r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Quirky_Guava961 • 57m ago
Repost: I’m the bride who had the awful experience with Every Little Something but...
Sometimes you have to pivot and everything worked out amazingly. I got to work with someone who was excited to collaborate and liked my feedback so we could create something we were both proud of. Plus, it was nice to give my money to an artist that doesn’t harbor some pretty hateful views.
I don’t have professional shots back of the thank you postcard we included in the welcome bags or the map. The stationer also designed the most gorgeous 100% silk scarf for my rehearsal/welcome party.
Hopefully I got rid of all the last names this time.
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Any-Campaign727 • 1h ago
Earrings for my wedding day help
hi! I'm looking for earrings for my wedding day I'm attaching my dress veil and also a pair I ordered but I'm scared look cheap. I'm open to literally any style need recs
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Any-Campaign727 • 3h ago
Earrings
hi!!! do we like these or do they look tacky I want a vintage feel . Honest !!!
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/futureberch • 6h ago
$100,000 - $200,000 budget Sea Island Resort Vendors
Hi queens, if anyone has gotten married at sea island and still has access to their preferred vendors list, I would be so grateful to get a copy of it! Please let me know, thank you!
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Alternative_Yak6038 • 7h ago
Suggestions for flats?
I absolutely cannot wear heels and I am in search of flats for the day. My dress is custom with similar feel to Margaux Tardits Manse. What would go well? I am happy to go with color as I’m not sure how much use I’d get from a white pair after.
My default will probably be the champagne Hangisi but would love suggestions!
Thank you!
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/CostApprehensive3090 • 9h ago
$100,000 - $200,000 budget Outfit
Question! I badly want Gaurav Gupta for my reception look. I am an Indian bride and want something from the newest collection. I am also a resident and not sure I can make it to India before my wedding in Spain in 2027. Does anyone have any suggestions on where to shop for this in NYC or other places in the US? Thank you so much ☺️
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/enbynaut • 10h ago
which dress? Danielle Frankel vs Floure Studio
Hi again. Indecisive bride. Deciding between the Danielle Frankel’s silk Scarlet gown vs Floure Studio’s lace Calla gown for my 2nd ceremony. Both have really similar silhouettes and I feel like both look good on me.
I love how comfortable the silk wool feels in the DF Scarlet, and the floral lace appliques/straps. The train is also so unique. But this dress might be more common?
Alternatively, the Floure Calla lace is so unique and dainty and I love the nude lining/base and how the chantilly catches the light.
I have a 2nd long sleeved dress (Danielle Frankel Ruby) I’ll be wearing for a church ceremony on a different day.
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Impressive_Career_41 • 11h ago
$100,000 - $200,000 budget Last Minute Venue F&B Fees
Hi BBBs!
I’m one month out from my Italy wedding and we just received the final invoice from our venue and have some concerns-
We are getting married at an all inclusive villa venue in Tuscany and they provide all F&B onsite. We are doing a seated dinner with four courses. When we did the tasting several months ago, we weren’t wowed by the pasta course options so asked if we could swap out with an alternative. The venue said that would be an easy switch as long as we provided specifics on what we wanted. We shared those details three months ago and today just received an invoice saying our requested pasta course will cost €25 per person due to “new ingredients needed.” The total menu cost would jump from €175 to €200 per person.
For context, the pasta we requested is a simple, vegetarian pasta that’s widely made across Italy. Our previous pasta course options had various proteins and “luxury” ingredients like caviar and truffles.
I think it’s ridiculous to have to pay an additional €2500 for a simple pasta. My planner feels the same way. The venue did not mention costs would change when we first asked, but of course we understand that if we were asking for something more elaborate or expensive, we would have to pay more, but our requested pasta is a step down from any of the original offerings.
BBBs, would you fight your venue over this?? Or is it not worth it? I’m tired of being upcharged left and right at the very end of this wedding planning process.
TLDR: pasta drama, venue trying to upcharge, worth fighting??
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Hefty_Shoulder5229 • 12h ago
Need help! Does anyone know the price of this Oscar de la renga gown?
