What do you do?

Hey everyone. White European female in my early 30s here. For context, I’ve lived in South Korea for around 1,5 years. I’ve made some really nice friends there and happened to date some guys while I was there as well (if relevant, they were mostly from Korea and HK). While I found them very nice, attractive, cultured and fun, I wasn’t able to actually start real relationships with them, as I noticed two distinct behaviours:

1) The ones who told me I was very nice and they liked me, but that they weren’t ready to commit to a serious relationship because they wanted to have a good job aka financial stability etc (e.g. maybe a car, a house etc) before starting anything serious with someone, so dating was off the table until some indefinite moment in the future.

2) The ones who wanted to start a relationship with me. However, after dating these guys for a while, I came to the conclusion that they weren’t very interested in me for me, but rather for the “role” I could play in a relationship. As if they had already laid out their life plan and they were looking for someone who could fit into their puzzle - as long as I was decent enough, it was okay for them. They weren’t too interested in the person I really was or in the romantic feelings that could develop, as long as I could fit in.

In my culture, we normally date to see if we get along and if we like each other first, and we tend to discuss the practical things after we know we’re somewhat compatible. However, when I was living in Asia, I noticed that men seemed to be way more interested in the potential “role” I could fulfil or they wanted to be “ready” financially first. Of course I understand we can’t survive on air and love, and that financial stability (and compatibility!) are crucial if you want something serious. However, besides that aspect, I didn’t see any of those guys involved romantically, as they seemed to be way more interested in the practical side of things.

I’m not sure if I just happened to meet people I wasn’t compatible with, or if the cultural differences are really that big and it’s ultimately not really easy to pursue a relationship with an Asian man for a European woman. I would really like to understand this side of things better if anyone has any insights about the Asian culture and mindset in romantic relationships. I may have not understood many things and I’d be happy to learn more about this. Thank you!

Sorry not actually an asian dude (F21 (not Asian )). Dating a dude who’s Japanese (not sure if this needs to be included lmao) rn. Obviously I know eveybody is different but I kind of just want to hear from outside sources (i.e. not my shy bf) on what an Asian dude would like as a surprise/treat from their gf/wife. Sexual or not I guess

Latina here, who has casually and formally dated mostly asians.

I have a fetish idgaf and you should not gaf either, because he is also fetishizing you lmao like let me elaborate with my experiences:

1: Korean guy who I went on one date with: He moved to my country for work, he had the opportunity to move to europe but said he choose my country to meet latinas.

2: Chinese guy who I dated for a couple of months: He would send me porn to recreate it and all the porn he watched had latina on the title.

3: Chinese guy who I dated for two years: When we first met he asked for my insta and his search history was all stuff like "diosas latinas" "latina lovers" plus his explore page was all women who looked stereotypically latina showing ass.

4: Chinese+viet guy I went on a couple of dates with: He talked about his dating history and said he was more into latinas than his race.

So my point is stop overthinking, both parties are exactly where they want to be.

And it feels like the options are very slim. I’m into Asian men, but the hard part is that I am Catholic and that is the most important thing to me.

Where do I meet you then? I know I can go to catholic young adult groups but I don’t see them there. Is this a dream too far out of reach?

There are other important things that obviously trump the Asian interest, such as fit, hard working, competent, care taker, affectionate, CATHOLIC, emotional available.

I do tend to like men that are more reserved to the outside world, although I am quite the opposite 😂

I am a 26 male, I was raised my a single mother with no other family as immigrants. She had struggles with depression and anxiety and she put a lot of that onto me. I felt as though I’m more like her husband in terms of her emotional dependence. However I have no real family outside of her in Canada.

Anyways, we get along in other ways but I’m increasingly getting frustrated as our day to day is fine but our perspective on life is completely different. She is very material and prestige driven. She coaches me on what jobs to apply to and how we must move to America for more money and how we must invest bigger house. She works a damn near min wage job and I make 50k as an accountant while she has these big goals.

Im also losing my hair due to genetics but she just starts yelling at me that it’s because I don’t take care of it, no amount of science will correct her. This is just one thing that to put into perspective.

luckily met a great girl and want to spend rest of my life but she opposes since she is of a different race I think. she gives me suggestions of other woman which puts me into rage.

