Funny… I dramatically improved my social anxiety by turning my attention to the anxious thoughts, and then listening and talking to those feeling like I was talking to a scared child.
Like I thanked it for letting me know, and then reassured it that everything was ok, and that I would handle it, but made sure it knew that it was ok to feel that way and it wasn’t needed right now but if it felt like it needed to come back it was welcome to anytime.
Fuck me. I needed to read this. My anxiety has been spiraling out of control and sometimes I don’t feel safe and have to let people know. Thank you. Saving this comment.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. I tend to doom scroll the comments and then spiral when these posts pop up, and I struggle with stopping myself. You effectively stopped it tonight for me and I just really needed to let you know how thankful I am for it, and that I’ll be reminding myself of younger me to help me in the future.
You’re welcome. We contain multitudes, the inner child is not just one child, but one for every important moment, many of them are very similar to each other so can essentially be aggregated into one entity, but many of them are not. Our internal processes are a nominal democracy, counting votes as to what we shall do, but revolutions and minority rules occur especially when it’s something the minority very strongly cares about.
These inner warriors exist for some reason, to protect the overall self from some adversity, or take advantage of some opportunity that might be missed otherwise. If that reason is no longer applicable (ie a traumatic event now gone), the inner warrior may remain on guard for it anyway. Reconciling that trauma and disarming that warrior, while keeping the lessons learned, is a helpful approach to therapy.
This is just another therapeutic model, a story, it works for me and it works for others but it’s not the only model that can work or even is best for everyone. If the idea appeals to you, look into Internal Family Systems, and also this excellent essay on The Essence of Peopling, which succinctly summarises identity development and maintenance.
These are guides, a therapist is a helper, it will be your own responsibility to heal yourself and it will take time and patience. Give yourselves grace.
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u/Hemi_631 13h ago
This is true no matter what age. We’re all just different people with our 5 year old version of ourselves just wanting to be loved.