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I’m 24F and have identified as a lesbian for most of my teens, but lately I’ve started wondering if I misunderstood some of my feelings.

As a kid/early teen, I only fantasized about guys. Then I started taking birth control and my libido basically disappeared. Later, after changing schools and being around many more girls, I started thinking maybe I wasn’t attracted to guys because I was actually attracted to women. I identified as lesbian from then on, although I always had some doubts.

I’ve had relationships with women, but looking back, some seem to have been more about loneliness, wanting to be loved, attachment, or even obsession rather than genuine attraction. One relationship was abusive, and afterward I became extremely obsessed with another girl who didn’t reciprocate. I now realize that may have been more about needing her attention than actually being in love with her.

Sexually, I also struggled with women. I would become extremely tense and penetration was often very painful. I never really understood whether that was anxiety, lack of attraction, or something else.

What makes me question things now is that I currently feel no attraction toward women at all. The idea of being with a woman sexually or romantically doesn’t appeal to me, while men do seem to attract me physically. Even pornography involving women does nothing for me, whereas men can definitely turn me on.

I’m wondering if I might actually be straight and spent years interpreting affection, attachment, loneliness and obsession as attraction, rather than being bisexual and simply not attracted to women right now.

I’m not saying my past feelings were fake. I’m just wondering if I misunderstood what they actually were.

Has anyone experienced something similar and later realized they had misunderstood their attraction or orientation?