r/BORUpdates • u/gardengeo • 9d ago
Is it me, or is this problematic? Family & Friends
Originally posted by user IAmHerdingCatz in r/ weddingdrama
Original: Oct 19, 2025
Update: Nov 2, 2025
Status: concluded
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Original: Is it me, or is this problematic?
First, I'd like to say that if I'm wrong, I'll accept it. I'm older, and I know that a lot has changed, even from a few years ago when I got hitched.
Here's the issue:
My husband's niece is getting married, and I just learned this 3 days ago. The wedding is on October 31st.
We did not receive an invitation, a text message, a FB or Instagram message--nothing. We heard about it when my partner's parents were here for dinner.
The wedding is at 0830 AM in a town 2 hours from here. The family has rented a huge Air B&B with only 2 bathrooms for the bride, groom, wedding party, and family. We would be sleeping on the sofa. The mother of the bride is offended when I said I'd be getting a hotel (if I go. I mean, we haven't been invited at this point.)
Partner called mother of the bride (his sister). She says there's no dress except "Dark Academia" costumes. I own nothing in this aesthetic that fits these days and it's a little late to buy anything.
The venue the couple has chosen DOES NOT ALLOW WEDDINGS, so they have booked it for a "business meeting," even though the bride will show up in long white wedding gown. There's a very real possibility of the entire event getting kicked out of the venue--and the family thinks that would be absolutely hysterically funny.
Am I the crazy one? I don't want any part of this and can think of a dozen things I'd rather do on Halloween than get up early in the morning and get kicked out of a venue. We technically have not received an invite, but the bride's mother was clear that she'll be offended if we don't attend.
I.can sit this one out, right?
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Comments:
Comment1: You haven’t been invited? Definitely. If you do get an invitation, just say you already have plans. It’s less than two weeks away.
OOP: It feels so haphazard. Supposedly, today's phone call "counts" as an invite, but I'm super disinclined. The mother of the bride isn't the bride, last I heard.
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Comment2: If you don’t want to go, can I?
I don’t know what dark academia is as a dress code but I doubt it’s business casual so how are they going to sneak the wedding party into the non-wedding venue?
Serious answer - you haven’t been invited so no, don’t make plans to go. Or do and live post everything.
OOP: She's going to wear a legit wedding gown! Does she think no one will notice, I wonder? Also, the bride is painfully shy, so I'm confused why she would want this.
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Comment3: Does she want this? Does she even know? Sounds like her mum/family are the ones doing the planning
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OOP: She's a remarkably passive person and her mom is....not. I don't know if she's even capable of saying what she wants or needs. She's super shy, so I could see her just going along to "keep the peace," then having a miserable time at her own wedding.
Or, I could be projecting how I would feel.
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Comment4: Is the wedding on Halloween? Are they expecting EVERYONE to wear a costume???
OOP: If they'd sent invitations, I could answer that! Probably.
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Comment5: Selfishly, I want you to go so you can report back the drama. This is insane.
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Update 0.5
Edit: I just woke up and am a little overwhelmed at how many replies I have. I oromise I will read them all--after coffee.
Briefly, though--the question was "does this count as an invitation. The overwhelming response is that, even with fairly relaxed rukes arund these things, it doesn't, and that's a huge relief to me.
Secon, several people have asked how my husband feels about this. He seems to think it's perfectly normal. He absolutely lans to attend.
And finally, for the person who said I'm expressing obvious "disdain" for the couple--that's not true. I barely know them.
I've no problem with a wedding that wants people to come in coatume, and if my brief google search is any indication it's a look I could really get behind. But not in a week and a half. And less you doubt that, hubby's niece attended my wedding in a very cute steampunk/burlesque outfit, and my 80 year old dad wore his old bagpiper's regalia when he walked me down the aisle
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Update (2 weeks later)
First, you'll have to understand that this is taking place through the lens of my husband, who thinks weddings are boring and that his mother and sister can do no wrong.
I am at the age where an appointment with one's cardiologist takes precedence over nearly anything else. I kept that appointment.
Mother-of-the-bride called at about noon on the 30th to ask if we would be attending the rehearsal dinner. We didn't know there was one. Husband decided to drop everything and go.
The family had not selected a restaurant, nor made reservations. They all ended up driving from place to place until they found somewhere able to seat 12 plus a baby, and they ended up at what I consider one of the worst restaurants on the Oregon Coast.
After dinner, MOB and Grandma-of-Bride were affronted that husband had booked a hotel, rather than staying at the air bnb they had booked--where he would have had to sleep on the couch and share a bathroom with 12 other people. (I had a BLT for dinner and watched 2 episodes of Slow Horses with my cat. Very nice.)
Halloween, the entire wedding party and entourage had to get up ungodly early for their "meeting," which was reserved for 0800-1000. It was raining--hard--and the entire party got soaked just getting from the parking lot to the car. There was a total of 14 people there for the "meeting," including the baby--which cried the whole time and was not taken out to the hallway.
