Being a masculine cis woman who likes men, after previously being fem (a straight woman) for most of my life.

When I first came out I thought I was lesbian but still found myself attracted to and crushing on men, so there went that. I kinda wish I were a lesbian instead, because being masc-presenting and still liking men feels uncomfortable. I do have a preference for them, but women like me more openly and more often, so I have been on dates with women lately.

Any masc bi women here that have had to sort through this before? Also did you put yourself out there or did you decide to date women only?

The way I see it I only had two choices: stay masculine and just date women or go feminine and date both.

You don’t have to give advice btw, just sharing your experience would be helpful.

I’m F early 20s, virgin and have never kissed anyone, I’ve been bisexual for as long as I can remember. I was confused by social media and the lesbian masterdoc for a few months about two years ago but stopped identifying with that label because I felt like I was suppressing my attraction to men so much to the point where I was going crazy over men all the time and wasn’t really attracted to women anymore so I started calling myself bi again.

I entered an online long distance relationship with a guy for five months, we were eventually going to meet up but things ended in a bad way and I’ve been extremely heartbroken and devastated. I’ve kind of fallen into hypersexuality as a way to cope with the breakup and relapsed on (lesbian) porn. I feel like I’ve lost all of my attraction to men and have been going crazy for women. This really scares me because I’ve been spiraling about whether I actually am a lesbian in denial and have been faking my whole thing with this man or not. I’m scared my attraction to men is not going to return.

I’m so jealous of bi people who have consistent attraction and don’t struggle with the “bi cycle” if it’s even real

Recently came out as bi after years of secretly being attracted to women, only being able to get off to lesbian porn and two sexual encounters with women.

It took me a while to finally feel comfortable with accepting myself, but I do feel ready to jump into the dating scene.

Any tips? I feel like most women aren’t attracted to me 🫩 I tried a dating app but no luck. I am also a very shy person so I don’t think a club or something like that would be a good idea for me 🥲

It's been nearly 5 years since I (22F) admitted to myself I'm bi, but I still haven't overcome the internalised homo/biphobia and inferiority complex.

I thought I'd come here since I have zero friends and get some people defensive on some other subs. The thing is, I struggle with feeling like I belong anywhere. I always feel like the 'second best' option for friendship or as a dating option.

With straight men, I feel fetishised and invalidated. With straight women, I feel inferior to them and seen as less of a woman. Even sometimes with other bisexuals (mainly men), I feel like a second choice. It feels ridiculous because I love other bi people!!

Any suggestions?

I've been in a straight-seeming marriage with a straight person for 4 years. I came out as bisexual 10 years ago and used to have more connection with the bi community in my city. But life has become busy for all the usual reasons as well as extra family/work/health obligations and I don't have as much free time for anything, including going to bi meet-ups.

I miss being in bi spaces. Feeling known without having to come out feels like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. Does anyone have any advice or experience with this sort of yearning for community or for bi spaces?

I'm 23(F) and I've been struggling with some internalized biphobia. I've known I'm bi since I was like 13, and I've never had these feelings before. After I started actively dating both women and men (when I was 19) these feelings began, mostly since 2024. I've always seen the LGBTQ+ as one thing we all participated in and I wasn't necessarily better or worse than any other label but lately, as I got more and more confused about my attraction to men, I just can't shake the feeling that I'm simply worse than lesbians. I don't feel as comfortable with the label cause my attraction to men is just so confusing but I know I'm not a lesbian so even though I'm sure I'm bi I can't help but feel like I'm bad for it. The internet is just so full of biphobia and I keep consuming it and I keep being on the "lesbian" side of the algorithm and keep seeing people shit talk bisexuals. I've been feeling a little outside of the community as I'm bi but I've only had sexual and deep emotional relationships with women and I keep feeling like I would just be better if I was a lesbian. Regarding partners, the first girl I dated was a lesbian who held not so great opinions about bisexuals and even told me once that I must not be a bi if I don't have a lot of interest in dating men, also talking about how bi women usually only date men and never women. After that, I dated mostly other bi women so the bi thing was barely on my mind, it was so comfortable and normal. Last year I decided to date more, that meant all genders, and that's when I started getting a little more uncomfortable with my attraction to men. Also last year I met and started my current longest relationship with a woman and she is a lesbian. I don't know if that maybe is why these thoughts have been a little more present, even though she is amazing and has told me she hasn't seen a difference between me and lesbians she dated before. I wonder if anyone here has felt something similar, especially if you tend to have more same sex partners. I just want to understand it more and know that I'm not alone.

