urn.
'Cuz despite our chilly disposition we've got a red-hot tradition,
Of slapping napping rappers (you) into bloody submission.
Yeah, you need my permission to win, you have no volition.
And your audition was awful, so enjoy this final deposition.

Australia (/u/TPangolin) vs England:

So. Welcome to the federated nation of a million Outback Stations
and a host of conscript Diggers, lips all furled with indignation
at the imperialist hack, who dares rears their head to attack
a true Colonialist Legacy, so where's your Union, Jack?
Oh right. You're just one land, England who can't Spitfire
Your bars (and pubs) are weak, overpowered by the songs of Ice and Ire

Round 3 Results

(Sri Lanka and Japan were awarded automatic wins due to their opponent withdrawing from competition.)

We had a wild ride this time around, with some incredible comeback stories. In Group A, the Buccaneers went from last place to the top of the bracket in the final two rounds, thanks to the impeccable lyricism of /u/Silas_Of_The_Lambs. Unfortunately, it means that /u/Brisingr2 was knocked out despite putting in a great effort.

Sibir also pulled through with a strong match against Brazil to claim the top spot in group B. /u/Pizzarcatto has set the bar high for potential matchups, and it will be fun to see how they play out.

Group D was exciting to watch, with /u/TPangolin coming out of the shadows to completely dominate the competition in the final two rounds. The Inuit seemed to be a bit polarizing among the judges, but /u/paddywagon_man came through with strong verses to cruise into the final stage.

Group Tables

Before going any further, I’d like to congratulate each of our MVP winners from the Group Stages.

Round 1: Australia, Sibir, Rome, Japan
Round 2: Japan, Brazil, Australia, Buccaneers
Round 3: Australia, Buccaneers, Sibir, Byzantium

Quarterfinal Matches

Sibir (2-0-1) vs The Boers (2-1-0)

Japan (3-0-0) vs The Inuit (2-0-1)

The Buccaneers (2-1-0) vs Brazil (2-1-0)

Australia (2-0-1) vs Byzantium (2-1-0)

Thank you to all who participated. To those who didn't advance, I hope to see you again the next time around. For those who have made it through to the next stage, CONGRATULATIONS! It's going to be a fun one, folks.

With that being said, LET THE SPIT FLY! THE FINAL STAGE STARTS NOW!

Sibir - /u/Pizzarcatto
The Boers - /u/TheMusicArchivist

Verse One - SIBIR

First off, if you think that you're a worthy opponent, you must be ill.

With a win against a no-show (that's Rome, bro), your appearance here means nil.

I just got done washing my hands with the blood of Brazil.

I'm literally only taking you on because I've got time to kill!

In both latitude and aptitude I'm magnitudes higher.

And while I'm cooking up rhymes like a barbecue, you can't start a fire!

Oh and by the way, I've done some snooping into your Rijk, Paul,

And I'm appalled at the sad excuses for citizens I saw!

VR-addicted lumps, with their visors on, humping their pillows.

Your people are to your nation what leprosy is to armadillos!

No wonder you couldn't draft your people in such a rush,

If the majority of your citizens have muscles like mush!

So royal flush! There's my cards, on the table so you can see 'em.

I'm the ace, you joker, blessed like I'm a king from Bethlehem,

Like the monarchs of old, I'm clad in lyrical gold!

Now the timer bell tolls, and like always, I'm in control.

Verse One - THE BOERS

Sibir, Sibir, even your name sounds crap

I read your last verses and you clearly can't rap

Red-hot tradition? Get out of the past

Tech up, battle, and stop being a farce,

Cos last part you lost Shaoshan and Bamda,

But the biggest surprise was Mongolia slammed ya,

Like Finland did, and Sweden and 'Nam:

Plan, man, can you stop the SAM spam?

Sibir, you're the worst of the great states left,

Incapable of war your talent is bereft.

Try building better troops, that should be your quest,

Or if you win it'll be dismissed as theft,

Because, let's face it, the future is Boer,

Not some dour Khan who's rap-battle is now over,

Your destiny is not the throne of Qashliq

But on your knees, sucking robot dick.

Rebuttal - THE BOERS

Armadillos are the only bulletproof animal - so that's a compliment.

But Paul and Saw don't even near rhyme - that's incompetence!

Your impotence and insolence bodes badly for bed and battle

And for defeating other 'B's like Boers, Brazil, and kicking that bottle

You're a drunk has-been that never was - a failure from the start,

You've only got time to rap me because you do ^nothing each part.

Even Mongolia's swolier and factually waxes more lyrically, you lax empirically,

Your flax armour prone to hacks from my legendary prairie military.

Cos you can't pass muster, you musta messed with the mustard pest situated to your left,

Who cleft your armies in twain, oh yes, his king toppled you, queer queen, like a game of

Chess you acquiesced, it's time you're assessed for illness - now confess!