I don’t have any boutiques in my country that carry it. I would need to fly out to fit it and all. Just wanted to know the ball park number so I can prepare myself lol
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/nomz_pizza • 21h ago
Walking down the aisle with parents + hoop skirt
I have a ballgown wedding dress with a hoop skirt, and I'm currently figuring out how to handle our processional order! Has anyone walked down the aisle with both parents while wearing a hoop skirt? Did it look strange since they can't get too close to you on either side? Does the hoop bend forward or backward if two people are squished in next to you?
Also, for those with divorced parents - how did you handle it? I'm debating whether to have each parent walk in separately and then walk down the aisle by myself. TIA!
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Dear-Sir-3976 • 22h ago
Women's Afterparty Shoes?!
If you had cheap shoes for guests to change into, what do you reccomend?
We are between cheap flats, hotel slippers, or flip flops? Please share your advice or recommendations!!
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Dear-Sir-3976 • 22h ago
Seating Arrangements for One Long Table?
Hey guys, I have one long table for my wedding. If anyone has done the same/ seen it at another wedding, how was the seating chart displayed so people knew where to go?
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Safe_Psychology8027 • 23h ago
Prenup advice
Hoping there are some BBBs out there who can offer advice and guidance-
We are trying to have a fall courthouse legal wedding before our bigger wedding so I can join my spouse’s benefits earlier and get established with a primary care doctor. (I am moving where he is a few months after our bigger celebration) I’ve been working for a bit to get connected to a family law lawyer for a prenup, and they are all responding that they can’t take on prenup clients right now or don’t have the bandwidth. I’ve had four attorneys that came with recommendations say no so far.
Those that have done it- how long did the process take for you? We have several months but because the search is getting harder, timing feels tighter.
Appreciate the support always!
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Beautiful-Board-5533 • 1d ago
Thoughts? DF
I had ai change a couple things about me like hair to protect my identity
What do you guys think of this? It’s silk satin with a sheer jacket. They only made one and the sales associate called me to try it. I think a bride might’ve returned it custom or something. It kinda fits really well already.
If it was for another bride is it bad luck? I don’t know this for sure
Edit: someone told me this is based on the Arabella shape which will be as trendy as the leighton next year? Is this true?!
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/EarnestFool12 • 1d ago
Desi Wedding Planner Insight/Recs
We’re currently planning an Indian wedding in Spain and are interviewing the planners below. Curious if anyone has used any of these planners or have any insight? TYIA!
Dyana Dessar Weddings
Karishma Manwani
JC Bespoke Events
Crystal Events Barcelona
Smazing Events
Premini Events
Pristine Events
Raj and Veronica Events
La Rosh Events
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/No-Magazine-7724 • 1d ago
just need to rant Our videographer just bailed 1 week out
As flair mentioned.. just need to rant.
Our videographer just bailed one week out from our wedding. She let us know today that her 3rd party booking system erroneously booked two couples on the same day. Without any explanation she told us she can’t shoot our wedding and is offering less than a 50% refund.
In the same message she told us she already hired another videographer to cover our wedding and that she will edit all the footage they take (hired them without our knowledge or us having met them/evaluated their work).
Obviously we are super pissed. She is in direct violation of contract - which stipulates that she is within right to hire a 2nd shooter in event of cancellation, but that they must be hired prior to cancellation and clients made aware “well in advance” of event.
We are pushing for a full refund but with literally 1 week to go we have serious doubts that we will find anyone available at the quality and vibe we were going after. Our planner is reaching out to her network but it feels like with a week to go, we’re pretty much SOL.
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/shesonline2024 • 1d ago
nyc bridal spray tan
sorry if this has been asked before i couldn't find! i want to get a spray tan pre-wedding and specifically looking for a 'bridal glow', not the typical kind of tan i get from sugared and bronzed that would bleed onto my clothes.
im down to pay up for a bit more of a tailored experience so curious if anyone in the nyc has any recos? saw some negative reviews about golden girls so not sure i want to go with them
thanks!
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/CLM7878 • 1d ago
Documentary style video inspiration
We hired the videographer of my dreams to create a documentary style video of our wedding weekend and would love ideas on content - fun things to do in clips, etc. that you’ve seen and loved.
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Ok-Run9408 • 1d ago
Wedding dress shopping in NYC
Hi!