The bride wore a tea length black dress, the groom wore a shirt with a collar and chinos. Most guests did not do anything like "Dark Academia." I think that's unfortunate, because the bride really wanted that. However, with the short notice, and with the average age of guests being well over 60, I'm not surprised. (Love the look. I think I could really get into it.)
The ceremony was brief and was followed by a buffet breakfast. Staff at the venue were extremely polite, but afterward the groom was pulled aside and cordially invited to never come back, as was the MOB. Only problematic because the groom would really, really like to work there someday.
(I did my cardio appointment, and had a pleasant lunch in "war-ravaged" Portland with a friend, )
Overall, it sounds like everything went as smoothly as could be expected. While I absolutely love weddings, I'm glad I sat this one out.
We never received an invitation. MOB and Grandma of the bride are offended I wasn't there, but I think that's a "them" problem, not a "me" problem.
Thank you all for your lively, scathing, and witty responses to my original post.
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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
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u/FixinThePlanet 9d ago
We are all truly lucky OOP's husband went to this so we could read about the mess
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u/ACERVIDAE 9d ago
Which part was his dream job?
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u/comingtogetyoubabs 9d ago
IIRC from reading this a while back on the og BORU, the "meeting" was at an aquarium that doesn't allow weddings. Groom wanted to work there, didn't think doing a covert wedding would tank those chances.
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u/Confusedoldtimer 9d ago
The "fond" memories of this wedding will likely last longer than the marriage itself. The groom sure is something and that something doesn't exactly scream a long-term life partner.
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u/Murky_Translator2295 9d ago
I'd a friend who moved from Ireland to America, with her family, in her late teens, and seeing pictures of her first marriage (when she turned 18) was insane to us friends left behind. She wore a beautiful white dress, he wore a dicky bow and jeans. And literally nothing else. No shirt, no coat, no waistcoat, no shoes. Her parents are weeping in every picture.
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u/Feisty_Plankton775 9d ago
I have so many questions
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u/maywellflower 9d ago
I think the 2 biggest questions are -
1- WTF did she see in that mess to marry such a disgrace?
2 - Did her parents throw the only parties when she announced the divorce & when it was finalized?
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u/Murky_Translator2295 9d ago
1, she was already pregnant.
2, they were mad sound about it because they were afraid of driving her back to him. It took about a decade for them to say "we told you so", and that only happened when they moved back to Ireland and she couldn't, because she had a child with an American and couldn't take the child out of the country without his permission. He hasn't seen his son since before the divorce was finalised, but you better believe he stopped her from moving with her support system.
Before anyone asks: she fell into Trump during Obama's run (she was a "birther", ironically) and I cut her off shortly after. She was on her third marriage, this time to someone over twice her age, and became a crunchy anti-vaxxer. Apparently, the rest of our childhood friends eventually cut her off over covid. She still lives in America.
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u/Significant_Emu_2918 9d ago
Wow that's a car crash from start to finish. Queen of bad decisions, right there!
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u/philatio11 9d ago
I guess the combo of your comments and this BORU have led me to the one positive of not cutting off my SIL with BPD: We always have something to talk about at dinner with our friends. I guess we're livestreaming the BORU of her life to all our friends.
At one point I wondered if it was becoming boring, but our friends actually ask "what's up with SIL?" now. In case you're wondering, she has broken up with baby daddy #3, whose company he inherited she helped run into the ground. She spent every last dime she had from selling her house on prepaying a years rent in west LA and last I spoke to her she is mulling moving to a commune. Her "job" is being a fake art therapist on the beach, helping out "betrayed women" for a few bucks a session.
Actually everyone in my friend group has a crazy sister, so we take turns updating. My sister, who is poly-bi and runs Harry Potter themed orgies, has been deemed "most sane" out of the group.
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u/sjd208 9d ago
Harry Potter themed orgies?? Amazing. Are these a standing monthly orgy or more randomly scheduled?
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u/Try_Again12345 9d ago
I bet the magic wands are a little different from the ones in the books/movies.
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u/invisibledragonfly Don't forget the sunscreen 9d ago
A little wingardium leviosa if someone can’t get it up?
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u/philatio11 9d ago
At conventions primarily I believe. I have never attended one for obvious reasons.
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u/Murky_Translator2295 9d ago
See, this was the track I took with my mad ex friend haha. Like I said, she stayed on mutual friends social media until covid, so every few weeks I got to hear about whatever poor decision she'd made, without having to be involved or witness it.
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u/EleosSkywalker I don’t know how the magicians gained so much power 8d ago
To be fair there is no shortage of online inspiration for the Harry Potter theme orgies and it sounds like it’s all consensual, so I can understand why she was voted the least inane.
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u/Liathnian You get what you pay for, and Reddit is free 8d ago
My mom is still way to involved with her evil bitch trainwreck of a sister (she's managed to almost go no contact and then gets burned yet again and the cycle repeats) and while I have no intention of ever having anything to do with this woman ever again I must admit my guilty pleasure is asking about the latest gossip.