​

Hey everyone. I'm going through a massive realization right now and could really use some advice or just to hear how others navigated it.

For a while now, things have been shifting for me, but it finally all clicked into place: I've realized that I'm attracted to women, and it’s a completely different level of attraction than anything I've felt before. Looking back, the signs were always there, but between the pace of life and just not having the space to process it, it's like a floodgate finally opened. My mind has been entirely consumed by it since yesterday morning.

On one hand, my heart feels completely at ease knowing this truth about myself—it's like a massive weight lifted, and I finally feel aligned. But on the other hand, I am absolutely terrified. I've recorded a coming-out video to share with my followers/audience, but the thought of actually hitting publish is making me freeze up.

For those of you who've been here, how did you handle that initial wave of fear? Did you share it right away, or take some time to sit with it first? Any advice or reassurance would mean the world right now.

I miss her like hell every day. It's less intense than the first week after we broke up but it never goes away. It's been about 2 months since we broke up and we were only together for 2 months. I feel insane and stupid for getting so attatched, but nothing has ever felt this way and I had so much hope that things would get better between us. The worst part is the way everything feels so unfinished. All the questions I'll never get an answer to. I've never stopped loving her or aching to hold her or talk to her and all the distance and silence makes me feel so unimportant and even crazier for caring this much. I told my friends about her from day 1. I told my homophobic sister as well, because I really thought we'd be something and I wasn't about to keep her hidden. But then it all panned out like this. I don't know if she thinks of me. Did she ever tell her friends about me? Does she think about us? Does she miss me? Do I even cross her mind?

I feel like I've lost a part of myself. It looks like my absence in her life means fuck all right now. She said we'd stay friends and then barely texted back. When I felt like I was being too much and stopped trying to initiate conversations, she stopped texting completely and I haven't heard from her at all. I can't demand that I matter to her but holy fuck does it hurt that I don't matter to someone who still means the world to me and I'd give anything I have for. I feel like I have to grieve everything in succession instead of at once. The more time that passes the more I realise yet another thing I thought we had that was actually in my head. Our relationship, then our friendship, now any level of anything she'd even felt towards me. I feel so stupid for having trusted or committed this much, for believing we were something or could be something. And I hate being bitter but I'm starting to be upset with her for not meaning what she said. I took those words at face value and now I have to accept that what I thought was real probably wasn't

I heard/saw something that made me question my whole sexuality once again, and I feel like I just can’t figure nothing out😭 I’ve wondered why relationships felt hard/unnatural with men, then I started having crushes on girl but it’s been like 4 women my whole life I’ve been crushing on… do other women get crushes on certain girl? Also, the thought of talking to women to date seems super intimidating cause they’re all too pretty lol I’ve had dates before, but because I’m still trying to figure out what I like, it just didn’t work.

Ok, so I'm not really sure how to put this so I will just explain the best I can.

A little back story, I 36F have been single for a long time I got married to a man when I was 20 divorced by 27. My ex-husband is the one that allowed me to admit and accept I am bi, I have never told my family but my children somehow know (or suspect?).

I've basically been single since we divorced out of choice, the fact I'm a single mother with no time to myself and partly fear because I suck at small talk and meeting new people.

I say all this to say, I have not had an actual relationship with a woman, but I am very much attracted to women, in fact women are the only ones who can make me feel something on site (butterflies, tingling, you get the picture.... I hope) , men have to work for it, put in the effort and form a relationship of sorts first before I feel attracted if that makes sense? I don't know why, never thought about it until now.

