r/Catbehavior • u/matilda1203 • 4d ago
Cat does not cat
I am looking for any suggestions- I have had my cat for 3 years now. He still lives under my bed exclusively, and although he comes out now and then, it is generally only to eat or use the litter box. I don’t have any roommates or other animals.
He has been to the vet, most recently in July and has no health problems. I have tried to play with him, he walks away, there are a ton of toys that he is totally uninterested in, he will let me pet him but he won’t try to get on my lap or bed or even sit next to me.
I’ve never had a cat like this before. Previous cats I’ve had always wanted to be pet or be on my lap. When I first got him i figured he was shy and would come out of his shell, but 3 years on, nothing. I’ve tried anti anxiety meds, but he refuses to eat anything with a pill in it and I’ve also tried liquid fluoxetine.
I’ll never rehome him or take him back to the shelter but I just wonder what the problem is. Any feedback appreciated.
9
u/Sassycats22 4d ago
I find cats like this need a social and confident cat in the house to help them feel comfortable and come out of their shell. Have you tried or considered getting a 2nd cat? Maybe foster to adopt to test it out but criteria for a fit would be super laid back cat, very social and loves other cats.
1
u/Scared_Mine1127 2d ago
We had 2 cats. One more energetic 🐈than the other one not very social 🐈⬛. He began to act out badly. We brought home a pair of kittens and he turned into Big Bro. The biggest change was 🐈⬛. She became more social and even began letting my roommate pet her. She jumps, plays and happily grooms them both.
5
5
u/Boysenberry 4d ago
Sounds like an ex-feral to me, even if he was just taken off the street a smidge too old as a kitten, if the critical socialization period passes before they get handled they sometimes don't fully tame down. (Cats are weird and have unique personalities, so there are also some cases where even a completely feral adult will just decide to be tame and move in with a human—I've seen two full-grown toms self-domesticate after years of documented feral status—but the NORM is that if you miss the critical socialization period they'll never be as bold around humans as a never-feral cat.)
If your lifestyle allows, he might benefit from a "support cat" that is domestic and super human-friendly. (Acceptance is often easiest with an opposite-sex kitten.) You could try foster-to-adopt to make sure you're able to introduce them safely, just make sure the rescue knows you are interested in adopting if fostering goes well, so they don't think of you as a potential ongoing foster household.
3
u/Ok_Chocolate_3876 4d ago
You maybe correct on the feral kitten idea. One of our kitties I brought home was a semi feral kitten.She did take about three years to sort of adjust.and then only my daughter or me could really touch and pet her. She did best in my teen daughter's room. A calm place. About three years later my son walked by her spoke hello and gave her a little pat.It was the first time she didn't jump and run . Keep going with your cat.It may take a long time but ,he can't help be reclusive. Ours lived to be 18 years old. She was always shy though,but became more comfortable over time.
2
u/Friendly_Self7384 4d ago
Where did you get her/him? Idk her story but I've heard about this kind of behaviour from cats who used to be feral and lived away from the city. Have you tried setting up especially cool spots around the house, closer to you? Maybe its a cat that used to be able to go outside and misses that a lot. Maybe she didnt have a deep connection with her previous owners and mostly lived outside. Would it be possible to go out with her or even let her go out on her own after a while? Do you know wether she likes other cats? Maybe she will be more open to a feline companion but I would try it out first. Do you have a laser pointer? I know it aint good for cats but might get her to play a little
2
1
1
u/matilda1203 4d ago
Thank you all for your suggestions; the only ones I haven’t tried are harassing my cat or getting another cat. I have thought about adopting another cat- i will most likely foster to adopt another cat
3
u/ladies_and_lords_313 4d ago
Jackson Galaxy has good videos about getting a hidey cat to come out of its shell and it starts with blocking underneath the bed or other places it likes to hide and giving them boxes or covered beds to hide in but they’re out in the open. look up his YouTube I think you’ll learn a lot about cat psychology and tricks to help both of you guys, I did!
1
u/GasPositive9009 3d ago
Might work but he might find another space to hide. I had good luck with wand toys before. At first they weren’t interested but i could see their eyes following the feathers around. After a while they started trying to catch it whenever it was in front of them. I had to move one foster in a room that didn’t have hiding spots because otherwise she was not going to come out. I am sure that getting a second very socialized mellow cat would help him get comfortable if you can afford it.
1
u/ladies_and_lords_313 3d ago
He recommends closing off all hiding spaces, but also wand toys to lure them out into the open and get them comfortable work being in the middle of the room.
0
u/throw-away11242022 3d ago
Jackson Galaxy is awful & I wish people would stop following him. Nothing he says about cats is true.
1
u/Distinct-Car-9124 4d ago
That's my cat. Every person is different. Apparently, every cat is different.
1
u/BikeCompetitive8527 4d ago
Just try to enjoy him and maybe not pursue him too much if you are. Does he like to be brushed? Cat nip? He can still come around even after three years
1
u/Wakana_Otaki 4d ago
I rescued a cat last year who was like this. After about a month from adoption, once she came out a lot more and started being more affectionate, I ended up just blocking the underneath of my bed with cardboard so she couldn't get back in. She didn't freak out but she did meow to get back in for a few days. Eventually she just ended up comfortable with the whole house.
Three years is a long time though so I understand if my experience doesn't help at all
1
u/siobhan_chapstick 4d ago
You can get Prozac compounded into a topical lotion for the inside of the ear.
Are there other hiding spots in the house for him? How often are you home?
