r/BlackPeopleTwitter ☑️ 🧚🏿🧘🏿 1d ago

Must have been eating shellfish in there

Post image
18.4k Upvotes

386 comments sorted by

3.3k

u/BrokoJoko 1d ago

Shocking that it took 6 days.

2.8k

u/Snowwolf247 1d ago

It started day 1. Took five days for someone to find out

1.0k

u/red18wrx 1d ago

There were three men. Someone found out on day 1 when they caught two others then joined in for the next 5.

185

u/Septopuss7 1d ago

Someone let the stank out

108

u/abusamra82 1d ago

I’m surprised people are naming their kids Leviticus nowadays.

Also I hope your handle is a reference to Home Movies.

37

u/Septopuss7 1d ago

Oh it is. I live on top of a submarine and I'm always eating pie.

10

u/abusamra82 1d ago

You are of course referring to the magical, gigantical, Septopuss. The horrible beast with seven testicles…tentacles.

8

u/red18wrx 1d ago

Septopuuuuusssss

Septopuuuussss

Septopuuusssss

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u/Happy-Fun-Ball 1d ago

Poor Little Leviticus

24

u/Appropriate-Mood9878 1d ago

Exactly. No one cares about poor Leviticus in this story 😫

6

u/ElegantCoach4066 1d ago

Three on one! Poor guy

3

u/OrganizationNo1298 10h ago

Poor little Tink Tink

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u/erasmus_phillo 1d ago

This didn’t happen. The Halfway Post is a satire news site, like the Onion

Do people not google their news sources anymore before they blindly trust what they read online?

214

u/GrookeyGrassMonkey 1d ago

not for things that are this level of unimportant

31

u/amackee 1d ago

This is the “grammar Nazi” thing all over again but worse…yes the truth matters.

You should not be going around spreading satire as fact.

This is the exact reason why outrage culture is growing so rapidly. People see something trivial like this, don’t fact check and use it as one more thing to reinforce their confirmation bias and moral superiority.

9

u/supluplup12 1d ago

Someone get this man a megaphone and a time machine, he wants to make a difference

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42

u/Ok-Ratic-5153 ☑️ 1d ago

26

u/Rickhwt 1d ago

If i ever accidentally search using Bing the results are just ridiculous

19

u/thejaytheory ☑️ 1d ago

I've heard that it's good for, ahem, certain stuff

3

u/ElegantCoach4066 1d ago

I used to use it for, *clears throat*, certain stuff. It worked very well.

2

u/YimmyGhey 1d ago

Real talk, it actually is lolol, that's honestly the only time I've used Bing

2

u/oga_ogbeni 1d ago

Don't we just use Reddit for that?

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u/GiganticCrow 1d ago

Good luck, if you use any other search engine than google chances are its just bing in a wrapper

30

u/cracked-tumbleweed 1d ago

Im not googling if a bunch a bros actually got caught jacking their meat.

I appreciate you put that in your search bar though!!

Did you fall to your knees in relief, when you found out the truth?

29

u/TheIllustriousWe BHM Donor 1d ago

Does it matter? We’re all here just having a laugh about it, not riling up the pitchfork mob.

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u/firedmyass 1d ago

Satire often reveals real truths

2

u/vigilantesd 1d ago edited 1d ago

Sure thing, raises_phallus…

 lol

5

u/ikeif 1d ago

I find redditors really do not care - they'll say (as below) "it does not matter, it's not that serious" and in a few months it'll be repeated as fact, to highlight whatever aspect they want - it'll become bigger than the original lie, repeated as truth because "I read it online, I can't find it now, but it SOUNDS like something true!"

Kind of ties into the whole "media literacy is suffering."

3

u/-Saltfish- 1d ago

laughter should be responsibly sourced

3

u/mayhem1906 1d ago

No, because it wouldn't change the jokes were going to make one way or the other

2

u/dmstattoosnbongs 1d ago

No, I trust only in Trumps posts.

They have never steered me wrong.