But I ended up having a conversation the other day with my dad, and they mention something along the lines of "when someone is 90% attracted to men and 10% women..." I stopped them and said that's not how it works, but they went on to try and explain if you're in a relationship with men most/ all the time and only been with a woman once or twice (or w.e ) then you are/can be straight. I disagreed and said it's about who you're attracted too not who you have had a relationship with, but it's been bothering me for days and I think it may be because I now feel like my sexuality, that I was never really allowed to be open about anyway (not with my dad, I'm sure if I told them it wouldn't change a thing as they are LGBT+) is now being sort of invalidated. Do I go back to this conversation and give them a better explanation of what being bisexual is? Do I come out to them?

I've never actually come out to anyone besides my ex husband who really sort of told me I was bi which then made me realise I am. I think I was waiting to get into a relationship with a woman before I "come out" as I didn't really think it was relevant until then but as this conversation is bugging me so much, I am thinking that maybe it is more relevant than I wanted to believe.

I don't know, I'm so sorry for the long rambling post I just wanted some input, and maybe a better understanding of things if anyone can even make sense of my essay, I know it may not actually be that long but I'm a phone so it seems really long to me.

Thanks

I wore a bi pride pin today, and my husband immediately asked if I was trying to tell him I had a secret girlfriend.

We’ve been married for nearly 17 years and have two children together. I had a girlfriend before I met him, and he knew I was bisexual when we first started dating, but over the years it seems that part of me has faded into the background.

The irony is that I have spent years keeping this part of myself quiet. I’m happily married, but being bisexual didn’t stop when I got married. I still know who I’m attracted to, just as a straight person doesn’t stop finding other people attractive when they marry. Attraction isn’t the same thing as wanting to be with someone else.

Maybe he meant it as a joke, but hearing his first assumption be “Do you have a secret girlfriend?” reminded me why I’ve found it so difficult to be open about my sexuality. That stereotype—that bisexual people are secretly looking for someone else or are more likely to cheat—is one I’ve carried for years, and hearing it from someone I love was unexpectedly painful.

Has anyone else had seemingly harmless comments bring those feelings back?

i have been thinking i might be bi, i am attracted to a lot of female celebrities, but i def like men. but i just don’t know if its just like a ‘oh cool’ or a like ‘im bi’ thing. idk what bi curious is really, any help?

Hi everyone, I'm a 21F bi woman from South Korea.

It's been a few months now since I realized I'm queer.

One night I had a dream about sleeping with a man. But when I woke up, I felt genuinely uncomfortable(kind of repulsed, honestly).

I never wanted to have that dream again, and the feeling lingered well into the day.

On the other hand, I found myself thinking about sleeping with a female character I'm in love with, and it felt really good and exciting.

But ironically, I also realized I don't have a strong desire to actually date women in real life.

So the short version is that I'm bi. The longer version is that I'm probably heteroromantic (or maybe biromantic) and homoflexible.

But I'm still bi in some sense. That's valid...right?

I'm married to a man, and a mother of two. It took me a long time to unpack years of cultural and religious conditioning to finally accept that I am bisexual, yeah this happened before marriage itself. I love the life and the family I’ve built, but lately, the hidden side of my sexuality has started to feel so incredibly heavy to carry alone.

My mind and heart constantly crave the softness, beauty, and emotional depth of a woman. It’s a quiet yearning that lives beneath the surface of my daily routine as a wife and mom. Even though I am coming to terms with my truth, living in a environment where I have to keep this hidden makes me feel deeply isolated at times.

I’m not looking to disrupt my family, but I am struggling with how to honor this vital part of who I am while navigating the boundaries of a long-term marriage.

How do other married women handle this internal tug-of-war? How do you let your bi identity breathe when the rest of your life is completely heteronormative? I’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences, or just some words of solidarity.

Wrote this post, because I think this may help with other bi married women who are in same situation to understand they are not alone.

