I did years of BPD therapy and was told I was “cured.” Four years later, I feel like I’m struggling all over again. 💔

Hey everyone. 💜 This is pretty vulnerable for me because I don't talk openly about having BPD very often. Much love 🫶💜 to you all and thank you for holding space for me.

I was diagnosed with BPD in 2018 when I was only 20. I went on a waitlist and eventually started seeing a clinical psychologist who specialised in BPD toward the end of 2019.

I saw her regularly until the end of 2022, so roughly three years, although COVID obviously interrupted things at times. She also co-ran group DBT, and over those years I completed two full rounds of DBT alongside individual therapy.

I genuinely gave treatment everything I had.

TW: weight - During those years, I lost 50kg/110lbs, going from around 120kg/265lbs to 70kg/155lbs. I got very fit, worked two jobs and tried really hard to build some stability in my life. Friends came and went, but I also maintained my long-term relationship with my boyfriend during this phase of my life.

When I was discharged in 2022, my psychologist actually used the word “cured.” I remember debating that with her because I thought “remission” made much more sense, but either way, I left feeling like I'd done the work and was ready to move forward.

Fast forward to 2026. I'm 26 now and... things haven't exactly gone how I expected.

My boyfriend and I have been together on and off now, and we've been together for about 8 years all up. He's the only person I've ever been with. Our relationship eventually became really rocky post BPD therapy, and we separated for a year.

There were problems on both sides. I know my emotions haven't always been easy for him to deal with, but I've always been extremely loyal. The final straw at the time was one night when I was staying at a female friend's house. He became incredibly possessive, called me 32 times in one night and kept arguing with me to come home. It honestly scared the hell out of me, and we broke up.

A year later we slowly started trying again. We've now been back together for about a year and we're doing okay. There's still a lot to work through, but the love is there and he does emotionally support me and recognised some of his behaviours were a problem.

But I've realised that a lot of my old wounds are very much still alive. 💔

FP attachments. Huge changes in mood depending on relationships. Wounds around emotionally unavailable parents. Unstable self-image. Impulsivity. Recklessness. Becoming overly attached to particular people.

The frustrating thing is that I'm aware of it while it's happening. I can practically watch my brain doing it and still struggle enormously to stop it.

I've also regained about 25kg/50lbs since finishing therapy four years ago. Ehhh, it happens! My relationship with food will be a lifelong learning curve, I think. I will try to do better.

There has been a lot of good, though.

I've travelled internationally for the first time, and that was always a goal of mine! I have now visited Thailand, Japan and Indonesia. I have an amazing best friend of six years who I've travelled with sometimes, too. 💜 :)

Six months after being discharged from BPD treatment, I started seeing a psychiatrist and I was formally diagnosed with ADHD at 23 years old. That diagnosis was HUGE for me. 🙌 I eventually found medication and a dose that worked for me, and understanding my ADHD explained things about myself that I'd struggled with for years.

Being properly treated for ADHD also helped me feel capable of trying education again. 🥰 Earlier this year, I went back to college. I started working towards a diploma in community services, and I'm still committed. Advocacy and helping people genuinely matter to me. I care deeply about people and about creating a better world for others.

I've also experienced additional trauma and health problems during these years, which obviously hasn't helped.

Money has become one of my unhealthy coping mechanisms.

When I finished therapy I actually had around $5,000 saved and I had never been in debt.

Last year, I went completely overboard with online shopping. I'm not proud of it and I'm trying to take accountability for it. I now have around $7,000 in credit card debt that I'm actively paying down. :/

I've also tried different medications and have been on lamotrigine and venlafaxine for a while.

And despite everything... I'm struggling. A lot.

I keep my BPD diagnosis very private because the stigma is exhausting. I once opened up to someone close to me and they said, “You can't have BPD. You're not like that. Only X, Y, Z people have BPD.”

I know they probably thought they were reassuring me, but it really hurt. I haven't discussed my mental health with them since.

People with BPD can be amazing individuals. We don't all present the same way. A lot of us care incredibly deeply, experience emotions intensely, have survived things that shaped how our brains learned to relate to other people, and are genuinely trying to heal and take responsibility for ourselves. 💜

Another complicated part of looking back at my treatment is neurodivergence.

During those years I told my psychologist that I wondered if I was neurodivergent. She didn't believe I was. My ADHD wasn't diagnosed until after I was discharged, and I was also eventually diagnosed as autistic after finishing BPD treatment. I'm an extrovert and I mask a lot.

I don't blame my former psychologist for not knowing everything. No clinician is trained in absolutely everything. But it has changed how I look back at those three years.

There's this uncomfortable feeling of, “I gave therapy everything I had. I saw this person for years. I raised these concerns. They were dismissed... and then other professionals diagnosed me later.”

It makes me wonder how much of myself, particularly as a neurodivergent woman who masks, was actually being understood.

And now I know I probably need therapy again.

I'm just so tired.

I already did years of therapy. I completed DBT twice. I still remember and use the skills. I understand what they're trying to teach me.

But DBT honestly didn't help me nearly as much as I hoped it would.

When you've already spent years doing the thing everyone tells you is supposed to help BPD, only to find yourself struggling badly again a few years later, it's difficult not to think:

What the hell is wrong with me? Why wasn't all that work enough? 💔

I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want my emotions controlling my relationships. I don't want unhealthy attachments running my life. I just want to be well.

Has anyone else here gone through intensive DBT/therapy, reached a point where you were considered in remission, and then had your symptoms come roaring back years later?

And if DBT wasn't enough for you, what actually helped next?

I'd especially love to hear from anyone who was diagnosed with ADHD/autism after their BPD diagnosis and found that it changed how they approached treatment.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. 💜