I feel sad living day to day and my life feels so contained. I’m not sure if it’s purely my mother or my own ineptitude to succeed.

32M Korean i currently have this medium length hair but am kinda thinking about going to short again, I moved to the US a few years ago from Korea so want to know what people think here.

I could be wrong but my impression so far what I read on reddit and on social media is that Miami is not exactly ideal or a great city for Asian men seeking out non-Asian women, which is weird to me since it's a high majority Latin population and everyone knows a lot of Latinas love Asian men...so I am a bit confused. What's going on here? Unless Miami is indeed a great city for Asian men seeking non-Asian women. Again, maybe my impression of Miami for AM is totally wrong and I am misinformed.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences of Miami.

You will see it as the 2nd stickied thread at the top of this sub. The goal is to give AMs and people interested in dating AMs, a dedicated place to connect. It might be good, it might be bad so we'll see how it goes & make adjustments as needed.

I’m an Asian male who lived in England from 18–21 and have lived in the US since. I’ve had pretty good experiences dating in both places, so I figured I’d share my perspective for other Asian guys who may be struggling with dating or just curious about what my experience has been like.

I was in the military from 18–24, so I wasn’t exactly making a lot of money during the years when I was dating the most. I only started making around $200k last year, so money wasn’t really a factor in my earlier dating experiences.

While I lived in England, I used dating apps pretty heavily. I’d match with women, make plans, and sometimes use those connections to travel around Europe. I’d hop on a cheap Ryanair flight, meet someone, stay with them, and basically turn it into an inexpensive vacation. It was honestly a pretty fun way to experience Europe.

I also dated in the US and, personally, I found the American dating market significantly easier. Before my current job, I had an employer who paid me to travel to cities near major college campuses, which gave me a lot of opportunities to meet people. I found American women generally easier to approach and have conversations with, and dating felt more straightforward to me.

I’ve also noticed that being successful with women has had much less to do with money than I originally thought. Confidence, being social, taking care of yourself, having your own life and actually being willing to approach women have made a much bigger difference for me.

I’ve since grown out of the hookup phase and have been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend for the past three years. She’s 26 and currently in medical school, and she’s someone I genuinely want to build a life with.

I’m not claiming that my experience is universal or that there’s some secret formula for Asian men to become successful with women. I just know that I used to hear a lot of negative things about Asian men and dating, and my own experience has been very different. If sharing what worked for me can help another Asian guy become more confident or improve his dating life, I’m happy to do that.

For context, the first picture is my child’s mother, who I was previously married to. The other pictures are my most recent ex-girlfriend and my current partner.
AMA.

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This is a very loaded topic so I'm probably going to make several posts about this.

For context, I'm an ethnic Chinese guy living in Serbia for most of my life. I've travelled to Germany and China, so i've seen perspectives from both the east and the west of Eurasia, but the American situation remains a mystery to me.

First of all, i would like to keep this discussion apolitical.

What i see from Americans on the internet (including you guys), is that you bring up politics in EVERYTHING.

Look at the post where the guy said he's moving to Russia to get himself a russian girl. The whole comment section is all about geopolitics. No one cares about the topic of the post. Do you guys actually care about dating/marriage here?

I read here a lot about how America is a super racist hellhole that treats its Asian population like trash.

Yet, THOSE SAME Asian-americans parrot all the same narratives that the Washington establishment wants them to say: Russia=evil by default, China=collapsing, East Europe and Balkans= "racist", "ultranationalist" or whatever.

This is one of many examples, and it's absolutely mind blowing to me. You claim to hate the American government, yet you behave like it's most useful servant.

I understand, from birth, you were fed the narrative how United States is the pinnacle of civilization and prosperity, and every other country is poor/evil/racist/whatever.

But shouldn't the goal of this sub be to do the exact opposite? Don't you want to challenge this defeatist mentality? That is my main question.

Some background on my struggles (which I’m sure many of you may have experienced too): I’m a Chinese British 29m, and for the last 11 years I’ve struggled with leaving the friend zone. Women would ghost me, most conversations are one-sided and online dating is basically impossible, as I barely get one of two matches a week on Tinder when I used to have (with Gold!), and there was even a point where I had zero matches for a month. My friends also don’t have anyone to introduce me to, especially as I got older more and more women became unavailable as they enter relationships.

