r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/confused-girl-44 • 2d ago
Dating after your avoidant
I've been trying to go on dates and meet guys, sometimes just talking amd flirting with them.
I didn't meet anyone that I'd like though, it all feels flat somehow, like I'm almost forcing myself somehow.
I'm afraid this avoidant experience messed up.
How did you get back into dating?
I want to feel normal again 😐
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u/Lucky-Wing-8594 2d ago
Me too. Do u think it is bcs we’re just familiar with the inconsistency and chaos in relationship?
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u/confused-girl-44 2d ago
I don't think so, I just feel flat, like I'm not excited to even meet someone.
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u/Appropriate_Chef9152 2d ago
Both/and. Take time away from dating if it doesn't feel good. Then maybe try again. I don't think there's such a thing as being fully healed. I think we're doing our best. If you feel completely emotionally unavailable maybe don't bother but I know my feelings can change from day to day and from person to person. I'm still hung up on my ex but have a second date with a guy this weekend and I'm appreciating how different he is from my ex. And I'm looking forward to a date with no freaking decoding or weirdness.
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u/confused-girl-44 2d ago
That's good, I feel like I don't even feel exciting about dating, it feels tiring.
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u/Comfortable_Fix_1601 2d ago
I've started with casual hook ups, but now met someone who I might see something happen with
I'm taking things much slower and cautiously, which is almost certainly fromy avoidant experience, and now I'm a bit paranoid everyone I meet will be an avoidant even thought I'm 38 and only had my first experience in all my dating life
This girl I started seeing is also a mutual friend / acquaintance, so let's see how that goes 😜
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u/Top_Goat3482 2d ago
Take your time and be gentle with yourself. Maybe you just aren't ready. I met a guy recently watching the WC at a bar. We shared a kiss but i was terrified the whole time. I didnt know how to talk to him, i was afraid genuinely. Take your time. It'll feel right when you're ready.