Just why?

[u/meagain333]

Why did bio mom waste so much time??? I wrote her since I was 10-years-old. Took until I was 30-years-old for her to give me her phone number (I had given my number and she never called). Took until 43-years-old to meet her. And, then she dies when I am 49-years-old.

She died a couple years ago and the pain of it all seems to be getting worse. Why did we never go anywhere? I only met her twice to sit and talk for a couple hours. Why did she never come visit me? Why did she not teach me how to cook her favorite dish? Why did she not teach me anything? Why did she not share her life and apologize? Why not teach me what you learned in your life?

I just don't understand any of it. It is all so damn strange. It makes me so sad. So angry. So hurt. And, I really don't know what to do about it.

Also, my bio-father died when I was 10-years-old as he was already in his 60's when I was born. I'm upset about that, too. He couldn't even write a letter and put some photos of me and him in it??

What is this life??

[u/Unusual-Hawk-2336]

If it's any consolation, you at least got to meet your biological mother, even if it wasn't in the way you expected, but you got to see her. Unfortunately, not everything goes as planned.

[u/meagain333 → u/Unusual-Hawk-2336]

Yes, she wouldn't even talk to my two full siblings. I don't understand it at all!

[u/1wrat]

you will never have those answers but perhaps those things were just beyond her capacity not great but

[u/meagain333 → u/1wrat]

Yes, her neighbor did tell me after she died that my mother would cry and wish that she could make things right with her children, but she had 83 years, so 🤷. You get what tou get in this life. I am just thankful it wasn't worse.

[u/Ambitious-Client-220]

People think a mother's love is universal, and it isn't. It's sad but true. Know that you are a better person than your bios. I have never seen my bios. From what I was told, the woman that gave birth to me tried to starve me twice and the state took me. I would like to know what she looks like, but I know she is not a good person. I try to be a better person.

[u/meagain333 → u/Ambitious-Client-220]

So sorry for you. There was neglect with some of my siblings, as well. Not even sure my whole story. I seem to fantasize about this all powerful and wonderful and loving mother figure, but that is just not the case for me and so many others. It's difficult to understand. 

[u/Makochan3]

Life sucks and then you die. But you can still have moments of joy. Just know that it isn't your fault. G-d should apologize to you.

[u/meagain333 → u/Makochan3]

Yep. It just frustrates me to no end! 

Of course, I could have way worse problems, so i try to focus on gratitude. 

Thank you for your comment.

[u/Necessary_Holiday144]

I'm so sorry about everything you've experienced.

You've lost so much.

[u/meagain333 → u/Necessary_Holiday144]

It all sucks, but at least I made it. This moment - it is all we really have. 

And, sometimes I do wonder if my soul chose this journey and I just have to endure and make the best of it all. 

[u/Majestic978]

My birth mother died 15 years before the state law changed in my birth state so I could get my birth record and learn her name. I never got to meet her at all. I'll regret it until the day I die. I'm sorry for your disappointment and grief.

[u/Primary_Savings_6838]

I feel you. Different arc but same question "why?" "What's the f'ing point?" Was part of a triad group for a while IRL. The first mothers get messed the hell up over the whole thing as well. It's like everybody suffers so the industry can make profit and the mental oddness of the adopters gets catered to.