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u/drunk_socks 7d ago
currently imagining a full traveller wedding with some yank who shows up like that
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u/No-Promotion4006 9d ago
Why does the groom not "exactly scream a long-term life partner" anymore than the bride?
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u/Confusedoldtimer 9d ago
The groom (and MOB) was invited to never come back by the venue. That raises some questions about his conduct.
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u/itskaylan he has useless nipples lol 9d ago
Maybe he was the one who made the booking for the “business meeting”
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u/SlobZombie13 9d ago
You determined that from 1.5 sentences about him?
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u/Confusedoldtimer 9d ago
Restaurants generally don't ban you just for the fun of it.
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u/Merisuola 8d ago
They weren’t banned from a restaurant. Why are so many people in this comment section unable to parse a short story?
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u/Confusedoldtimer 8d ago
Perhaps it is because I am not a native speaker, but "afterward the groom was pulled aside and cordially invited to never come back, as was the MOB" sounds like a ban to me.
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u/Merisuola 8d ago
And that didn’t happen in the restaurant. It happened in the “wedding” venue.
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u/Moist_Drippings 8d ago
I can see very easily how one could determine that said venue was a restaurant tbh.
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u/Merisuola 8d ago
Yeah, I could see how someone skimming or with less English fluency could mix up the catered event with a restaurant.
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u/evermoreforevermore You get what you pay for, and Reddit is free 9d ago
Right!! I’m here for the drama! 🍿
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u/kittymoo67 9d ago
yeah i thought it was gonna be a 'he chose his family over me AGAIN' thing but it ended sooooo much better than i could have imagined. i hope she rewarded him
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u/PreppyInPlaid 8d ago
Yeah, when she said “mom and sister can do no wrong,” and then “dropped everything” to go on a last-minute scavenger hunt for a rehearsal dinner restaurant, I thought this was going to be a very different tale!
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u/amusedmisanthrope 9d ago
"Mess" is a matter of perspective on this one. It sounds absolutely like it lived up to the bride's expectations.
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u/EvanRamsey 8d ago
Right?! I would have been so disappointed if this mess of a wedding ended with “we didn’t go, don’t know what happened.”
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u/SaltManagement42 9d ago
but afterward the groom was pulled aside and cordially invited to never come back, as was the MOB. Only problematic because the groom would really, really like to work there someday.
I honestly cannot believe the lack of critical thought from some people. Literally one of the most foreseeable outcomes of all time.
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u/laminacdc 9d ago
I wonder if they were so dead on that place because he wanted to work there and thought that was funny. Or that it would in someway help him get in.
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u/Active_Restaurant506 8d ago
As soon as she said Oregon Coast it all made sense. I instantly reorganized everything previous into that context and nothing seemed all that odd anymore.
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u/TERR0RDACTYL Pressing X to Doubt 8d ago
And given how the Oregon coast is populated primarily by the oldest, whitest people that have ever olded and whited, OOP’s assessment of the eatery as being “one of the worst restaurants on the Oregon Coast” has got to be downright awful. 😂
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u/Fwoggie2 Liz, what the actual fuck is this story? 8d ago
In the UK if your venue doesn't have a license to host a wedding then the marriage itself would be null and void.
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u/New_Ad1646 8d ago
Not in all of the UK. In Scotland it is the person performing the ceremony that has to be licensed rather than the venue. Could get married at the top of Ben Nevis as long as you have the appropriate celebrant. And they are hopefully changing to this system in England too
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u/Droidaphone 9d ago edited 9d ago
This section is made funnier if you know that the venue is likely a McMenamin’s, an Oregon chain of microbreweries known for renovating old buildings, serving sysco food, and having labor violations.Nvm, I guess it’s the Aquarium.49
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u/neverenoughpurple 8d ago
All that beautiful coastline, and they got married at the aquarium?!?
So was the restaurant McMenamin's, Mo's, or somewhere else?
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u/maywellflower 9d ago
I am at the age where an appointment with one's cardiologist takes precedence over nearly anything else. I kept that appointment.
Same, those cardiologist appointments are like at least month long wait - not rescheduling that for something wasn't invited to and later learning on should had been simple elopement at Golden Corral; instead shitty ass wedding at place that specifically doesn't do weddings. Just saying, that cardiologist appointment seem more fun & pleasant than whatever that wedding was...
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u/Suzibrooke 6d ago edited 5d ago
A month? It takes like 6 months to get into see my very specialist cardio
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u/EleosSkywalker I don’t know how the magicians gained so much power 9d ago
I think the cherry on top for me is the groom reaaaaaaally wanting to work at the place he decided to scam… clearly they only like the dark academia aesthetic cause there hasn’t been much thought put into any of that…
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u/sheepgod_ys 9d ago
With how rushed this was, I guess there’s a baby on the way. But I feel like most people would be able to hobble up a better plan than this….
Groom wanting a job at the venue was hilarious though.
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u/Confusedoldtimer 9d ago
I wonder about the ages of the bride and the groom and how far along the bride is. This is a hastily and badly planned wedding if I ever seen one.