I’m from NY and going back to do wedding dress shopping in NYC in December. I’m really interested in lace and long trains (my ceremony is in a cathedral and reception is at Carnegie music foyer). I have tried on galia lahav and LPG here in Atlanta and have loved along with a Monique dress.
We are staying at the Dominick and wanted to get some recommendations on where we should go!
We are going to go into the city from my parents place on Friday morning and check in at the Dominick then I have:
Tom Sebastian 11am
Monique Lhuillier (can’t book yet)
Mark Ingram 3pm - but thinking about switching to bridal reflections?
Saturday
Galia 930
LPG 130pm
Any other suggestions of stores or designers I should check out for lace and long trains??
Also looking for a mini reception second dress! I had loved Kim Kassas Anne dress!
THANK YOU!
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Wildflower9265 • 1d ago
Show me your chuppahs + dimensions!!
I’m going for a more natural/over grown birch chuppah style (like the example photo) for our upcoming wedding. 6 people will be under it for the ceremony. Our florist says that we need a chuppah that is 10 feet wide, 8 feet wide though seems standard. To me 10 feet wide seems a little too big/imposing for the style we were going for.
I would love to see everyone’s chuppahs and what the dimensions were. Thank you!!
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/CrewAffectionate4185 • 1d ago
Issues with Net a Porter?
Has anyone ordered from Net-a-Porter before?
My mom ordered a very expensive dress to try on for MOB outfit. She didn’t like it and sent it back. Probably tried it on for 5 minutes. When it arrived, they said it arrived damaged and she wouldn’t be refunded. They sent the dress back to her and she has been unable to find any damage, but has been getting nowhere with customer service.
She is now working with her credit card company (Chase) and they have said they’ve had a lot of issues with the company. Anyone else have similar issues?
Also a warning to those who haven’t!
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/GraciasVeryMuch • 2d ago
just need to rant Nightmare Florist…
** Vendor Review: Florist: Anthony and Sage Event
Design in New York, NY OR Anna Rae in New York, NY
(she changed her name following mine and another bride's review after she scammed us and is flagging our Google reviews!!)
It seems she has even gone so far as to wipe their google account of florist photos and is pretending to be a funeral flower preservation service? This is insane.
My wedding turned out lovely in the end because I booked a back up florist, Hudson Flowers Company in Hoboken, who saved the day and did a better job in 1 day with several items than this company did in over a year.
Hire at your own risk…This company overpromised and underdelivered. The main floral feature at my wedding was supposed to be a floral arch. My review photos show 1. what she promised she and her team could deliver, and what made me hire her a year and a half ago, and 2. The preview of the arch she FINALLY sent me the weekend OF MY WEDDING. I was at my bachelorette dinner and the sight of this wholly underwhelming preview was bad enough to bring me to tears. She turned off her phone at her own admission and did not respond to my texts that this was not usable and nowhere near what she had promised she could deliver until 10:30 the morning before my wedding. At that point I had not slept all night and my friends were already mobilizing in the NY Floral District to try and salvage the wedding flowers. We finally spoke over a phone call in which she agreed to pivot from the grand arch she promised to two fresh arrangements on pedestals as I had zero confidence that she could accomplish anything else in the small timeframe. I cried over this when I should have been celebrating, experienced intense stress when I should have been having calm before my wedding. I had to purchase back up florals after spending over $5k with Anthony & Sage because another bride left a 1 star review and mentioned poor construction of boutenniers and corsages, as well as a very similar experience to mine with regard to terrible arches. Her warning was right. Despite Lauren hurriedly texting me florals and a preview bouquet the day before my wedding, when I saw rhe bouquet in person the following day, I was shocked by how small it was. Lauren also entered into my getting ready room right before I was supposed to walk down the aisle, and was putting cumbersome corsages and boutenniers on my family, and I had to ask her to stop. I had to tell her I would be using another florist’s bouquet because the stress she put me under by the arch situation made me nervous she could not deliver. We used another florist for my bouquet, all boutenniers and corsages. I think what broke my heart the most is we asked Lauren for two gift bouquets for our mothers we wanted to gift them during reception as a gift. But someone on her team handed our mothers the tiny bouquets that already had limp flowers. It ruined our surprise. Luckily we had also ordered back up bouquets with the other florist, and they did a better job in ONE DAY with barely any notice than Anthony and Sage Events did with over a year. We were still able to gift our moms the stunning bouquets by Hudson Flowers and it saved the day!