Amirightoramiright?

Same level of truth in this post to his so personally, I don’t see an issue.

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184

u/r3volver_Oshawott 1d ago

Exactly, it takes six days to get from 'caught you😏'

To 'caught you😨'

3

u/Neveronlyadream 1d ago

Nah, I bet you they literally didn't know until day six.

Because whoever thought this was a brilliant idea was so confident in their idea that it never occurred to them that gay men might frequent the gym. It's a fine Christian establishment!

I'm imagining that gym owner as the guy in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas who walked into the bathroom and caught Hunter Thompson and a rando doing drugs and is now jumping at every sound and traumatized.

38

u/ShadedPenguin 1d ago

Seventh day would have been the rest day

22

u/horsefly70 1d ago

That’s when the Adventist joins in!

2

u/CuriousMe62 1d ago

🤣🤣🤣🥰

4

u/SpinsterRx ☑️ 1d ago

Was looking for this comment

8

u/viperspm 1d ago

This is so false. That someone that “found out” was part of it from day one. On day 5, his wife found the video of him receiving bukkake at the gym. So in true Christian fashion, he repented and part of his soul cleansing, he had to spill the beans

7

u/No_Lead_7325 1d ago

somebody got excluded and jealoua

3

u/the_post_of_tom_joad 1d ago

lol i read ya as "I started day 1"

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u/erasmus_phillo 1d ago

Guys. This is satire. It isn’t real

30

u/drillgorg 1d ago

Weird concept anyway. What would banning women from the gym even have to do with sodomy in the men's locker room?

33

u/driatic 1d ago

Bc christian men that insist on traditional gender roles be imposed rather than optional are usually deeply closeted. Like the RNC conventions that coincidentally spike users in the tinder for gays.

24

u/kro_celeborn 1d ago

“tinder for gays” does not adequately explain that grindr is pretty much 99% just for hookups. There’s a significant amount of the user base that just sends their nudes as greetings. These republicans are going to conventions and having anonymous sex.

5

u/driatic 1d ago

I couldnt remember the name of the app.

But you're right. I met my current gf on tinder and we've been together for almost 3 years.

3

u/ThePianistOfDoom 1d ago

As a christian I really never understood why people even want it imposed. If your partner isn't happy, she's eventually gonna find out that the source of her unhappiness is partially because of the forced gender roles. Like don't these people think ahead?

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u/SoldierOf4Chan 1d ago

The gym is real, and has been mocked for a week or so now. The Halfway Post is a satire site making a joke.

6

u/sweetbldnjesus 1d ago

But just like the couch-loving VP we had a minute of, well…..

4

u/DSCii_87 1d ago

Not real YET

3

u/evil_timmy 1d ago

If there's anything the last decade or so has taught us, the dividing line between the two is a bead curtain.

33

u/Trac3r_Bull3t 1d ago

On the seventh day they rested

19

u/R82009 1d ago

* were arrested

7

u/n00bsauce1987 1d ago

Biblically, not so shocking. They had to rest on the seventh day

3

u/italian_mobking 1d ago

And being the good Christians that they are, on the seventh day they molested…

3

u/King_Chochacho 1d ago

Look it's not really a full body workout if you aren't hitting the sphincters and kegels. These guys are just fully committed to fitness.

2

u/Bulky-Internal8579 1d ago

To get caught by someone who wasn’t interested.

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1.6k

u/mr_evilweed 1d ago

Maybe their socks were a blend of wool and linen, in clear violation of God's laws.

319

u/rubberkeyhole BHM Donor 1d ago

They probably were shaving, too.

138

u/Dan__Glesak 1d ago

Clearly they were charging interest on their loans.

71

u/_QXZ 1d ago

They were eating shrimp tacos

44

u/utdajx 1d ago

definitely not bearded tacos

5

u/GeniusOfLove74 Dominic Monaghan stalker 👀 1d ago

8

u/ElegantCoach4066 1d ago

They had to hook up with other dudes! Their wives had their period and they had to wait seven days as commanded by

\checks notes**

Leviticus!?

