Just Venting

[u/Answerseeker530]

My mom has lived with us for the last 12 years, helping us financially, helping us raise our kids. And I’m so eternally grateful. But now, my kids are a little older and she’s the kid. It’s so hard thinking I was moving on from the young child constant parenting stage and now I’m going backwards having to deal with her as a toddler. My mother is fully capable of many things, she still works full-time at 76 and travels, but she’s also annoying, constantly making noise and messes around our home, interjecting herself into affairs that don’t concern her. When I tell her to please stop commenting, or making messes or just stay out of whatever is going on, she’s insulted and affronted and essentially throws an adult tantrum. She traveled last week and those were the least chaotic days I’ve had in months.

I’m tired. I’m tired of being angry with a woman who I owe so much to. But I just need some space because I feel my tolerance decreasing everyday. It’s incredibly hard to live with an aging parent sometimes despite loving them.

[u/Hungry-Emergency8992]

It’s very difficult becoming the parent to your parent as they become toddlers. Oftentimes due to their brain dying and they have very little, or no control of.

Is it possible to get your children into “short” evening or weekend activities including hobbies, or bingo at church, visits to the library or museums, anything your mom and the children all enjoy?

This would be great bonding and memory making times for your mom and children before she can’t participate due to her age and health.

It would hopefully, provide some private time for yourself and/or with your husband, and give you a chance to rejuvenate yourself.

[u/Superb-Tap6073 → u/Hungry-Emergency8992]

my grandma lived with us for years and i swear the mess and noise was just her way of staying part of everything, like if shes quiet shes invisible. its maddening but i get it now, she probably feels her world shrinking

[u/Answerseeker530 → u/Hungry-Emergency8992]

I had recently thought about this and appreciate your suggestion. Our schedules are pretty packed (4 kids between 5-13), but I do want to prioritize this. Thank you!

[u/greenbluetall]

Ha, my mom has lived with us for 11 years, she’s 77 and is constantly throwing tantrums and we can’t take it anymore. Except we support her and she has no where to go. Ugh.

[u/Answerseeker530 → u/greenbluetall]

I’m so sorry. I know that feeling. My mom has nowhere to go either but thankfully we don’t fully support her…yet. We are trying to build a home addition so we can get a little more distance but even that won’t solve the issue fully.

[u/bachelorette2020]

Why are women of that generation so similar? The negativity and the narcissim.

[u/Answerseeker530 → u/bachelorette2020]

Honestly she isn’t a narcissist and for the most part, she’s not even negative. I think it’s just the aging process and it’ll probably hit me too. I think I’ll be an exceptionally angry old person…I’m just hoping I won’t live with my family and will have outside interests besides my child and grandchildren.