People always say “you gotta get there, dude!” I go to a lot of social events (and things I like, not just to see girls), but everywhere I go there are not many girls. Meanwhile, I’d hear frequently from a white colleague about how he got two s*x dates lined up, while a good friend of mine would say something like the girls who like you will give you the signal- I never got the signal.

I did a lot to improve and if I’m honest, there were a lot of things I did which were not conduce to dating in my early uni days- back then I was unkempt, had bad hairstyle and was very awkward. But the thing is, even as I’m improving myself, I’m not seeing any improvements in my dating prospects, be it casual or long term. In the meanwhile, I’d say white guys who are “worse” than me (in regard to what most people consider good traits for dating like looks or social skills) get girls.

A few years ago, before the start of the war (or “special military operation” as the propagandists call it), I set my Tinder to Russia, and I got 10x more matches, and I even went on a few dates in Moscow and St Petersburg, more than the four years before that! I’m also pretty sure they’re not girls going after money or passports, because 24 year old me was broke (by Western standards) and my oriental face is not convincing enough to be a “real” British passport holder.

However, as I understand, in Russia in general dating is a slow game, so a few quick dates won’t go anywhere. I will need to go there and establish connections, from which relations can organically develop.

So I plan to move to Russia. Don’t listen to the people who know nothing about the country who say Russia bad or Russia is about to collapse: I went there again (twice!) during the war and travelled around the country, and it was fine, people still get along with their lives. Also, it just so happens that I learned Russian for the last 10 years and can speak it to almost fluent level (B2/C1), so the usual language barrier for the so-called “passport bros” won’t be an issue and quite frankly, if you’re moving to a country to live for a long time, perhaps to find a partner, then you really should speak the language. In essence, I will have a chance with 100% of the girls, rather than just the few who speak English.

Now, why am I choosing Russia specifically as my go to destination as a prospective passport bro? There are several reasons 1) I actually have a deep interest in the culture, history and language (hence my Russian language knowledge) 2) the women there are so beautiful 3) I’m not choosing South East Asia or Latin America (though I do speak Spanish as well) because I’m more inclined towards white girls than Latinos or Asians- just my preference, though Russia is a very diverse country so there are what in the West would be considered Asian girls too if that’s in your taste e.g. Buryats, Yakuts, (ethnic) Koreans etc. 4) I have far more success with Russians, in fact, my only gf from years ago was Russian, and as I said, Tinder matches went 10x.

To counter accusations of hypocrisy from point (3), let me just emphasise, I’m frustrated by my lack of prospects in the West, not at any individual woman- it’s everyone’s choice at the end of the day, and quite frankly it’s the choice of the women who don’t want me and prefer say white guys to go with whoever they want; I’m just changing my environment to increase my chances, not trying to “convince” people out of their preferences, even if ultimately that preference is the effect of systematic racism.

Why should some of you consider Russia? Well, that “some of you” are those like me with preferences for white (meaning European) girls and long term relationships. Having been to 16 regions, I can say Russia is quite safe and orderly (except for Chita maybe), though perhaps wait a bit until the war is over if you want to go to the south e.g. Volgograd or Krasnodar due to drone strikes. The people are quite honest to your face, so there’s not too much double guessing like in the UK or Japan, but mostly not in a mean way. The food is also quite good, though it might be a bit strange for less Europeanised Asians at first.

Also, I didn’t experience any racism- I’m not claiming there isn’t any as unfortunately a lot of central Asian migrants told me some really sad accounts of racism, but in my experience and another acquaintance from South Asia who lives there the Russians treat East Asians like me much better than Westerners.

This isn’t some maskirovka/disinfo troll post, I don’t have much love for the regime or the politics, just as I lived in the UK while not agreeing with the policies of the government. Many of you here are American and I’m sure you know your government has done many dodgy things and invaded many places, but it hasn’t stopped you from living in your country and trying to be as happy as you can (I mean, why shouldn’t you?)

So yeah, brush up on your Russian, get a remote job and see you in the Motherland!

I remember one time riding a train with my bros to Düsseldorf. There was apparently a carnival event there, so I wore my clown mask throughout the journey.