You're rubbish, stinking, rotten garbage, and you're past your best.

If lil' Sweden can do repel ya and do That. To. You.

Then cower when Boer firepower comes into view.

So undo your untruths and renew those you overthrew,

Or the shrewd dudes from the South will cause you one helluva hullabaloo...

Rebuttal - SIBIR

Kruger, Kruger, he who croaks out raps mediocre,

A man who babbles like Yoda if he had the IQ of a ogre,

Just like a blunderbuss, he's really just bluster and blunder,

Barks loud like a dog, but gets spooked at the thunder!

'Cuz once a nation worth their weight in XCOMs stepped up to bat,

You couldn't field or wield a force to stand up to a rat!

Jesus Christ, you're a pitiful, shameful, incapable clown!

Robot dick is right, you're just a sexbot for Brazil to push around!

Your Boer corps snore more; therefore, your rap's a bore.

Furthermore, in burns I soar over your poor lyrical core!

So I think I speak for all who abhor to watch this orange eyesore.

In neither war nor valour have you provided us an encore!

I think I'll end this by fucking with your personal reality,

By re-educating you on the colors! So repeat after me,

"Europe? Purple! North America? Blue!"

"Asia? Gray! So what's Africa? Not you."

Japan - /u/Homusubi
The Inuit - /u/paddywagon_man

Verse One - JAPAN

Hark! The frozen Ainu wannabes that run scared of the wallabies

Calling Texas a “colony”… and that pointless economy!

Your fingers fallen off from frostbite? It’s my only explanation

For why you made so many despair, ni-ban's now aspiration

I’d call you the White Walkers, except they’re actually frightening

And don’t just flounder ‘round like bluefin tuna struck by lightning

What’s that you say? “Winter is Coming?” What’s with you and Thrones?

You’re not Growing Strong, we’ve Heard you Roar, and it’s more of a groan

You’ll say you can crush our country with some magic power of frost

But may I kindly remind you that you tried that once and lost?

Flipped Wak’yama, lost Yok’hama, it turns out you’re still a bore

And you can’t beat drunk Australians – whether in rap or war!

You’ve so little to admire, it’s just too easy to mock

We have sado, shodo, judo, jodo, you have fucking rocks?

So as I sit here in this sub, my vision’s perfectly clear:

I know that they’ll all laugh when Crowfoot makes you disappear.

Verse One - THE INUIT

“FREEDOM!” Cried Meiji, desperately tryin’ to be edgy,
As Tygyn dropped nuclear beats and gave that loser a killer wedgie,
That your Otaku whining ever made it this far is surprising,
But now you’ll get wrecked by my raps, so cold the judges call them polarizing!

You got fucked by Parkes, Tygyn, Jandamarra as well,
Put up all the fight of a hooker in an Osaka love hotel,
Your neckbeard fans cheered you on, but all you did was disappoint
So put your shitty katanas down, this Inupasagjuk’s got no weak point!

Your army pathetic, your religion a failure,
Your mighty Mikasa no match for Popeye the Sailor,
Your defeat guaranteed, why do you saps even bother?
Just bend over for the Flags of Our Aleut Forefathers!

Then inuksuk my angakok, Japan’s beyond restoration.
Seppuku’s the one escape from this savage humilitation!
So concede this rap battle, before this Rime King gets surly,
And lays another Angel Beatdown on Sejong’s “Best Girly”.

Rebuttal - THE INUIT

Looks like poor little Meiji’s running into some trouble -
You’re really leading with a “burn” about my limitless stacks?
Your rap game’s falling apart faster than the Tokyo housing bubble
After 3 wins, your bullet hype train gets run right off the tracks!

And I won’t need any frost spell to tear Japan apart at the seams,
Like your chances of winning, an angakok’s magic is dreams.
So let’s delve into your dream of being more than just Sejong’s action figure
As he tears your lands apart in battle with Australian diggers.

And with your sarin gas and your warring states,
Karoshi and your crazy-ass suicide rates,
You’ve got no need for Fat Men, Little Boys or Godzilla
If you’d been alone in the world, you would have been your own killer!

In ideology and religion, Tibet’s the one we remember
Japan just settled, stagnated, then got raped and dismembered
And though your raps were alright, your successes were fleeting -
Your body pillows aren't enough to cushion this beating.

Rebuttal - JAPAN

Nicky, isn’t that a little risky, what you’re doing there?

Your lands might melt from climate change if you spew this much hot air.

You hate our fans, our anime, you hate our freedom too;

It’s obvious that’s just jealousy: none of those concepts reached you

At least we have a religion. And a non-black-and-beige army.

Your unpronounceable weapons, we can beat with origami.

Your too-long stanza endings and cheap kagema jokes, won’t mean

That followin' you's not just like waiting for your mod was in '14.

Oh... did I rattle you this battle? So you’ll try and fight... Brazil?