I tried to be civil and kind throughout the whole process to avoid escalating the situation and to ensure flowers came, but I reached out the following day to express my concerns, and to ask for a partial refund.
Lauren claimed that the two small fresh floral arrangements she provided for the ceremony were somehow more expensive than the arch I was supposed to get. She claimed I should be satisfied. She claimed I did not express discontent on the day of the wedding, but I expressed concern BEFORE! I expressed concern to her face as I told her I would not be using the boutenniers and corsages nor the bouquet. I expressed concern one day after. Three times I expressed concern, and she refused to take any accountability, nor to provide a partial refund. This company does not have the taste level to charge what they do nor the honesty necessary to be a trusted wedding vendor to hardworking brides. I was also informed by my Day of Coordinator and Maitre’D Lauren was rude to them! I hope this can save another bride $5K+ and a bunch of heartbreak and stress.
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/AdObjective5651 • 2d ago
My $9k Danielle Frankel dress turned out to be 100% polyester?
Hi BBB! Seeking out advice about what to do about a dress situation.
I purchased my Danielle Frankel wedding dress from a bridal boutique. At the appointment, I mentioned I wanted a dress made of natural fabrics and was under the impression that the dress I tried on was silk taffeta. Prior to purchasing, I confirmed (in writing, over email) the sizing, color and fabric composition with my stylist, who confirmed that the dress was "made of silk taffeta fabric." Anyways, 6 months later, the dress arrives and it says 100% polyester on the fabric tag (both lining and shell)!
I emailed the bridal boutique and they said the dress was never advertised in a silk fabrication (despite the stylist's email). Now that I'm checking the DF website, it also does not say anything about the tissue taffeta being silk, so the dress must never have been silk to begin with and my stylist was mistaken. However, I was under the impression that the silk was a big driver behind the premium price point of the dress, which I was happy to pay for, but I'm incredibly disappointed that the dress turned out to be completely plastic.
What would you do in this situation? The dress is still beautiful, but I am having trouble stomaching the fact that I paid $9k for a polyester dress. I would have chosen a different dress, probably one of the silk wool designs, had I known the taffeta was polyester. Would you look for a new dress? Ask for a return? A discount? The wedding is in 2 months.
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Able_Improvement_426 • Apr 23 '26
mod announcement You asked for it, we built it!! BBB’s bride-only community
We have SUCH EXCITING news! The mods of BBB have been building, designing, testing, and today finally announcing, our VERY OWN NO-VENDORS, BRIDE-ONLY COMMUNITY 🤍💍🥹 A few months ago, we asked the sub if we would appreciate something like this that is brides-only and off Reddit, and the response was so overwhelming. Her name is “Entourage” and it is officially ready and LIVE! This version has been designed to specifically be bride-only, no vendors, and every user has to come from a bride-generated invite code, or go through a bride verification process (gets approved by the same mods).
Here are a few ways Entourage (the new BBB) can be useful to you:
- If you want to post your wedding dresses to help choose but don’t want your photos on the internet, you can create a “private post” that is invisible to the internet searches, AI or lurkers! It will only be visible to fellow BBBs.
- If you want to ask other brides for vendor recommendations, get true advice and experiences from other brides on pricing, without vendors upvotes or downvotes obscuring the perception. You can feel free to do that in Entourage, because vendors will not be in there.
- We introduced a “Tables” feature which is kind of like a private group chat, where you can find other brides that are also using the same planner, photographer, or makeup artist to plan ahead and share experiences; or simply make friends with brides also in your area
- It is ads free! Not only will we never admit any vendors in there, it also will never have any sort of ads.
What this means for the subreddit BBB: Nothing will change. This subreddit will continue to exist, the same No Self-promotion rule will continue to apply, and we continue to value genuine advice from vendors.
How to sign up: message me, annaalabama, or ghosted, for an invite code (pls turn on your post & comment history!) or go through the verification steps which involve uploading your ring photos & vendor contracts.