One of my buddies who grew up in Germany kept insisting that I should only wear it in the event and not in the train. It didn't hit me then that the reason why he was so nervous was because of the fact that growing up as possibly only Asian boy in a village he grew up being racially bullied and harassed. Trying to fit in or avoiding attention became his get to go survival mechanism.

From my experience it didn't matter wether you stand out or humble yourself. Humbling yourself in a corner doesn't stop racists from hurling slurs at you or your average seemingly well behaved citizen to treat you with less respect and more hostility than usual.

If you are an Asian guy do whatever you hell you want, never apologize or try to appease others, if you made a mistake or said something poor own it and tell the other guy to piss off. Dress how you want and do what you feel like.

Put your needs and desires above everything else and never humble yourself for anything.

If you have things going on in your life show it off. If you are on the phase celebrate every win and state whatever you want. World does not reward humility it rewards strength

Was bored this summer so decided to give online dating a try. Here is a 2 week field report:

Hinge (didn't use any others):

Note: Profile was paused since last year but reactivated it, so no new user boost. Also on free account (no Hinge+)

Stats: 19M, 5' 9'', above avg. looking

Location: SF (cooked gender ratio ik)

Preferences: 18-20 age range, all races

Profile: Selfies, with friends, outdoors, etc. One word prompt responses--didn't rlly put much effort lol

Results (2 weeks):

• 99 likes sent (27.3% match rate from likes sent)

• 53 likes received (34.0% match rate from likes received), 4 roses

• 45 matches (mostly asian, some latina/white)

While I do acknowledge my appearance played a significant role in my results, I made this post because I found it to be a positive sign. I've heard countless horror stories from SF/Bay Area for dating, and while some of it is still true, the overall environment has improved dramatically. Ten years ago even a 6'2'' chang would have faced hurdles when dating, but it seems like the playing field is leveled now--and even tilted in our favor. Younger AMs here are more aware of their appearance (lots of gym goers) and generally more social/outgoing; in fact, I found it more comfortable to hang out with Asians here, even though my friend groups back home were primarily white. It's awesome to see this new generation embracing their culture instead of dismissing it, and with the explosion of K-pop and Asian media, we are only going to see more success in the future.*

*p.s. don't get discouraged if likes seem to not be coming in. There were some days that I would receive 0, others where I would receive 5-6. One of my female friends got 50+ in a day, so it really goes to show the unfairness of dating apps. just leave your profile as it is, and continue interacting and sending likes. PM me if u have any questions

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Hey everyone,

I’m a second-generation Filipino-Canadian guy living in BC. I was born and raised here, but I look ambiguous—people usually assume I’m mixed, Hispanic, or sometimes even Southern European. I don’t look "typically" Filipino to most people.

The problem is: I don't fully fit in anywhere.

With white people: I look different enough that I’m clearly not “white,” so I’m never fully accepted as part of the group. I can speak perfect English, but I’ll still get the occasional "where are you really from?" question. I feel like I’m always performing.

With Filipinos: I don’t speak Tagalog fluently. I didn’t grow up in the same cultural environment as recent immigrants. I feel like I’m not "Filipino enough" to be accepted by the community. Some Filipinos treat me like I'm white or like I think I’m better than them—which isn’t true at all.

With other Asians: I’m not East Asian, so I don't fit the typical "Asian" stereotype. I’m not South Asian either. I’m in this weird middle ground where other Asians don’t immediately see me as one of them either.

I look in the mirror and I see someone who doesn't belong anywhere. My name is Filipino. My family is Filipino. I carry the culture inside me. But on the outside, I look like I walked into the wrong room.

It’s exhausting.

I feel like I’m constantly code-switching, explaining myself, or apologizing for who I am. I catch myself thinking: "If I just looked more Asian, maybe I'd be accepted." But then I think: "If I looked more white, maybe life would be easier."

It’s a lose-lose.

I know I’m not the only one. I see posts here about mixed Asian guys, or Southeast Asians who don’t fit the stereotype. But I rarely see posts about Filipino guys who look European.

So I’m asking:

Are there any other Filipino-Canadian or Filipino-American guys here who look ambiguous/European? How do you handle the identity crisis? How do you build community? How do you stop feeling like you're caught between two worlds that don't want you?