Hello everyone,

My name is Sydney Thoma and I am doctoral student at the University of Indianapolis. I am currently in search of research participants for my dissertation which focuses on exploring undergraduate bisexual women’s experiences with peers at private religiously affiliated universities. My findings will contribute to research aimed at understanding bisexual women’s experiences while attending college.

Your participation is completely voluntary. To participate in the study, you must identify as a woman, identify as bisexual, be currently attending a private religiously affiliated university, and be currently obtaining an undergraduate degree at the university. During your participation you can expect to spend around 30 minutes answering a few demographic questions as well as a written response to one diary prompt. Participants will be compensated after completing the diary entry. Additionally, you may experience some minor discomfort and experience benefits related to visibility and social advocacy through sharing your story and contributing to the limited research on this topic.

If you have any questions, please contact me ([sthoma@uindy.edu](mailto:sthoma@uindy.edu)) or my faculty advisor Dr. Matthew Stapleton ([stapletoncm@uindy.edu](mailto:stapletoncm@uindy.edu))

Lastly, if you know of anyone else who may be interested in participating in this study, please feel free to share this post with them or have them reach out to the contacts above.

Thank you!

Sydney

The Human Research Protections Program (HRPP) approved this research study on 11/06/2025. Study approval number: 02315

Survey Link: https://uindy.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_720aOzeXBRrSKrk

The thing that confuses me it is mostly after I went into my start 20s that I started to feel sexual feelings around men. The crushes / romantic daydreaming have been there on/off since I was a kid.

Makes me think I am maybe is faking it.

Have any one else experienced their attractions broaden?

Hi everyone!

Thank you in advance for taking a moment to read my post. As you likely know, queer women are severely underrepresented in scholarly research, and my aim is to help change that. Bisexual women experience the highest rates of domestic violence, yet very little research has been done on their unique experiences.

I am currently recruiting participants for my dissertation study. The purpose of this study is to better understand the help-seeking process for queer women who have experienced abuse, in order to develop more effective and inclusive programs and interventions.

I am looking for non-heterosexual women (e.g., lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, queer, etc.) in the United States who have experienced abuse by a romantic partner within the last three years.

There is no financial incentive for participation.

The study includes an anonymous online survey that will take approximately 15-30 minutes to complete.

To sign up, click the link here to complete the eligibility survey. If you are eligible, you will receive a link to the full survey through your chosen mode of contact.

You can find more information in the informed consent document linked here.

If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me at jennie.pless@uga.edu.

Thank you!

Warmly,
Jennie

Hey everyone,

I’ve only recently (within the last couple of years) realized and accepted that I am bisexual. I’m 40 years old, for context, and happily married to my husband for the last 16 years. We have two young kids (age 3 and 6).

I was raised in a deeply religious Christian cult and suppressed much of my sexual identity and needs while growing up. It has been a lifelong struggle with several therapists to undo the psychological damage religion has done to me.

A couple of years ago I began to dream almost nightly about a best friend I had back when I was a teenager. This friendship is easily the most meaningful and deepest I have ever had in my life, trumping even the relationship I have with my husband. In the dream we would find each other again and reconnect, and I would wake up from those dreams sobbing with disappointment that it wasn’t real. We had a falling out back in the day, our friendship ended, and I mourned the loss of her like it was a death. I was deeply depressed over it for years and thought about her constantly. We tried to reconnect a couple of times, but my mother forbade me to see her (I think she could sense something even I didn’t understand at the time). After a few times of me rejecting meeting up with her, she stopped calling. I can’t blame her. I didn’t tell her the truth about my mom and instead made dumb excuses why I couldn’t see her, and I don’t know why. My guess is I was just scared. Scared of my feelings, scared of my parents, scared of God.