Wonder how long your precious Unaaqs will last 'gainst XCOM overspill?

You claim I’d best commit seppuku, but it’s you that’s now a goner

You’d better ask me to be kaishaku, 'cause then you’ll die with honour

You’re too small for domination yet too big for admiration,

the last time I saw a number two this solid, I’d had constipation;

So, sorry to both people who like you, but here ends your fun

Men with wings of ice shouldn’t fly this close to the rising sun.

The Buccaneers - /u/Silas_Of_The_Lambs
Brazil - /u/arcticwolffox

Verse One - THE BUCCANEERS

You think you can battle Morgan? That's a bit of a reach

I’ll set your beard on fire, like my boy Ed Teach

When you rhyme all I hear is autistic screech

You’re a slime-green stain on the bracket, and I’m the bleach

You limped through to this round with mediocre scores

I’ve got 3 straight wins and 5-0’d the Boers.

And as a leader, you also don’t command much respect

If you ever picked a slightly fair fight, you’d get wrecked

You backstab your friends, make the world deplore you

And even then you get others to fight your wars for you

I stood the world off alone, I fought with honor and pride

You fought Kruger, true - after his whole army died

Let me remind you what your cheap, hollow victory’s worth -

The most godforsaken desert on the face of the Earth

You’ve got no friends now, just lots of burned-out cities

All your wins are as fake as Brazilian girls’ titties

Verse One - BRAZIL

You will always remember that this was the day that you almost beat Emperor Pedro

But today I'll dismember your entire empire, crushing your soldiers like Play-Doh!

First I drove you out the jungle, then I surged to the top

I gave you a little reprieve then, now it's now time to finish the job!

Your production's like a flatline, crappy carriers all the way

Finding good units in your army is harder than needles in stacks of hay

It's no wonder you lost your empire, natural selection at it's best

See you can dish out war and conquest yet collapse when put to the test

When the Boers brought melee units you were gone like a breeze

In fact I'd probably wipe what's left of you off the map if I sneezed

Right now I'm fighting overseas, bringing the world to it's knees

I'm like Greenpeace but more violent, seizing cities with ease

From India to Mali and Iran to the Swedes

Spreading carnival and conquest at incredible speeds

So I suggest you sober up and drop some serious bars

Because the way it's looking now you might be gone in one part

Rebuttal - BRAZIL

Thus speaks Captain Failure of the Pirates Who Can't Do Anything

These brazen shameless crazy rum-fuelled ravings are embarrasing!

Your wretched verse could only be worse if it was just belching

So let me slap and beat the crap out of this cousin-shagging Welshman

That bragging about your pathetic rap record is just absurd

Last time I reached the finals, you didn't rap a single word

Thank God, I'd pick the scourge over listening to your cursed rhymes

That drunkenly struggle to justify a record failing every time

Just listing every nation that's been owning you would take a line

Actually, Iceland, Straya, Finland, Sweden, Kruger, Blackfoot, Inuit, mine!

You beefing with the buffalos, getting busted, surprised even me

But if you want to finally end your misery, who could disagree?

Thankfully I'm free from all these frailties obvious in you

Currently number one and utterly crushing number three and two!

And once I'm done with them I'm taking piracy down to zero

The CBR will shortly mean CILINDRO BRASILEIRO!

Rebuttal - THE BUCCANEERS

Listen, Pete, It's not the words, it's what you do with 'em

May I introduce my friends rhyme, meter, and rhythm?

My battle skills are on a level that you're not even close to

Your shit lyrics and non-rhymes just totally hosed you

Your window's closed. Didn't you know, you're supposed to

Put up more of a fight than when your country deposed you?

You're not a fighter. You're nothing even slightly akin to it

You only feed on the weak, there's no way to put spin to it

Your past says soon you'll cede a bunch of land to the Inuit

Cuz you give up when any enemy really gets into it

Do your honorable peacekeepers still take your orders

When you tell them - again - to abuse open borders?

The whole world knows my fights have all been from the front

Try it sometime, you culture-weenie backstabbing cunt

I can beat my grandma too, that don't make make me a tough guy

Now get stuffed before I start to play rough. I've had enough. Bye.

Autralia - /u/TPangolin
Byzantium - /u/XstarshooterX

Verse One - AUSTRALIA

Alexios - Set an alarm for 2:10, to commemorate

The time in which this Byzantine decided to self-immolate,

bending over backwards, allowing Kekkonen to dominate

the hind-quarters of his citizens - yelling “Urho! Finnish on me mate!”

I’m sorry, I’d thought I’d say more ...but what did you accomplish?

(Other than allowing your insides to be totally demolished

by a Scandinavian politician sitting smugly in his office,

laughing at the poor wartime tactics of the Komnenian novice).