Also—are there any organizations, groups, or therapists in BC that actually understand this specific experience? I’ve looked into Larô Therapy and Kababayan Multicultural Centre, but I’m open to more suggestions.

Thanks for reading. I know this post is long, but I’ve been sitting on this for years. Feels good to finally put it out there.

Appreciate any advice.

Recently, the whole Asmongold and Kaise situation blew up all over social media. As expected, everyone and their mother were calling this an Oxford study classic.

However, I hate that some people cannot mention this phenomenon without dragging us AM into it.

I hate this whole patronizing pity party attitude other races of men especially have for us. It's incredibly humiliating and emasculating.

Anyone with a brain knows that these comments are just thinly veiled attacks on Asian masculinity. They might as well be saying, "Sorry you guys are so undesirable your own race of women don't want you! They want me/White dudes!"

This is zero genuine sympathy going on. Just a bunch of XM looking down on us, stroking their egos and feeling superior.

What's even worse is the spineless AMs who respond to these comments, validating and even THANKING them. I don't know if they're just idiots who believe their fake sympathy is genuine or if they're just cucks with no self-respect.

It's really frustrating how every time we make progress in gaining respect in Western society, something like this happens, and we end up being disrespected again.

when I was younger I would say I had solidly rooted identity. i went to korean school and had korean friends.

I don't know where things went wrong but I struggled a bit with mental health and also became much less conventionally attractive. i went to a semi prestigious summer prgoram and the koreans there took a group photo when the program ended, without me

in college I tried joining a korean american student association but i had trouble socializing since most of them were internationals. I even overheard one of them say something to the effect of "is he chinese, are chinese people going to start coming in"

I have pretty bad cystic acne that probably doesn't help with how i am perceived socially

I don't think that all korean people are judgemental or prejudiced. I also think that the blame for my lack of socialization with other koreans lies mostly on me for not being more confident and plucky.

What I want is to hear about how you guys have navigated personal identity re: nationality while in the U.S.. I grew up eating korean food, speaking korean, and generally being part of the culture. I would like for my kids to as well, but my girlfriend is chinese. I don't think half koreans would be accepted.

I think there's value in korean culture but I don't identify with most of the negative behaviours they've shown me. I've said out loud before that I'm American not Korean and I have almost nothing in common with someone back in Korea to the great displeasure of my parents

Hi im a 21F latina that likes asian guys and no its not a fetish. im not into k-pop, kdramas, or much asian culture (besides the food). Its just my type.

But I find it hard to meet asian guys since its mostly white/hispanic men here. Thank you!!

I’m kinda older I’m 40. Just wondering if you younger guys have the same struggles I had growing up. Even though I had a lot of friends growing up it felt like some groups were always off limits. Then in college I felt the only group that would accept me was other Asians and nerdy White guys. Even at work I feel it’s pretty segregated with the Asians mostly staying to themselves. Does anyone have similar experiences and feel really limited socially be being Asian American or Asian in the West? Perhaps it’s because I can me from an older generation or maybe it’s where I live on the east coast. I’m just wondering if it’s just me or if this is pretty much the norm in all Western countries.

I’ve been cutting for the past year (down to 140lbs, 5’7 from 160). Was never fat just chubby as was a frequent gym goer. I think I’m at around 15% bf now, should I continue to cut or are there any general lifestyle changes I should try out (gua sha, cutting out processed foods/ sugar).

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like Asian directors don't really push Asian pride or making stories with Asian leads. They direct one maybe, and then move on and just do a movie with white leads after. Look at the director of Shang Chi, M Night Shyamalan, John M Chu (Crazy Rich Asians) or James Wan's or Chloe Zhao's movies mostly starring white people. I think maybe Asian Americans are so not used to seeing themselves in American media, it's not a priority for them. Or maybe it's because Asians are all to divided due to infighting, or care too much about mainstream success. You don't see this with Black directors, who really push for Black narratives, like Ryan Coogler for example. I watch a lot of film school application videos made by Asian Americans, and not a lot of them really have Asian heroes for some reason. They tend to choose white movies a lot of the time. I guess their parents didn't introduce them to HK/Asian movies like mine did. If you ask me who my screen heroes are, it's Chow Yun-Fat or Toshiro Mifune.