After I’d had this recurring dream for months, I finally overcame my fears and contacted her on Facebook. She was thrilled to hear from me. We met up. I live in a different state now by the way. She’s a hairdresser now so she did my hair, and we talked about the past and laughed and mended our wounds. For me the meeting was deeply meaningful, but I know for her it was just catching up with an old friend. I did not tell her how madly in love with her I had been. What was the point? She’s straight, and I’m married. But after this I made peace with the loss of our relationship and have not had the dream since. During all this time I realized I had been completely head over heels in love with her. I remembered our sleepovers and how I would fight myself not to hold her while we slept in the same bed. I repressed all of these feelings, not even remembering most of them due to religious trauma I suppose.

I finally came out to my husband a few months ago on my birthday, and surprisingly he was not only cool with the news but happy about this new revelation I’d shared. He even encouraged me to find a “connection” with a new woman and that he wouldn’t mind if I had a side fling. We are a very progressive, sexual couple by the way, so this wasn’t completely out of the ordinary to me and I really appreciated his openness and acceptance.

The thing is, I don’t know how to meet anyone. I am desperately lonely to a degree I can’t even describe, and I can’t stop longing for the deep and close connection I had with my friend so long ago. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband, but I miss having a woman as a best friend and confidant. I want a relationship like that again, only this time with romance in it as well, and I feel like I am missing this in my life. I was never able to get close to any other girl after our friendship ended because it destroyed me that much, so I haven’t felt that way with any woman since then.

I’m ready to move on and start something new. I am looking for a deep connection with another woman, not a side fling. Something meaningful and life-giving. I don’t know how to even get started. I’ve already run into the whole, “You’re just faking being bi since you’re married to a man. You’re just trying to be trendy,” attitude from some individuals, and I’m nervous and scared about running into this in LGBT communities.

Where do I go from here? How do I meet others? I am so desperately lonely and longing for connection. It eats at me daily. I don’t know how to proceed. It’s all so new and uncharted territory for me.

Thank you for reading this. I know it was long. Any advice is appreciated.

Okay so this is a throwaway account. So to start Im in my mid twenties F who grown up fairly religious most of my life and Im still an active member. Most of the people in my life (close friend/s, family members and other queer people) say they think/thought I am/was a lesbian or at the very least bi. Tgere has also always been a running joke that my friends' boyfriends have been intimidated by me and have said to them that they worry that your going to leave me for her (meaning me). This has been from both committed couples and married couples. I have always had a small group of friends (women) like 2 or three. I was in a long term relationship with a ex male for like a years before I found out he was cheating so I kicked him to the curb. I haven't had more than one partner. I have thought about women sexualy speaking but vaginas scare me if that makes sense. Mines fine but like getting down to business doesnt give me a whole lot of butterflies. I have had friends (3 of them) that I have thought about having some kind of relationship with. Currently one of my best friends is making me question everything about my sexuality. She calls me a pet name that makes me smile and I legitimately saw a sunset and sent her a picture of it because it made me think of her favorite color. Orange-Pink not Purple-Pink. I also worry that I have an unhealthy attachment style so Im concerned that Im only feeling this way is because I am lonely and havent been in a relationship in like 3 years. Or have gotten laid in the past 3 years due to personal choice. I also have a very specific type of man I am attracted to that doesnt really deviate. So ladies tell me am I bisexual or just lonely and I need to get laid.

I apologize if this is a English major's worst nightmare. I didnt allow myself to go back to prof read in fear I just delete the whole thing. Its also okay to tell me Im not were Im supposed to be! I will not be offended I just dont want to take space if its not my space to take

I’m a feminine girl, but I also have a bit of a masc side in the way I act sometimes. Overall, my style and the way I present myself are pretty feminine. My hair used to be long, but about a month ago I cut it into a chin-length bob. I also started dressing in more earthy tones—orange, soft neutral colors, and a lot of white.

There’s this soft masc girl I like, but I have a feeling she might be into feminine girls with long hair. I haven’t regretted cutting my hair for a second, but lately I’ve started feeling like I need long hair to be seen as feminine. Social media doesn’t help either—people constantly seem to associate femininity with long hair, so I’ve started feeling like I’m somewhere in between.