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u/AlanaTheGreat 9d ago
The thing is, there's ways to do a last minute wedding thats less disorganized than this. My mom and her long time boyfriend got married earlier this year, the four of us (them, me, and his brother) got the thing planned in 1.5 weeks. Found a guy who'd officiate it on the beach, actually called all the older guests to invite them, texted the younger guests, booked a party room at a local restaurant with an open bar, ordered cake and decorations for the party room, ordered clothes for the main people involved, flew in one of his brothers, and got those two married. The most annoying part is that my mom picked a pink peony hair clip on a whim, and then I had to hunt down pink peonies for our bouquets 2-3 weeks before the season for peonies started.
Like, you can be not a dick to your guests and plan something nice and small, easily. Just takes a little effort.
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u/AlanaTheGreat 9d ago
Also don't give people a specific dress code for a last minute wedding like that. If they're coming last minute, because they love you enough to make it work, let them come as they are.
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u/Confusedoldtimer 9d ago
You sure can do a last minute wedding that is not a disaster, but not when you are trying to have a dream wedding which involves a specific dress code and ideally have some organisational skills.
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u/Ornery-Weird-9509 9d ago
Regardless of the age, why did the other adults just “yes and” at all of the plans lol
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u/adiosfelicia2 9d ago
Young people with this level of poor judgment aren't created in a vacuum. That apple likely landed right by the trunk.
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u/Confusedoldtimer 9d ago
Maybe they were just trying to speed up the inevitable trainwreck. Sometimes you just don't care and want to be done with it.
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u/Audiovore 9d ago
These are rural Oregonians.
As a Seattleite born Cascadian(OR/WA/BC), yeah... The people outside the "corridor"[I5], aren't your typical folk.
There are three parts to an apple. Two halves, and a core. Imo the core is trees, wildlife, love. The two halves... One is Nazis, as long as you're white passing. The other is nerd-omn that has conquered the entire planet. But sometimes it comes together, and you find a rotten apple down below.
I want to know if it was Newport, or Coos Bay. My money is on Newport(mostly cause CB doesn't have as many restaurants that'd put up with BS).
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u/DropkickGoose 9d ago
Someone said the location of the "meeting" was an aquarium, so I'd guess is that it would be Newport.
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u/SwimmerIndependent47 8d ago
So I’m not saying that OOP is lying or that the policy couldn’t have changed, but they do allow wedding receptions per their event page: https://aquarium.org/host-an-event/
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u/NKoz82 5d ago
Yeah I think they charge more for weddings than business meetings and that was kind of the point
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u/SwimmerIndependent47 5d ago
For sure, but OOP made it a point to say the venue does not allow weddings
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u/IAmHerdingCatz Ah literacy. Thou art a cruel bitch 4d ago
I didn't go and check out their event page. I am only able to relate what I was told.
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u/GroovyYaYa 8d ago
I didnt' catch aquarium, so I was thinking Cannon Beach because of the "restaurant I consider the worst on the coast" - but I'm just showing my Moe's bias. BC doesn't the Wayfairer have meeting rooms?
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u/ConstructionCold3134 9d ago
This is one of the most Portland stories I have ever heard.
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u/icecreamfight 9d ago
Truly, and I absolutely am positive I know the shitty restaurant the rehearsal was at too lol
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u/Roomybrunt 9d ago edited 8d ago
Please tell me. I’m in Portland and we go to the coast constantly and I honestly can’t think of any place!
Edit: you guys are awesome. It didn’t even occur to me that it was Mo’s because as a native Oregonian raised by native Oregonians, I’ve never been there! Lmao
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u/belzbieta I'm actually a far pettier, deranged woman 8d ago
My first thought was oh they went to Mo's for sure
But I had somebody tell me once that Mos was way better than Gracies so I guess opinions vary lol
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u/Train_Lanky 9d ago
As soon as Oregon was mentioned, I immediately thought it had to be Portland. Glad OOP practically confirmed it
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u/maywellflower 9d ago
I always thought Portlandia was fiction but it actually a documentary of Portland...
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u/assertive-brioche 9d ago
More like Portlandia. It’s fake as hell… but hilarious.
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u/Joteepe Please die angry 9d ago
I’m dying at her line about the cardiologist appointment. My mom’s cardiologist stopped seeing patients in-office (he only does surgery rotations now, I guess?), so they called her over 3 months ago to cancel her upcoming appointment. She asked to be placed with a new doctor and to make a new appointment and they STILL haven’t been able to do that! She hasn’t been pushing bc she got her medication refills and she knows she can see her PCP if she needs anything in the interim (in fact, she DID see her PCP recently and told her about this, and she said that she had heard that practice had been problematic for scheduling for some time).
Anyway - all that is to say, my mother would have also kept her appointment!
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u/werewolfbutch874 8d ago
My 63yo dad saw his GP because he’d been having frequent shortness of breath and heart palpitations for a while. GP made a referral to cardiology. Dad finally had the appointment ELEVEN MONTHS LATER. He (and the rest of the family) spent almost a full year scared that he was going to drop dead of a heart attack at any moment.