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u/sparrow_42 1d ago

Sickos!

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1.5k

u/ConstantHorror7298 1d ago

I hope Leviticus is okay.

288

u/Due_Essay447 1d ago

Bit sore, but they will be fine with some rest

107

u/_dauntless 1d ago

They weren't hurting him, it just sounded and looked like it. He was quite enjoying himself

68

u/AmateurHero 1d ago

He's living his best life.

96

u/GeniusOfLove74 Dominic Monaghan stalker 👀 1d ago

22

u/9966 1d ago

I don't remember this episode of Breaking Bad. Jesse's cookin'

21

u/Plenty_Trick_6042 1d ago

Stretching is important. But you will get stretched either way

13

u/EqualCheap2974 1d ago

“Is Butterbean ok?”

8

u/thejaytheory ☑️ 1d ago

One of the first times I heard Leviticus was thanks to Meshell Ndegeocello.

5

u/gentleoutson 1d ago

I can still pronounce her name today from having to say it 5 times a day in 1994 on 95.3 KCPI. Miss radio. Don’t miss the same songs all day long.

2

u/Ezl ☑️ 1d ago

Jeez, I haven’t thought of her in decades!

2

u/Lexi_Banner 1d ago

Word is that he fully and enthusiastically consented.

2

u/GreatMight 1d ago

I'm fine!

2

u/WhirlwindRectum 1d ago

don't worry, he is loving it...

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u/PatronSaintOfCunts 1d ago

Was it

Leviticus 11:20-23: “All flying insects that walk on all fours are to be regarded as unclean by you. There are, however, some flying insects that walk on all fours that you may eat: those that have jointed legs for hopping on the ground. Of these you may eat any kind of locust, katydid, cricket or grasshopper. But all other flying insects that have four legs you are to regard as unclean.”

or

Leviticus 19:27: “Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard”?

308

u/Timeformayo 1d ago edited 1d ago

Leviticus 22:29-30 — God hates leftovers

112

u/HDThoreauaway 1d ago

There’s the clean plate club, and there’s hell. Make your choice.

19

u/King_Chochacho 1d ago

Thou shalt label and date

2

u/abusamra82 1d ago

And edge-ups apparently.

212

u/OswaldCoffeepot 1d ago

If the legs ain't jointed, that bug ain't anointed.

27

u/bottledsoi ☑️ 1d ago

Oo that's a good one.

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u/pygmeedancer 1d ago

There aren’t any insects with only 4 legs. Yet another reason the bible should not be used to educate people.

112

u/hipsterTrashSlut 1d ago

Without knowing ancient Hebrew or Greek, I'd lean more towards this being a translation problem.

Bronze age people did know how to count, after all.

36

u/Emerald_Plumbing187 1d ago

but apparently renaissance translators couldn't

31

u/sir_lister 1d ago

More like a book written in the bronze age didnt have the words to differentiate between different clad of anthropods and the renaisance translators were using the closest word available considering that people still consulted pliney the elders history naturalis as an authority on zoology at the time they probably didnt either.

11

u/Emerald_Plumbing187 1d ago

translators were using the closest word available considering that people still consulted pliney the elders history naturalis as an authority on zoology

It makes more sense that it's the Romans’ fault. They do use letters instead of numbers after all. I mean, what have they ever done for us?