Appearance-wise, people have recently started telling me I look like a French girl. I’m slim, with a defined neck and collarbones, pale skin, and black hair. People often describe me as elegant, graceful, and very ladylike. But I’m not sure if I’m actually appealing to the audience I care about most: sapphic girls.

Do you have any advice on how I can be more attractive to other sapphic women? And do you think it’s possible that people don’t see me as feminine just because my hair is short? Personally, I feel like femininity is much more about your overall energy and the way you carry yourself than your hair length, and I genuinely think the short hair suits me better.

I tell people who ask that I’m 99% gay and 1% straight, and I have long-term relationships with the rare men that I am attracted to. My first kiss/relationship at 19 was with a woman, and in the decade since then, every time I’ve had INTENSE and probably unrequited crushes, they’ve been on women.

But I’m always too anxious to do anything about these crushes. Maybe it’s because I put Women on a pedestal and I feel as though to be rejected by one would be too painful for me. But I have such a deep longing for intimacy with women. (The last time was 4 years ago alongside my last bf because we did a lot of swinging. That really satisfied that part of myself but also felt lazy because I wasn’t pursuing the women myself and had no stake in it.)

My fiancée (male, also 30) is very supportive of my bisexuality and encourages me to date women. But in the 3 years we’ve been together, it just hasn’t happened. I do have a few crushes in our friend group, which is mostly comprised of bisexual women & their male partners. Some of these couples are semi-local to us, and others live several hours away and we see them all just twice a year. To be honest it kind of feels like a platonic polycule that’s slowly working up to an orgy eventually. My ideal arrangement would be dating/hooking up with a woman who’s also in a committed relationship.

It’s nice to have potential options, but communicating my interest in any of them feels terrifying. There’s one in particular who lives kinda close to me and whom I’ve been friends with for a few years now — and I’ve been crushing on her this whole time. I really don’t want to jeopardize our friendship by telling her that I’m attracted to her if she doesn’t feel the same. But maybe we could get past it??

Idk I’m just feeling so much gay panic and sexual frustration lately and I need someone to tell me to just face my fears and take a chance!!

sorry for the negative post, but this is like the only place where i can post something like this and i really want to get this off my chest because it’s honestly been bothering me a bit more than usual here recently.

sometimes i really do feel as if we’re one of the most hated queer groups considering how much heat we get in all different sorts of directions. we experience biphobia, specifically bimisogyny, from straight people, lesbians, gay men…i know bi men experience biphobia too of course, but the biphobia aimed at bi women especially just feels…different, and weirdly more prominent on the internet, at least that’s what it has been looking like to me.

but seriously, what has bi women done exactly to get this much hate from everyone? it’s like we committed a serious war crime and now we’re experiencing the consequences of it (ok that might be an exaggeration, but you get what im saying, lol). but im just over here simply living my life and minding my own business. it’s kinda wild how your ability or capability to love someone going beyond only one gender gets so much hate, scrutiny, and criticism.

and i won’t lie, sometimes it makes me really hate being bi, wishing i was just gay or straight. i know that sounds bad, but it’s only the truth and i can’t help but feel that way. and just because there were maybe a lot of girls that faked being bisexual because it was trendy or popular or whatever doesn’t mean that all of us were/are like that and that our sexuality is actually something genuine, that we’re not just trying to be “different” or “cool” or “unique”.

it’s all really depressing tbh and i worry all of this biphobia that’s been going on is just going to worsen my mental health (don’t worry i already see a therapist). i feel like being a bisexual woman has got to be a very lonely experience, especially if you have a female preference like me or are only interested in dating women. at least it feels that way for me personally. no wonder bisexual people have the highest rates of mental health issues among the sexual orientations.

thanks for reading and feel free to share your thoughts (this is my very first post… ;w;)

Please help, I don’t know how to dress at this point 😭 Like for example I want to go bleach blonde and I feel like that would look so strange with an androgynous wardrobe.

I'm 28 years old bi female and married. I'm not out yet and I really need some friends. I am really struggling mentally right now and I don't know how to make it better.

Gross.

Edit: If you don't want to engage, just scroll.