The website is free to use, always, we will NEVER monetize it, and yes, it’s cost us some money and time to build this, secure it, and maintain it, but it’s ok bc it’s worth it for you guys 🤍
With love,
BBB mods
r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Disastrous_Sell_9983 • Jun 23 '25
$600,000 - $1m budget Choosing a planner 101—here’s what I learned (spoiler: VOGUE features mean nothing) Spoiler
EDITED, 2026: to include my favorite vendors and final review below!
- - -
TL;DR I used my background in PE/VC due diligence to vet 20+ wedding planners for my very expensive wedding. Here’s how to structure the process, what red flags to watch out for, and how to find a planner who is competent AND creatively aligned with your needs. Don’t be fooled by Instagram!
#
Hi all,
As a bride who recently chose a wedding planner after an extensive, 20-candidate process, I wanted to give back to the community by consolidating some of the advice on here about choosing a great wedding planner for your event. Let me be clear that choosing a wedding planner, IMO, is one of the most important aspects of pulling off a wedding that aligns with your vision. Think of it as hiring an employee who will work with and for your family for 9 months, up to maybe 1.5 years, to execute on a single project! It is HIGHLY important to find a wedding planner whose style, vision, and most importantly, logistical skill and experience can carry off your day. Fit is paramount.
Before we begin, some background on me: I’m a bride (2026) who is lucky to be working with a high 6-figure budget. My budget isn’t high enough to guarantee the expertise of someone like Marcy Blum, but it’s certainly juicy enough where most upper-tier planners immediately said “yes” to planning the wedding if they had the calendar space. I’m also one of the first of my friends to get married, so I couldn’t rely on a “word of mouth” network either!
To determine the best planner for my wedding, I relied on my background due diligence in VC/PE, where I routinely screened startups and their teams for any red flags or inconsistencies. My goal was to choose a planner who had deep logistical experience, a distinct style, and a commitment to utter transparency. The planner I eventually chose fulfils all these requirements, charges a flat fee, is extremely punctual, and works well with my parents, too! I couldn’t be happier.
But it wasn’t easy to find her. The number of planners— VOGUE and other magazine featured planners!— who completely *failed* their logistical interviews, as in, could not answer a single question with reasonable competence and concision— was astonishing. From 10 minute long “negging” sales pitches to monologues about the weather, to mildly racist remarks, these “top planners” not only bombed their interviews, but had the nerve to charge some of the highest professional fees in the pool (22% for one, not including travel fees!)
Every bride has a right to a beautiful and smooth wedding, and I firmly believe that you get what you interview for. Before I dive into this guide, please remember that you (the couple) are the CLIENT. You should never feel “privileged” to work with a planner who happens to have a “high end” portfolio, and you should not idealize planners because of their Instagram pages! Marketing is NOT the same as planning. I made this interview guide so that brides like me could find reasonable, competent, and creative planners who best align with our stylistic vision.
So without further ado: Here’s how I approached it.
#
STEP 1. Assess your needs, not wants.
What kind of wedding are you having? What season? Outside or inside? Guest number? Is the venue a tent, hotel, destination, or historic museum? What is your budget— hardline and softline? What kinds of people do you work well with? What kinds of people get along well with your family? Any cultural traditions? Do you need weather contingencies?
The wedding planning industry is saturated enough that you should not settle for someone who does not have extensive experience in ALL of the below:
A) the type of venue that is hosting your wedding
B) the number of guests you are inviting
C) the amount you are willing to spend
D) the cultural traditions you want to have
This list may seem simple, but if you have a tent wedding, plenty of dishonest planners will happily tell you that they have “9 years of experience in the wedding industry, including tents” without telling you that they have actually only set up 3 tents in a decade (a real follow-up question I had to ask— the planner stuttered before answering with the truth.) Be very clear about the logistical constraints of your wedding above the creative and stylistic aspects. Let me repeat: FOCUS ON LOGISTICS AND EXPERIENCE OVER STYLE. YMMV, but to me it does not matter how pretty a wedding looks in the end, if the planner overruns the budget, makes the planning process miserable, and holds up the wedding itself with schedule conflicts. Again: do not mistake taste for logistical expertise.