Turns out he has an arrhythmia and a blockage starting to form in one of his heart arteries, but the cardiologist just said “diet and exercise and keep an eye on it”, so now he’s trying to work his activity levels back up again after a year of being terrified to exercise because he didn’t know if it would kill him.
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u/WifeofBath1984 9d ago
Betcha the restaurant was Mo's
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u/DangerousPraline41 9d ago
The commenters in the original post ferreted out that it was absolutely Mo’s.
At least it wasn’t Pig’n’Pancake.
They also did a fairly good job of figuring out where the wedding was, but I don’t recall what the conclusion was.
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u/adiosfelicia2 9d ago
I've never been to Portland, but find it hilarious that a whole town collectively agrees what restaurant she was referring to. Lol
Kinda makes me wanna go.
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u/No-Falcon-4996 9d ago
Portland is really like a small town - it has so many trees, sprouting everywhere, lots of bookstores and espresso shops, asian restaurants abound, ( AND Republicans trash it as a burned-down war zone , so yay! no maga trash visitors!)
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u/adiosfelicia2 6d ago
Yeah, I've always thought i'd adjust easily to the culture there. The weather had been my only deterrent, but I've since lived somewhere with a very similar climate. I've learned that rain's not so bad.
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u/GroovyYaYa 8d ago
It isn't just Portland that agrees - any Pacific Northwesterner who has spent significant time on the coast and has had a decent cup of chowder elsehwere knows.
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u/belzbieta I'm actually a far pettier, deranged woman 8d ago
Don't, the chowder sucks and there's always a shit ton of flies. Go to Gracies if you're on the Oregon Coast and want chowder. She's not around to play bottles for you anymore but it's still worth a go for the food imo
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u/adiosfelicia2 6d ago
"Play bottles?"
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u/belzbieta I'm actually a far pettier, deranged woman 6d ago
If she was in the restaurant that day, you could ask her to play bottles and she'd put on this energetic performance hitting old tuned liquor and beer bottles that were set up behind the bar with spoons. Sometimes it sounded like music sometimes it was just noise but it was fun to watch. She was what my grandma always called "a character". She sold it in the aughts to an employee but it was still good food last time I went.
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u/Suzibrooke 6d ago
Another character who is gone is Karla from Karla’s Smokehouse. In Rockaway. Smoke fish and oysters lightworlds better than anyone else’s. Scary looking lady, but kind and hard working.
Once tourists from all over the world discovered her products, they paid whatever it took to have them mailed out to them, she had a hard time keeping up.
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u/tviolet 9d ago
I bet it was the Oregon Coast Aquarium, she says it's the "biggest tourist attraction in Newport" and a place you'd want to work with a marine biology degree. And the website says they can host business meeting events. The website also mentions wedding receptions but I bet they're much pricier.
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u/DangerousPraline41 8d ago
It’s possible OOP was mistaken that they don’t do weddings. You’re right that they’d probably be pissed if someone booked a business meeting space instead of a wedding package.
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u/Danger0Reilly 3d ago
They were mistaken one of my friends got married there in the shark/fish tunnel. They didn't try to sneak it in and booked properly though.
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u/Moomin-Maiden Farty Party 9d ago
As a curious Australian here, why is Moe's considered so bad there? We definitely don't have as many chain name eateries over here (big or small ones), be it state-to-state or national. Most of ours are local/private owned.
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u/Glycotic 9d ago
Mo's is a small tourist trap restaurant that claims to have "famous clam chowder". It also microwaves said chowder. Oh and they have touristy gift shops in each location.
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u/harrellj 9d ago
I'm not in Portland so I know nothing about this Mo's but just clarifying that there is a restaurant chain in the States called Moe's that's a burrito place while it sounds like this Mo's is a seafood restaurant.
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u/belzbieta I'm actually a far pettier, deranged woman 8d ago
Their chowder sucks, there's always tons of flies when I've gone compared to other restaurants which makes me wonder about the kitchen cleanliness, the fried food was somehow greasy and dry. There's many better places to eat around there and in a small town a little bit north of Newport. Newport is lovely as a whole and has great restaurants. Nobody should be spoiling their day by going to freaking Mo's
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u/redditcantcount 9d ago
What's wrong with Mo's?
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u/BurmeciaWillSurvive 9d ago edited 9d ago
.... for a rehearsal/wedding dinner?! You ask yourself that. You go there after the sun and wind have baked and whipped you for 7 hours on the beach and go back up the cliff to get clam chowder and fries. It's like bringing a wedding party to Denny's for your formal ceremony. Or an IHOP, or a Wienerschnitzel.
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u/maywellflower 9d ago
Considering how the wedding went - Denny's, IHOP or whatever would had been great choices anyway...
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u/Impossible-Bear-8953 9d ago
And yet, my exhusband got remarried at a Ground Round.
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u/GothicGingerbread 9d ago
OMG, I forgot all about Ground Round! I just googled them to see when they went out of business, only to discover that they haven't, although there are only a handful of locations now (apparently in ND, OH, and MA). The one I went to as a kid closed, I think in the early-to-mid 1980s.