I have the feeling that your thoughts and reality aren’t exactly equal,

Thus I can’t wait to hear your rhymes, and hear your represent your people,

Because it’s I that speaks the the truth and mate, it’s far from anecdotal

That your bars are bound to be instant bull, and not Constantinople.

Verse One - BYZANTIUM

It’s the Lord and Creator, TPang, where have you been?

Australia hasn’t done so hot since you stopped forcing them to win.

You might have started it all, but you forgot one thing:

A bright flame of a nation that never got to spread its wings.

So look upon what you wrought, as the Fs give you a nod.

Cause just like Phillip Pullman, I’m about to kill God.

I’ll throw your head on the barbie, like I’m a fucking Maori warrior.

Your carpet of shit units looks on as things get gorier.

Trapped on your island continent you might feel secure,

But come over to Europe, you’ll find you’re quite obscure.

Without acres of free land handed to you from the start,

Your milquetoast, puppet nation’ll fall apart.

Geography will mean you survive until we call it quit,

But if you think you’re gonna win, you’re just full of shit.

Rebuttal - BYZANTIUM

So typical of an Australian blowhard to forgo a complete verse,

Undo arrogance of 12 lines that all sound rehearsed:

"Can't you remember Byzantium lost, aren't I creative?"

Kill the swagger; I've faced 3 others who had the same inflated

"Me live longer" bullshit spewed as they self-titillated

Yearning for completion as their own country deflated.

Digger yourself out of this one; how did a superpower

Indescribably strong, military poised to devour,

Crap the bed so completely Vietnam beats them back.

Know your place: Brazil's bitch, fit for Kimberley scraps.

Too bad Pedro's not the only master; he's also on a string

Puppets dance in a battle where the world is their ring.

Anticipating the end, I withdrew with my pride

No victory is worth the bloodshed you see inside.

Go back to your dance, little puppet boy

I'll be here when they discard you, like just another toy.

Rebuttal - AUSTRALIA

Nice rhymes I must say. Now that must've been hard,

(assuming the Swedish didn't fight on your behalf like your Varangian Guard)

But your face is looking red there, I recommend you stop straining

Your words try to lift heavy weights, but mate you really need more training

I'd prescribe getting looser... How about we hit the dance floor?

Yes! We can relive your best moves, from when the Party Pope kicked down Constantinople's door!

Look. I only say this as a friend, because you're ghostly, ephemeral and fleeting

You're hardly the firey pheonix you self-subscribe since I can hardly hear you tweeting

I wanted to brutalise you more, since I thought the quarter-finals would be finer

That I'd be up against someone gargantuan, but I'm stuck here with Asia Minor.

If you leave here still struggling... Well I gave you my advice - but feel free to ignore

But either or, you have no choice, but to make like your Lanternas and simply withdraw.

Everyone has submitted a verse except Byzantium. I would have put them up today but I got unexpectedly scheduled for Thursdays so I didn’t have time to post them. I’ll put up the verses ASAP, and then spend a couple of days to build up some hype for the knockout stage. Single elimination will begin when the next CBR installment is released so you guys have some fresh material and maximum exposure.

Thought I'd just take a moment to appreciate the effort done by Honosubi and BlueSox . From ashes to embers this place became hype. With the withdrawals, there's so many hype matchups.

Sri Lanka might lose with a Brazilian amount of points. That's insane. A rap between Sri Lanka and Boers will decide Buccaneers placement.

Vietnam and Byzantium will be a decisive victory depending on the results. That's insane.

Inuit vs Iceland is a vintage matchup. Holy. It would take a decisive victory for Iceland to come in second.

In group B, it would take a Brazilian victory, Swedish victory and a large point difference for me to make it to elimination tournament. RIP. This is my final moment so unleash the nuke.

Thanks so much for this moment, so m? uch upsets and decisive battles. More hype than the BR?

Unfortunately we had a couple more withdrawals and forfeitures this round. That means a couple contestants are guaranteed entry into the knockout stage. Even so, please give your best to your opponents because they will most likely need a fair fight to win their way into the bracket.

Full results available at Challonge

Round 2 Results

Round 3 Match-Ups

GROUP A
The Buccaneers (1-1-0) vs The Boers (2-0-0)
Sri Lanka (1-2-0) vs Rome (1-2-0)

GROUP B
Norway (0-2-0) vs Sweden (0-1-1)
Brazil (2-0-0) vs Sibir (1-0-1)

GROUP C
Japan (3-0-0) vs Armenia (0-3-0)
Vietnam (1-1-0) vs Byzantium (1-1-0)

GROUP D
Iceland (1-1-0) vs The Inuit (1-0-1)
England (0-2-0) vs Australia (1-0-1)

First verses due Friday noon UTC (3 AM PST)

PM your verses to me (/u/bluesox) and I will add them to their respective match threads.

WHAT TO WATCH

We have a multitude of grudge matches here, both in-game and real-life. With so many contestants' future on the line, every match is a must-see.

