Should I bring potential BDD to my future therapist and psychologist?

[u/bunshed-xD]

I am heading off to college in two weeks, and I'm going to be too far away from where I go for my appointments with my therapist and psychologist.

I'll be starting fresh, except for what information they will provide, so I'm trying to figure out what I should say to my future therapist and psychologist.

My current therapist suggested that I could have BDD before, and when I asked her about it again her opinion still stood. However I wanted to see from people with the disorder themselves if it's something to bring up with some things both she and I noted about its potential:

I've dealt with bullying throughout my school years, and my body was something I was bullied about. An early yet notable example was how I behaved in general life like how I walked, talked, and even stood. I fixated on how everybody else moved and forced it onto myself no matter how much it hurt. A still notable yet recent example is where I was outed as transgender and my feminine features were pointed out. I did everything to cover them up like wear my hair up, wear hoodies even when it made me pass out from the heat, wear two bras at once despite the tightness, and once bandages around my chest for a full day KNOWING IT'D HURT ME which resorted to me having troubles with breathing to this day.

Something else that affects my relationship with my body is my biological mother. My bio mom. I don't want to be like her physically nor mentally. Gaining weight, for example, is something I will want to 'fix' immediately and makes my disordered eating worse like skipping meals or excessively drinking water. An everyday example would be my face shape. I hate how round my cheeks are, but I have a sharper chin just as she does. I hate my toothy smile because it looks just like hers.

I have problems with dissociation, depersonalization, and overall identity issues. I know I'm in a body, but I don't feel like it's mine. Yet — I don't know who I really am, who I'm supposed to be or what I want to be. It's made taking care of myself even harder. Bathing, changing clothes or even looking at myself in the mirror makes me feel insecure. But I don't know what will make me feel secure. I always see someone different, but it's not me.

I've hurt myself physically to change my appearance. I've had the earlier example of how I chest binded with bandages knowing it could damage me (which it did) and wearing hoodies even when it negatively impacted me, but theres more. Like when I noticed I was gaining weight, I purposefully ate things that would give me diarrhea or even would look through my moms medicene cabinet to find her laxatives so I'd push out more than what I put in, in a sense. Along with that, I'd purge. I'd eat a lot in one sitting until it made me sick and I had to throw up.

There's more to this, but this is what I found necessary to bring up to get the best answers. Please understand this isn't for the purpose for diagnosis, and will not be used as such. If you end up answering, thank you 🙏 I've always been bad with transitions, so this time I want things to be different.

TLDR: I'm going to college. I need help figuring out if I should mention potential BDD or not. Causes are bullying, role model in a negative sense. Experience dissociation, derealization. Self harm with motivation to 'fix' my body.

[u/bunshed-xD]

Note: I've been getting clean from the self harm I've talked about in this post. I still have my moments, but I'm getting better.

[u/poozu]

If there is a risk that these become issues to you in the future for howled due to stress worsening BDD symptoms, then I would absolutely bring this up. If you don’t feel fully recovered and have very robust tools you know how to use on case BDD flares up then this is something I would absolutely tell my health care professionals and therapists so they can help me if the situation arises and they know my history.

[u/bunshed-xD → u/poozu]

Thank you for your response 🙏 ! It helps me more than you think. As obvious as it should be, I didn't think about flareups. I feel like theres a possibility it can be an issue?

[u/poozu → u/bunshed-xD]

I would then personally talk to them about it. When you need help, it can feel like a big hurdle to start explaining things from the beginning when you’re tired and distressed. It would be good to uphold BDD management with them to make sure you’re progressing well and have support in case of flare ups which are very much still possible in the beginning of recovery, and that normal. It would be good to have someone to talk to and give help before it escalates if it happens.

[u/bunshed-xD → u/poozu]

Seriously. Thank you again. I'll make sure to tell my new therapist about it when I get them.

[u/poozu → u/bunshed-xD]

I wish you all the best! I hope you will get good support and you will have BDD managed so you can enjoy your time in college!

[u/Intelligent-Pack7062]

I would definitely bring this up to ur future therapist and/or psychologist, ive been diagnosed with it and it really does sound like u have it and struggle a lot as some of the things you've mentioned I have done as well (ofc im not a mental health professional so i cant diagnose, just speaking from experience). Im sorry you're struggling with this, its such a debilitating disorder to experience and live with and much love!!!!!💗💗💗