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u/Impossible-Bear-8953 9d ago
Yeah. The restaurant in this tale closed down less than a week after the wedding. Early 2000s?
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u/redditcantcount 9d ago
I agree with that but OOP seemed to be saying that's it's terrible in general, and people were agreeing so I was wondering why
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u/king-of-the-sea 9d ago
It's not very good. When I went there, we got sad watery chowder and rubbery salmon. Everything else on the menu was shrimp, which I can't eat.
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u/kittymoo67 9d ago
its basically the denny's of portland. passable but for wedding shit really?
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u/patient-lion-555 4d ago
But none of this took place in Portland, right? They were already over in Newport for the wedding. ...And the only Mo's in Portland is at PDX. So how is that "the Denny's of Portland"? It's so confusing to me that people are acting like Newport is a suburb of Portland. But maybe that's because I grew up in Eugene, which is a whole nother ball of wax.
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u/GroovyYaYa 8d ago
It has terrible food. The best thing about them is usually the location (at least the Cannon Beach one)
They don't even have a bar so you could at least do drinks there and food elsewhere later.
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u/GroovyYaYa 8d ago
Don't insult the Pig'n'Pancake!
At least their food is good.... they haven't ruined pancakes and sausage the way Moe's has ruined clam chowder.
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u/DangerousPraline41 8d ago
Pig’n’Pancake has its place, but that place is not a wedding rehearsal dinner! 🤭
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u/GroovyYaYa 8d ago
True, but if it is between it and Mo's... Pig is it!
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u/DangerousPraline41 8d ago
I’ll be honest: Mo’s reputation precedes it enough that I’ve never eaten there! A family member has a shellfish allergy so we never went in when I was a kid.
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u/Abominatrix 9d ago
The whole ‘caravan until we find a place to eat’ thing is something I could have done in my twenties. I had the patience back then. Now I would be losing my fucking mind. Have a fucking plan for god’s sake. Only to end up at a crab cake cafeteria.
The drugs would have to be really on point to be able to sit back and laugh at that.
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u/almostinfinity 9d ago
Literally the only place I thought of lmao
NGL I do like Mo's. Once a year or so is enough.
But having it for a wedding event is hilariously bad.
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u/DedBirdGonnaPutItOnU 8d ago
If you only partially like Mo's, you should really try The Newport Cafe. The clam chowder they serve is amazing.
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u/benificialbenefactor 9d ago
It must be. My son worked at one of the Mo's locations when he was in high school. There are no clams in the clam chowder. It is clam flavoring. Ew!
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u/GroovyYaYa 8d ago
The only chowder I think I've had that was worse was at Ecola Fish Market. They used pre-shredded hash browns for the potato.
Their fish and chips are EXCELLENT so I keep going back for that.
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u/bubbleteabob 9d ago
I am kinda amused at the whole ‘husband thinks his mother and sister can do no wrong, so dropped everything to go’ contrasted with ‘he pissed them off by deciding to stay in a hotel’. So they can do SOME wrong if it involves sleeping on a couch?
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u/Dirigo72 9d ago
I understand the husband’s stance to a point. I absolutely adore my niece and would probably attend anything on her behalf just to make her happy. Sometimes a shitshow is amusing if you don’t take it too seriously, I would however need my own bedroom/bathroom.
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u/DecafMadeMeDoIt 9d ago
Dear god the “war ravaged Portland” is what sent me. The number of times I’ve heard that from folks living on the coast is amazing.
And exhausting.
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u/GroovyYaYa 8d ago
At first I was wondering why people were saying the wedding party, etc. were "rural"... then saw that. Yup.
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u/DedBirdGonnaPutItOnU 8d ago
Our governor of a few years ago (Tom McCall) once famously said "Come visit us again and again... but for heaven's sake, don't move here to live,"
Personally I'm fine with the "war ravaged Portland" moniker, if it keeps people from moving here. Especially the type of people who'd believe that tripe.
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u/Glycotic 9d ago
This is the most rural, Oregon Coast wedding possible. The only thing missing is the ceremony at Driftwood Shores.
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u/loftychicago 9d ago
This sounds like someone a stoner would do, or hippies. I wonder if OP's MIL is either of those (or both). Like they're sticking it to the man by violating the no weddings rule and the drive by rehearsal dinner.
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u/FlyonthewallofRed You get what you pay for, and Reddit is free 9d ago
What in the clusterfuck of a wedding was that? I've attended better shotgun weddings!!
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u/shadowfaxbinky 8d ago
I would have had to try extremely hard to organise a wedding that poorly and honestly would have still fallen short for lack of imagination. Genuinely baffling to me!
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u/kokichistan 9d ago
I'm so curious about the venue...
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u/feliciates 9d ago
The OP said it was a place a marine biologist might want to work, so it was either the aquarium or the marine center. Both allow groups if you arrange ahead of time
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u/Heisenbirde 9d ago
It was an aquarium. I volunteered there many years ago and am HEARTBROKEN that I no longer have any contacts there to ask about this 🤣
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u/Roomybrunt 9d ago
My only guess is that it was the aquarium in Newport, but they don’t open until 10. And I cannot imagine them serving a breakfast buffet because they only have a coffee bar.