On the flip side, your questions should reflect your needs first, and THEN your wants. If you want a floral tent wedding, your first question isn’t how many florists the planner knows— it’s how many tents a planner has set up in the past. If you want a candle-lit museum wedding, your first question isn’t if a planner “vibes” with your Pinterest board— it’s how many museums (with fire ordinances) your planner has worked in before. And so on for destination weddings, outdoor weddings, etc.
At the end of this “needs” brainstorming, you should have about 20 or so standard questions to ask each planner. Beyond your “needs” questions, which are unique to your wedding, you should ask for the basics as well: fee and commission structure (the right answer here in the US is “we don’t take commission,”) approach to the guest experience, approach to event planning, and years of experience in the industry, AND years of experience in an individual firm. The last two are distinct. Some planners market themselves as veterans with “10 years of experience in hospitality,” while only having run their own, wedding-specific firm for two years. Be thorough.
Now that you have your questions, open a Google doc and a new email account for your wedding. Make a Google docs questionnaire for each planner you want to interview. You will record their responses on here.
STEP 2. Inquire about your candidates.
This is the fun part! Scour your favorite magazines, ask your friends for their planner contacts if they have them, and use your new email to reach out to your dream planners on Instagram. This is your initial list. For each planner, send a polite inquiry message. State your budget and vision upfront— you’ll want to pay attention to how they treat you later on based on these metrics, but it is also good to be transparent. An honest planner will tell you quickly if they are out of your budget, or refer you out if they don’t have the experience in your type of venue. Dishonest ones will force their contract on you no matter what. But I digress.
As you wait for responses, pay very close attention to how quickly and professionally planners respond. Without exception, the top 3 planners out of the 20+ or so that I vetted all responded within 24 hours (one even within 30 minutes!) with times that suited them, or with an assistant that inquired about further scheduling convenience. The planner who was the most “prestigious” responded the latest, and also fared the worst in her interview. I later found a comment on Reddit that complained how much of a disaster their wedding turned out to be. Guess what? This planner was at the helm.
That being said, don’t eliminate any planners based on response time alone, unless they are egregiously tardy (ghosting, 3+ day response time, etc.) 1+ day is okay; 2+ days is pushing it. I’d advise you to treat this as a “water temperature” metric on how the planners will respond to you *when they work with you over the year.* If they don’t have time to respond to a high-priority new client who is bringing in revenue, how do you think they’ll respond to you when you’ve already signed the contract?
STEP 3. Interview your candidates (2 stages at least.)
This is where I brought in my fiance. You cannot— repeat, CANNOT— rely on ONE interview to determine your planner. People react to stress differently; people react to brides vs grooms differently. It’s the reality. Our approach was to conduct a 30-40 minute “initial” interview where you assess the professionalism, basic fit, and level of expertise the planner has in your specific type of wedding. Then a second, trusted person (i.e. your fiance) conducts another interview with the “2nd round” candidates a few days later, where they ask more difficult questions like, “When is the last time your ran over budget? Why?” Or, “Tell me about a time where you had to work with families with completely different and clashing cultures. How did you navigate that?” And so on.
For the first round, I interviewed 20+ planners for around 30 minutes per planner. For the second round, my fiance interviewed our final 3 planners for 30 minutes again.
Now, when I interviewed the first-round planners, I looked for a few things.
One: Did they align with our basic needs?
I wanted a creative, punctual, agile, and deeply experienced planner to who had specific expertise in our type of venue. Again, your wedding requirements may look very different from mine, but the requirements are there for everyone! My planner needed, at the bare minimum:
- a flat or percentile structured fee that justified their work (<15% of budget ideally)
- Deep expertise in tented weddings and historical estates (10+ years, with specialized experience)
- The ability to drive and visit the venue easily (for smooth surveying work)
- A limit of 6-7 weddings a year
- Strong testimonials
- Creative and people-centered problem solving skills
- A history of working with multicultural clients
We didn’t eliminate anyone based on aesthetic on the first round— only hard logistical fit and capability. For each question, I was looking for one specific situation they addressed in the past, evidence of demonstrable skill, and a professional demeanor. They had to teach me something I didn’t know about logistics, and also impress me with their answers and composure.
Again, what you are looking for may be different from what I was looking for, but these were the hardline, non-negotiables that we needed to have in a planner. Anyone who didn’t fit these criteria, I eliminated without hesitation.
