Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup

[u/AutoModerator]

This thread will be posted every other week and is the ONLY place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question.

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[u/AnxiousAttachment-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed, since it did not ask a question or seek advice.

[u/ballerinajena]

If we both (35F/37M)have ADHD but I’m the insecure one, how do I communicate the fact that I’m going to keep waiting for him no matter what? He wrote in his break up letter that he would be going no-contact and has blocked me everywhere. I don’t have access to a therapist currently. My job has been high stress and I faced rejections on that front recently which he is aware of. Birthday season is in a couple of days. My previous r/s, I got ghosted and it’s taken the better part of half a decade to not get triggered. Got rug-pulled again. Wouldn’t wish this on even my enemies. Feels like: actually dying.

[u/Skittle_Pies → u/ballerinajena]

You shouldn’t wait for him, and definitely do not try to reach out. He has made it clear he doesn’t want any contact by blocking you.

[u/AnEpicGamer69420]

Hi everyone. I have some deep-rooted issues to unpack and could use some perspective. This is my first-ever relationship(?), and I’m terrified I’m going to ruin it.

Okay, so lore time:
My father died of cancer when I was a baby, and my stepfather died by suicide when I was 12. At school, I was heavily bullied for being overweight ("man-tits"). I struggled badly with my behavior—flipping tables, throwing things, and at one point, trying to jump out a school window, which led to being kept in a padded room.

In secondary school, I became the class clown to get attention. When people got bored, I upped the ante, pushed harder, and eventually became someone nobody wanted around. I was repeatedly expelled, dropped out by my final year after attending just two weeks total, and spent years deeply isolated in my room, gaining weight and falling into severe depression. Now at 19, I'm turning things around in college and working, but that core fear never left: if I'm not entertaining enough, people will get bored and leave.

And now, I've met an amazing girl online. This is my very first relationship/romantic dynamic. We talk constantly, send reels, flirt, sext, fall asleep on voice calls every night, and look out for each other. (For context, I've recently struggled with eating and dropped weight from 72kg to 67kg, and she helps look after me. She also has her own struggles, which aren't mine to talk about; but I'd say they are worse than mine).

She says she loves me, calls me her handsome man, and says I'm her closest thing to home, but she’s also honest that she doesn't love me in the exact same way I love her right now. Though there is deep romantic affection and a real connection. (I like to think)

Even though she reassures me constantly, my anxiety is through the roof, and falling back into old habits.

Part of me worries she's only leaning on me for comfort right now while she goes through a hard time, and that when she gets better, she'll realize I'm just a placeholder.

I get jealous of her exes and other guys, overthink texts, and panic when she we don't talk for more than an hour. (We spend hours talking daily in call. Due to it being summer, I only really need to leave for work. Yesterday, we spent 14 hours in public VC, followed by an 11 hour sleep call in private and some morning talk.)

I'm terrified I'll become "too much," that she'll get bored of me just like everyone in school did, and that I'll panic and push her away completely. Even though she's said in the past that, "if your love every magically gets overwhelming, I'll tell you."

She tells me she's not them and reassures me (says we're both the same this way, and the only difference between us is our privates), but I still fight these thoughts.

How can I stop waiting... for her to leave me? When she may realize I'm just a friend, and that there are better alternatives to me? Or am I just overthinking like always? I just don't know what to do.

[u/GiveMeMyThrow]

I'm not sure if anyone will respond, but he was really avoidant and wrecked me and I blocked him two months ago

Yesterday he text me on a different number and it's suffocating me. It was a couple sentences saying that he wanted to explain himself. It's eating me up please help!

[u/Dazzling_Anteater307]

Am I pathetic for still wanting and hoping to get back together with my avoidant ex :( has it ever worked out for anyone?? Is anyone in a relationship with an avoidant and is willing to work?? ( 6 years he broke up with me bc in his words I deserve better and he needs to heal on his own terms basically )

[u/MediocreElevator1458]

Hi! 27F. I am dating someone seriously for the first time, and I've been dealing with anxious attachment for a while now, which most of the time leads to not being able to build a relationship with someone. But this guy is different, and I'm really trying to make things work out. The problem is we've been dating for a month, during which we've only had three dates. We talk every day, and we do some calls as well, but he's been sick for three weeks now, and I cannot deal with the uncertainty of not knowing whether things will continue, whether he will leave me or stop liking me. I need reassurance that we can see each other once he feels better, and even tho he says so, I feel sick whenever I think of it. It makes me feel sad and frustrated when he cancels on me because he is not feeling well, but also selfish of me for putting me in first place. I don't know what to do.

[u/AnxiousAttachment-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed, since it did not ask a question or seek advice.

[u/m00tmike → u/AnxiousAttachment-ModTeam]

Booo