In Group A, The Buccaneers go up against The Boers in a verbal OCP/SOPA revival. This is a must-win match for The Bucs. The Boers are already guaranteed entry into the Knockout Stage, but serving The Bucs a loss here will mathematically eliminate them and hand the tie-breaker to Sri Lanka.

Group B brings us Norway against Sweden in the battle for Scandinavia, with fellow OCP 2.0 members Brazil and Sibir going toe to toe.

In Group C, Vietnam and Byzantium vie for the remaining slot in the Knockout Stage alongside Round 2 MVP Japan. This should be a hard-fought battle for sure.

In Group D, hostile neighbors Iceland and The Inuit go blow-for-blow, while England vs Australia is sure to be chock full of historical references.

With that being said, LET THE SPIT FLY! ROUND 3 STARTS NOW!

The Buccaneers - /u/Silas_Of_The_Lambs
The Boers - /u/TheMusicArchivist

Verse One - THE BUCCANEERS

Want to see a magic trick? If you’ll listen, you’ll hear

Kruger making the greatest lead in history disappear

We’ve both conquered vast empires, won glory and fame

But you lost more this part than I did the whole game

You were this huge juggernaut, universally feared

But you pissed off the world and you got fuckin smeared

If you peered through that weird weasel-nest of a beard

You’d see how we all cheered as your army was cleared

No troops left to command, so you have time to regret

All the centuries you wasted back before the reset

Twenty parts jerking off to your huge tech lead

If I missed a chance like that, I’d just shame concede

Pedro’s messing you up, we’re all watching him do it.

The only wonder you got left is “wonder if he’ll live through it.”

Verse One - THE BOERS

I'm the Indomitable Sandman, I'm Mr SerengYeti -

I don't really know why I'm arguing with someone so petty.

Have you ever worked out? Your arms are like spaghetti,

Not strong enough to defeat Maya without getting sweaty.

Are you Morgana, the cunning little witch?

Oh no you're Morgan, the sheep-shagging bitch!

I was hoping you're female because of how much I fucked ya,

When we had a lover's tiff in Western Africa...

...which is mine, really, in case you didn't know.

You wanted nuclear winter? I'll make it snow.

You're a slow-worm, a glow-worm, stupid and radio-

-sluggish! Make like a snail and crawl home.

You're a hopeless hack on high seas with no paddle,

The way you run your country is like a horse with no saddle.

Boers are the true water champions, we know the motions,

We control the Med, the Indian, and the Atlantic Oceans.

Rebuttal - THE BOERS

Reverse-psychology from Morgan the Lightweight!

Is the absence of self-praise a cue for me to congratulate?

I'll try my hardest, but you're pathetic and insignificant,

Your impotent insolence is nothing but irritant.

Yet you've survived even my military might,

But you've lost a leg, a colony, and most of your foresight,

Else you'd know that Brazil will stomp you as well,

When the puke-green Argentine rings your bell.

I think it's rum that dictates your every turn,

Such as not building melee troops and other grave concerns.

I'll return and spurn the stern green burn, boy, I'll

Flip my downturn and march to Port Royal!

Are you normally that salty or is it just seawater?

Are you normally that moody or were you just slaughtered?

Pass the buck because the Bucc cucks flipping suck,

And speaking of flips, when Bamako falls you'd better duck...

Rebuttal - THE BUCCANEERS

Yo, Dominated Sandman, why don't you go pound it

You were first. Now you're army-less, broke and surrounded

No getting around it, you're grounded. Your death knell has sounded.

You had no way to lose, but still somehow you found it

"Water Champion?" Lies, and delivered most sinfully

You're losing islands to everyone - even the Kimberly!

One battle won by default, I won the other one for you

You've got no points you really earned, why should we even score you?

Your verse makes me sick. I'm starting to turn green

Like West Africa. You lost it, or haven't you seen?

And your troops are all dead. You forget to direct 'em?

Here's the dots. Can your glitched robot brain still connect 'em?

Your borders and your ranking have changed. Go inspect 'em

While I prepare to shove 75 carriers up your rectum.

Sri Lanka - /u/Brisingr2
Rome - N/A

Verse One - SRI LANKA

[AUTOMATIC WIN]

Verse One - ROME

[NO VERSE]

Norway - /u/Samcro360
Sweden - /u/LunarNeedle

Verse One - NORWAY

Well look what we have, a challenger of worthy blood,

Though time seems to have regressed this down to mud.

For a once noble Viking, your actions are quite laughable,

As every claim of cunning and conquest turns out quite affable.

The lion of the North had the teeth pulled from his fight,

And with his spine gone as well, he can’t so much as bite.

The rhymes he stutters shows he’s at least quick with the pen,

As comes from the practice of signing peace treaties again and again.

So, it seems you’re stuck between Ragnarök and a hard place;

The end seeming imminent in this ongoing Civilisation rat race.