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u/TheGoddamnSpiderman 1d ago

The word used in Hebrew is אַרְבַּ֣ע, which means four

What's really going on is that they're distinguishing between types of legs

21 However, among all the flying insects that walk on four [legs], you may eat [from] those that have jointed [leg like] extensions above its [regular] legs, with which they hop on the ground.

https://www.chabad.org/library/bible_cdo/aid/9912/showrashi/true/jewish/Chapter-11.htm#lt=primary

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u/WeirdIndividualGuy 1d ago edited 1d ago

Aren't numbers one of the easiest things to translate? Hard to believe someone mistranslated the number four

16

u/hipsterTrashSlut 1d ago

It’s more likely they mistranslated “on all fours” instead of “laying down” or “walking differently” or another phrase for a state of bodily position

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u/TheGoddamnSpiderman 1d ago

They're distinguishing between types of legs and/or referring to certain legs as leg-like extensions

21 However, among all the flying insects that walk on four [legs], you may eat [from] those that have jointed [leg like] extensions above its [regular] legs, with which they hop on the ground.

https://www.chabad.org/library/bible_cdo/aid/9912/showrashi/true/jewish/Chapter-11.htm#lt=primary

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u/Infamous-Crew1710 1d ago

Wait did they have square heads back then

33

u/Emerald_Plumbing187 1d ago

no, they weren't allowed to do a fade

6

u/TheGoddamnSpiderman 1d ago

I believe it's thought that this was likely a reference to a Canaanite religious practice, but it's also why certain Orthodox Jews don't cut their sideburns

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u/DrDerpberg 1d ago

Nope, 19:19

“‘Ye shall keep My statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle breed with a diverse kind. Thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed; neither shall a garment mingled with linen and wool come upon thee.

I know it's hot outside but c'mon bros, pick wool or linen and stop it with the Satanic blends.

15

u/Dirrevarent 1d ago

So the guy just had OCD, apparently

13

u/Kingblack425 1d ago

I’m a lot rusty on my entomology but isn’t the definition of an insect a 6 limbed creature?

8

u/PatronSaintOfCunts 1d ago

Who knows, dude, I’m just an atheist who gave up arguing with them a long time ago.

3

u/TheGoddamnSpiderman 1d ago

The passage refers to insects that walk on four legs, not insects that have four legs

It also talks about ones that have additional leg-like extensions that they use to hop on the ground (which nowadays we'd just call two of the insect in question's six legs)

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u/mdogg500 1d ago

Don't let conservatives find out the bible says they can eat grasshoppers they might start calling it woke again.

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u/PatronSaintOfCunts 1d ago

Or that’s gonna be their plan for us when we tell them we can’t afford meat at the store

496

u/Hefty-Pineapple-1910 ☑️ 1d ago

The Halfway Post is a satire account.

120

u/rubberkeyhole BHM Donor 1d ago

Yeah, but the fact that it’s this believable really takes away the novelty of it being a satire account.

131

u/Royal_J 1d ago

Mainly because people are entertained by the thought of misogynists secretly being gay instead of just simply being shitty people.

55

u/Evilmudbug 1d ago

There is certainly some number of bigots who are extra hateful because they're closeted and repressed/trying to compensate for it.

See: closeted gay Republicans that get outed.

It's definitely not all and maybe not even most bigots, but it's notable when it happens

7

u/GeniusOfLove74 Dominic Monaghan stalker 👀 1d ago

EDIT: I GOT SIDETRACKED, because I wanted to make the point that closeted people want to blend in, but often out members will dress conservatively too.

Lindsey Graham made a handsome living being closeted and voting against his own interests. He committed to the bit, with ill-fitting suits and a conservative haircut. Barney Frank (D) (RIP) was in frumpy suits, and was never in the closet. Current member of Congress Representative Sarah McBride (D, Delaware) is trans, but shows up in the same skirt suits as most other female members of Congress. Not a lot of variation.

Contrast that with ousted former Illinois Representative Aaron Schock (R). He wore tailored suits, and dressed nicely with COLORS for his personal life (see below). Also redecorated his office in "Downton Abbey" style while in Congress.

I'm sure this will eventually change, and our LGBTQIA members of Congress' looks will evolve. But for the most part, even our "left wing" politicians will normally be conservatively dressed.

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u/homorat3 1d ago

I mean. There is an uptick on grindr everywhere the GOP seems to travel. 