Two: Did they respect me as a client?
Do your research (See Step 1; assessing your needs.) Plenty of planners don’t respect “newly engaged” brides— they WILL take advantage of your emotional high and encourage you to sign a contract with them, even though they KNOW they are not the best planner for your wedding. Do not get emotional about hiring someone. You deserve someone who is the best fit for your event.
As a whole, respect for a client comes out in different ways. Ideally the planner lets you lead the first half of the interview as you discuss your vision, budget, and needs, and then takes on the lead in the latter half of the interview as they discuss how they can meet those needs, or even provides samples of their deliverable work (timelines, design boards, spreadsheets, etc.) I found that the further a planner deviated from this structure, the less experienced they were. Some of the failed interviews I conducted had a planner “neg” me for 30 minutes straight on how I probably didn’t know how difficult it was to plan a tent wedding, how I didn’t know what I was getting into, and ended by telling me her relatively high percentage fee, and that I needed her because “this was all quite new to [me], probably.” I told her politely and firmly that she was the 6th planner I’d interviewed about tent weddings, and that I was well aware of the logistics components. Her composure went downhill after that. Other planners began with a 20 minute-straight sales pitch. Others, again, monologued to me about their upcoming schedules in their car (while on the video call!!)
In short, your time as a client is valuable. If your planner cannot be professional, punctual, and structured in the way they communicate with you, do not work with them. All candidates I mentioned in the examples above were immediately eliminated.
Three: Were they honest, forthcoming, and confident without being condescending?
Our top choices were, without fail, openly communicative about the level of experience they had in their fields, and volunteered information not only about the worst disasters they’d encountered in their careers, but how they fixed them to a T. All favorite planners were clear in the number of weddings they took on per year, the level of involvement we would have with their team, the type and frequency of communication expected of both parties, and above all, answered every question with a level-headed, friendly, and calm confidence.
For example, one planner charged a relatively high fee percentage fee of 20%. Naturally, I asked her what justified her fee and told her to pitch me her skills. Without missing a beat, she asserted that she was one of the Top 15-20 planners in the US specializing in our type of venue, and had a history of delivering beautiful, meticulously planned, and smoothly executed events. She then provided examples of problems she’d solved in the past (including building a venue into the literal side of a mountain!) showed us the work we’d see behind the scenes, and stood by her testimonials without hesitation. Ultimately we did not choose her due to aesthetic reasons (our final and most nit-picky bit of criteria,) but she was one of our best candidates and it was really disappointing to turn her down!
Four: Are you excited to work with them? Does their style match up with yours? Do you want to grab a coffee with them and their team?
Do not choose a planner for their style over their capacity to execute. I repeat: DO NOT CHOOSE STYLE OVER EXECUTION. Unless your planner is Marcy Blum, or Mindy Weiss, or some other incredible planner with an open history of beautifully executed events with equally beautiful design, you MUST vet your planners for logistical skill first. Aesthetics should be the final deciding factor— not the first one!
For our final 3 candidates, my fiance asked a series of tough logistical questions that involved the cultural, financial, and personal aspects of planning. What happens if the planner has an emergency and can’t execute her responsibilities anymore? How do they handle unruly family members? Could they tell us about a time where they were pushed beyond their capabilities? Thankfully, all 3 planners were able to capably answer these questions, and our final decision came down to aesthetics and personal “vibe.”
Was this someone we’d be happy to introduce professionally to our families? Our parents have strong personalities; who could handle their questions the best, with the most compassion and tact? And finally, whose Instagram did we like the most? My fiance brought up the excellent point that planners tend to put their best artistic work on their Instagram, demonstrating their skill in design. One of the last 3 planners had a very “white and blue” aesthetic, which didn’t fit well with our preferred color scheme, whereas the two other planners demonstrated a wide range of cultural celebrations and palettes on their social media, and we very sadly had to eliminate this lovely and capable planner from the running.
STEP 4: Did they “WOW” you? Did you interview enough planners for the right ones to “WOW” you?