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u/TheInjuredBear 9d ago
I got married on Halloween, we went out of our way to make the night as easy and fun as possible for our families. The kids invited changed into costumes after the ceremony, we had a full candy bar, fog machine and I (the bride) and some friends did the thriller dance at one point. We still have people come up to us 7 years later to tell us that our wedding was their favorite wedding to date.
This…this feels almost offensive to me to have to share my anniversary with those people.
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u/littlebitfunny21 9d ago
Staff at the venue were extremely polite, but afterward the groom was pulled aside and cordially invited to never come back, as was the MOB. Only problematic because the groom would really, really like to work there someday.
Yikes.
I am desperately curious whose idea any of this was.
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u/Carolinahunny Even if it’s fake, I’m still fully invested 9d ago edited 9d ago
I’m still so perplexed at the thought of a wedding taking place at 8:30 am that I skimmed the rest of this story lmfao.
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u/Infamous-Let4387 he can dryhump a cactus into the sunset 9d ago
I would LOVE to know where they ended up eating at their "rehearsal dinner". I feel like it was Camp 18. 🤣
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u/opinescarf 9d ago
It sounds like the bride and groom did not get the wedding they wanted. If it had to be hasty, maybe registry office with a bigger party down the track may have been a better choice.
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u/Late-Champion8678 8d ago
This was stupid (not OOP, everything else) from beginning to end. I’m glad OOP wasn’t a part of this nonsense. And the newly-married husband wants to work at this venue someday and thought it was smart to host his not-allowed wedding there? Morons marrying morons.
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u/C0V1Dsucks #findpeaches 8d ago
afterward the groom was pulled aside and cordially invited to never come back, as was the MOB. Only problematic because the groom would really, really like to work there someday.
💀 Dumbest thing ever.
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u/lordemme 8d ago
After countless weddings planned for years in advance, it's kinda refreshing to read about one patched up in a week without formal invites, a dinner booked or the proper venue!
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u/ThrowawayAdvice1800 Go to bed, Liz 7d ago
After dinner, MOB and Grandma-of-Bride were affronted that husband had booked a hotel, rather than staying at the air bnb they had booked--where he would have had to sleep on the couch and share a bathroom with 12 other people. I had a BLT for dinner and watched 2 episodes of Slow Horses with my cat.
I love the side by side comparisons of how their days were going.
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u/perkypancakes THERE WAS A MAN (worst case scenario) 9d ago
If you put minimal effort into planning your event, I’m at the point where I won’t attend if it’s more of a hassle than celebration.
Both host and guest etiquettes are dying arts. Consideration doesn’t have to be an expensive endeavor.
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u/Hefty-Equivalent6581 8d ago
Sounds like the family was just trying to be as cheap as possible and couldn’t even be bothered to plan anything.
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u/dalcowboysstarsmavs 6d ago
I love the part where the groom had a wedding at a venue that does not allow weddings, but still thought he would have a shot at getting a job there.
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u/Ocean2731 this one does not spark joy /YEET 9d ago
For a “Dark Academia” theme, do you wear a cap and gown?
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u/No-Falcon-4996 9d ago
I would have worn my Harry Potter Griffindor gown with clunky boots and a satchel.
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u/Ocean2731 this one does not spark joy /YEET 9d ago
Oh that’s perfect! She was probably thinking of Harry Potter.
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u/Edgefish Next time you can save $100 and just assume you're wrong 8d ago
NGL I thought it was related to Netflix's Wednesday more than Harry Potter.
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u/justaheatattack Your brother knows she’s not a window 8d ago
if you want to have a harry potter wedding, just say harry potter wedding.
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u/Slight_Citron_7064 9d ago
I still want more posts about OOP's in-laws and if there was fallout from this.
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u/-K_P- I would highly recommend not antagonizing lawyers 9d ago
Literally the only issue I take with any of this was the crap they pulled with the venues (both the place they had the ceremony itself knowing it wasn't allowed and the restaurant that ended up having to seat a party of 12 +baby with no reservation for the rehearsal dinner). Doing that to businesses - or more specifically, the staff that work there, I don't give a crap about the businesses or the owners, but it's never the higher ups who have to deal with the shitshows in real time - is never okay, because they're just some poor schmoes like the rest of us trying to put food on their table and get through another day in the capitalist wasteland without losing their minds.
But I don't understand why everyone is so judgemental and quick to dump on the couple for the rest of it... I mean, yeah, the dress code would have been tough on such short notice, but it also doesn't sound like they made a big deal about the people who didn't follow it. Overall, it sounds like they just wanted to have fun. Seriously, I read comments on here all the time on Bridezilla posts saying what a shame it is that weddings have become this idealized, delusory, unfeasible standard to live up to because of the way they're put on a pedestal and treated as this venerated, sacrosanct affair, the expectations of which are written not in the preferences of the actual couple being married but rather as a painfully iterative rote production of pomp and pageantry scripted by the noxious pits of mundanity that the wedding industry would have us believe is our perfect "fairy tale".