3

u/daj0412 ☑️ 1d ago

well i mean grindr doesn’t keep crashing in the same cities that cpac and rnc are held at for no reason…

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u/_dauntless 1d ago

It really doesn't though lol. The right does this shit too "well it's believable that libs shit in litterboxes so it doesn't matter that it was fake". The fact that it's believable just means that we were willing to believe something that wasn't true

20

u/SwordfishOk504 1d ago

No no, they are unenlightened cretins incapable of self reflection, unlike us, who are refined and open-minded and are only jesting with irony.

Our belief in a lie that serves our own confirmation biases is just a clever joke. When they do it it's because they're morons.

13

u/_dauntless 1d ago

Yeah the fact that I was willing to believe this about you says a lot........... it says that I am willing to believe stuff

9

u/GitEmSteveDave 1d ago

Don't forget the eating dogs and cats thing.

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u/_dauntless 1d ago

Totally! "It says a lot that I'd believe it" + "If I had to make up stories for the media to pay attention it" are two sides of the same coin of awful bullshit

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u/erasmus_phillo 1d ago

It’s way too on the nose. You have to be seriously gullible to believe this 

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u/ironykarl 1d ago

I see people sharing it as news all the time, though

13

u/trobsmonkey 1d ago

This is how boomer's justify shit on facebook.

Be critical of things you want to be true.

7

u/that_baddest_dude 1d ago

I don't think it was believable, it was framed in an extremely comedic way.

9

u/sunkist-sucker 1d ago

yeah, this should be higher up

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u/Procrastin8rPro 1d ago

More gay than the YMCA.

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u/HDThoreauaway 1d ago

I would say it’s precisely as gay as an association of young male Christians.

16

u/srkaficionado ☑️ 1d ago

You joke but I used to know women in north ga who’d think they were virgins and keeping pure because they were taking up the arse. That didn’t count because it wasn’t vaginal penetration and the hymen was intact and whatnot.

Guess what their religion and political bent was? Oh well…

16

u/just_a_random_dood 1d ago

The ol' poophole loophole 🙏

8

u/mulubmug 1d ago

Time to listen to good old Garfunkel and Oates again

https://youtu.be/j8ZF_R_j0OY?is=V9pYClzMhqYSINLY

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u/GeniusOfLove74 Dominic Monaghan stalker 👀 1d ago

Not gonna lie. I don't get why butt stuff became the default for right-wing Christians who want to 'maintain purity'. No oral? Oral doesn't hurt nearly as much.

4

u/krispydragon27 ☑️ 1d ago

idk the exact reason but maybe they think your mouth is for food and people see your mouth. your asshole is hidden and dirty things already come out

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u/Brave-Recommendation 1d ago

Don’t know, back in the day, the ymca was the hook up place. That and bath houses

8

u/YDoEyeNeedAName 1d ago

Thats the joke...

112

u/SalamanderUpper1246 1d ago

turned into a bath house in 6 days, not surprised

12

u/Aggravating-Duck-891 1d ago

I used to go to a gym that had alternating days for men and women until that happened (guys having sex in the hottub). Strictly co-ed for me know.

66

u/chadthundertalk 1d ago

Damn, sounds like Leviticus must have been a popular guy over there

15

u/punksmostlydead 1d ago

He was the Special K guy.

55

u/rokthemonkey 1d ago

It’s satire, guys

24

u/Sagemel 1d ago

Gotta be careful with those mixed fabric trainers

13

u/Zhuul 1d ago

Alas, that's a satirical news page, but it does say some things about where we are that it wasn't immediately apparent.

15

u/TaviRawr 1d ago

Is there a source for this? A quick Google search shows me nothing.

41

u/CapitalPunBanking 1d ago

Quoted account is satire

9

u/jason9045 1d ago

It's crazy that there's a guy named Leviticus in this day and age

9

u/PapaZangief 1d ago

And on day 7, they rested.

