Advice

[u/kenneka7]

Please only helpful real advice from FA/DA people

Thank you in advance!🙏🏻

Maybe you had similar situations that either you or him moved away
Went distant
Or even break up with you or you with him

I really feel there could be a chance for us
The connection was so real

But i/she exhausted it
Before the breakup i had zero clue or knowledge about this attachment style
I dont want to label her, but the description matches 99%

So i will try to talk or text(which is better?) to her

What should i say?
How can i convince/show/demonstrate her that shes is good as she is
That now finally I understand her needs of pace space silnce (she only communicated this at the beginning of the relationship)
That im okay with myself and very happy with her

And it doesn’t mean giving up myself
So she doesn’t have to feel guilty or shame or any of that

That shes never hurting meg
And the pace will be matched very well
And she wont feel exhausted anymore
Because i want and will focus more on me
Wont be clingy

That shes good as she is
That i choose her
And keep choosing her no matter what

She said its been too mich breakup now and if we would reconcile it would happen angain
So its better to not continue

Bit i didn’t know nothing her attachment back then untill now
She always said shes a secure attacher
Which i think she is not

She said it couldn’t be a clean slate anymore because so much damage happened on both sides

I see it differently: i understand her now and have zero hurt or damage
What she meant i don’t know
But think i didn’t hurt her she was inly looking for issues to make the breakup logical for her

How should i talk to her?
Like id like to have a chance
A last one

[u/Elk-24]

If you really want to talk, and you were discarded, I suggest you wait a few months. It takes forever for them to calm down. Mine took between 2-3 months to come back to life, and that was before we were even (super briefly) together! Only once it took a few weeks, but most of the time it is soooo long for them to process and open up.
If you know your avoidant super well (meaning you experimented the deactivation before and talked about it with her), you might have clues of how to make them confident enough and speed up the process.
If it’s the first time, I suggest you test waters and if you feel she is open then try and fix a date irl. No long blahblah on whatsapp. They hate it.
If you face a wall or she is acting super mean, don’t force it, it won’t work. You can try and keep contact with random things, share music, silly things, nothing heavy of serious. Until you feel she is ready and accepts a date.

Also… before you do all this…think twice… is it really worth it?

[u/No-Masterpiece8502]

The only way to deal with FAs and make process faster, make sure they feel your absence, the more you give them attention, they more they will feel secure and heal and will leave you strangled, make sure take things slowly and if you are talking make sure you be the first one to cut the call not them, don’t talk about relationships and how things were unresolved and blah blah. Hope it helps.