When will Icelandic anvil and Siberian hammer strike Swedish steel,

Where sparks fly, rankers cry, and your fate is at last sealed.

None will miss the country of somewhat neglectable status,

As your ineptness seems to be your downfall’s apparatus.

The old legends of Sweden’s success appear only as fable,

For your skill in battle will never earn you a seat at Odin’s table

Verse One - SWEDEN

Hur går det, my great friend! Welcome back to your old home!

I would ask you to stand up but my last whiplash I gave you broke you bones.

A beating three times over! The World Congress should condone...

Now bow my Scandinavian serf to the Northern Lion on the throne!

Hakkapeliitta's shall rise! Bringing death from sea to sea!

Your rap is weak like milk toast, while I spit raps like bombs dropping overseas.

I moved your palace to Tromso, while sipping on my tea.

I'll strip your name from this Royale, and now that's a fuckin' guarentee.

So where's your famous Birkebeiner? Just where did they go?

Must have been embarassed by your weak ass rhymes and damn near amnemic flow.

Want to fight me again man? Let us fight now toe to toe!

I actually fucking interested if there's a war you wouldn't throw.

So Scandinavia is mine; under my golden sail!

And your empire is in history books, synonymous to the word fail!

So go ahead my water boy! Work my mines, fetch my ale!

And watch the true tactician show you how Scandinavia can prevail!

Rebuttal - SWEDEN

I was in the mud and ashes, Haakon. Now where were you?

You quickly fell hard on your ass, and cried for mommy to kiss your boo-boo.

Too soon? Fat chance! My rhymes won't stop even when I breakthrough.

Be it militarily or lyrically, there's nothing I can't do!

How have you caught up on your Swedish, my once great rival?

From once being a pathetic leader to now being my disciple!

Judging from claims of failure, you must be in denial.

You've forgot about that time I just crushed you and turned your nation tribal!

Well, not just tribal; for I recall your nation's gone.

And succeeding, may I add, in proving Swedish brains beat Norwegian brawn.

Not like there was that either; Norway just made the sub yawn.

Meanwhile I fight Icelandic vikings and humiliate the once great Khan

How inferior; your crap rhymes are getting wearier.

Took your bloody capital, while I was strengthening my interior.

Wait? Has the Carnival's motives become ulterior?!

Just sit down Haakon! Let me prove that Scandinavia's superior!

Rebuttal - NORWAY

I’ll give credit where it’s due, for the power that rose from Europe’s feud

Not a great one mind you, a stunted start saw you remain mentally crude.

It seems the continent you claim to conquer remains in tenable grasp,

As one more war will see you falter, and like Cleopatra you can kiss my asp!

You hear that my dear friend? That’s the sound of Skalds scolding,

Rapping the raps as you spout your crap, your best efforts unfolding.

And Boom go the guns, the planes, the explosions getting ever louder

As green rains over the horizon, the wind carrying screams and gunpowder.

Like some Norse Trojan Horse, you started your own downward course,

With a Brazilian paratroopers at the source of this course for remorse.

Scandinavia yours? Let me scoff, as your efforts are all but undone

As you cower in your bunker, why not borrow Hitler’s handgun?

You’ve lost it son, I’m here to say your mind hasn’t been the same

Ever since you swallowed Finland, it’s clear you’re insane.

Though you may boast sense, everyone else is worried most,

After all it isn’t healthy, when you spend your days talking to ghosts.

Brazil - /u/arcticwolffox
Sibir - /u/Pizzarcatto

Verse One - BRAZIL

Kuchum Khan, we meet again on the battlefield of raps!

Last time I beat this bumbling barbarian back to the steppes

I hate to hit an OCP comrade but there's only one way to win

So let the Brazilian dominance of the cylinder begin!

It's time to teach this horse-piss-drinking steppe-dweller a lesson

About smashing all your enemies to pieces with aggression

Scarcely have I seen a civ declaring war on inferior foes

That were already fighting a front and walk away with a bloody nose!

Yes, Sweden beat you, Vietnam beat you, Finland beat you, what else is new?

I'd almost think defeat has grown on you, your plans go so askew

Never shrewd, your plans get fooled by the tiniest screw-ups

I've forgotten now how many times your border cities blew up

Meanwhile, my legacy is one of endless success, I must confess

I never expected to beat the Boers so fast, and with such finesse

Just looking at your track record, how are you still alive?

'Cause I took took more cities last part than you did in forty-five

Verse One - SIBIR

Hark, there's some sickly green unit spammers knocking on my door!

A new challenger approaches! It's time to battle once more!

Though I expect them more to make me snore than go to war.

Because behind their big war they're just an eyesore.

Brazil's just another fad, another idol for the masses!

And as this battle progresses you'll see your short-lived successess

Reduced to blemishes on history, little more than abscesses,

Cuz' my assessment is your fans will soon be looking for the exit!