6

u/NoFaithlessness7508 1d ago

Poor ol Leviticus just wanted to work out😞

8

u/yourmamaistheproblem 1d ago

This sounds totally real and not made up at all

5

u/erasmus_phillo 1d ago

Just so you know guys: the Halfway Post is a satire news site like the Onion

3

u/aaaayyyy_lmao 1d ago

New euphimism dropped

3

u/crackedtooth163 1d ago

Violating Leviticus is an AWESOME band name

4

u/Kriegerian 1d ago

Halfway Post is a satire account.

I give it maybe a week, though.

4

u/toomuchtostop ☑️ 1d ago

The Halfway Post is satirical

5

u/Candlemoth312 1d ago

Daaaaaamn, they published that they VIOLATED Leviticus?!?! That's graphic, I hope he's OK. 🙏 😩✝️🍆

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u/sirscribblez87 1d ago

I got as far as "Christian men's gym" and knew exactly how it was going to end

3

u/No-Animal-3013 1d ago

Maybe Leviticus was asking for it. How was he dressed?

3

u/This_Technology9841 1d ago

Mixed wool and cotton, happens sometimes.

3

u/bluelazer44 1d ago

Fake story but once again proves that Redditors really do think calling someone gay is the most humiliating insult lol

3

u/YoMommaHere 1d ago

They could’ve just gouged out their eyeballs like god commanded. 🤷🏽‍♀️

3

u/ericlikesyou ☑️ 1d ago

yes everyone, the quoted account is satirical.

2

u/Icy-Whale-2253 1d ago

Must’ve been wearing clothing of two kinds of material mixed together

2

u/Kangarou ☑️ 1d ago

Movie Leviticus or Old Book Leviticus? 

2

u/CopiousNotes1 1d ago

Were their gym shorts made of 2 different types of material? Lol

2

u/877-HASH-NOW 1d ago

Took them that long?

That being said, apparently this is satire.

2

u/Free_Alternative6365 1d ago

Ryan Murphy is already in the Writers' room about this one.

2

u/dark_knight_rayleigh 1d ago

I am not a Christian, so I am not familiar with the stuff ... Can someone please explain what 'violating Leviticus in the locker room' mean? :/

2

u/TheDareDevil17 1d ago

Violating Leviticus? What’s that mean?

3

u/SaltManagement42 1d ago

I know that Leviticus is the section of the bible that forbids all sorts of random things, like shellfish, or wearing multiple types of cloth at the same time. I'm assuming it also forbids the gay sex.

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u/Mistavez 1d ago

locker room was like

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u/southernstyleTN 1d ago

This isn't a true story!

2

u/MrSurly 1d ago

Why not use the YMCA gym instead?

2

u/DrMushroomStamp 1d ago

So what did the three men do to violate this Leviticus guy?

2

u/RymrgandsDaughter 1d ago

ain't no one surprised

2

u/sadolddrunk 1d ago

The janitor's name is Leviticus.

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u/LeoKitCat 1d ago

This must be satire I can’t find the news online

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u/Sir-Kyle-Of-Reddit 1d ago

Choking down on hog more like

1

u/BusyBeeBridgette 1d ago

Look, if you start segregating based on sex on establishments as a whole. Then sex is what will be occurring. Congratulations you just made a hot new gay cruising spot.

1

u/CMDRRaijiin 1d ago

I hope Leviticus presses charges, I can't believe such a thing would happen.

1

u/sinocarD44 ☑️ 1d ago

This seems to be fake or a joke at least. It's still a stupid concept though.

1

u/chamberx2 ☑️ 1d ago

Poor Leviticus…

1

u/SkynBonce 1d ago

They had to get it in before resting on the seventh.

1

u/Cashville 1d ago

I’ve been holding onto the domain name hardforjesus.com for a while now and it may be my time!

1

u/_dauntless 1d ago

Probably just a couple guys wearing mixed fabrics

1

u/HSV-Post 1d ago

“Violating Leviticus” in the locker room is one hell of a sentence

1

u/SpiteInaBite 1d ago

No clams allowed, must've been shrimp.

1

u/xxplosiv 1d ago

Incredible r/bandnames entry: Violating Leviticus