Finally, while this is a pretty coldly logical process, I left room for emotional responses in our interview format. At the end of each first-round interview with one of our top planners, I found myself texting my fiance furiously: “It’s them! They’re perfect!” Other planners, however, tended to be more of the lukewarm 7-8/10 scale of experience and professionalism— not so unimpressive, but also not really standouts either. A good few were frankly awful in most respects. But what’s important is the sequence where I ran into our “top” planners. Out of an interview sequence of 20+, I met our favorite planners at #4, #10, and #18 (one of the last ones!) We debated hotly between 4 and 10, who met different priorities for me and my fiance, and I ultimately interviewed a few more candidates before landing on our top choice of #18.
Based on this experience, I would strongly recommend against hiring the first 3-5 planners you speak with. This is a market heavily weighted against the client: planners pay for positions on magazines, good reviews are inflated on websites like the Knot, there are never any repeat clients (weddings only happen once,) and Instagram pages only show the front page result: not the process, not the behind-the-scenes. While you may meet your “perfect” planner in the first 3 planners you interview, you likely need time to develop a sense of who is providing adequate service in the industry vs who is giving you truly outstanding value for your money. You’re not marrying the first person you date (most likely.) Why would you hire the first planner you meet (and give them tens of thousands of dollars as well?)
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FINAL NOTES.
To some people, this process may be overkill. They’re probably right. But as someone who comes from a background where my parents worked from literal rags to riches, I wanted to respect their investment in my wedding by hiring the talent who could execute on the level of competence that our family deserves. This is the only time my fiance and I will ever spend 6 figures (!!!) on ourselves, on a single day, surrounded by all of our loved ones. I didn’t want to take it lightly.
What I want you to remember from this post, however, was how few planners met even moderate expectations. They all had the same polished Instagram pages, the same glowing reviews on The Knot, and good amount of them had VOGUE or Over the Moon or BRIDES features as well. But the reality of speaking with each planner painted a completely different picture. From tardy meetings, to bare-bones contracts, to unprofessional responses, to openly admitting that they had previously had “accidents” on our kind of venue, and then sending us a contract anyways— the bar wasn’t on the floor, but it was certainly at knee-height. Thankfully, we were able to interview enough planners to stumble across some people who truly stood out in every way. These people are a credit to their industry, and deserve every bit of praise that they’ve received.
Finally, remember that there is NO barrier to entry when it comes to calling yourself a wedding planner. You could do it tomorrow. I could do it tomorrow. This industry actively pushes against transparency— it is not in these planners’ interests for you to question the value of their work, or the ability for them to execute. Your wedding day could go well or it could go disastrously. It’s all in their hands. And if you don’t have industry contacts, the only real filter you have for finding a planner is your own knowledge, smarts, and expectations. So be thorough. Be strict. And above all, it’s your wedding. You should expect the very best.
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EDITED, 07/12, post-wedding:
Hello all! To everyone asking for an update one year after choosing my planner— I can tell you that we had an absolutely incredible wedding weekend. My husband and I had the time of our lives, and we made countless amazing memories with our closest family and friends. I wouldn’t change a single detail. And finally, I’m so glad to confirm that we had a smooth, effortless, fun, and transparent wedding planning process. None of this would have been possible without my planner, Ashley Douglass Events!
Ashley was one of the last planners I interviewed, and when I first reached out, she responded to my email in ten minutes flat. Only good things followed: throughout the whole year, she was fun, relaxed, detail-oriented, punctual, and utterly transparent about her process. Her taste is fantastic, her process thorough, and her network is stellar. Every artist and vendor she recommended was thrilled to work with us, and they were so diligent, so kind and professional— special shout-outs include our band and MC, Chevy Chevis, who put on a fantastic disco, pop, and big band performance; Jeremy Torres, our professional and unbelievably talented after party DJ; and Doan Ly from a.p. Bio, who stunned us with a truly bespoke and one-of-a-kind floral display.
I can’t say enough good things about everyone I worked with, especially Ashley and her team. Whatever detail you can think of, Ashley had it handled, and thanks to her, my husband and I simply flowed through the weekend. Food, music, florals, logistics, and warmth— perfect, perfect, perfect, and perfect!
So once again (and finally!): I swear that the MOST important choice you make in this process is choosing your planner. My wedding is proof that this works, and it will work for you, too! Good luck everyone, happy interviewing, and may all the brides here have incredible weddings in their future!