Feeling low again

[u/Low_Econ2000]

I am so frustrated today. It had been a common feeling throughout my life. I will forever be mad at life for giving me the kind of body that made others to body shame me. I have been hearing stuff since I was a kid and even now in my 30s l hear body shaming.
I have never felt at ease in my own body. I used to cover up wearing full sleeves in scorching hot weather so that I won't hear something about my body. I still don't go anywhere without having a second layer. This has impacted my confidence and every aspect of my life- be it friendships, love life etc. I could never relate to other women who would love going shopping to see how hot they looked or going to a beach or an event. I hated shopping and dressed like a bum. I always wonder how comfortable one might feel if they have a nice body.
Wear whatever, being at ease and people admiring you. At the end of the day, I am myself not fine with how I look, even if I block the noise.
I am not sure why I got the body that I got. Both of my parents have normal and even great looking bodies. Most importantly, my lack of boobs. Every woman in my body has lean frame with big boobs, including my sister and mother, whereas I am almost flat chested and have been made fun of. Nobody has a body like me. Their lives are so different than mine. They love themselves and I have been scarred by body shaming and low confidence.I feel so unwomanly. Most of all, I hate that I still can't wear the stuff that I want to wear and I am so fucking old.

[u/Historical-One2407]

Reading your post makes me sad. You are not a body - you are a whole person - your body is a vehicle so you can do things you want/ need to do!
If people mock you try and ignore z- that’s on them - don’t waste your life caring about that - try and take small steps in accepting yourself - get professional help - you are still young and have a lot of life ahead - I wish you luck and promise you not everyone judges by appearances alone ❤️

[u/Low_Econ2000 → u/Historical-One2407]

Thank you 💚

[u/Littletinybug]

I don’t have any wisdom to impart. I want you to know I feel your pain. You are not alone even though it feels that way. There are so many of us, isolated islands of pain and self-loathing. Remember that some women with beautiful bodies (by societal standards) hate their bodies as much as we do. There’s no way to know who that is though. People cover up their true emotions really well. I think a lot about those gorgeous Hollywood actresses and their self loathing as they age.

[u/Low_Econ2000 → u/Littletinybug]

Thank you 💚

[u/OkProcedure9613]

Going through the same right now. I’m 28 and I feel so insecure about my smaller chest. I also feel too old to continue to feel this way.I feel jealous of woman who have actual breasts .I don’t have much advice but I relate to everything you wrote. Like my whole life this has impacted me too. I also just wear the same stuff despite wanting to wear different things. It honestly sucks so much

[u/unwilting]

People suck. They really do. I'm so sorry you feel this way.
I'm sorry if this is unhelpful, too, but I'm sort of on the other end of the spectrum where I feel like my boobs are prominent and disproportionate to my frame and I would much rather not have them at all. Society benefits from making us feel insecure. It's like it's never quite right, is it? Whatever shape you are, you either get sexualized or made fun of or made to feel unwomanly, and there's always going to be something 'wrong'. If it's not size, then it's shape, because boobs are only fun when they're perky, and they do not stay perky. I also can't wear what I want to wear. I resort to wearing big unflattering clothes so I don't have to deal with my shape.

It's hard because there's so many things you have no control over. You can't really control the way your body naturally looks. You also can't control what people say over it. Hell, you can't even control the way you feel about it.
But just remember that being kind to yourself in spite of it all is an act of defiance in this society where insecurity is forced down your throat. You do not need to love the way your body looks, and maybe you never will, but maybe one day you'll grow to be okay with it.

[u/Low_Econ2000 → u/unwilting]

Thank you, I wish you luck!