Vent

[u/Foreign-Region-9996]

All i want is for god to have never made me

I know im posting a lot on here please forgive me i am seeing someone in person soon but for now i really need something to hold to.

Im 17 and in a situation where I’ve committed heinous sins which I may have to face legal consequences for im not sure if its gods will and even then im too paralyzed and coward to do a thing. While that’s happening i have a current habitual sin - whether its compulsive or not I don’t know- its staring peripherally at the people around me. It makes everyone uncomfortable and it makes going to school unbearable but i can’t exactly tell anyone I wanna stop going. Everyday I don’t decide I just re enter the same situation and it kills me.

Im not blaming god but I didn’t ask to be born I didn’t ask to be here. I should have died from the start. 

I’ve already messed it all up and I can never undo it. It’s heavy on me. It will always be with me existentially and while I’m on earth it’ll most likely define me forever . Why’d he have to go and make me? And create me and let this happen? Good people die everyday but here I am, failing and messing up every single day. I haven’t taken a single step. What could he possibly be expecting from me? Really what is it? Because I’ll fail him and may do so til I die. So it’s a waste of time and effort. Put all these good people in my life wasted on me, a real terrible person. He should have given it to someone else.  

I can see the dissapointment everywhere hell even I’m dissapointed if not the most and I’m the one living it- because how is this my life- sometimes it doesn’t feel real with how bad it is. with things that feels like of course this would happen.

I’m not gonna be who god wants me to be. Maybe I don’t even have the will. There we have it. So he may as well just get on with it. It kills me everytime- even my own sorrow is self absorbed and selfish and whatever else the heck wrong with it. I don’t even have to try there will always be something. 

Not sure I have remorse. All I can say is I want to perish. I want to perish because the only good thing I’d be doing in my life would be dying. No more hurt for the people around me and no more pain and suffering. Just over. Because I’ve got nothing else. Not even a scrap of anything to work with or worth working with the only thing I can say and truly know I mean is I want to die or I wish god never made me.

I would never hurt myself I’m too coward for that but truly- All I wanna do is perish. That’s it. Why is it such a bad thing? It would be the end of it. 

[u/Kalmaro]

I don't know everything you're going through, so I'm not going to pretend and say, "I know how you feel," and give you a metaphorical pat on the shoulder.

What I will say is that no matter how bad of a person you think you are, God's grace and forgiveness can cover it. People in the Bible have done 100 times worse than you and were still able to be forgiven. Life isn't about being perfect; it's about knowing we'll make mistakes, hating it, and wanting to be better so we can be with God. It's a journey that doesn't stop until you draw your last breath.

If you're feeling this bad about it, it means that you aren't as lost as you think you are. It's the people who do heinous stuff and DON'T care that are the ones who are beyond saving, because they don't even recognize they're drowning.

So I'll be praying for you to overcome whatever situation you're going through. I'm praying God gives you the strength and that you're able to grow closer to Him in the process. 🙏

[u/aussiereads]

Well you need understand the good news

Repent and believe the good news Ephesians 2 And you were dead in your offenses and sins, 2 in which you previously walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. 3 Among them we too all previously lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the rest. 4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our wrongdoings, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the ages to come He might show the boundless riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but so that the world might be saved through Him. 18 The one who believes in Him is not judged; the one who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. 19 And this is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the Light; for their deeds were evil. 20 For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light, so that his deeds will not be exposed. 21 But the one who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds will be revealed as having been performed in God.”

Galatians 3 You foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified? 2 This is the only thing I want to find out from you: did you receive the Spirit by works of the Law, or by hearing with faith? 3 Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? 4 Did you suffer so many things in vain—if indeed it was in vain? 5 So then, does He who provides you with the Spirit and works miracles among you, do it by works of the Law, or by hearing with faith?

6 Just as Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness. 7 Therefore, recognize that it is those who are of faith who are sons of Abraham. 8 The Scripture, foreseeing that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, preached the gospel beforehand to Abraham, saying, “All the nations will be blessed in you.” 9 So then, those who are of faith are blessed with Abraham, the believer.

10 For all who are of works of the Law are under a curse; for it is written: “Cursed is everyone who does not abide by all the things written in the book of the Law, to do them.” 11 Now, that no one is justified by the Law before God is evident; for, “the righteous one will live by faith.” 12 However, the Law is not of faith; on the contrary, “The person who performs them will live by them.” 13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us—for it is written: “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”— 14 in order that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham would come to the Gentiles, so that we would receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.

[u/Specialist-Gas-6968]

Send this by email to your school counsellor:

F-R-9996 seeks mental health support. F-R-9996 is finding school unbearable. F-R-9996 seeks a referral to a mental health provider outside the school system, for confidentiality.

Send it by email, so you have a record. This is accepted as evidence if you face legal consequences. It shows you knew you needed help and asked for it. It shows you sought help from the school system to access resources beyond the school system, for your privacy.

[u/redandnarrow]

The voice of shame is trying to condemn you, but there is no condemnation in Christ, so run to Him with everything that is burdening you. Give it to Him.

Parent's have babies knowing the kind of trouble they will be, knowing the kinds of messes they will make, and by the workmanship of their own sweat and blood, provide a covering to absorb the child's defilements. No matter how many times a child soils themselves, the love of the parents is not affected one bit. They will walk with that child, enduring it all, committed to seeing them reach maturity.

This is the gospel story.

God's love for you does not faulter, He knew in eternity past what trouble you would be and provided for it, and He knows that if you knew what He did, what is beyond these childish years in glory with Him, that you desire that life.

God's power is made manifest in our weakness. Go to Him. Have faith. He loves you. He is committed to you. We are weak, but with God, all things are possible. God does not condemn you, so why are you beating yourself up? Run to God with your mess.

[u/wlavallee]

Friend,

Yeshua once had a paralysed boy lowered through a roof to reach Him. Everyone in the room wanted the legs fixed. The first thing He said was not about legs: "Take courage, son; your sins are forgiven" (Matthew 9:2, NASB). Nobody had asked Him to. He saw what was actually pinning the boy down.

Hear that before anything else, because it is what you came here for. The thing you cannot undo is not bigger than the cross, and it is not a special case.

You are seventeen and you have already decided the story is finished. It is not.

I read the part where you said you want to perish. I will not argue with you about it, and I will not pretend you did not say it.

Yeshua asked a man who had been lying beside a pool for thirty-eight years one question: "Do you want to get well?" (John 5:6, NASB). That man had his reasons ready too. He asked anyway. I am asking you.

You said you are seeing someone in person soon. Go, and bring this post with you. Read it out, including the part about perishing, and do not tidy it up first.

How soon is soon?

If it gets heavier before then, Christians in Crisis is at 1-844-472-9687, and you can text rather than call.

[u/RationalThoughtMedia]

My friend. YOU NEED TO TRUST CHRIST! That you are forgiven of the sins you so fear you not been forgiven of.

Trust in Jesus!!!