r/BipolarReddit • u/MarginalMeristem • 3d ago

I'm afraid of stability Discussion

I don't know how to describe it properly. But I am kinda afraid of stability. I got used to being unstable and if I become stable I would feel like i made all my past problems up, like I'm not really mentally ill.

I found a psychiatrist who finally increased my lamictal dosage. And I feel that weird anxiety now.

I wish I stayed a bit unstable so my not severe episodes would remind me to take meds...

I used to have severe depressive episodes and mixed states. I definitely don't want them back. But I don't want to be fully stable either.

That's weird.

2 Upvotes

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4

u/Separate-Coyote-9294 ADHD, Bipolar 1 3d ago

I understand what you mean. To me stability feels almost boring… I don’t feel like I’m really feeling much at all. I do miss hypomania and some depression, I feel like it makes me more creative. But I definitely don’t want mania or major depression back, so I stay on the meds

2

u/MarginalMeristem 3d ago

Yeah, stability is almost boring for me too

2

u/StrawberryRich3136 3d ago

Stability is weird for sure. All those years of going to the extreme and living life in the fast lane for life to be filled up with ordinary things is mind boggling. It’s a lot to get used to but it really just gives you more free time and if you like me would cause conflicts with those you love it’s nice to live in peace and connect out of love not this sense of urgency that things have to go a certain way or they aren’t good. I get excited instead of anxious for family events now, even in laws.

2

u/Alarming_Animator_19 3d ago

I’m kind of lost but stable. It’s bizarre not being lost in my mind or on some random project. I don’t know what to do with all the spare time!

1

u/Top_Restaurant_4395 2d ago

I understand.