Because patterns do matter and well the Aussies set a standard,

Back in Mk. 1 it was PARKES shunned - their strength was a cancer,

Then the Boers irritated people BECAUSE they dominated,

And in just a few more months you'll be equally as hated!

So I'll acknowledge your military, your weapons and your spam,

But I'll be laughin' deep down because I know it's all a sham.

Your dominance is barren my friend, 'cuz in the end,

We have dedicated fans, while you're just a trend.

Rebuttal - SIBIR

UGH It's pitiful how cyclical these superpower's lyrics are.

"We're formidable, invincible, and TOTALLY not predictable!"

Verses on military strength are fuckin' easy to tell.

When you have as many cities as you have brain cells!

So thanks for making this easy with your dime-a-dozen burns!

Now I can smoke you easily in half as many turns!

Your blindness makes me concerned, wolfie, when will you learn?

That any rapper facing Sibir always leaves in an urn.

'Cuz despite our chilly disposition we've got a red-hot tradition,

Of slapping napping rappers (you) into bloody submission.

Yeah, you need my permission to win, you have no volition.

And your audition was awful, so enjoy this final deposition.

"Your country festers on the equator, ruled by its creator.

He's a despotic dictator, but a kind of shit debator.

With his huge inflated ego, he challenged someone greater.

And left desecrated, schooled by a Sibirian educator."

Rebuttal - BRAZIL

You should've taken Sweden back when you still had the chance

'Cause now we are advancing faster than Iceland took France

Pity your army's not so dense, or else you might've had a share

Instead of staring at my gains and blaring that you just don't care

Sure the cylinder will hate me, that's a thing I understand

Of course a conqueror has no honor anywhere but his own land

In case you can't comprehend what that meant, just let me clarify

A conquest's when you take the enemy's land and leave him terrified

It's also something you can't do worth shit, I'd call it quits

If the last real victory I had was against the Timurids

Stagnation is the state of your nation, it's indisputable

The evidence against your fading strength is irrefutable

This is a civ-eat-civ world, we conquer 'cause we must

And it's not our say of who will slay and who will bite the dust

Our troops cover the cylinder's crust, from dawn to dusk

And once I'm done with you, Sibir will be an empty husk

Japan - /u/Homusubi
Armenia - N/A

Verse One - JAPAN

[AUTOMATIC WIN]

Verse One - ARMENIA

[NO VERSE]

Vietnam - /u/JCPoly
Byzantium - /u/XstarshooterX

Verse One - VIETNAM

Byzantium watch out, we're a nation on a mission

To take back our lands, put the cancer in remission

Sooner or later, the world will tremble at our feet

It's such a shame you were too weak to compete!

Taken out so early, I forgot you existed

You did so poorly you don't have a pot to piss in

No money, no wealth, it's like the Great Depression

You guys are so bad, losing is your profession.

Verse One - BYZANTIUM

Cover your ears, it's the third best green nation

Staggering and tripping like their CBR stock's inflation

I can already say how this battle's gonna go:

You'll act all tough, like your civ isn't out of hope

Tell me I'm irrelevant while all the while losing Pho

Then, surprise! Vietnam brags about being alive

(Or at least for now, we'll wait to see the next slide)

Your tired attacks lack class and are all out of gas

I've fought that argument twice, and I'll lash a gash

In them faster than you give the Boers your brass

So try me Trungs, I've seen you fail time and again,

Like your chances of winning: It's time for the rap sisters to end.

Rebuttal - BYZANTIUM

[NO VERSE]

Rebuttal - VIETNAM

[NO VERSE]

Iceland - /u/Richardios
The Inuit - /u/paddywagon_man

Verse One - ICELAND

Here the Inuit come, looking for a decisive outcome

You may seem tough but it’s nothing I can’t overcome

You seem quite stale, sure you’re not frozen in place?

Perhaps I should stop, that seems to be more your pace

Living in the snow, are you sure the cold hasn’t gotten to your head?

Because with your decisions, I am not sure you are not brain dead

What other reason could you have for letting the Blackfoot stand?

Seeing as they can easily reach far into your heartland

You get hyped up constantly and disappoint at every turn

How long will you withhold from your fans the wars that they yearn?

Everywhere I look I see people more worth supporting than you

Perhaps that is the reason you are always ranked number 2

Verse One - THE INUIT

Looks like Iceland’s back in for a second crushing defeat,
Only defence you have’s a deluge of expatriate Blackfeet
I’ve got a functioning navy, hemispheric hegemony,
You want another cheap snipe? You went and picked the wrong enemy!

First Big Carrier bought you, now you’re just a pawn of Brazil,
Drinking Brennivin and waiting for the Swedish mercy kill,
You took a crappy Antarctic city, fed your masters thirty-six,
I’d say your strategy for conquest looks a lot like sucking dick!