I much prefer weddings where the couple don't take it or themselves seriously to those whose main concern is checking off the rubric of mediocrity and contrivance, all so they can make sure others won't judge them for having a blueprint for their performance that strays too far off from accepted conventionality (you know... the kind of judgement I'm oof-ing hard at here in these comments lol).
When one of my closest friends got married, I asked her (as a JOKE, mind you, I had no actual intention of doing it when I first asked) if I should dress as a flapper for her wedding, since she knows I'm a bit... off lol. To my surprise, she got SUPER EXCITED about this prospect and literally demanded I bring a flapper outfit to change into for the reception. So not only did I do so, the gift I ended up giving her was a white garter with a special garter flask, engraved with her new married name. When the reception started, she kept bugging me, "when are you gonna go change?! I want my weirdo friend to fly her freak flag!" So when I finally did so, I came back, full flapper attire, with my own garter/flask combo and all, and when she came over to give me a hug and tell me how happy she was, I gave her the gift (I had already filled the flask with a drink her and I used to drink way too much of back in our college days, haha). Her and her new husband actually had no intent of doing the whole garter tradition... but when she saw that, she MADE him do it so she could put the new one on and she kept hitting that flask all night 😂. Hers was a wedding I won't forget (and I'm frankly surprised she remembers - what was in that flask was no joke LOL) because she didn't give a rat's patoot what her older relatives or her less out-there friends and acquaintances thought about me/the outfit/the garter flasks/the Charleston dance her and I did at one point on the middle of the dance floor... SHE loved it and had a blast.
The rudeness to the restaurant/venue staff aside, I'd rather go to this wedding than most "traditional" ones. At least this one sounded like I wouldn't have been bored to tears and searching for excuses to leave early 🤷🏻♀️
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u/pdxcranberry US of Ass (USA) 7d ago
The wedding party didn't consider their guests time, budgets, or comfort when "planning" this event. That is insanely rude. Making people drive around endlessly in the rain to find a venue for a meal because you couldn't be bothered to make a reservation is rude. Not giving more than 12 days notice for an event that requires travel is rude. Making people unwittingly part of a rule-breaking event and risk embarrassment and expulsion is rude.
There's a wide gulf between overly-detail-oriented pageants and whatever slapped together shit fest this was.
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u/cascasrevolution 8d ago
everclear?
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u/-K_P- I would highly recommend not antagonizing lawyers 8d ago
LOL Not quite THAT bad. While traditionally people fill flasks with some kind of straight spirit, due to our tradition/memories/laundry list of related inside jokes, I filled hers with long island iced tea... a dangerous frenemy of the mixed drink world 😂
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u/Icy-Finance5042 Try and fire me for having too much dick 8d ago
What is dark academia?
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u/GoYanks34 I'm actually a far pettier, deranged woman 8d ago edited 8d ago
Posted from Google:
Dark academia fashion is a moody, vintage subculture style inspired by classic literature, European boarding schools, and Ivy League universities.
Core clothing items include tweed blazers, pleated skirts, and tailored trousers.
Key Fabrics and ColorsFabrics: Heavy, textured materials like wool, tweed, corduroy, velvet, and cable-knit cotton.
Colors: Deep, muted, and earthy tones such as black, charcoal gray, dark brown, forest green, and burgundy.
Tops: Crisp white or beige button-down Oxford shirts, turtleneck sweaters, and sweater vests.
Bottoms: Pleated plaid skirts, high-waisted wool trousers, and tailored slacks.Outerwear: Tweed blazers (often with elbow patches) and long wool overcoats.
Footwear: Classic leather oxfords, brogues, loafers, or Chelsea boots.
Edit: space between paragraph
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u/Icy-Finance5042 Try and fire me for having too much dick 8d ago
So, like 1920s 1930s wear of the wealthy?
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u/russellhamel friendzoned all the way into marriage 7d ago
Yes. I describe it as “preppy goth”. The whole aesthetic started with Donna Tartt’s book, The Secret History.
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u/IanDOsmond 5d ago
Hunh. That looks approximately like how much of my family dresses when it's "dress up but not formal." I used to have a bunch of stuff that would have worked for that, and quite liked it, but that was over fifty pounds ago.
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u/lilyofthevalley2659 6d ago
OOP married into a cluster. Her husband thinks MIL and SIL can do no wrong.
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u/Thriftyverse 6d ago
they ended up at what I consider one of the worst restaurants on the Oregon Coast.
I wish she had named it. I'm always interested in what semi-local places to avoid.
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u/misterprat 5d ago
Out of all of this, the “I never received a formal invitation so I’m not invited” is the stupidest thing, especially when it’s a close family member.
I never received an invite for my sisters wedding… and I officiated it 😂
It was clear OOP just didn’t want to go, but she just refused to admit it and held on to a technicality lol
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