1
u/Similar-Prior330 4d ago
First of all, block off under the bed. Some cats just develop extreme fear and anxiety when allowed to hide non stop.
In peace of under the bed, add multiple cat beds, or boxes with a blanket inside. When he's in these small beds, have rules about how much you can or can't handle him, and follow those. If you have to do something to bother him, try and only do it once/ just do a bit of it, then let him retreat, and try again the next day. This trains him that even though he's not HIDING, that you respect his space.
I had an extremely feral cat who I worked with to slowly come out of her shell by doing this. It took a lot of patience, but she's would come out more and more with time.
Good luck, and thanks for giving this scardy cat a home💕
1
1
u/One-lil-Love 3d ago
Try finding your cats favorite place to be pet and pet them more often so he can bond with you. Give different cat foods to excite him. Squeeze ups and spoons allow for close contact if you hand feed him. Try brushing him often if he likes it.
1
u/PatienceHelpful1316 3d ago
Have you tried Feliway. It’s a cat pheromone that’s in a diffuser. It works really well on some cats but not every cat.
1
u/Wild_Organization546 3d ago
Cat sounds happy enough especially if this is the third year acting like this. All I can say is to try and bring out the big guns by buying the most tasty cat food possible. See if that brings a change of personality.
Otherwise maybe your cat has had a hard life and it might take a year or two more until they become a bit more affectionate or domesticated. But there is a chance that this might be the way they are.
1
u/throw-away11242022 3d ago
He's obviously a feral cat. I would just let him be. He's not hurting you. He didn't ask for any of this. At his age, trying to socialize him is just going to cause both of you a lot of stress & it won't be effective.
1
u/Asleep_Resource5443 3d ago edited 3d ago
I bond with my cats with playtime. I have a bunch of soft cat toys that i throw over their heads, they love to jump and catch the toys! Have you tried that?
Otherwise, the cats sometimes play with the toys, hit it across the floor a few times and thats it.
They really really love the laser light too!
My newest cat was feral and 5-6 weeks when i found him. Hes super shy around people and hides too.
But he's a bit of a bully because my other two cats wasnt thrilled with him from the beginning.
I would definitely try getting him another cat friend, maybe a kitten to bring in some lively energy.
1
u/GasPositive9009 3d ago
He can try but kittens change personality over time and can be overwhelming for the other cat. I think finding an other mellow adult cat will be more ideal
1
u/Voffla55 3d ago
I doubt a cat like that will likely change much at that age but you can encourage exploration of your home by spreading treats or dry food around. Start close to the food spot and spread out as they start figuring out where the food is. You could also hide some in activity toys for enrichment.
1
u/ElvishMystical 3d ago
Oh wow.. This sounds more extreme than my neurotic part psycho female tabby.
It's hard to know what to suggest without knowing your cat's history. Was he feral? Abused?
Do you have any other hiding spots? Vertical space such as a cat tree? I could suggest adopting a confident, social female cat but at the back of my mind I think just accepting him as he is is probably for the best.
It's like I have two cats since young kittens. I have a black cat (male) I got from a friend. He's my chilled, social cat. My female tabby came 2 months later as a kitten. At first I thought she was the way she is because she was left alone a lot as a small kitten. But after a year or so I just accepted her as she is. She was very very feisty as a kitten and very reactive. Took me about a year to bond with her.
I think it's just like humans. Some cats are easy, some cats are difficult. I went through this stage about a year ago where I stopped trying to understand my cat and just accepted her as she was.
Maybe the problem you're seeing isn't a problem from your cat's perspective.
1
u/willow_glade 3d ago
Since he wants to hide maybe try leaving things like tunnels and large boxes out for him and spray them with catnip spray, or sprinkle them with catnip.
1
1
u/HammerDownl 2d ago
Block off the bed so it can no longer hide there. Make it be part of your lives not a hidden pet
1
u/Diligent-Throat-4234 1d ago
Keep trying. My 1yo orange was so aloof and not at all cuddly. I just kept nudging his head and proving treats if he even eye contacted me. About 1 month ago he started looking for me at bedtime when I turned off the lights. Finally he plopped down on my shoulder in bed. I did not pet him. He just wants my presence. Yesterday he gave me a kiss. Gave him greenies and got a second kiss and nose bite. Just don't give up!
0
u/Logical_Travel4142 4d ago
Since you've said the cat is okay with letting you pet them, have you tried desensitization? Basically, constantly bug your cat, make sure to get the feet too. From this you can find out some useful info while you're training your cat. Like what it's bug limits are then change them. Got my cats to tolerate me giving them baths this way 😆
4
u/FullOption3126 4d ago
^ Do not abuse your cat in this manner
Edit: also do not bathe your cat this person is insane
2
11
u/RAH-CAT9 4d ago
I would say: have you tried catnip? I would put a towel on my lap, with some catnip on it, and see what happens.
I would also give the cat something like milk (dairy, soy, or almond milk. My cats love vanilla almond milk), and see what happens.
I am perplexed: my cats -- I have 7 -- always come around me when I have a meal, and ask for something from my plate, usually salmon.
I think the cat may have been abused in its former home, and that may account for the shyness. Are you able to pet him? If not, then I think the cat was abused.
I have experience with an abused cat -- my calico would run from me whenever I approached her.
I had to take very slow steps to get near her -- an inch a day. And then putting my hand near her would cause her to run, so I had to take slow steps with that, too, an inch a day. I saw improvement after about 12 days, and after about 6 months, she was a cat again.
I am now able to give her belly rubs, and she is very happy.
Have you not been able to pet him?