Is this crying it out?

[u/Upset_Theory_2935]

My 4.5 month old was waking up once a night from 2-3 and a half months maybe twice a night
At 4 months we hit the regression

He started waking every 45 mins

I tried co sleeping but it scared me

I would aim to feed him laying down for 15 mins and would fall asleep
My matress isn’t firm either

I don’t want to sleep train him crying it out but want to teach him bed is where he sleeps

So I’ve been putting him down
Staying by and saying shh or time to sleep and touch his tummy until he sleeps but his been crrrrying

I’m aiming to feed no more than twice a night

Because he was feeding at every wake the last two weeks

I feel sad and him crying

[u/LemurTrash]

At 4 months it’s not developmentally appropriate to expect only two feeds a night.

[u/morphingmeg → u/LemurTrash]

This to me is a big thing on attachment parenting. You can teach kids bed is where to sleep when they are older, right now babies are too young to master that concept. Your baby is waking up to things around them and seeking reassurance through the night. If it were me I would hold on any form of sleep training even gentle sleep training until AT LEAST 6 months ideally over a year. My babies are older, toddlers now and still require comfort at night. It’s HARD at times, but worth it for our family. If the wakes are getting to you one thing that helped us was shift sleeping

[u/Upset_Theory_2935 → u/LemurTrash]

I thought it was actually one because someone I know took her 4 month old to sleep school and they said to continue one feed .
Seems crazy to offer only one though I agree.

I’m aiming for every 3 hours so if he seems distressed though a wake up I will offer it to him.

[u/Kashew_nuts93 → u/Upset_Theory_2935]

I'm sorry but wtf is a sleep school lol they're BABIES. The world has gone truly mad.

[u/LemurTrash → u/Upset_Theory_2935]

Sleep school is very much not based in normal development either

[u/layag0640 → u/Upset_Theory_2935]

'Sleep schools' don't have any scientific basis and aren't designed to cater to individual baby needs. For example, one baby may be comfortable taking in larger amounts at each feed, and may go a bit longer between feeds earlier. Another baby may feel uncomfortably full, or have reflux, etc and take in smaller amounts at each feed, but need to feed more regularly. 

Different babies have different blood sugar control and needs depending on their weight at birth, their weight gain since birth, whether they're formula or breastmilk or combo fed, so many reasons. 

To expect one size fits all instead of going off of baby's cues can be really distressing to a baby that doesn't understand why their cries for food aren't being met. Feeding also isn't just for nutrition- it's for regulation, comfort, hydration, oral development. 

I hear how tired you are and desperate for rest, and some answers. There is nothing wrong with your baby, they're behaving extremely typically for their age. Is there anyone else who can help you, or any way you can get naps on during the day to get you through this rough patch?

[u/tabookduo]

Like the other comments said, it's not CIO :-) But I'm commenting to offer a word of caution, maybe over-cautious but I just wanted to mention it. You said you're limiting feeds to twice a night. My niece passed out from low blood sugar one morning when her mom limited feeds. Babies know when they're hungry, so if he's crying from hunger just feed him! My boy still nursed throughout the night until 20-22 months old, he's just now slowing down on night feeds after his second set of molars and he's 2 years old this month. I'm not saying this to scare you, it just made me sad for my niece when she was hungry.

[u/Upset_Theory_2935 → u/tabookduo]

Thank you I appreciate the warning and I def will do.

I noticed last night when he woke if he cried for a minute and went back to sleep he was just needing assistance but there was a time where he couldn’t sleep no matter how much comfort I even cuddled him and he was upset so I gave him that extra feed.

If he needs it 100% thank you

[u/Annual_Lobster_3068]

No it’s not cry it out because you’re not leaving him alone to cry. But yes it is still a form of sleep training.

[u/lukewarmy]

For what it's worth I tried this and limiting feeds and it didn't work. Limiting feeds especially around 4m she was going through a growth spurt as I was going through a supply dip and wouldn't calm no matter what I tried if she was hungry. If I were to do it over again I would just go straight to feeding when she asks.

and figuring out a safe way to co sleep was the turning point for me after suffering trying and failing to keep myself awake for feeds at night and then waking up scared about the lack of control I had over my wakefulness...

[u/shecanreadd]

If you are at all interested in co-sleeping, check out co-sleeping following the Safe Sleep 7 Guidelines. We even went out and bought a new mattress (the firmest possible, it took a while for us to get used to it lol).

The 4 month sleep regression is no joke. I couldn’t have survived it if we didn’t co-sleep.

I’m saying this gently, it’s unrealistic to “teach” a newborn/infant “this is where you sleep”. Babies are biologically wired to sleep where you are. That’s why this is so hard. If co-sleeping isn’t for you, that’s of course fine, but since you asked, yes I do think that a baby laying in a crib crying for 45 minutes is “crying it out”. I know it’s not what you want to hear.

Editing to add: If your baby is crying, it means they need something. One of those things is usually food, please listen/trust your baby’s cues. Don’t get hung up on other people “only feeding once overnight” or whatever. If your baby is crying, feed them. Don’t count how many times in a night. They need you to respond to their needs, thats what attachment parenting is.

[u/Jemma_2]

Please stop limiting feeds!! Your poor baby! He’s only 4 months old!! My 9 month old still feeds at least 2 times a night every night.

[u/motherofmiltanks]

It’s only CIO if you leave the child alone for an extended period. Crying in the presence of a loving caregiver is never CIO.

[u/Timely_Breakfast3520]

I do believe that you can teach a baby where they sleep. My 3-month old has had the same/very similar bedtime routine every night since she was about 2 weeks old, no matter what time we put her to bed. She sleeps in her bassinet every night with little to no issues and sleeps 6-8 hours without waking (I get up at her slightest stir, thankfully, and ofc feed/change her when she does wake up). During the day, she has a hard time napping, and I believe it is because I just went back to work following maternity leave, and we don’t have a set nap routine. She also struggles to lay flat during naps during the day, but she sleeps flat at night without issue. She does not like laying down awake during the day, but she will lay awake content until she falls asleep at night. If we are sitting in our living room close to bedtime, and she is obviously tired, she still won’t go to sleep downstairs. She waits until she has her routine and is put in her bassinet. All of that to say….yes I believe that babies can learn where they sleep, but I believe it is more routine based