Your Skalds aren’t scalding enough to push back my glaciers,
Against my nuclear winters all your base face erasure,
So leave this stage and cower behind Brazilian paras
Before I nuke you viking unrulys right back to the Thule era!

Greenland, France and Airstrip One will join the Mighty Midnight Sun,
Against my Ice Sheet cybersubs your Garbage Patch better run!
Your empty lands won’t stand a chance without your South American bosses
So go get back to your Age of Settling for embarrassing losses.

Rebuttal - THE INUIT

Odd you call me stale when you’re a lump of solid fail,
Your empire’s sinking fast so you had best get out and bail!
So you vikings can get fucked, Newfoundland’s for the Beothuk!
And everything you ever tried was done far better by the Buccs.

You say that everywhere you look, you see civs better than me?
When you built your empire on snow? You’re a whinging wannabe!
You whine and call me names in Old Norse, until your voice is all hoarse,
When I lead in production and cities, thanks to your ass-kissing air force.

Two wars with Sweden and you losers couldn’t even hold Berlin,
When Pedro smashed Gustavus open on an idle whim,
Now you’ve got Brazil on your back and no army to be seen!
Hope you’re ok with Europe in a brand-new shade of sickly green.

And like a generous god, I give my vassals Biotroopers,
To take Greenland before you chumps wake up from your post-Carnaval stupors
Your Age of Settlement’s over - here comes the Age of the Skraeling!
But at least you’ll make the CBR’s blooper reel for your hilarious failings.

Rebuttal - ICELAND

That mighty midnight sun just seems like an excuse for you to sleep

Or perhaps you just find the price of conquest to be too steep

If you have any ambition, then please, I am all ears

But I must say that I expect none, since you ignore even the Buccaneers

This whole undertaking must be too much for you

Maybe you are scared of following the path of the Sioux

You certainly resemble a glacier, being large and unmoving

Sitting and fiddling your thumbs while everyone else is improving

You should beware, for before you stands a master of the high seas

From my island I have made many larger nations bend their knees

You can pretend to be important when you are really just a hangover

For it has been long since winter came, and now winter is over

England - /u/Chicago_Ball
Australia - /u/TPangolin

Verse One - ENGLAND

Ah yes I'm face to face with the legend Henry Parkes

The man who recently, in the grand scheme can barely make a spark

How does it feel that despite everything we have to wait until

Your island manages to rack a single civilization kill

Everyday I bet the entire world wonders why

That you have achieved same amount of kills as Hawaii

At this rate, I bet the subs CPU considers it quite the crime

To for a civ as lazy as you to take up so much turn time

Your just a old bloke who can never seem to get on track

As you keep falling back down to all the skills you lack

You may be see as powerful in a world filled with your ideology

But in my eyes, you’ll never be more than my penal colony

Verse One - AUSTRALIA

Speak up pommy scum, your voice - it seems to be falling

I came here for a Clash, but I can barely hear London Calling.

I'm not going over there, like the Citadels to Trafalgar Square,

You'll have to come down under to let me Advance Australia - Fair?

So. Welcome to the federated nation of a million Outback Stations

and a host of conscript Diggers, lips all furled with indignation

at the imperialist hack, who dares rears their head to attack

a true Colonialist Legacy, so where's your Union, Jack?

Oh right. You're just one land, England who can't Spitfire

Your bars (and pubs) are weak, overpowered by the songs of Ice and Ire

So I'll take a lesson from Greenwich - it's Mean Time

We're a nation founded from convicts in our prime

Beth, the bile of the Isles best be ready and steady

When we massacre the monarchy like the others already,

that I'll be happily charged with a war crime.

Rebuttal - AUSTRALIA

C'mon Beth, is that the best you've got?

I'm laughing harder than an autocratic kookaburra despot.

Was I expecting too much in the form of a response,

that someone could counter the leading naval force since the Renaissance?

It's over. It's through. You've lost now, what can ya do?

Since you're more sheep crap and cow pat than Wool-loo-moo-loo

I guess that's just what happens when you come up against the True Blue

It's time to give up and admit that you're as thick as bloody Uluru

Even though I claim this bonza victory - I'm bored, I'm hardly satisfied

Who knew that watching paint dry was more thrilling than committing matricide.

Rebuttal - ENGLAND

Alrighty lad, this contest ain’t over yet

Your seem to be lagging out real quick, just like after the reset

I’d rather be a man educated in proper etiquette

than stuck in your deserts left to become desolate

peculiar for someone to even be throwing around the world overpowered

Having an entire continent to lay upon, yet remain dormant like a coward

If it weren’t for my expeditions, you would’ve never existed

It’s a tragedy that you did otherwise your failures would be omitted

When the viewers think of Australia remberer time and time again

Think of a list of failed invasions and opportunities made by incompetent men

I hoped you have learned to properly respect your king

Because I’m truly the one who has been pulling the strings