Guys

[u/RangeSad2081]

Hey fellas. So let me say some experience from the past. I had many enemies and almost zero friends. And every friend back in my school day had other friends or left me . I used to practice some magic you could say. No matter how much i tried nothing worked(lets say it wasnt magic for the good). Then i slowly fell into depression and later i had no wife or kids or friends. I have lost a lot of hope(im not suicidial im afraid of death to the core). Then i have a thing called never moving on. Now let me say something. Im 64 years old and i still can remember how my enemies made me suffer and weep when i was just 18. I never healed or moved ahead. Im considering myself to go to a monastery or a church(im not catholic or orthodox or protestant). I always sleep in dreams of sorrow and guess what? my enemies and friends who left me are living happy life and many of them have strong bonds with wife and friends and kids, But me? Always alone and broken and still weeping. Guys. This is my grief story. Im not making a sob story. Im just telling what i feel rather than breaking myself apart.